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Elemental Force	By : aikakone Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3427 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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CHAPTER 9:

The Madness of Werewolves

Year after year, the demons always come.

Failed to materialize. Way beyond my understanding

Find my only comfort in your hands

~Neil Finn

"Have you seen Lupin?" a clarion voice rang out in the kitchen of the Order Headquarters. The person who owned the voice walked in wearing the conservative disguise of a medi-witch.
Moody and Shacklebolt gave each other looks before Kingsley offered an answer. "He's at Hogwarts getting his monthly potion from Severus."
"Good," Tonks said in a small voice while she rubbed her arms up and down as if she were chilled. "Maybe Snape can help him," she said as she changed into her more usual physical appearance.
"There might not be anything that can help that boy," Moody scoffed at her comment, causing Tonks to look sharply at him.
"Don't say that! Most people think you are just a paranoid, doddering old fool, but they'd be wrong. Maybe there's something wrong with Lupin that we just don't know," she protested weakly, not sounding as if she was herself entirely convinced.
He looked at her with his small dark eye, and said wryly, "Just because a man is paranoid does not mean that he doesn't have enemies. As for Lupin, you know he's been suffering since that spell went wrong."
The three had found him in a bloody mess crawling to the doorway of the library while the rest of the room was in chaos. It gave the impression of a whirlwind that had come and ransacked everything. Lupin was battered and barely able to make any sense of things at all. When he was later asked about what had happened, he insisted that he had found Ginny. As the Order members prodded him for details, he contradicted himself by saying he wouldn't be able to locate her again.
"And we're still no closer to finding Ginny," Tonks said with a sigh as she flopped down into a chair.
It had been a week without any news of the girl. She could be anything from dead to alive and held hostage specifically because her parents were members of the Order. Those possibilities didn't even include the more the obvious fact that Ginny was the girlfriend of Harry Potter, and any Death Eater worth his salt would be easily attempt to make psychological blows on the boy.
"I've got some of my contacts in the Department of Mysteries seeing what they can do," said Kingsley, but his rich voice didn't fill the room with hope.
"And Severus has been trying to ferret out information from his sources," Moody said thoughtfully.
"I know! I know! Everyone is trying to find her," Tonks said as she ran her hand in agitation through her spiky hair. "It's just…"
After her pause, Moody prompted her. "Say it, girl."
The kitchen was deathly quiet as she admitted, "The only one who said he has come anywhere near finding her is Lupin, and I don't know if I trust him."
A look passed over her head between the two men. Tonks had been trying to court Remus for such a long time that this confession of hers was a mild surprise.
"Why do you say that?" Kingsley urged gently as he sat by Tonks.
She shook her head in denial, trying not to look at her compatriots. "I shouldn't have mentioned it."
"But you do worry about him," Moody declared.
"Yes," she said as she closed her eyes. "I fear he's developed a savior complex after Sirius fell through the veil."
There was the stark truth that had been going through her mind, and the possibility had not eluded Alastor or Kingsley.
"It's more than that, though," she said with a weakened sigh. I really thought he was trying to kill himself," Tonks glumly said as she looked at her fingers, bringing conversation back to Lupin. "After all we'd done, and the things he's suffered… Because he thought he found her and didn't…"
Her doubts filled the room like a fog of evil. Tonks tried to make them go away by concluding, "There's only so much a man can take."
Alastor spoke as the gruff voice of reason, "Ritual suicide doesn't strike me as a very Lupin thing to do."
"But madness does," Shacklebolt interjected quietly before he took a drink of hot tea.
After his statement, the sound of a pin dropping could have been heard in the kitchen of the Order Headquarters.
They'd all been watching Lupin very closely since he'd been discovered a week ago, injured on the floor near the door to the library. The werewolf must have been in a state of shock due to blood loss because he was barely coherent when they found him. His insistence that he'd found Ginny coupled with the fact that he would not or simply could not elaborate on where she was left them unsure of his grasp on reality.
Other seeds of doubt had been planted long before the situation of the past week. Though Remus was their friend and esteemed to be a rational and balanced man almost any day out of the month, the fact remained that he was a werewolf. Dolores Umbridge had only been one of many people to try to erode public and private confidence in werewolves. When it had been later revealed that he had also been Sirius Black's lover, it further compounded the assertions of a narrow-minded few that Lupin's existence and very character were prime examples of deviancy.
