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If Only To Feel...	By : Jadestonedreams Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 10416 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Title: If Only To Feel

Author: Jadestonedreams

Rating: Strong-R-For the overall story

Disclaimer: If they aren't in the book or the Movie they're mine.. if not they're J.K. Rowlings�"sighs" Lucky duck!!!

Pairing: Harry/Draco , HG/RW, SB/RL, SS/PD,VC/NL. BZ/PP�

Summary: Changes are taking place that will send Draco and Harry�s life on a whirlwind path destined together. Harry is a veela searching for his mate. Will the secrets that Draco hides, keep Harry from claiming his true love?

A/N: I don't follow the book in my stories, so people who may be dead there. Might turn up alive here.

Warning: Slash. Mpreg and sex�You no like.. go away!!

Chapter 9

Conversations and Expectations

Narcissa Malfoy walked along the streets of London peering into window shops. She was dressed in a sky blue silk skirt set and matching light sweater jacket over a cream colored shirt. Her hair pulled back into a long ponytail which hung nicely down the center of her back. Clear crystal like flowers hung from her ears; a matching set around her neck and wrist. These were being the only pieces of jewelry she wore. Well except for the slender gold chain hidden behind the crystal one; a thin crescent moon hanging from it, sliding against her hand as she walked. The elegant witch was the epitome of the normal everyday female. At least as normal as Narcissa Malfoy could be.

She truly did love her husband but she did not see where the hatred for muggles that Lucius had harbored came from. He would hate to admit it, but going out like this among the others was something the two of them used to do all the time while they attended Hogwarts, among the other things.

Thinking back to that time always brought a smile to her face. Lucius had been so different back then, before he'd gotten involved with that thing.

Shivering slightly at the thought of the Dark Lord, Narcissa let the grimace that crossed over her face pass without a second thought. She did not share her thoughts of her husband and his so called master with anyone anymore. Her one true confidant and friend, was long dead by the hands of the very mad man her husband chose to protect.

Stopping at the next window, she smiled as she took in the display. The laughing faces of children stared back at her from a large television monitor in the window. Their bright colored clothes made her smile as she watched them dance around on the screen.

Reaching over to caress her flat stomach, Narcissa shook her head and frowned. Voldemort had taken so much from them, even their dream of a large family. Now the bastard was trying to take away their only child and that husband of hers was just going to stand there and let it happen. Of course he didn't know the whole story, but still how could he act as if this was the greatest thing in the world?

"This will not happen." she stated calmly to her reflection in the glass as two brilliantly crystal blue eyes sparkling back at her.

Turning to continue walking, she suddenly collided into another figure.

"Oh, excuse me." yelped a startled voice.

"My fault." chimed Narcissa picking up a small bag from the sidewalk and handing it to the woman. Looking up for the first time, Narcissa stopped cold as she found herself staring into dark green mesmerizing eyes. It wasn't the color that startled her; she'd seen far more brilliant ones. It was the sadness coming off them, as if they where dead and empty. The depths of the feeling coming from those eyes sent a small chill down her spine.

Short dark hair framed the woman's pale features as she peered back at Narcissa. She wasn't a pretty woman by any means. Nothing stood out about her at all. Yet, there was a familiar feeling that came over Narcissa as she handed the bag over that was overwhelming.

"Sorry" muttered the other woman quickly taking the bag back from Narcissa and quickly sidestepping her as she continued on her way.

"Wait!" called Narcissa walking quickly after the woman.

Stopping in her tracks the thin woman turned to peer at Narcissa questioningly.

"I'm sorry, but you look awfully familiar, have we met before?"

Opening her mouth to reply, she was cut off as a loud bit of cursing interrupted her. Looking over, Narcissa frowned as a rather large man and boy made their way out of a nearby store carrying a rather large package.

"There you are." huffed the boy looking over at the two of them.

Raising an eyebrow, Narcissa stared with a look of annoyance across at the boy making him take a step back.

"I'm sorry, but we really must be going." smiled the woman interrupting Narcissa from her thoughts.

