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To Have and To Hold	By : MontanaDan Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 67410 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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See chapter 1 for Headers, disclaimers and warnings.

To Have and To Hold

Chapter 9

Confusion

********

"You think I owe you an explanation?" Severus looked not only incredulous but offended.

Severus had finally let Harry out of bed. He�d even helped Harry to the bathroom. Granted, Harry had never felt so wretched in his life, but he wasn�t an invalid. Showered and changed into a fresh set of clothes brought down by Dobby, Harry felt strong enough for the confrontation now.

"Since you�re the one who keeps apologizing, yes I do," Harry said. In fact, after apologizing several times last night (Harry wasn�t sure how many as he was out of it), Severus had apologized two more times this morning,. It had to be some sort of record.

"I�m apologizing for locking you out."

Yeah. Harry got that. There had to be something else. "And why did you lock me out?"

Severus turned away. "I forgot to open the wards to you."

"You - forgot?" Harry almost laughed. The idea was ridiculous. Severus Snape just didn�t forget. Harry wasn�t an idiot, contrary to Severus� sarcastic barbs, so he knew something must have happened.

"Yes." Severus� tone was still serious and he still wouldn�t face Harry.

"Severus?" Harry asked, curious now. "Why?" He stepped closer.

If Severus was angry or upset enough to close his chambers to Harry, but then feel guilty enough to apologize profusely then�

The silence stretched between them.

Oh God. Maybe Harry had done something wrong. Maybe he shouldn�t have come to Severus. But Severus had been telling him repeatedly, almost tediously, that Harry should always go to Severus first. What else should he have done? Harry was confused again.

Especially after last night. Harry had woken up a couple of times, always in Severus�s arms. Each time, Severus would force potions on him or bathe his face with a soft warm cloth, holding him until Harry fell back to sleep.

Harry had never felt more cared for in his life.

"You failed to mention that you wished to end your association with me."

Harry blinked. Association? That was a cold way to put it. And what the hell was Severus talking about?

Confused again, Harry started stammering, "I-I don�t. I mean, I still- I mean-"

Severus finally turned around to look at him, his expression inscrutable. "Mr. Potter, it is common courtesy to end an affair before starting a new one."

"Starting a-? What? I haven�t started anything."

Black brows rose in challenge. "Mr. Zabini, Potter-"

Harry�s eyes flared as he recalled the kiss that had been inflicted on him.

Severus turned away again. "Ah, guilt," he said, misreading Harry�s expression.

"No. It wasn�t like that," Harry tried to explain.

"I�m quite familiar with what I saw, Mr. Potter.

"If you saw that then you must have seen me hex him." Snape turned, his brows up again, this time in question. "I pushed him away, hexed him with crawling skin and told him if he touched me again I�d curse his ba- er � I�d remove his genitals."

That got a smirk. "Did you?"

Harry nodded.

"His attentions were unwanted?"

Was Severus unsure? Jealous even? That was so adorable. Harry took a step closer, looking up at the potion master�s inscrutable expression. "Professor, sir," he said with the quiet reverent tone that drove Severus crazy, "I don�t have time for any school boy infatuations." Harry saw a spark return to Severus� eyes but it was swiftly covered.

"You were smiling."

"He said he could protect me from you." Severus scowled so Harry went on. "He said if I were nicer to Slytherins then he could get you to get off my back."

Severus looked amused now, but he couldn�t seem to let go of it. "He touched you."

"I didn�t let him," Harry assured him, his chin inching up. "As if I would let anyone touch me." He hesitated and looked at his feet. Then he peered up through his lashes. "Anyone but you, that is."

Harry vaguely heard a growl, which sounded like "My Harry," before Severus� mouth crushed his own. Harry was pushed against the wall, flattened by the length of Severus� body as Severus� mouth continued it�s relentless assault on Harry�s face.

There was definitely something to be said for possessive and jealous.

*********

I told you.

Severus didn�t stop kissing Harry to even think of a response to his annoying bloody inner voice. In truth, he should have known better. His Slytherins were a lascivious bunch and Harry was just too delicious for them not to notice.

Severus� tongue reacquainted itself with the contours of Harry�s mouth, seeking out and eliminating any remnants of the kiss, which was forced upon Harry the other day. Harry�s tongue met his with equal fervor as Severus gripped Harry�s silken mess of hair.

