Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Knowing It All	By : Jennlee Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 11567 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
Chapter 8 - Healing
Hermione awoke the morning after her discussion with Draco tired but feeling at a little bit of peace within herself. She had thought about things long into the night. She'd thought about Draco, Lucius Malfoy, herself, Harry, and Ron - especially Ron. She knew what she had to do.
When Mrs. Weasley brought her breakfast tray, Hermione was out of bed and dressed in some of Ginny's spare robes. They were a little tight, but they fit good enough. Showering had made her feel much better, and although she still ached all over most of the worst pain was gone. Her ribs were better. Looking in the mirror she noticed the swelling in her face and eye had gone down. Her face still looked lopsided and the bruises were an incredibly brilliant shade of magenta, but she could see all right. Her hair was terribly snarled and Hermione couldn't get her fingers through it. She thought perhaps it would have to be cut.
Mrs. Weasley looked pleased to see her up. She offered to help Hermione with her hair after she ate. Soon the two of them sat at Ginny's dresser, Mrs. Weasley working the comb gently, untangling where she could, using a severing charm where it was absolutely necessary. Afterwards the plump woman trimmed her hair all around to make it match and Hermione was surprisingly pleased with the results.
"Mrs. Weasley? Where's Ron?"
Mrs. Weasley looked surprised. "At breakfast he told me he wanted to take a walk down by the pond. He's probably still there. He's been spending some time there lately. Do you want me to get him?"
"Can I go and see him?"
Mrs. Weasley looked very pleased. Her eyes lit up. "Of course you can, dear child. Do you feel up to it?"
Hermione nodded.
Hermione left her room, feeling more than a little nervous - it had become a place that felt very safe to her. As she walked through The Burrow, she hoped she wouldn't see anyone else yet. She wanted to see Ron first. Luckily nobody seemed to be about. She supposed Mr. Weasley was at work. Ron's older brothers no longer lived at The Burrow and she was glad not to have to worry about stumbling across Fred or George.
Hermione left by the kitchen door and blinked in the bright sunshine of the August day. It felt good to be outside. Things felt more real. She knew that she wasn't dreaming that she was really alive and safe. She walked through the Weasley's rambling and cluttered garden, and down a trail through a small woodlot. After a few minutes she came to a clearing with a pond. On the pond's near bank she could see the silhouette of a seated figure. Hermione knew it was Ron from the glint of red hair reflecting the sunlight. He was alone, she was glad to see.
Ron didn't hear her approach from behind him - he seemed intent on gazing at the water. Hermione sat down next to him. He realized she was there and looked over at her with a surprised expression. "Hermione!"
She smiled at him, feeling a little shy.
"Are you all right?" His voice was full of concern and his brow was furrowed as he looked at her.
She shrugged. "All right. Still tired and achy but the pain is mostly gone."
She cringed a little bit under his gaze - he was looking her up and down. She knew she still looked dreadful. She hadn't even considered doing a glamour charm to improve her appearance. Normally she didn't worry about that with Ron. They'd been friends for too long, and Hermione wasn't really that kind of a girl anyway.
"Should you be out of bed?" Ron asked.
"I'm getting better. And I wanted to see you." She replied, looking hopeful.
Ron's expression turned strange all of a sudden. His expression changed from concern to hurt. "Oh," he said, "Are you sure? I thought you didn't want to see me." His voice was sarcastic and mean.
Hermione was surprised then realized Ron must be hurt by her refusal to see him earlier. "Ron," she started, "I wasn't ready to see anyone before. I needed some time."
"You were ready enough to see Malfoy." He said in a hurt, sulky expression.
Hermione hadn't realized Ron knew about that. It hadn't meant anything. He didn't need to be so mad about it. She felt a surge of anger. Ron could be so thick-headed sometimes. Then she thought about how much Ron hated Malfoy. She realized that seeing Malfoy and refusing to see Ron must have hurt him very badly. "I'm sorry, Ron. I had to see Malfoy because I wanted to know what was going on. He saved me, Ron. From that place, that hell. I needed to get some answers. For myself, so I can work on getting better."
Ron looked a bit shamefaced. After a moment he sighed and looked away from her. "I was just worried about you. And then you were back - here in my own house and I couldn't even see you." His words came out fast. He was still hurting, she could tell.
Hermione looked down at the grass. She plucked a few strands and ripped them into tiny pieces. "I'm so sorry, Ron. I'm confused right now. I was embarrassed too. I didn't know what you knew —" She hesitated. Normally Hermione wasn't one to dissemble. She tended to speak plainly and bluntly. To do that with this subject, however, would take time and practice. "I didn't know how you would look at me now. I was afraid."
Ron didn't say anything. He looked as if he suddenly found the ground very interesting.
Hermione took a deep breath. "I was afraid that you might— either you might not want to be around me anymore, because of what happened, or that you might treat me like a helpless, broken doll." She reached out towards Ron but did not touch him. "Part of me was afraid I was so damaged that I couldn't be your friend anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you."
Ron let out a small sound and turned to look at her, his eyes showing pain and confusion. Hermione let her hand drop. "Now I know some things though. I know that I've survived and I will heal. I'll need time— I've been through the most awful things you can imagine. But I know that I can work through it. I need help from my friends."
Ron said, "We've been friends for years. Nothing can change that."
