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The Affair	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Lucius/Hermione Views: 34511 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to HP or the HP Universe, no money is made from the publication of this fic. Only friends and smiles. =)

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Chapter Nine: A Touch Can Say So Much

Grief is the agony of an instant, the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life. - Benjamin Disraeli (1804 � 1881)

Lucius had noticed that Hermione seemed distracted since she came in that morning. She was quiet through lunch which wasn�t the norm for them. After dinner a few nights ago he debated on whether or not he had crossed the line when he called her husband a fool. It was the truth in his eyes but it didn�t necessarily mean that she wanted to hear it. He kept his distance, leaving her to work in silence, to work out whatever it was that weighed so heavily on her mind.

Late afternoon found them sitting comfortably on the library sofa discussing her progress and her ideas for an index to make it easier for him to find what he needed in the library. She was distracted, her heart not into it the way it usually was. He could hear the detachment in every word. What was going on with her?

They were interrupted by one of the house-elves carrying a note on a silver salver. Lucius stifled an apprehensive groan when his servant bypassed him and handed the letter to Hermione. She slid it from the tray and as the servant left the room she opened the letter with shaking fingers. He watched her as she skimmed over the contents then balled the parchment up in her hands.

She lunged from the sofa and went to the window, the parchment still clutched tightly in her hands. Everything about her body language screamed anger, her straight back, clenched hands and taut jaw all signs that she was tense. For whatever reason, this time her husband�s cancelation more than upset her.

�Working late?� Lucius asked, not sure what else to say.

�So he says.� She said through clenched teeth. He saw the tears begin rolling down her cheeks. �Today is Oliver�s first birthday. We were supposed to go after work to visit his grave. He hasn�t gone a single time to visit our son and now he has bailed on his birthday.�

�Maybe he just couldn�t, Hermione.� Lucius said, trying to rationalize what Ron was thinking.

�If Draco hadn�t made it, if you hadn�t gotten to him in time, would you avoid recognizing his birthday?� She asked quietly, staring out the window.

�No, I would not.� He said. She nodded as though she knew already what he would say. He wouldn�t have been able to stay away had it been his child. He would likely spend hours sitting in the cemetery staring at his child�s resting place.

Hermione heard him get up and walk into his study. He was giving her a moment to compose herself and she appreciated it. Her heart was breaking all over again as she relived that day over and over and over. Was she destined to relive her absolute worst moment every year for the rest of her life? Could she go through the extended life of a witch forever recalling that one, worst day?

�Shall we go?� Hermione turned around and saw Lucius standing in the doorway wearing his cloak and hat. Hers was draped over his arm and in his gloved hand he clutched his cane along with a bouquet of white orchids and a teddy bear with a blue ribbon around its neck.

�Lucius, you don�t��

�You should not go alone. Let me accompany you and celebrate your son.� He walked across the room and held out her cloak. The seconds that she stood there staring at him seemed to drag out forever before she finally accepted her cloak and donned it. She followed Lucius down the hall and out the door, simultaneously apparating to the cemetery in Godric�s Hollow.

Lucius walked slightly behind her as she weaved in and out of the headstones and made her way towards a shady little spot near a burbling creek. There, beneath the long branches of a weeping willow sat a marble stone. Swirls of silver, blue and gray were etched with the words:

Oliver Frederick Weasley

November 20, 2006

Our precious boy

Atop the stone lay a small carving of a sleeping child. Lucius stepped forward and laid the orchids and bear at the base of the stone, then stepped back. Grief was not something he was familiar with, but he could imagine the pain she was feeling as she knelt before the stone and bowed her head.

He could remember vividly how it felt to race through the halls of Hogwarts desperately searching for his son, fearing with everything in him that he would be too late, that his son would be wrenched from him before he could apologize, before he could tell him just how much he loved him. He could not imagine how hard it must be to have never had that chance.

�I didn�t get to hold him nearly long enough before they came to take him away.� She said, brushing the fallen leaves from in front of the marker. �It didn�t seem right. He looked like he was sleeping and for a few minutes I convinced myself that he was, they had made a mistake and he was just sleepy.�

Lucius settled onto the stone bench placed beneath the tree and listened. It seemed important for her to speak her piece. He suspected that she had never gotten the opportunity to do so before.

�He was so small, so light in my arms. He had a full, round face and tons of bright red hair. The coroner told me that his eyes were blue, but I never got to see for myself. We buried him in the little dress robes that were meant for his homecoming. They were light blue with tiny silver snitches for snaps.� She pushed her hood back from her head and began to trace the letters of his name slowly. �He was named for my father and for Ron�s brother Fred. We were already saving for his years at Hogwarts. I remember the flowers, so many flowers and I thought why? Why send flowers that he can�t see or smell? I remember the flowers from your family. Did you send them?�

�Yes. I contacted my greenhouse supervisor and instructed them to send an arrangement.� He said quietly.

�They were lovely. Lilies. You almost couldn�t see his casket for all the flowers. I couldn�t speak to anyone. I couldn�t stand the looks on their faces or the words meant to comfort. All of them staring at me, pretending to understand when there was no way in hell that they understood. We tried for five years to get pregnant, then like some miracle it finally happened. We were so happy. I quit my job, something I never thought I would do but suddenly being a career witch seemed trivial next to being a mother. We redecorated the house, set up the nursery, baby proofed everything, bought life insurance. We were so excited.� She sighed and let her hand fall heavily into her lap. �It was all gone so quickly. The happiness was just sucked out of our world in an instant. I didn�t know what to do for him. I didn�t know what to do for myself. We didn�t turn to each other for comfort like you would think. We turned in to ourselves instead and slowly but surely we drifted further and further apart. Now I don�t know if the gap can be closed.�

�It takes time, Hermione. For some it takes longer than others.� She kissed her fingertips and pressed them to the stone and he heard her whisper softly Happy Birthday, Baby. Mummy loves you before she got to her feet. Her shoulders shook with her sobbing and Lucius acted before he reasoned out his actions. He stood and pulled her into his arms, holding her against his chest and stroking her back gently as she wept into his shoulder.