"Of course, I'm sorry, you just seemed familiar, are you sure we've never meet."

"Quite sure." she replied.

Nodding her head in a goodbye, Narcissa made her way down the streets once again. Whoever she was Narcissa vowed to herself that she would find out. There was just something too familiar about her.

***

"Mum, who was that?"

Watching as the tall blonde glided down the streets of London away from them, Petunia Dursley smiled briefly over at her son. She hadn't lied of course. Narcissa Black or now Malfoy as she slightly remembered Lily mentioning her friend's marriage had never met, but she knew who she was. She remembered her from all the pictures Lily had hidden under her bed in her room when they were younger. They couldn't be put out on the shelves among other photos. How would they have explained all the moving images to everyone, they didn't live in the magical world as Lily did most of the time.

As much as she disliked all the weird magic things her sister had, the moving images had always fascinated her as she sat and watched them. Vernon had wanted nothing belonging to her sister in their home after she's died stating that anything Lily had owned was contaminated with freakishness. Petunia thought this was rubbish of course; they did after all take in her sister's son Harry. Probably the most magical item her sister had. She loved her husband and would do whatever he said.

"Mum" shouted Dudley yanking at her sleeve and shaking her from her thoughts.

"What is it Dudleykins?" smiled Petunia sweetly.

"I asked you who that was."

"No one dear, now get in, we're going to go and visit your Aunt Marge." replied Petunia opening the car door for her son.

Taking one last glance down the street, Petunia slid into the car beside her husband and listened as he rattled on to the boy about being involved with the right type of people. Vernon was firm in his belief that he of course knew who the right type of people where. Taking every opportunity to point out that Harry and any others like him were the wrong type and that one should have nothing to do with their kind.

Petunia didn't point out the fact that her mother was of the same kind as Lily. Even though their relationship had become strained she still loved and missed her mum. Looking in the rearview mirror at the image of her son in the back seat, watching as he stuffed what appeared to be yet another cookie into his mouth. Petunia wondered what her mother would have thought of her grandson.

Very little contact had been made after she married into the Dursley�s. Vernon wanted nothing to do with any of them. With Lily living in the magical world most of the time there was little opportunity for them to run into each other. Therefore it had been quite a shock when Albus Dumbledore had showed up at their home carrying her late sister's child. She had only seen the child once or twice before and everytime she did strange emotions of hate and love would overtake her.

Vernon had, of course, outright refused to take the boy. It was only after threats of being thrown into a wizarding prison for abandoning a child that he finally agreed. If only Harry hadn't been magical. Then maybe Vernon would have loved him and she would have been allowed to also. Maybe they would have been a family and Harry would be here with them today going to meet with the Headmaster at her husband's old college about her Dudley's enrollment in there soon.

"Petunia." called Vernon taking her out of her thoughts.

"What dear?" asked Petunia looking over at her husband and smiling slightly.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" questioned Vernon turning to look at her.

"I'm sorry dear; I guess my mind was somewhere else." answered Petunia.

Nodding after a moment Vernon simply turned back around and started the car.

"Now as I was telling Dudley, surrounding yourself with the right type of people who will help further your career �"

Turning her head to look out once again at the passing houses and business Petunia inwardly sighed. For the first time in a long time, Petunia Dursley wished she was anywhere else but there.

******

If anyone noticed the slight bags under Harry's eyes as he made his way out of Honeydukes carrying a bag of treats, no one said a thing. He and Seamus were heading over to meet Neville and Dean at the 3 Broomsticks for a round of butterbeers.

"It's too bad Malfoy couldn't join us after all." stated Seamus popping a kiwi flavored jellybean into his mouth. "Wonder where he went off to so early anyway?"

"Yeah." replied Harry not looking over at the other boy.

Being anywhere near Draco at the moment seemed like a bad idea to Harry. The dream had been rather disturbing in itself. Not the part about kissing another boy mind you. He'd never given it much thought until Hermione had pointed out that he could very well have a male partner as a mate. Strange as it was, he didn't find the idea as unappealing as he thought he would have.