Harry was still his, still needed him. He was whimpering even now as Severus tongue and teeth traveled in nips and licks around his jaw. Severus� guilt somewhat assuaged by Harry�s responses, his spirit reveled in their shared passion.

Harry clutched at Severus as if all he could do was hold on in response to the onslaught of such a devouring attack.

Nothing, no one, anywhere, tasted quite like Harry.

Because you love him.

Severus pushed away from Harry, his eyes automatically scouring his face. The brat was just too tempting with his disheveled dark hair, puffy pink lips and glazed green eyes.

What? Can�t admit it yet?

"You should get to breakfast. You have classes," Severus said sternly, straightening Harry�s robe.

Bloody coward. After last night, you�re pushing him away again?

Harry blinked, his look becoming incredulous. "You want me to leave now?" His voice was strained. "After a kiss like that?"

Severus smirked. "Yes, Potter," he said and turned away. He moved to his desk and shuffled through some parchments. "You have squandered enough time in bed."

"But-"

"Potter." The one word was a warning. "One entire day is enough to draw unwanted speculation to your whereabouts as well as to the reason behind your seclusion."

Harry shook his head as if to clear it.

Severus turned back to him, watching him put himself to rights.

It was a rather masterful kiss. Perhaps-

"Are you feeling well enough?"

Harry glanced up. "Um, yeah," he said with a nod. "I�m okay."

Severus leaned against the desk, crossing his arms. As Harry reached the door, he stopped him. "I will expect you back here tonight for lessons," he said.

Harry turned back, his hand on the doorknob. His lips twitched. "Yes, Professor," he said, then startled as he heard the door of the outer room close.

"Professor?"

A voice carried from within Severus� office and Severus instantly went to Harry, wrapping his arms around him. One hand covered the brat�s mouth, the other held him around the middle, drawing him away from the door.

"Be quiet. It�s Draco," Severus hissed in his ear. Harry nodded, and Severus could swear he felt the brat�s tongue skimming over his palm.

Severus pushed Harry into the bedroom. "Stay here," he commanded. "And don�t make any noise."

*********

Harry heard the outer door open and the sounds of general movement.

"Draco, what can I do for you?"

"Sorry to bother you, Professor, but I was a bit unclear on last night�s homework."

Shit, shit, shit. This could be a problem. He looked around, his mind turning. He had to get out of here. Fumbling around, he knocked over the picture on Severus� dresser, cringing at the thud it made. It sounded like an explosion to him.

"What was that?" Harry heard Draco�s voice. It sounded almost hopeful. The bloody sod suspected something. Harry just knew it.

"My cat," Severus replied in a dull tone.

"Cat? When did you get a cat?"

Harry opened the door to the armoire. Damn, he�d never fit in-

What�s this?

"My sister gave it too me some weeks ago. It�s a bloody nuisance if you ask me."

"How is Abigail?"

Harry�s eyes widened then he grinned with satisfaction. His Invisibility Cloak. What a stroke of luck.

"She is well. Draco I think we can do this later. I have a lot of work to- Where are you going?"

Harry spun back towards the door.

"I want to see it."

Harry quickly threw the cloak around himself and since he was facing the bed next to the door, transfigured a pillow into a young cat.

"NO!"

The door sprung open just as Severus called out. Draco strolled in and stopped when he saw the cat preening itself on Sev�s bed.

Severus stepped in, looking around.

Draco went to the bed and ran a hand over the cat�s back. "What�s its name?"

Harry took that opportunity to slide through the open door and left the chambers silently.

That was close.

***********

Harry had only gone a couple of corridors when he heard the voice.

"Can�t stay away from me, eh, Harry?"

Harry spun, drawing his wand. Good God. First Malfoy, now Zabini. "Don�t touch me, Zabini."

"Harry," Zabini said quickly, holding his hands up. "Calm down."

"Are you following me?" Harry asked, his tone accusing. "You�re worse than a bloody stalker."

"I live down here," Zabini defended himself. "I�m going to breakfast. What are you doing down here again? And I don�t recall seeing you at all yesterday."

Harry sighed. This was getting tedious. He scowled. "Actually, I�m lusting after the head of your house. We�re having a hot, steamy affair you know. Snape is a fireball in the sack."

