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A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy	By : AnasellaEmm Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 75943 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter related characters, places and themes belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury and Scholastic.

A/N: The chapter title comes from the song, �Rangers� by A Fine Frenzy. Again, thank you so much for the reviews!

Chapter 9: Further In and on We Go
Silence was the only answer to the Ministry representative�s inquiry.

�Very well, very well,� the older gentleman said joyfully. He pulled out his wand and procured the golden marriage certificate set in a scroll. He set it in front of Hermione and Draco.

�Draco Malfoy, if you are of sound mind, please, in front of all these witnesses, sign your name on the first line.�

Sound mind? Nope� sorry, buddy. I�ve been certifiably out of my mind since that first sip of Firewhiskey at Blaise�s nineteenth birthday party.

Draco signed his name with the peacock feather his mother had insisted they use. It was extravagant and gaudy and perfectly Narcissa.

�Very well, very well,� the representative said once Draco was through. �Hermione Granger, if you are of sound mind, please, in front of all these witnesses, sign your name on the second line.�

Hermione took the peacock feather from Draco and signed her name under his, hiding her startled reaction when the paper glowed and disappeared once she finished.

�Very well!� the representative boomed.

Draco closed his eyes to keep what minimal sanity he had left. If the fucker says �very well� one more time, I�m going to stab him in the eye with the peacock feather.

�I am honored to be the first to announce Mr. and Mrs. Draco Malfoy as husband and wife. Please, Mr. Malfoy, do kiss your new bride.�

Damn� I was hoping he�d forget.

Hermione and Draco� and half of the guests� turned to the sound of giggles coming from the front row. Zane and Wolf were laughing into their hands, unaware that they were disrupting the ceremony.

�They�re going to kiss� ewww!� Wolf told Zane.

�That�s yucky!� Zane reassured his friend. �My daddy would not do something that yucky.�

�Zane Malfoy,� Lucius�s slow, baritone drawl sounded from the front table. Zane looked up at his grandfather and immediately wiped the smile off of his face. Wolf, a smart lad, did the same. �Are you quite through with your silliness?�

Zane and Wolf nodded, wide-eyed.

Lucius nodded once and then gestured for the representative to continue.

�Daddy, don�t kiss mummy� it�s yucky!� Zane screamed, making his concerns clear to everyone.

Hermione�s cheeks felt tremendously warm, and she knew they must have been burning bright red for the world to see. Draco seemed ready to say something, as his cheeks were powder pink. If Hermione wasn�t mortified beyond belief, she would have thought he looked quite endearing.

Donny, sitting next to the boys, leaned close to them. �Mummies and daddies kiss all the time, Zane. It�s what they do. When you get married, you�re going to kiss your wife.�

Zane looked horrified, as did Wolf. �I�m never going to kiss a girl. That�s gross!�

Donny rolled her eyes. �Trust me; you�ll change your mind. Now, please stay quiet so that you don�t embarrass your parents any further. I am not to hear a peep from either of you. Is that clear?�

Zane and Wolf pouted and scratched at their clothes before nodding solemnly.

The Ministry representative laughed jovially. �Very well��

Draco gripped the peacock feather in his hand, accidentally snapping it in two.

�Now that the young ones have expressed their dire grievances against the wonderful show of affection, let us proceed. Where was I? Oh, yes. Please, Mr. Malfoy, kiss your new bride.�

You should have protested harder, Zane�

Hermione turned to her �dearly beloved� and gave him a pale smile. She didn�t know what happened, but one second she was preparing herself for what was going to be the most forced action she had ever displayed� and the next second, Draco�s lips were on hers.

Quick and simple. Good thinking, Draco. I wish I had thought of it. Wait, this is not quick� his lips are still on mine. And they�re warm� and soft� and oh, now they�re gone.

Hermione blinked quickly and settled her gaze on Draco who had turned away from her, standing up quickly. She realized their guests were applauding and stood up, too.

She felt disoriented, reeling from the brief, surprising kiss. Her lips felt itchy� she now understood how the boys felt in their tuxedos. Her skin burned from his touch and she had to resist the urge to press her fingers to her mouth.

Smiling faces and cheers of congratulations followed them as Draco maneuvered them through the guests back into the manor. The reception of the wedding would be held in the regal, east-wing ballroom.