Kissing Draco in the dream had felt right somehow. From what he had learned though, Veela's didn't find their mates until after they came into their inheritance, not before. He'd have to ask Hermione about it when he'd see her at the burrows.

"Harry?"

"Hmm"

"We're here."

"What?"

"We're here." laughed Seamus grabbing hold of and dragging Harry through the door to meet their friends.

Settling down with a round of butterbeer the four friends paid little attention to the other patrons as they chatted away.

"So how's it going with Mary Ellen?" asked Harry looking over at Dean.

"We're no longer together; it's no big deal though. I tell you guys there just wasn't anything there. I have met someone else though. I just didn't know how to tell you guys about him."

"Him!" sputtered Neville looking across the table at the friend.

"Uhhmm, yeah. That's kind of the reason me and Mary Ellen broke up." replied Dean looking around. "You guys don't have a problem with that, do you?"

"Of course they don't!" chimed two voices from behind them.

"Fred, George!" smiled Harry leaping round to smile at the two tall redheads.

"Hey mate," said Fred and George, coming around to join them at the table.

"We were on our way over to Gringotts when we saw you come in here." commented Fred sitting down.

"So we thought we'd come over here before we left to say hi." continued George.

"So Dean, if you and Mary Ellen broke up, does that mean she's available?" smiled Fred looking over at the other boy across the table.

"Go for it mate." laughed Dean tossing back the rest of his drink before standing up muttering something about draining the lizard.

Two hours later found Harry making his way through the streets with Fred and George towards the Gringotts Bank in Diagon Alley. Talking with the twins had made him realize that he was going to need some extra cash throughout the summer. A quick trip back to Hogwarts had gotten him permission from Dumbledore to go with the twins into Diagon Alley. Another trip back to the twins� shop to pick up a few forgotten papers needed for their appointment with the goblins before flooing to Diagon Ally where he now found himself walking only slightly in front of the two mischievous red heads. Harry smiled brightly as he turned the corner to where the bank was before stopping in his tracks, the twins colliding with his backside.

"Harry?"

"Sorry" muttered Harry before continuing on his way inside the bank, glancing briefly over to the other side of the street quickly before going inside.

Looking over to the area that Harry had been staring at a moment earlier a flash of silvery blonde hair going into a small shop caught his eye. Looking over at his twins face, Fred knew that his twin had caught the sight of Draco Malfoy just as he did.

"Was that Draco Malfoy going into Jenkin Jewels?" asked Fred still staring across the street to the door where Draco had disappeared.

"I do believe it was." replied George a knowing smirk crossing his face.

Smiling at his twin Fred Weasley began crossing the street as George made his way inside the bank.

~~*~~

Draco walked into Mr. Jenkins shop and shivered. The place seemed to be chilly despite the warm summer air outside. Glancing around at the items as he browsed he couldn�t help the feeling that he was being watched. He had wanted to join Harry and his friends on the trip into town, but the dream from the previous evening left him feeling shaken.

Over time he'd had quite a few dreams involving Harry. Most of which left him frustrated, hard and with a somewhat sticky situation the next morning. This dream though, had felt different. It was almost as if he'd actually been kissing the other boy. The uneasy part had come from the fact that Harry only saw him as the girl. It was the one part of the dream that he couldn't seem to shake.

Dreams involving Harry discovering his alternate form had occurred to him before. But on more than a few occasions these dreams of Harry falling for his female persona quickly turned into nightmares at having to see the horror in Harry's face as Draco revealed himself. These nightmares had always left him sick the next morning, physically and mentally. Getting out of the castle had felt like a good idea and he was glad for the distraction of shopping for a few items for Pansy and Blaise.

He'd received letters from both of them on the progress of their new relationship and questions of his well being. They also wanted to know of he had been all right with Potter staying there. Finally ending with Blaise asking Draco to please pick up a package for him at Jenkin's Jewels and send it to him personally for it was a surprise for Pansy.