The look on Blaise�s face was priceless. Harry wished Severus were here to see it.

"Don�t even joke about that, Potter," Zabini said, still looking appalled. "That is just wrong."

Harry forced a hurt look on his face. "You don�t believe me." Then he cracked the smile. "And you call us Gryffindors gullible."

"So tell me, or I will call the head of our house down here," Zabini said. "I dare say, he�d love to catch you wandering the dungeons at this time of day. He very much wants the House Cup back this year."

Harry frowned. He absolutely did not want to drag Severus into this. Severus would rant and deduct House points and be the perfect outraged Snape in front of Zabini. But then Harry would have to listen to him lecture later. How was Harry going to defeat Voldemort if he couldn�t deal with one over-sexed Slytherin?

He eyed Zabini, whose eyes still had that glaze to them as they surveyed Harry, and the answer came to him. It would solve everything really.

"You won�t tell anyone, will you?" Harry asked.

Zabini looked interested and a little suspicious. "You have my word."

Harry almost snorted on that. "I was meeting Malfoy."

Zabini�s jaw dropped open and his eyes rounded. "Malfoy?"

"Yeah," Harry admitting, drawing on his standard expression. HP look # 4 should do. "He�s been really good about not telling anyone."

"D-draco?"

Harry shrugged, tilting his head and lightly touching the bruise on his neck that was always there whenever he left Severus. "He�s a hell-of-a kisser."

Harry gave Zabini a benign smile and left him in his dumbfounded state, congratulating himself on his own brilliance.

Harry had forgotten that his own brilliance was overrated.

****************

Blaise seethed as he watched Harry stroll away. Malfoy? But Draco said he wasn�t interested in Potter. Of course either one of them could be lying. It would be just like Draco to feign indifference when he really was interested. And who could understand anything that came out of Potter�s mouth anyway?

Of course, Blaise was more interested in what Potter could do with his mouth than what he said. Harry had tasted fantastic, his lips soft and yielding. Blaise had wanted to throw him on the floor and fuck his brains out, even then, in the middle of the hallway.

Potter was quick with his hexes though, Blaise thought with a scowl. Too quick, which did suggest that he was in some sort of relationship. If it was Draco, then Blaise would have to nip it in the bud, or at least come to some sort of sharing agreement.

Because Blaise wanted Harry Potter more than he had ever wanted anything else in his life and nothing was going to stop him.

**************

Severus ushered Draco out of his rooms and as soon as he closed the door returned to his bedroom. "Harry?"

The cat meowed.

Impressive piece of transfiguration.

Severus had to agree as he stroked the cat and continued to look around.

At least he didn�t transform himself.

Severus snorted at the imagery of a large black jaguar reclining on his bed.

But the boy still doesn�t do stay.

A true smile graced Severus� lips. "Impertinent brat," he muttered.

**********

Draco scanned the Great Hall quickly as he entered. Everything looked normal again. Potter was being fawned over at the Gryffindor table, all the teachers were present at the staff table and all his little Slytherins had left his place for him.

Hopefully today would be better than yesterday, with the firecall from his father and Potter missing the whole day. His nerves had been shot.

He had thought he had discovered something in the dungeons. Snape had been acting weird for weeks and Draco had been almost sure it had something to do with a man. Old Uncle Severus kept his personal life very private, but Draco would have loved to catch him in a compromising situation, one he could benefit from.

He dropped gracefully into a seat beside Blaise.

"I thought you weren�t interested in Potter?"

The question was so out of the blue that Draco did a double take. "Excuse me?"

Blaise echoed his question, his expression fierce and condemning even if his words were whispered.

"Why do you ask?" Draco asked, matching the quiet tone.

"Well, Potter said some things�" Blaise trailed off suggestively.

"Potter? What did he say?"

"That you were meeting secretly," Blaise said now suspicious.

Ever the opportunist, Draco jumped on it. "He told you?"

"Yeah," Blaise said, looking smug now. "I�ve caught him sneaking around in the dungeons a couple of times and I finally forced it out of him."

Draco blinked. This was too bloody surreal. His father�s words, spoken urgently from the fire just yesterday in the Slytherin common room came back to him.

"You have to do something soon, Draco. The Dark Lord is getting impatient."