�Why� why are you walking so fast?� Hermione panted as Draco dragged her through the empty halls of the manor, the guests slowly making their way in.

He suddenly stopped and she ran into the hard form of his body. �You idiot, warn me next time you stop,� she said, rubbing her nose which had come into violent contact with his shoulder blade.

�I forget your legs aren�t as long as mine,� he said calmly.

�How can you forget? I stand a head shorter than you,� she grimaced, noticing that he was still holding her hand.

He smiled sheepishly and rubbed at his hair. �I�m sorry; I had to get out of that garden� all the white and the flowers and all the people looking at us. It was incredibly awkward.�

Hermione stared at him, wondering why the pink hadn�t receded from his cheeks. �It was a bit awkward. Zane�s worry lifted the spirits a bit, though. It�s ok, now; you don�t have to go through that yucky experience ever again.�

Draco looked at her and smiled as she teased him, wondering how she could be so confident and not a shaking pile of nerves. His heart still hadn�t slowed down�. from running, of course, not from the soft, short kiss she had given back slowly� well, that�s what he was telling himself at least.�

�Thanks for remembering not to recoil in disgust,� he said, one corner of his lips up in a half-smile.

She laughed and suddenly took her hand from his, ignoring the loss of heat. �What are we waiting for?�

�All the guests must enter the ballroom and then we enter when the representative announces us. It�s lame and it�s unnecessary, but it�s how they do it.�

She took a breath and grabbed his hand back, lacing her fingers through his. He looked at her and then down at their linked hands. �Newlyweds, right. Can�t keep our hands off each other��

She stifled a laugh and nodded. �Are you up for it?�

�I�m just pretending I�m an actor� �All the world�s a stage��

��And all the men and women merely players�,� Hermione finished for him, her smile finding it difficult to leave her face. �Except, it�s just you and me as the players.�

�Right,� he nodded.

Two pattering sets of footsteps resounded from behind them in the massive hallway. Zane and Wolf ran up to them and each took a pair of legs to hug.

�Why did you kiss?!� Zane asked, sickened beyond his limited four-year-old vernacular. �It was a �isgusting!� he said, tripping over his words.

�Yeah, Unca Draco! It was yucky!� Wolf agreed.

�Because when you�re in love, you kiss,� Hermione explained. �You have to wait until you�re a grown-up to kiss.�

Wolf and Zane exchanged disgruntled glances. �Can we have cake?�

The randomness and velocity of their conversation changes were normal enough that Draco and Hermione sighed with relief that the kissing discussion was over.

�I told you not to go into the ballroom this morning,� Draco accused, knowing the boys had seen the massive white cake.

They looked to the ground, guilty looks on their faces.

Hermione sensed something was amiss. �Did you two already have some cake?�

�No!� they quickly defended, giving away any hope they had for convincing Hermione and Draco of their innocence.

�You know what the punishment is for lying, Z,� Draco said, his eyes narrowing in half-amusement, half-exasperation.

As usual, Zane unconsciously grabbed the seat of his itchy pants and quickly looked at Wolf, telling him in silent tones that the jig was up. A spanking was so not worth it.

�Only a little bit, daddy. It was so yummy!� he said hopefully.

Hermione and Draco looked at each other at the sound of Narcissa�s voice coming from the ballroom. �Zane Malfoy and Wolf Lupin, you get yourselves into this room right this second!�

Wolf and Zane looked up at the adults with worried glances. Gamma was pissed.

----------------------------------------

�I�ve never seen two people more in love,� Narcissa said, sighing dreamily as she spoke with two ladies she knew were married to Ministry workers. She had set out a plan to really help out her son: spreading the word and having fun while at it. She didn�t get many chances to act.

Mrs. Cartwright looked over at the newlyweds sitting near each other at the head table of the ballroom, sitting close to each other, Draco whispering something into Hermione�s ear, his arm around her shoulders.

�Young love,� she sighed. �I do congratulate you, Narcissa. Your son has married a beautiful woman and she looks like she makes him so happy.�

Oh, you simple woman�

�Yes, I am so delighted at the prospect of having Hermione finally join our family. She�s a great mother to my grandson and she makes my son happier than he�s ever been.�

Ease it back a bit. You don�t want to overdo it.