"Ah, yes. Mr. Malfoy. What can I do for you today?" asked a rather petite woman coming from a backroom just beside the counter.

Looking up Draco smiled at the woman who seemed to falter in her steps as she smiled back at him. Draco guessed the woman was in her late thirties; her brown hair was pulled up into a soft bun as tendrils hung down the side of her face. The slight flush of her face went unnoticed by him as he began speaking to her.

"I'm here to pick up a package for a friend of mine, Blaise Zabini." replied Draco setting down the small orb he'd been studying in his hand. It took a moment for him to realize that the woman was indeed still standing there just staring at him.

Taking a step closer to her, Draco gently placed his hand on her arm.

"Are you alright?" he asked cautiously

Started, she suddenly jumped back, breaking contact with Draco�s hand. He simply stared at her, confused, as she smiled brilliantly at him.

"I'm fine, thank you." She answered softly taking a step closer to him.

Taking a step back from her Draco frowned feeling slightly uneasy as the lady continued to stare at him. "I'm in a bit of a hurry, if you don't mind getting friends parcel �" his voice trailing off as she seemed to come out of whatever trance she was in.

"Yes, of course. Your package is in the back, I�ll get it now." She stated turning back around and heading into the back room once again.

"Strange," muttered Draco turning away only to come face to face with red hair and freckles.

"Malfoy"

"Weasley"

"Harry told us about this truce the two of you have called." remarked Fred coming around Draco to pick up the orb the other boy had recently put down. "I'm not sure I would be so forgiving like Harry is."

Rolling his eyes slightly, Draco smiled as he looked back towards the curtain to the back room. He really didn't feel like hearing a lecture from one of the Weasley twins about how he was the wrong type of person for Harry to hang out with. Not that it would matter much anyway.

"I thought you lot were all about forgiveness and giving each other second chances." snorted Draco crossing his arms across his chest.

"We care about Harry is all." remarked Fred.

"I know you do." stated Draco rubbing his temple. "Look, I'm not saying that Potter and I are going to become the best of friends. We�re just not fighting as much anymore. I would think everyone would be happy about that."

"Relax, Malfoy." smiled Fred setting the ball down. "As long as Harry's fine with it then so are we."

Sighing with relief Draco smiled.

"Of course you know if you do anything to hurt him you'll have to deal with us." stated Fred taking a step closer to him as he gently brushed a strand of hair out of the blonde's face. The sudden contact seemed to stun Draco for a moment leaving him momentarily speechless as he looked over at the taller red head.

"What's going on here?" demanded an icy voice from behind them.

Draco didn't know if it was from the temperature of the store or the coldness in the voice that made him suddenly shiver as he looked over at the questioning faces of one Harry Potter and George Weasley.

Green eyes seemed to spark in anger as they looked over at Draco and Fred.

Fred, one half the Weasley twins known for their pranks through out all of Hogwarts was now staring at Draco strangely as if he'd never seen him before.

"Here you are Mr. Malfoy." rang the sound of the shop owner�s voice as she came from the back room once again. "I have that package you wanted."

Taking a step further into the room she stopped at the sight before her. The four young men standing in the middle of her shop seemed engrossed in each other so much they failed to notice her standing right next to them.

She cleared her throat loudly before tapping Draco on the shoulder to get his attention. Draco swirled around suddenly to glare at the unexpected intrusion. Realizing where he was after a moment he let his features soften as he smiled at her once again.

"Thank you. If there's a charge just put it on my bill." stated Draco, taking the package and heading for the door choosing to ignore the three Gryffindors standing there watching him.

He had to get out of there, away from Harry, away from the Weasley's. He could feel the dizziness starting to overtake him as he was standing there glaring at with Harry. The last thing he wanted to do was to get sick in front of him and the Weasley's. He'd made it a few feet away from the store before the sound of someone calling him from behind could be heard.

"Malfoy wait!" shouted Harry rushing out of the store after him.

"What?" Draco sneered as he continued to walk, hoping that Harry would get the hint and leave him alone

"What are you doing here?" asked Harry quickly. "I went to see if you wanted to join us today but they told me you had already left. How come you didn't join me and my friends?"