"I need my friends. I'm alone now." She hadn't wanted to go to this place. She couldn't bear thinking about her parents and the long stretch of her life looming without them. She blinked back the tears and forced the thoughts from her mind. There was time to think of them later.
"You're not alone, Hermione." He was looking at her finally. "I'm here for you. And Harry, and Mum and Dad. I— We all love you. We're all here for you. Right here. " His voice broke off.
Hermione looked at Ron. There was something else he wanted to say, she could tell from his expression. "Ron, I know you're upset with me about Draco. I don't entirely understand it myself. He saved my life. He pulled me out of something so horrible that I only wanted it to end. Draco is the only reason I am not still there, being beaten, raped or killed. I owe him for that."
Ron flinched visibly at her blunt words. Hermione continued, "But Draco is still Draco, Ron. He's the same arrogant, self-righteous, bigot he's been for years. He hasn't changed. Do you know why he saved me?" Hermione asked, looking at the boy who was her best friend.
Ron looked up and shook his head hesitantly.
Hermione explained some of the things that Draco had told her. That Draco had wanted to break from his father and Voldemort. That he saw Hermione as a way out of that life. That he bought his freedom by saving her.
"Do you know, he told me he's hated me for years and when he first saw me there he was— well, he was pleased. He wanted to see me get what I had coming. He said he'd imagined seeing me beg for mercy at his feet."
Ron's mouth was open in astonishment, his face reddened in anger. "Bastard! I'll kill him!" He scrambled to get up but Hermione caught his hand and pulled him back down, holding his hand in hers. She had worried that it would feel strange to touch a man after what had happened to her, but holding Ron's hand somehow felt right.
"No, Ron. Whatever his motives he still saved me."
Ron let her hold his hand. He didn't pull away and he didn't move toward her. It was just the right thing to do. She felt safe here holding his hand.
"Draco is still Draco but he could have gone back to his life and forgotten all about me. He could be with his family right now, in his home. Instead he's here, with people who hate him, his life in danger from his own father, the Death Eaters, and You Know Who." Hermione shook her head.
"Don't tell me you're feeling sorry for that git." Ron's voice was harsh.
"I don't feel sorry for him," Hermione said. "He made his choice. I'm grateful it included me." She looked closely at Ron. "I hope you forgive me for hurting you, Ron. I didn't mean to. I don't know if I would have had the courage to see you if I hadn't talked to Draco. I don't know. I just feel so confused and frustrated. Like I'm not me anymore and I can't get back to the person that I was. Is she gone? How can I get back to her?" Tears were close, Hermione knew. She broke off and tried to calm herself, breathing slowly and methodically.
"I'm so sorry, Ron. I never meant to hurt you, especially not over Draco Malfoy."
Ron looked stern, "Don't apologize, Hermione. ve dve done nothing wrong. I've been a prat about things." He shrugged, "I just felt like maybe you didn't care for me anymore."
There was something more, Hermione could sense it. She waited. Finally Ron spoke again. "I know I let you down because I wasn't the one who saved you. I wanted to be the one, Hermione. You and me and Harry - we've done some great things. Why couldn't we save you? Why couldn't I save you?" His voice was frustrated and he pulled his hand from hers and looked away.
"You did save me in a way, Ron— In a very big way." Hermione said. She shifted herself a little closer to him on the bank.
He looked up, confused. Hermione continued. "I said that I wanted to die when I was in that cell. Well, that's not quite the truth. I felt that way several times but there was always something that kept me going - kept me hoping. And there was one point where I realized that—" She broke off, suddenly nervous about what she had been about to say.
"Realized what?" Ron asked. He reached out and took her hand gently and slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wanted to.
"Ron, you kept that spark of hope in me from dying. After everything Malfoy did to me, I thought I might go mad from the pain and fear, but my thoughts turned to you. I remembered you - your face, your voice, your eyes, your humor. Everything." She squeezed his hand. She whispered to him about hearing his voice in her head and spurring her to make her escape and how she had performed the wandless magic.
"If I hadn't gotten out of there I would probably be dead now. If I hadn't had the strength of my friends I couldn't have come through this."
"Oh, Hermione, that was you. Not me. You are amazing. You don't need me."
Hermione sighed. "I do need you, Ron. I think— I think— that I love you. I felt it when I was lost and alone and suffering. You were with me, giving me strength. I don't want to lose you. I hope I haven't."
Ron's brown eyes were a little moist, she noticed. "I'm so sorry, Hermione. When you wouldn't see me I felt so guilty - for not being able to save you. For not coming to your rescue. Then when you wanted to see Draco I got so angry—" He looked away and then looked back with a determined look on his face as if he was forcing himself to look at her.
"You were here, safe finally, in my own house and I couldn't even see you, couldn't... couldn't even tell you—" Hermione held her breath wondering what was so terrible that he couldn't bring himself to say it.
"Tell me what, Ron?"
Ron leaned closer to her. Dappled sunlight from the leaves of the large ash tree fell across his face. "Tell you how much I love you."
Hermione smiled. They sat under the tree by the pond a long time, mostly just sitting, holding hands. Things were starting to get better. She had a long road ahead, Hermione knew, but for the first time she felt like she was ready to travel that road. She was ready to begin the process of healing and recovering her life. She knew that her friends would help her and that she would help herself.
Fin
- 7
- 8
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Knowing It All