�Look at them whispering sweet nothings to each other like fresh spring lovers. She�s actually blushing. A blushing bride! How lovely,� Mrs. Sampson, the other lady, said.

Narcissa quirked an eyebrow, wondering what on earth those two were talking about.

--------------------------------------------

�Good guess, but Austin is the capital of Texas. Not Houston,� Hermione whispered back, trying to ignore the goose bumps that tried to erupt on her body from Draco�s proximity and the heat coming from his arm around her shoulders.

�But Houston is the largest city��

�True, but the capital is still Austin,� she replied. �Now, it�s your turn and give me a challenging one this time.�

�Ok. Tell me, what is the atomic number of Radium?� Draco asked. He hoped she didn�t catch the huskiness in his voice. But, damn it all, she smelled so sweet. Sweet and fresh, floral� and her skin was soft. So damn soft. Damn. Damn. Triple damn.

�Oh, good one,� she said, furrowing her brows and trying to picture the Periodic Table of the Elements. �It�s either 88 or 89� um, ok, I�m going with 88.�

�Damn, that�s right,� Draco mumbled. �Ok, your turn.�

Hermione thought for a second. �Name four classical Baroque musicians.�

Draco smiled. �You�re not even trying anymore, but I�ll answer you regardless. There�s Corelli, Purcell, Vivaldi, and Telemann.�

�I thought I�d trip you up on that one,� she sighed. �Your turn.�

�Name a position from the Kama Sutra,� he said, his lips lifted in a smirk.

�Draco!� she whispered harshly. �God, this is �boring facts and trivia�, not �pervert particulars�.�

She could feel her cheeks burn against Draco�s traveling fingers.

Why, oh why is he acting at this newlywed thing so well! I hate his caresses! I love them! NO! I hate them!!

�You�re blushing,� he laughed quietly. �This is fun.�

�You�re a stupid git,� she mumbled. �A wanker of massive proportions.�

�And you�re uptight and prudish,� he responded in her ear, causing her to suppress a shiver she didn�t want him to know he elicited.

�I am not,� she whispered back, forcing her lips not to form a scowl. People were watching.

�Then answer the question,� he shrugged; his whispers still warm against her neck and ear. �Unless� you don�t know the answer, thus giving me the win.�

She sighed angrily, the forced smile making her cheeks and lips twitch. �Fine. The Pair of Tongs.�

Draco burst out laughing and ignored the elbow in the ribs delivered by his new bride. �Ok, ok. You get two points for that one. Great answer.�

�Glad you have had your laugh, now we�re tied,� she said. �Lightning round.�

�What on earth are you two still doing sitting here?� Annabel Granger said from behind them. �It�s your wedding and you must go out there and dance!�

Hermione and Draco leaned away from each other and looked out towards the mahogany dance-floor where a few people stood socializing, dancing and having a much better time than the newlyweds.

�It�s ok, mum,� Hermione said, waving her hand in a casual manner. �We enjoy watching.�

�How can you not dance at your own wedding?�

�Easy; we just sit here and not dance,� Draco said, getting a scathing look from his mother-in-law.

�Darling, I believe it imperative that you dance at least the couple�s first dance,� Narcissa said, coming up to them with a look that said they had no choice.

Draco and Hermione internally groaned, knowing that it would help keep up the pretense of a love-filled marriage if they danced the traditional couple�s first slow dance.

�Now, hurry along and I�ll alert the string orchestra to play a song. Any requests?� Narcissa smiled softly, knowing that the newly-wedded couple was sending her evil curses in their minds.

�Whatever you�d like is fine, Narcissa,� Hermione said.

Draco held out his hand for Hermione as they made their way to the dance floor, all eyes on them.

Zane sat in his grandfather�s lap, Wolf sitting in the chair next to them and eyeing Lucius�s cane with the concealed excitement of a child aching to play with the shiny stick.

�Are they going to kiss again, Gampa?� Zane asked.

�Yes,� Lucius replied, knowing Narcissa would cause him bodily harm if he ruined the illusion of Hermione and Draco�s marriage. �They�re married now, Zane. When people are married, they kiss.�

�You and Gamma don�t kiss,� Zane replied.

How dare he question my amorous prowess...