"But we can�t even have a civilized conversation," Draco had said, defending himself.

"Find a way, Draco," his father had said urgently. "Find it quickly. You do not wish to be called in front of the Dark Lord."

"So it�s true?" Blaise demanded.

"I�m not saying it is, and I�m not saying it isn�t," Draco said.

Blaise scowled. "So, what are you saying?"

"I�ll have to talk to Potter," Draco murmured thoughtfully. His gaze snapped up. "In the meantime, keep your mouth shut."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I mean it, Blaise," Draco warned. "Not a word."

Blaise�s chin shot up. "What do you take me for?"

Draco summed him up with a glare. Blaise was a bloody fool, that�s what he was, but he was usually too timid to take on Draco. He just better keep his mouth shut.

Draco stormed away, his mind racing. Just how the hell was he going to confront Potter on this one?

It was then that the rest of what Blaise had said caught up with him. Potter in the dungeons all the time? His mind locked with sudden insight.

A smile slowly grew on his face. By Merlin. Who�d have thought?

************

By the time Harry sat down to supper, he was ravenous. He had been summoned to Dumbledore�s office for a brief discussion on how Harry was feeling and on the contents of his vision. Dumbledore had been less than forthcoming with the results of Voldemort�s excursion; merely stating that the Dursleys were fine and some guy from the Ministry had died (both facts Harry already knew, having been there). Harry would ask Severus for details later.

Harry was so hungry he barely noted that he had beaten Ron and Hermione to the Great Hall and totally ignored the strange stares from around the room.

"Harry did you know there�s a rumor around the school that you�re screwing Malfoy?"

Harry choked on the large bite of shepherd�s pie he had just taken and looked up as his friends joined him at the table. It hadn�t even been a full day and the rumors were flying already. Ron pounded his back as Harry coughed. He raised worried eyes to Ron.

"Are you serious?" he asked Ron.

Ron nodded gravely.

Suddenly, everyone at his end of the table was looking at him strangely. Some even looked betrayed.

Right, so much for Harry�s brilliance. Damn Zabini. He stole a glance at the head table. Severus was sipping his tea and conversing with McGonagall as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

He dared a glance at the Slytherin table and found Zabini glaring at him. Malfoy, on the other hand, looked up and � smiled? It was a weird sort of smile, half smug half amused. Harry really was in trouble now.

He returned his attention to his expectant peers. Okay, cover up and damage control.

Deny everything.

"Come on." Harry rolled his eyes and addressed the group. "Come on. I�m also the heir of Slytherin and the next Dark Lord and completely mental. The next thing you know I�ll be sleeping with Snape too."

Slowly their faces reflected realization. Of course, none of it was true. This was Harry Potter. And they all knew Harry.

Both Ron and Hermione took seats on either side of him although Ron looked like he had swallowed a blast-ended skrewt.

Harry returned to his meal as the rest of them resumed their normal dining routine. Just like always, he was able to get them to believe what he wanted them to believe. Damn, did Severus always have to be right?

***********

Severus paced his office awaiting Harry�s arrival. Despite everything that had happened the last couple of days, the brat was still a loose cannon. Severus had to find someway to impress upon him the importance of thinking before he did or said anything.

Oh admit it Severus. You adore rushing to Harry�s aid. The challenge and all.

The eyes and ears of the world were always on him. And with that comes a responsibility that demands discretion especially if Harry wanted to have any sort of privacy. And I don�t need any more bloody challenges, thank you very much.

It�s part of his nature. It begs for someone like you to be around to assist � save him from himself. You want him to depend on you.

He needs to control-

He needs you. You are the perfect match for him. He shouldn�t have to do everything himself. You said so yourself.

The wards buzzed as Harry entered his office. He was smiling, smiling, as he approached the desk. The cat jumped on the surface and lightly padded over to investigate the new presence in the room.

Harry stroked the gray fur and studied the cat for a minute before sending and interested look to Severus.

Severus continued to scowl. He had gotten a cat that resembled Harry�s transfigured cat as best he could. The young Maine Coon he had acquired from a somewhat shady foreign trader was a shade darker and a bit younger, but it would have to do.

Harry opened his mouth, but Severus didn�t want to be distracted from discussing the latest issues yet.

"Potter, why can you not do as you�re told?" he demanded.

Harry blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I told you to stay in my room."

"Malfoy came in."

"He wouldn�t have felt it necessary if you hadn�t made more noise than an angry hippogriff."

"I was trying to find a place to hide."

"All you had to do was stay quiet," Severus insisted. "I was handling it."

"You were? What would you have said if he�d seen me � in your bedroom?" Harry challenged. "If I hadn�t found my cloak and transfigured the cat fast enough-"

"I-"

"And I noticed you went out and got yourself a real cat right away." He pet the cat�s fur with long strokes to make his point. "Make sure you tell your sister that she gave it to you."

"Another of your quick witted ideas that you didn�t think would have repercussions."

"You�re the one who originally mentioned it to Malfoy," Harry pointed out.

He�s right.

Severus started grinding teeth. "The point is-"

"The point is, we got out of it � together. Why can�t you admit that I�m not a mindless moron?"

"I don�t think you�re a mindless moron."

"But you don�t think I can take care of myself."

"You can�t. You won�t listen to sound advice. You insist on taking unnecessary chances. You just said it yourself, we did it together � you need help."

***********

Harry�s mouth opened to argue but he snapped it closed. How did he do that? Harry knew Severus wasn�t talking about this specific incident, but compounding onto the list of everything else.

"God, you�re insufferable."

Severus lifted his chin. "And you�re a foolish brat who needs reminding that he must be aware of everything he says."

"What-?"

"Mr. Zabini, Potter."

Harry scowled. "What about him?"

"I am assuming that it wasn�t you who started the rumor about yourself and Mr. Malfoy."

Harry couldn�t help his smirk. "At least the focus is away from you."

"The focus wasn�t on me."

"I had to say something. Zabini was getting on my nerves. He�s always around. Asking me questions about what I was doing down here."

"Why didn�t you come to me about it?"

"What would you have done about it? Aside from lecture me about how I couldn�t even handle a horny classmate?"

Severus frowned. "If I had known that Zabini was causing a problem-"

"He�s not," Harry snapped indignantly. "It�s nothing I can�t handle. I told you, he won�t touch me again."

"Harry, it�s not just Zabini anymore. Now Malfoy is involved."

"So. I thought that�s what was needed." Harry had thought that was particularly brilliant as well.

"Perhaps, but you jumped ahead. Once again, you didn�t think ahead, plan for the results of your actions. Have you even discussed it with Malfoy?"

Damn. "No," he admitted. "Alright, so what do we do?"

"Nothing. For now," Severus said thoughtfully. "I�ll have to see how far this little rumor goes." He looked at Harry. "What did you say about it?"

"I denied everything," said Harry. "That is, I implied denial." Severus smirked with what Harry could almost classify as pride. He approached Severus cautiously. "I�m sorry," he said hesitantly.

Severus sighed. "Promise me you�ll be more careful. And that you�ll talk to me. You have to start relying on me � on us - more. You know you can trust me."

Harry stared into the dark eyes. They were probing him and Harry felt like Severus could see into his very soul.

"You know that, don�t you, Harry?"

With as long as it took Severus to call him by his name, the sound of it rolling off that sweet mouth in that sultry deep voice was still enough to make Harry sigh. And Harry did know it. But there was so much at stake when he relied on someone completely. He had friends to rely on and he had always been pretty self-sufficient. He really didn�t want a keeper; he wanted a partner.

Harry wasn�t sure if he could expect that from Severus. Didn�t know how much Severus was prepared to give. Help and care, like the kind Severus offered yesterday, were one thing, but total reliance made Harry feel helpless. As if he were losing some of the independence he had always prided himself on.

Severus lifted Harry�s face with the palm of his hand. "Harry?"

"I know." Harry did sigh then. "But I still think-"

"I thought we agreed to let me do the thinking."

Harry couldn�t help his grin as he wrapped his arms around Severus� neck. "No, you agreed. I was under duress."

Severus� eyebrows shot up. "Were you?"

"Well, you were kissing me at the time so I can�t vouch for the state of my mind."

That got the smirk.

"Yes, well, you are the most agreeable after you�ve been properly kissed."

"I can�t say that I agree with that."

Severus grinned evilly and lowered his head. By the time he raised his head, Harry�s lips were nicely reddened and he was agreeing most heartily.

TBC
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To Have and To Hold