Shacklebolt raised his eyebrows as he sipped his tea and then put the cup down on the saucer. "We don't know many werewolves who've managed to live a long or, perhaps more importantly right now, sane life."
"Well, none of those werewolves have been our friends!" Tonks protested defensively.
He leveled a look at the young Auror. "Are you telling me that his involvement with Sirius is the only reason you're worried about him?"
"No," she finally admitted and dropped her head in shame.
Moody, who had been silent during the exchange, clapped her shoulder as he took her teacup from her. She covered his hand with her own as she fought against misted eyes.
Without speaking any more on the issue, the three Aurors put away their tea things and left the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place.
~*~*~*~
In a different part of the Wizarding world, the selfsame deviant werewolf was making his way through the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He didn't watch the students around him but drifted automatically. He knew the way by heart.
When he got to the portrait hole, the woman in the picture smiled. "It's been years since I've seen the likes of you! You're looking older," she said, indicating the grey in his hair.
Remus stood with a boyish posture and smiled widely at her. "And you still look as pretty as a picture."
The Fat Lady laughed loudly at his joke, and the few students around them wondered what had caused it.
After her laughter had subsided, Lupin got to the reason he was standing outside the portrait hole. "I came to speak to Harry. Is he inside?"
"Yes, dear. I don't think he's left all day, not even for meals," the Fat Lady answered.
He nodded at the information, not being all that surprised for Harry's reaction. Upon seeing someone standing near him and clearly wanting to go inside. Remus studied him intently, trying to remember if he was a student during the year he had been teaching. The boy didn't act like he knew him, either, so he got the boy's attention.
"You. What's your name?" he quizzed.
"Kyle Rothery, sir," the blond boy replied.
"Go tell Harry Potter that Remus Lupin wants to talk to him."
The boy fidgeted. "Is this about Ginny Weasley?"
Remus narrowed his eyes at the fourth year boy. "And how do you know them?"
The question was idiotic, he realized, since he was in the same house as the other two. It was confirmed when Kyle answered that he was on the Quidditch team with both Harry and Ginny.
"Just please, go bring him out. Do whatever you need to do," the man said.
"Yes, sir!" he said with a lop-sided grin. Remus recognized it as the universal symbol of mischief in the making, but he didn't care if it brought Harry to him.
Lupin sat down in front of the portrait hole making idle chat with the Fat Lady. She was easy to charm and it had been a long time since he had spoken so lightly with anyone or anything. At least that skill of his had not atrophied. When he was beginning to think the muscles in his legs were what had actually started to atrophy, Harry finally made his appearance.
"Hello," he said as he stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Being Saturday, he didn't have on his normal class robes, and his posture alone betrayed details about his sense of unease.
"Come take a walk with me, Harry, so we can talk," Remus said.
"Where are we going?" he asked cautiously.
"The dungeon," Remus answered with a significant look. "I came for a certain potion."
Harry nodded, and the two walked in step from Gryffindor Tower down to the Potions classroom. Though the older man had mentioned talking, few words were said in the halls in the presence of other people.
Potter looked to the tall form of Remus beside him and glanced down at the man's hands. The palms were wrapped in grey bandages.
"What did you do to your hands?" he asked curiously. Somehow he thought Sirius wouldn't like seeing him like that.
Lupin immediately put his hands in the pockets of his robes. "It's winter, Harry," he stated.
Harry thought of what he'd seen. They had looked like medical bandages to him, but perhaps Remus was too poor to afford a proper pair of gloves. He didn't want to offend the man's pride by offering to buy him new ones, though he could have easily afforded it. Instead, he chose to ignore what he'd noticed.
Outside the Potions classroom, there was absolutely no one around. There Remus decided to talk to Harry.
"How are you?" he said with a direct gaze.
Deciding not to answer the question, Harry posed one of his own. "Have you found Ginny?"
Remus clenched his hand before forcing himself to relax. "Not yet, but don't give up hope. We are looking."
Harry opened and closed his mouth several times and gave Remus the fleeting impression that he wanted to run away. Dropping his voice and walking closer to the werewolf, he said, "People die, Remus. When they're gone, we don't always get them back."
He put a hand to the boy's shoulder and said simply, "I know." He struggled with the urge to hug him as a father or uncle would, but the moment passed as Pansy Parkinson made her way past them to the Potions classroom.
"Potter," she taunted with a laugh as she looked from Harry to Lupin. "Since when are you into bestiality? With your girlfriend gone, did you have to find someone else?"
Remus sighed and threw back his head. "Miss Parkinson," he said through clenched teeth, "as pleasant as always, I see."
She flipped her hair over her shoulder with unconcern and continued on into the classroom. "Professor Snape! I brought you the package you've been wanting."