�Yes we do,� Lucius replied.

�No, you don�t,� Zane shook his head.

�Yes, we do.�

�Nuh uh.�

�Yes, we do.�

�Nuh uh!� he insisted.

�Zane, we kiss all the time. You just don�t see us,� Lucius countered, wondering how he got sucked into the argument. �Now, stay quiet because your parents are going to start their dance.�

�Dance? Why are they going to dance?�

Lucius sighed and signaled for one of the servers to bring him a strong drink. �Because that�s what people do at weddings.�

�Can Wolf and me dance?�

�Not together,� Lucius quickly answered.

�Why not?�

Stop with the bloody questions!

�Because boys should not dance together.�

�Why?�

Count to ten, Lucius. Count to ten� steady now. You love him, remember?

�Because in most cultures, only girls and boys dance together.�

�Oh,� Zane replied, his brows furrowed in concentration. He had no idea what culture meant� but he had a feeling he had reached his question quota with his grandfather. �Are you mad at me, Gampa?�

The ice that usually surrounded Lucius�s exterior seemed to melt away when he looked down at his grandson, the one child he would move heaven and earth for. �No, Zane. I�m not mad at you.�

�Can Wolf and me dance not together, when they play the fun music again?�

�Yes. Why don�t you ask Gamma if she wants to dance with you?�

Zane�s face lit up and he jumped out of his grandfather�s lap just as the song for Hermione and Draco started.

----------------------------------

�If you put your hand any lower, I�m going to knee you in the groin,� Hermione hissed, waiting for the music to start as they assumed their position.

Draco tried to hide his devious smile, but it shined through. He obediently raised his hand higher up on her waist and squeezed her hand, which he was holding. �Newlyweds, remember.�

�I�ll make myself a widow if you don�t behave,� she said, staring up at him through narrowed eyes. �God, I wish everyone wasn�t looking at us. I feel incredibly uncomfortable.�

�Tell me about it,� he muttered. �When is the stupid music going to start?�

As if on cue, the first chord of the music began.

Hermione smiled softly as she recognized the piece and at the ease at which Draco floated around with her on the smooth dance-floor.

�Why are you smiling?� he whispered, leaning his head down.

�Beethoven�s Moonlight Sonata. It�s my favorite,� she said. �Your mother is very intuitive.�

�Oh,� he nodded.

�What song did you and Pansy dance to?� she asked, curiosity coursing through her.

�We didn�t,� he replied. �She was just at the end of her morning sickness when we got married� so, she spent most of the wedding making friends with the loo, cursing me and my potent sperm.�

Hermione laughed quietly, leaning her head against his shoulder, surprised that she felt so comfortable. I�m just playing the part of a happy bride. That�s all.

Draco stiffened when he caught a whiff of the subtle gardenia and jasmine scent wafting from her hair, so close to his face. If the song lasted any longer, he was going to have to move away from her and find a bucket of ice water to dump on himself.

Ok, Draco, think non-arousing thoughts: fractals and differentiation; Pansy bitching at me; walking in on my parents doing the nasty at the tender age of seven; the time Zane threw up on me; Professor McGonagall in a bikini� ah, that did it. I�m good to go.

The dance ended minutes later and Hermione hadn�t even noticed that she had been lost in her thoughts, her feet moving on their own accord, in perfect step with her partner. The soft applause from their guests and the rowdy cheers from Wolf and Zane concluded their round on the dance-floor.

Draco stepped back and bowed over her hand, kissing her knuckles softly.

The guests were eating it up.

Hermione, on the other hand, well, she suddenly realized that she wished this was all real. Not that she wanted to marry Draco Malfoy� good God, no. But, she had never really been in a committed relationship, one where someone loved her as much as she loved them.

Once the six months were over, she was going to finally get on track and find the perfect man for her. It was time for Hermione Granger� er� Hermione Malfoy n�e Granger, to find the man of her dreams and settle down!

She could last six months without killing herself or her new husband, right?

-----------------------------------

Draco tried not to curse as he saw the duo of dimwits, Potter and Weasley, approach the table he and Hermione were sitting at. They were scowling at him, naturally, and didn�t even bother to put on a fake smile until Hermione had looked up at them.