He had never heard such painful noise as the sobs that were wrenched from her small, trembling body. Would she feel better when it was over or worse? Would he? In the time they had become friends they kept their physical contact to a minimum, he had never dreamed of holding her the way he was but nothing in the world would make him let her go. For the first time in a very long time someone needed him for something other than his money and while it was selfish of him, he reveled in it.

She was soaking his cloak with her tears but when she tried to pull away he held her tighter. She hadn�t realized how much she just needed to say it. How much she needed someone to just sit there and listen as she said all of the things that weighed on her heart. She had kept it inside, afraid to say anything for fear that it would hurt others, that they wouldn�t understand why she kept talking about the child she lost.

Of all the people in the world to open up to, why had she chosen Lucius? Had she actually chosen him? No, he had just stepped up when she had no one and given her what she needed. A willing ear and a friend. No one would ever believe her if she told them that the man who had once been her greatest enemy had turned out to be her greatest friend.

As her sobs eased she simply stood there in the comfort of his arms absorbing his warmth and his strength as she felt the lightening of her burden. He did not offer platitudes or reassure her that what she felt was normal, it wasn�t normal for a person to be expected to go through so much pain in one life and he wouldn�t lie to her. He was just there and that was what she needed.

He lowered them onto the bench where they sat side by side with her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around her back. Not a word was spoken between them for what seemed like an eternity. Her sobs turned to soft little hiccups and eventually to sniffles. He pressed a handkerchief into her hand and she wiped her tears and her nose with the square of silk. She finally sat up straight, took a deep breath and turned to look at the man who had given her the only bit of comfort that actually made a difference.

Their eyes met and she felt a jolt of something pass between them. Neither commented on it but both felt it and the confusion that came in its wake. He reached up and wiped away the tear that clung to her lashes, his thumb sliding over her cheek.

Something about her tugged at him. When he was with her he could almost forget the past, the evil that had directed his life and tainted his very soul. She offered him what no one else had, her forgiveness, her acceptance.

�How do you feel?� He asked, taking his hand away before the feel of her skin beneath his fingers became more than he could resist.

�Lighter, better.� She said shakily. She had felt his touch when everyone else�s left her numb.

�Good, the hour grows late, Hermione, let me escort you home.� He got to his feet and offered her his arm. He closed his eyes and bowed his head towards the monument saying goodbye to her son then slowly led her away, apparating them to her home. As expected they found the house empty and cold. �Would you like me to stay?�

Hermione looked at him, she wanted him to stay but knew that he couldn�t. It would not go over well were Ron to find him there.

�It is best if you don�t.� She said softly. �I will see you on Monday.� Lucius nodded and once she had closed the door securely he went back to his own, cold and lonely home immediately missing the warmth he felt with her near.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alright�last update till Friday =) though you might get it late as I am going to the midnight premiere of Twilight with friends then have to get up and go to work the next morning�should make for an interesting Friday =)

Well�the spark has fired between them, so now it begins��

LaBib � you were reviewing at the same time I was editing LOL I saw the review and had to go back and check to make sure that the edit took because I thought maybe it hadn�t. Thanks though =) I appreciate it

Lady Of Clunn - I think a lot of times men mistake closeness with sex. For a lot of them that is what intimacy is. I know after the twins it took me a long while before I could sleep with him again. It wasn�t that I didn�t love him or that I didn�t want to be with him, I just couldn�t. Much of Hermione�s emotions are my own and how I dealt with the situation. My husband, who is a clingy man by nature, made it rough because he was all over me all the time. Not sexually, just always needing to be near me, in my personal space, it was tough to give him what he needed when I just needed space, but eventually we got through it.

Jade � Thank you so much for the compliment, it encourages me to explore some of the plots I have had that make me nervous because they are outside my comfort zone.

Walls � Girl Talk is a �stress reliever� sort of fic for me, I left it open because random scenes come to me once in a while and I am able to knock out some PWP and ease some stress with it�.I CAN say without a doubt that more is coming for that one and probably soon as the scene I am planning is popping up more and more.

T Stevenson � Thank you. I am trying to explore outside my comfort zone in both my fan fiction and original stories. It isn�t easy, light and fluffy is where I am comfortable. However, I am discovering that angst can really be cathartic.

TheDuchess � how many times have I told you about licking Luci? LOL

Lyra Aphrodite Moon � Hey there, thanks for reading hon. I am glad to offer you a break from thesis papers�.going back for my Masters in Jan and not looking forward to that aspect of college�always hated writing papers, I preferred the labs and field work =) except in the morgue�.that was just nasty�.

Sampdoria � I cant get a feel for a fic in just one chapter, so that�s why I post 5�.I usually wont read until there are at least 5 so I can get a feel of if I am going to enjoy it or not. And you will never get an incomplete fic from me, ever. I refuse to post before its done. =) Everyone grieves so differently, Ron was based on my cousin, his baby was 6weeks old when she passed, she slid between him and the back of the couch while they were sleeping and �well, it was an accident, but I never slept with my babies in my bed after that. He threw himself into his work and ignored his wife�they almost divorced but counseling helped them and now they have 2 more children.

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The Affair