Snorting Draco continued to walk.

"After that little encounter with one half of the Weasley twins, I'm not sure if spending the afternoon with anymore of your friends is high on my �to do� list."

"The Weasley's are just protective of me. That's all." exclaimed Harry taking strides to keep up with the angry blonde.

Draco spun around angrily and glared at the other boy causing Harry to stumble backwards.

"Yes, of course. They must protect you from the big bad Malfoy mustn't they Potter. You never know, this might all be a plan to trap you somehow." sneered Draco angrily.

It was stupid; this idea that he and Potter could be friends even for a short time. That for a little while he could forget that he was the son of a Deatheater. That his life was normal and that maybe just maybe Harry would actually care about him. He knew that some people would probably be suspicious of his sudden friendship with Harry. Somewhere in the back of his head the nagging little voice asking him what did it matter anyway? In a few weeks their accusations wouldn't hurt him anymore. Looking over at the slightly scruffy boy across from him, Draco frowned. For some reason it did matter.

Taking a step closer and gently placing a hand on Draco's shoulder, Harry smiled.

"Draco, Fred only meant well, you know this. Besides you haven't giving them much reason to trust you. I'm sure when they realize you're not out to hurt me they'll be alright. Give them some time�please."

Looking over Harry�s shoulder at the two figures standing across the street in front of the bank a block away Draco closed his eyes and sighed.

"How do you know they're not right?" whispered Draco so quietly Harry almost didn't hear it.

Shrugging, Harry never took his eyes off Draco.

"I just do."

Staring at the other boy for a moment, Draco shook his head before smiling for the first time that day, his anger and hurt seeping away slowly.

"Thank you. I really appreciate that." stated Draco

Smiling Harry nodded. "Why don't you join us? You might have some fun."

"No thanks." replied Draco shaking his head. "I've actually got to get back soon. I'm meeting someone and I'm going to be late if I don't go right now."

"You're meeting someone?" questioned Harry the smile on his face slipping slightly.

"Yes." replied Draco checking the time on his watch, a Christmas present from his mother over holidays last year. It ran on a wizard or witch's magic instead of batteries. Draco adored it. "I have to get going."

"Sure," replied Harry turning to leave. "I'll see you later."

Watching as Harry made his way back over to the two red heads Draco frowned before swirling back around to continue his walk. He needed distance right now. Distance from everything and everybody�He needed to return to Hogwarts.

He could feel the dizziness starting to creep over him again as he stood talking to Potter only a moment ago. Taking a deep full breathe Draco stumbled slightly as he leaned against the nearest brick wall for a moment. The feeling of a hand on his shoulder startled him as pushed away from the wall.

Spinning around quickly he found himself staring into ice blue eyes. They reminded him so much of his mother's for a second as he stood there just staring into them. They were surrounded thought not by long strands of blonde but by lengths of black.

Taking a step back Draco recovered quickly to realize that he was standing with Sirius Black of all people. The man's grip on his shoulder seemed to tighten as Draco continued to gape at him.

The silence was finally broken as Sirius stepped back away from Draco to glance down and across the street to see Harry and the Weasley's walking away unaware of him there.

"I could use a drink, how about you?" asked Sirius suddenly taking a hold of Draco's arm before he could protest and pulled him along the street until they reached a small building

The outside of the building looked old and worn from age. It didn't seem to be a very large place as it was half-hidden between two larger buildings. A small wooden sign hung above the entrance with the words carved beautifully into the wood stating the name:

'The Golden Cavern'

Draco stood for a moment trying to place the name but it didn't sound familiar to him. In fact, he didn't recognize it at all. The Malfoy's had always prided themselves on knowing about every business in town. If father had never mentioned it before, then it was probably not worth what was considered Malfoy standards. It took only a moment after stepping inside for Draco to realize how wrong that assessment was.