Just to taunt them, a favorite habit of Draco�s, he put his arm around Hermione and kissed her cheek, lingering there for a second, before turning back to Harry and Ron. �Come to wish us congratulations?�

Through gritted teeth, Ron spoke. �Congratulations, Hermione.�

Hermione smiled lightly. �Thank you, Ron. I�m really, really happy you decided to come today. I know you don�t much like the choice I�ve made, but the fact that you showed up really means a lot to me.�

Ron�s scowl softened and he gave her a small smile. �You look beautiful today, by the way. Mum and Tonks can�t get over it.�

�Of course she looks beautiful,� Draco said, having fun with the distraught looks they were giving him. �But, then again, I�m biased and think she looks beautiful every single day.�

Hermione had to stifle a laugh and subtly pushed the heel of her foot down onto Draco�s, warning him not to go overboard.

Harry and Ron frowned and looked as if the cake they had eaten was threatening to make a comeback. �Well, we�re happy that you�re happy, Hermione,� Harry said, ignoring the goo-goo eyes that Draco was making at her.

�Thank you, Harry. I really don�t want this to affect our friendship. You and Ron are my best friends and I could never live with myself if the two of you were upset with me,� she said, truly meaning it.

�We�re not mad, Hermione,� Ron sighed. �But did you really have to marry him?�

�I�m right here,� Draco replied with a glower. �At least wait until I�m gone before talking about me.�

�Oh, did I hurt your feelings?� Ron asked, rolling his eyes.

�Please, don�t start,� Hermione warned. �You can fight all you want later on, but right now there are other people around. Speaking of which, Remus and the twins look like they�re coming to give us their best wishes.�

The four of them turned to see the aforementioned men walking towards them. George had made it back to England from his honeymoon just in time for the wedding.

�Congratulations!� they said simultaneously, each leaning down to give Hermione a kiss on the cheek and to shake hands with Draco.

�This is a beautiful wedding,� Remus said.

�Thank you, Remus. I�m glad you made it,� Hermione said, repeating the same line she had said to at least one hundred other people. �I know Wolf is enjoying himself.�

�Yes, I believe I saw him running around with Zane trying to get an adult to undo their belts so that they could dispose of their itchy pants. I caught Fred here almost deciding to help them out and create a scene of two four-year-olds running around in their skivvies.�

�I�m half-convinced he put the idea into their heads in the first place,� George added with a wide smile.

�Well, I never!� Fred said in mock dismay before breaking out into an even wider smile. �But I do really like the way those two boys think. I have a feeling they�ll be giving George and me here a run for our galleons soon enough.�

If my son turns out to be like a Weasley, I�ll slit my fucking throat�

Draco smiled politely at the red-headed pair of idiots and turned to Remus who was asking him a question.

�So, where are the two of you going for your honeymoon?�

Hermione sounded as if she had choked on her own spit and Draco placed a hand at the small of her back to steady her. �We�ve actually decided not to have a honeymoon.�

She seemed surprised by his quick answer and then relieved that it was satisfactory.

�Who the hell doesn�t go on a honeymoon?� Fred and George asked together, bewildered.

�We just thought it best if we skipped ours. Besides, what we do on a honeymoon can be done anywhere� isn�t that right, my love?�

I�m going to kill you Draco Malfoy, hubby dearest. I�m going to kill you slowly and painfully.

�Isn�t he tactful?� Hermione said in a half-joking, half-serious comment directed towards him. She hoped the men around her caught the teasing lilt to her voice and she hoped her new husband caught the murderous intent in her tone. It was hard playing two parts.

�I bet you two can�t wait for tonight,� George smirked.

�Ok, we�re leaving,� Harry grimaced, pushing Ron away from the group and departing quickly. �Congrats and all that rubbish; bye!�

Now if only we can get wolfy and the carrot-top numb-nuts to go away, I�d be a lot happier. Oh, great, here comes my offspring and beasty�s spawn.

�Daddy!� the two boys cried out upon spotting their fathers.

�The cake is so yummy, daddy!� Wolf explained to his father, who had picked him up promptly upon his materialization. �Zane and me had ten pieces!�

�You did? How did you get these ten pieces?�

Zane answered this one. �So many peoples only eated a little bit of their cake so we finished them!�

�You ate the pieces of cake on the tables?� Draco asked, knowing fully well that his son and his son�s friend had just acted as garbage disposals.