The girl seemed particularly pleased with herself, but Professor Snape gestured with a long finger for her to put whatever it was on his desk. She acted as if she wanted to talk to them, but changed her mind when it was clear that neither Potter nor the former werewolf professor were going away.
When she left, Harry whispered to Lupin out of the side of his mouth, "What was that about?"
Lupin bent his head down and said, "It's best not to meddle in the affairs of Slytherins."
The two advanced into the room as Snape spoke without looking up from his cauldron "Lupin and Potter, just like old times. I'm so happy I could vomit."
"Oh, Severus, surely you jest!" Remus retorted. "You don't care about either one of us enough to expend that kind of energy."
The Potions Master finally lifted his eyes from the cauldron where he had been working to stare into the eyes of one of his former rivals. Not looking away from him, he reached for a goblet and ladled the steaming potion into it.
"Thank you," the werewolf said as he reached for his dose of Wolfsbane Potion. When his hand contacted the goblet, he let out a whelp of pain.
Snape gave a rather satisfied smile as he asked, "Something wrong?"
"It's nothing of your concern," Remus said as he shook out his hand.
"I'm sure it's not," Snape replied calmly, "but on occasion I do talk to Order members."
Lupin flicked his eyes to look at him because he hadn't missed the implication. In front of Harry he said, "Good for you."
Harry was used to the animosity between the two men. It was only a mild version of the same thing he had seen at Grimmauld Place when Sirius was still alive. The fleeting memory of Sirius being alive prompted Harry to ask something he normally wouldn't.
"Have you heard anything? In your meetings…" He fidgeted as he asked the question.
Remus cocked his head to the side, giving the Potions Master an especially alert look. "Yes, Severus. I'd be interested to learn if you heard anything as well."
"Hold your tongue, boy!" Snape said, finally giving his full attention to Harry. "You have to be extremely careful because you never know who's listening. You have no gift of subtlety, which is exactly why you are a failure with potions."
"Do you know anything?" Lupin asked.
Snape took out his wand and did a quick spell to verify for any hidden listening devices that might be in the classroom. After he was satisfied, he spoke in a quickly. "The only think I can tell you is that no one is claiming responsibility, though many wished they had played this little bit of chaos sooner."
"But…" Harry started to say.
"That's all I can tell you. Now get out of my classroom before I forget that I'm a patient man."
Potter started walking away with Lupin following him. He turned back to Severus and held the goblet aloft. "Thank you," he mouthed.
"Be sure I get that back, Lupin," he sneered aloud to the man's retreating back.
~*~*~*~
Once outside the Potions classroom, Harry said he'd rather be alone, so he went back to Gryffindor Tower. Remus took his goblet of potion and went out onto the grounds of the school.
The weather was dreary, and few of the students were outside. He noticed that the Hufflepuff Quidditch team was having practice over on the pitch. Other than the meager and scattered company, he was alone with his thoughts.
He was walking by the hedge of one of the gardens as he lifted the cup to drink. It was the first of seven consecutive doses that he would have to take to become ready for the full moon. Before the nauseating potion could pass his lips, his body rebelled against him. Remus preemptively wretched into the bushes.
He laid his head down on the ground, feeling the cool of the earth. His vision became blurry, and he started to see blackish spots. Then the voice that wasn't really a voice at all came at him. It had been torturing him all week, and he had no idea what it was. It had the intent of sound but the feeling of pain.
The feeling became worse as he experienced something that would have reminded another of needles poking him the length of his spine. He rolled over on his back and focused on his breathing to make the sensation go away. He prayed to whichever deity would hear him that his inner fear that he had built a complete tolerance to Wolfsbane Potion was not becoming a reality. Daily he felt the tight reign he held on himself slipping further and further from his control.
Taking a last shuddering breath, he got up from the ground and turned with purpose, almost knocking down the man who had suddenly appeared near him by the bushes.
"Oh, Filius!" Lupin exclaimed, completely surprised by the tiny Charms professor.
"Remus," the man answered back with a fond smile gracing his face. He didn't appear to have noticed that Lupin had just been rolling around on the ground. "I had heard you were here. I have something for you," he continued.
He was mildly surprised to be sought out by the man because they had only minimal contact. Wearily, he asked, "What is it?"
"A book," Flitwick answered, sounding very proud of himself. "It's not just any book, either, but one from the Ravenclaw personal library. It has location and tracking spells."
Remus lifted his head with interest. For almost anyone else he would have said the Order had already tried everything possible. For the head of Ravenclaw house, he was willing to make the concession that he had magical knowledge not readily available to the rest of the world.