The outside did little justice for the inside as Draco and Sirius entered the establishment. The walls were covered in deep red fabric with gold leaves embroidered on them. Dark mahogany tables covered in cream silk tablecloths filled the room.

Large candlelight chandeliers hanging from the ceiling as small glass candles giving off a soft fragrance of honeysuckle and a soft glow took up the center of each table. The overall effect gave the establishment a calming atmosphere.

A few older wizards and witches looked over at them as they entered before quickly looking away again. Private booths could be found along the back and in a few strategic places. It was at one of these booths that Draco finally found himself sitting.

"I'm starving." announced Sirius as he sat down across the table from Draco and picked up a menu from the top of the table.

"Not that I'm complaining about the establishment here Black, but why the hell did you drag me over here?" snarled Draco suddenly.

Sirius continued to ignore the irritated blonde as he scanned the menu.

"How about trying the shrimp scampi? I haven't had that in awhile." stated Sirius running his fingers along the listed items.

"I'm not hungry." replied Draco.

The sound of his stomach rumbling caused him to blush slightly before looking away as Sirius looked up and smiled at him raising an eyebrow slightly before looking back down again.

Getting up Draco looked over at Sirius

"I really do have things I need to do, so I'll just be�"

"Sit down!" growled Sirius not looking up from the menu.

For a moment Draco simply stood there staring at the older man before sliding back into his seat. Draco studied the man for a moment. His mother had told him only a few things about her cousin. He knew that they hadn't exactly been very close growing up. He also learned though that the former Gryffindor had an explosive temper, especially it would seem, if anyone ever hurt is precious godson.

When it seemed the older man wasn't in any hurry to start talking, Draco let his gaze fall around the room. He noted that the glowing soft candles in the center of each table were in fact not candles at all. Tiny winged creature appeared to be at the center of each table.

Looking back down at his own table, he was startled to find two little blinking eyes staring back at him from behind glass. Fluttering its wings the little creature smiled brightly at Draco before pulling out what appeared to be a flute from its pocket and began playing.

The thought of how something so small could actually play something loud enough for him to hear filtered through his mind before fading away as he listened to the melody.

"They're called Moon Junies"

"What?" asked Draco taking his gaze away from the creature to look back at Sirius berating himself for letting him get distracted by the creature?

Nodding towards the fairy like being Sirius smiled.

"Beautiful aren't they?"

"Yes" agreed Draco. "But I highly doubt that they are why you brought me here�and where is here anyway? I've never heard of this place."

"I learned some interesting news when I got home yesterday." stated Sirius putting down the menu and folding his hands together. Leaning forward he peered across the table at Draco.

"Professor Lupin informed me that you and my Godson have decided to stop fighting."

Sneering slightly Draco shook his head. 'Is this what this is all about' he thought. 'Gods just because Potter and I decide not to get at each others throats as much anymore, what gives everyone the right to suddenly question my motives.'

'Do you really want to answer that?' the voice in Draco's head snickered

'Shut up!!' screamed Draco inwardly.

Leaning forward slightly Draco narrowed his eyes as he looked directly into Sirius's.

"I can assure you Mr. Black, that there are no ulterior motives for this. I am not out to do your Godson any harm. I, however, do not like the implications from everyone that I am. This truce wasn't my idea after all. If you have a problem with it then perhaps you should be discussing it with Harry."

Leaning back slightly Sirius smiled.

The sudden images of a very angry Black being sent to Azkaban filtered through Draco's mind. Twelve years in prison can change a person, no matter how innocent they may have been. He'd been around too many of his father's associates not to see when someone was hiding something.

"I don't recall accusing you of anything cousin, but after your history with Harry you can't expect people to take you at face value that you wouldn't hurt Harry."

"True."

"I will however say this. If you cause my Godson in anyway to regret his decision, there will be no place on god's earth that you will ever be able to hide from me."

The coldness in Black's voice sent chills down Draco's spine causing him to only nod slightly.

TBC�

Author's Note:

I've fixed the problem with chapter 1 everyone. I promise it want be too much longer before Draco discovers his pregnancy.
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If Only To Feel...