�Yes! Some of �em had a little bit of cake and some of �em had a lot!� Wolf explained. �We ate so much and then Zane�s nana said that we can�t have any more cakes� my tummy hurts.�

�Me too!� Zane said, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. �But I don�t have to go potty. Only my tummy hurts.�

�Thank you for sharing, Z,� Draco replied. �Go find Poodle and tell him your tummies hurt and he�ll give you the right potion.�

The two boys slowly left the group, scratching at their bottoms and the backs of their thighs. They tried to sneak in another piece of cake on their way out, but Draco�s wand stopped them. Better luck next time, boys.

-------------------------------------

Draco turned off the light in his son�s room and closed the door quietly so as to not wake him up. It was almost midnight and all the sugar from the filched cakes Zane had eaten had finally worn off.

The sound of Hermione tinkering around in his� their� bedroom made him stop for a second and think about his day.

He was married for the second time and this wife didn�t like him any more than the first one did. This is where Draco�s belief in karma made an appearance. He had been a bit of a whiny bitch as a child and now the higher forces (whatever they may be) decided that he will never marry for love.

When this was all said and done, who would want to marry a twice-divorced, single father? Sure he was handsome as sin, if he did say so himself, but that wasn�t enough to find a real mother for Zane. A real wife for him. Someone who didn�t hate him. Someone who could possibly love him. Wouldn�t that be nice?

Pushing away those sensitive, never-to-be exposed-to-another-male thoughts, Draco knocked lightly on his door, irritated at the fact that he had to knock on his own door, but he didn�t want to walk in on anything less than a fully-clothed Hermione.

He was granted entrance and he walked in to find Hermione sitting cross-legged on her bed, flipping through a book. Draco tried to ignore her milky-white legs poking out of the basketball shorts she wore as pyjamas, but he was failing. Another wedding night for him spent in a lonely bed. Yippee.

Not that he wanted to sleep with Hermione� good God, no; but he was still a virile man with friggin� urges� and there was an attractive (he finally admitted it to himself) female in his room, sleeping only two bedside tables away.

NO! No thoughts like that. She is an employee and that�s it. Cold showers and your five-fingered friend have treated you well these past four years. Six more months is not going to kill you.

�Are you going to come in or are you going to stand there all night?� Hermione asked, looking up from the publication in her lap. �Is Zane sleeping?�

�Yes, he finally crashed after that insane sugar-high. I only hope my cousin is having a better time with Wolf,� Draco replied, pulling off his shirt and walking to his own queen-sized bed.

Hermione gulped and watched as her new husband revealed the expanse of smooth, broad chest she had never seen before. Why on earth was he taking off his shirt?

�You can tell me to get out if you want to change,� she said in a broken voice.

He looked at her with an eyebrow raised. �I�m not changing clothes. I�m going to bed.�

�Oh,� she said, biting her thumb. He sleeps shirtless?!?!!?!?!!? Please, please, please, oh God, don�t let him sleep completely nude.

�Don�t worry, I keep my pyjama pants on,� he said with a wily smile, lying down on his bed on top of the covers. �What are you reading?�

�The spring issue of the British Journal of Educational Psychology,� she said. �They have this great study this month about the learning habits of adolescents diagnosed with depression��

Draco snored and hoped she got the message.

�You�re an ass,� she muttered, going back to her article. �Ass-face.�

�I love you, too, wife,� he laughed.

�Don�t even joke like that,� she grimaced before smiling back at him. �God, I can�t believe I�m actually married... and to you!�

�Yeah, well, I�m completely knackered. I�m turning in. You can leave the light on to read, it doesn�t bother me.�

Hermione watched him get out of the bed and pull the covers down, catching a glimpse of his strong back and the muscles moving beneath the skin as he moved to get in the bed. Before he could catch her ogling him, she switched back to the periodical in her lap.

�Good night,� she whispered once he was under the covers.

He mumbled something back, already halfway to his final destination to a deep slumber.

She smiled softly as she heard his light snores and soon, she found herself droopy-eyed and cuddling into her own covers.

Well, Mrs. Malfoy, welcome to the next six months of your life.
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A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy