Torment *Completed* | By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 31713 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 8 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it. |
A/N: As you may already notice, the time between chapters is longer than usually is. I apologize for that
And I have to announce that this story will be on halt until the end of May. :(
My work schedule was intense but now and until the end of May will be beyond insane. Even with my best desire, I won't have time to devote to writing.
End of May, or the first week of June at the latest you may expect me to start posting again.
Again, I sincerely apologise.
Big thank you, to my beta Loki God of Evil. <3
Anger.
The first thing he felt was anger. Anger for being hauled out of that safe and warm place to the harsh coldness of reality. Anger for still being alive. Anger for… He was just angry.
That anger was still there when Poppy poked and probed. Asking questions he didn't give answers to. But when Gra...Hermione…
I have to remember to call the little nuisance by her given name.
When Hermione and Draco start talking about the cure for post-cruciatus, something changed. In the name of Salazar! He could understand why Draco was so invested in that, but Hermione? She healed. So why did she still linger on?
Connection. Of all the idiotic, ludicrous things…Why was she so dead-set on keeping him alive?
He was never even remotely nice to her. She annoyed him when he was her teacher and he had shown his displeasure with her openly. She annoyed him, not to mention enraged him after he woke up in the hospital - he showed his annoyance then.
After they came to the Manor that is when the lines started to blur. He tried to be nice, or as close to nice he could muster. To play her and find the best way to send her on her merry way, away from him.
He did his best to help her heal.
Why did she have to do that?
It wasn't that it was traumatic, it would take more than a little of below average sex to traumatise him. He had a problem with her being his stud…ex-student. But that was a moral dilemma, the question of personal ethics, but not a truly traumatising event.
It was, however, a problem. His own personal misery. Even when his body rebelled, he could still just focus on minor details and let the mechanics and biology do their own thing. But her actions forced him to remember. His dreams became more vivid. More real. More carnal. How could he forgive that?
It wasn't that her touch bothered him. Merlin knows he had to endure her constant touching since he woken up. He was forced to endure them so much that he got used to her touching him. Incomprehensible even to him, how or why he managed to get used to her touch - but he did. It was that…
Severus groaned quietly. It was fortunate that his groan came out at the same time Misty placed a tray with food on his lap. Glancing briefly at the food he sighed and directed his gaze to the sky framed by the window again. He wasn't hungry. His thoughts returned to where they stopped.
His skin tingled when she touched him. Even before...before. He couldn't trust his own body after….
How long has it been?
Frowning he blinked, endless planes of the sky was interrupted by the lazy flight of the bird. A black dot against pale blue.
Salazar, she was correct!
Not that he will ever admit to that, but she guessed correctly. The last time he had sex, well, before what she did, was that incident with Bellatrix. At the time he was disgusted. Disgusted with himself. With what he did. With whom he did… Not long after - Lily died. He died as well.
He forgot. Forgot how nice it felt to feel…
But that was not for him. Not anymore. Not after all he did. Never again. That kind of bliss wasn't meant for the likes of him. And that he couldn't forgive - to her and to himself.
Why was her cruelty masked with kindness? Why did she have to remind me? There was nothing out there for me.
The anger was gone. Even logic deserted him in a blink of an eye. Only grim reality remained.
Alone.
Outcast.
Shamed.
What was there for him now? Nothing. A life in seclusion, abandoned by all but the Malfoys.
He might have even convinced himself that that was the life he wanted if she didn't take it upon herself to remind him. Her actions merely emphasized his own situation. The bleakness of his soulless existence.
"Is Master is not hungry?" Misty's voice snapped him out of those grim thoughts.
He just shook his head slowly. Suddenly, he didn't feel like talking or looking at the elf. At anyone.
"Fine. Matron say not to push today. Misty will wait." Huffed the elf, obviously disgruntled with his reaction.
He didn't find the strength or will to feel anything.
Draco and Hermione were whispering somewhere to his right.
The tray vanished just as soon as it had appeared.
The door clicked.
Narcissa's form blocked his view.
"How are you feeling, Severus?" her voice softly floated towards him. He just directed his eyes at her. Narcissa smiled. "Well, I am sorry but you are still not excused from your daily exercises. Miss Granger, if you will..."
The familiar incantations. His body floated through the air.
"Just a few warm-up exercises Severus. Your muscle tone has improved significantly." Hermione notified him.
He had a need to flinch, to tug away from her, but at the same time, he had no strength or will to do so. So he let her push his limbs around, following her instructions to the best of his abilities, not paying attention to anything in particular.
The room felt too bright. He knew that his reactions were conditioned with years of pushing through undesired tasks more than his intention.
He was lifted and wedged between Hermione and Narcissa. Standing wasn't so taxing anymore, but he had no inclination to even try and lift his feet off the ground. Both women were quiet, the usual chatter missing. In fact, they barely said anything apart from giving him instructions.
Finally, they returned him to the bed.
"Rest now, Lucius will visit you later today. You gave us quite the scare, Severus." she tenderly removed a lock of his hair from his face.
He forced his face to contort in what he hoped was a smile. Narcissa just smiled at him sadly and left. He directed his eyes to the sky, but the light seemed too bright all of a sudden. So much so that it bothered him and he cringed.
Bed bent. Turning his head to face Hermione, he frowned. She reached for his hand and he jerked it towards his chest.
Her face went from happy, morphing into deep sadness and regret. "Look, I'm…" she sighed. "I wasn't thinking straight at that moment. I know that that is no excuse. But… I… I didn't tell anyone what I did. Not-not because I'm afraid of consequences, but I didn't know if you would want…" She stopped talking looking like she was trying to compose herself.
It does not matter. What would that change? The thought floated around his mind but he didn't voice it.
"If you wish, I can call Harry or any Auror you wish - and you have full right to report me. But,... If-if you decide to remain silent, I have no other choice but to touch you." her voice quivered. "So, do you want me to call Harry...or someone else?"
Too bright. I don't want to talk about that. Forcing himself to speak he rasped. "I'm tired. Close the drapes to darken the room and let me rest."
She was staring at him, blinking. Emotions clashed in her eyes: relief, worry, sadness, regret, hope…. Hermione nodded.
"Right, sorry. You will let me know when you reach the decision then."
"There is no decision that has to be made. You did what you did, and you will have to live with that choice and further knowledge. It is punishment ample enough. Now, darken the room and let. Me. Rest."
"Right. I… thank you." her voice trembled.
She slid off the bed. Soon enough the room was dark and he slid into lying position. He had an irresistible need to curl up.
Wouldn't that be too much of a tell? As if it matters. As if anything matters. I have nothing to lose.
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
Hermione returned to the table, observing Snape from the corner of her eye. He had been acting strange all morning. At first, she contributed that to the fact that he just snapped out of catatonia, but now she wasn't so sure.
She was dreading the moment of staying alone with him. She fully expected for him to hiss at her. To lacerate her with his words. To report her. This… she wasn't expecting.
With growing concern, she watched him turn his back to the window and curl up under the covers, burying his face in the crook of his arm.
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