He shoved the book into the werewolf's hands. "I know you're trying to find Miss Weasley. Maybe this will help you."
Lupin clutched the book to his chest as if it were a precious child. "Thank you."
"I must be going," he quickly said as if meeting with the werewolf had been clandestine.
He watched the man scurry away and then stop after only a few paces.
"Is this yours?" Filius asked, indicating the goblet which had spilled its contents all over the ground.
"No," Remus replied unblinkingly. "It belongs to Severus. Could you please return that to him?"
"But of course," the man replied in his squeaky voice, taking the goblet with him inside the castle.
Keeping a tight hold on the book, Remus walked to the gate of the school where he could pass beyond the non-Apparition wards and return to the Order Headquarters.
~*~*~*~
When Lupin made it back to the Headquarters, the trio of Aurors was not around, so he sat down in the stairway furiously thumbing through the book Flitwick had given him. He was hoping against hope that the Ravenclaws had something, though his inner cynic quietly doubted it. He wasn't sure how much time had passed as he was reading, but it had grown dark enough that he had to light his wand. About an hour after that, Tonks, Kingsley and Alastor came back to Grimmauld place.
"Hello, Remus," Tonks said as she stepped ahead of the other men and looked up to where he was sitting.
"I have a new book of spells," he said as he stood up and descended the stairs. "I've been reading it to see if there's something that can help us find Ginny."
He walked past the three into what had been the drawing room. When none followed, he turned impatiently to them. "Are you coming?"
Glances were exchanged behind his back, but the three followed after him. Lupin opened the book on a desk and started to tell them the things he'd learned while he'd been waiting. The each started to inspect some of the spells for plausibility and had entered into a productive work session until Lupin started displaying erratic behavior once again.
Remus put his hands over his ears and cringed against a sound only he could hear. He groaned in pain against it. "Would you shut up that damned woman!"
Tonks looked at both Moody and Shacklebolt with concern clear on her face. "Remus…" she started.
"Damned horrid bitch…" Lupin rambled on, not hearing the warning in Tonks's voice.
She looked at the two men for support. Alastor was unusually silent, but Kingsley indicated to the two of them that they should leave. Tonks backed slowly out of the room with Moody thumping after her.
"Lupin," Shacklebolt's commanding voice boomed.
He turned sideways to the other man while still clutching his hands over his ears. "Are they going to silence the portrait?"
"Remus," Kingsley said, his voice dropping to a quietly serious tone. "We removed the portrait of Mrs. Black almost three months ago. You know that."
Lupin blinked his eyes several times and slowly lowered his hands away from his head. Meanwhile the other man leaned his long frame against the desk and watched him.
"Have you been taking your Wolfsbane Potion?" he asked, though not in a way that could be construed as doting.
"What business is that of yours!" the werewolf said, incredulous as to how this question was supposed to be relevant.
"When was the last time you had it?" he continued to probe.
"I went to Hogwarts today to get my potion from Snape," Remus replied truthfully.
Kingsley continued to study him. "And before that?"
Remus started pacing in annoyance, still agitated by the screams he was hearing. "Last month, obviously! Do you know that Weasley girl spilled it all over me?" Lupin got a strange light in his eyes, and snapped his fingers. "It was Ginny!" he said as if it were a eureka moment.
"Yes, the Weasley girl we're all trying to find," Kingsley placated. "So when is the next full moon?" he asked, not diverted from his line of thought.
"In few days. Friday," Lupin replied with exaggerated patience. "Why are you talking to me like I'm a child? I've been doing this for a lot longer than I've known you!"
"You're off, Remus. Something just isn't right," Shacklebolt said with a growing sense that his friend was becoming unhinged slowly and completely. "Are you sure the potion is still working for you? Could you have gotten an immunity to it?"
"That's absurd!" protested Lupin, though inside his blood seemed to run cold. While Kingsley was certainly gifted in memory spells and many other high-level forms of magic, there was no way he could know that deep-seated doubt.
Trying to be the calm voice of reason, Shacklebolt said, "There are many things we still don't know about werewolves, and you're one of them. It is possible the potion isn't working."
"I don't have to stay here and listen to this," Remus fumed, walking angrily toward the door. "I'll be sure to tell Severus about your confidence in his potions-making skills."
"Remus," Kingsley warned, "don't walk away like that."
"I want to be left alone," he defiantly said before coming back to snatch the book away from Kingsley. "This is mine. Filius gave it to me!"
~*~*~*~

The Neil Finn quote in this chapter is from "Driving Me Mad," performed by Neil Finn on the album One Nil (the world outside North America) or One All (North America).
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Elemental Force