Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Never Mine	By : RynStar15 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 21248 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the characters therein and do not make any money or intend any copyright infringement by placing them here.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
A/N: Apologies for the wait, here is a nice long one for your patience!
...
"Hermione, what are we doing?" Ginny panted behind me as we tore back towards where we had come from. "I thought we were going to find Malfoy?"
"I think I have the answer, I just have to check, to make sure, it all makes sense!"
"What makes sense?" she cried as the portrait hole came into view. We were nearly there, meters away, when the world exploded. I heard Ginny scream as we were tossed like rag dolls, the walls of the castle shuddering, dirt and debris falling around us, the shaking never ending.
"Ginny!" I cried from beneath my arms which I'd thrown over my head in reaction, looking around for the younger girl. She looked up from the floor, her brown eyes wide with fear as terrified screams rent the air. We met each other's gazes, dread filling the dust-filled air between us as the reality of our situation was thrust upon us.
Time was up.
…
Two months and four days earlier…
I groaned at the sound of the alarm clock, knowing I'd only had a handful of hours of sleep and I was going to have to explain last night's debacle to the boys and listen to their griping about it for the rest of the day. Then there was the new tablet in Ancient Runes we were working on, the Arithmancy essay I hadn't even started on, and patrol again after dinner…
With a deep sigh, I rolled out of bed and hit the showers.
As predicted, Ron and Harry were nightmares about what had happened the night before and I was only able to shake them off at the door of my classroom and knew it was only because the full moon had been last night that they weren't running to Lupin to complain about Malfoy to him.
At lunch, I found out I had double patrol tonight as Derrick Drager was sick in the hospital wing for the third time in the past month and I still somehow had to squeeze in looking over Ron's D.A.D.A essay as I wouldn't have anytime tomorrow what with Draco's tutoring lesson and my midnight patrol duty, and then the Astronomy test on Thursday which I still hadn't studied for…
Needless to say, by the time I was sprinting toward McGonagall's office on Wednesday my head was everywhere but attached to my shoulders and I didn't hear the headmistress until she called my name for the third time.
"Miss Granger!"
"Oh, sorry, Professor," I apologized, whipping around from where I'd been about to step into the fireplace, juggling the homework assignments I had just picked up from Professor Vector for Draco. "What did you say?"
"I wanted to ask you about the progress you've made with Mr. Malfoy."
I finally lost the battle and dropped the papers and had to dive to gather them all in order again, using this as an excuse to hide my flaming face. "Er, well…"
The truth was the only "progress" I'd made with Draco was not something I was about to talk about with Professor McGonagall, or anyone else for that matter. "I-I think I'm starting to get through to him…"
He lips thinned. "And do you have any information you would like to tell me?"
"Er, well, not exactly…"
"What do you mean, 'not exactly?'"
"Well, nothing I can, can tell you…"
Her cold gaze froze my insides. "Nothing you can tell me? Miss Granger, I was under the impression you were doing all this to, in fact, tell me about why Mr. Malfoy is currently taking residence in the most dangerous place for the son of a notorious Death Eater to be. I had thought I made myself clear when I explained how important this mission is."
My head fell, I couldn't look her in the eye. I had never felt so ashamed. What was I doing worrying about an Astronomy test when the fate of the wizarding world may very well rest on these "sessions" with Malfoy? And what in the hell was I playing at kissing him when I was supposed to be interrogating him?
"I'm sorry, Professor. I promise I will try harder."
She said nothing else and I made my leave, hardly stopping to look at Kingsley who was buried under a mountain of paperwork. It humbled me to remember that everyone in the Order was giving everything they had to this cause on top of their regular lives. And here I was fretting about classes and neglecting my duties to the Order. Add to that the fact that I had spent more time snogging the damnable man than I had questioning him, and the Order might as well ship me off to Lord Voldemort for all the use I was to them.
Squaring my shoulders, I climbed the stairs with a newfound determination.
I walked in on Malfoy bent over tonight's Evening Prophet, his expression grim.
"What?" I asked wearily, almost not wanting to know simply by the look on his face. He pushed the paper to me and my stomach twisted at the headline:
NINE MUGGLES DEAD IN RAID
"Do you know who did this?" I asked breathlessly after I'd skimmed the article, sickened at the details the Prophet provided. "Heinously tortured…buildings decimated…their bodies hung grotesquely from 'telephone' wire…three under the age of six...their remains unidentifiable…"
He nodded, his expression grim.
"Who?"
He stared at me for a long moment, as if sizing me up.
"Please," I implored, taking a step towards him so he could see the pain on my face. "These were innocent people, they didn't do anything…"
After a long moment, he crossed his arms and sighed. "Band of thugs, go by the name of 'Snatchers.' Heard of them?"
I shook my head and he scoffed.
"No reason you would. Bunch of miscreants. Headed by a man named Scabior. Special friend of my aunt's."
I shuddered harshly at the implication behind his words. If they were run by Bellatrix, then the article in the paper had hardly given what those poor people had suffered justice. I steeled myself.
"Have…have you ever done something like this?" I asked softly. My gaze never wavered from his as he continued to stare at me, debating whether or not he should answer me. Slowly, he nodded again.
I felt ill. I had been so sure, so absolutely sure, that he had been innocent. A prick, maybe, but not really a part of this.
"Have you…have you killed anyone? An innocent?"
"What do you think?" His tone was flat, cold, foreboding.
"Yes," I whispered, seeing the horrors in his eyes.
"Then there you are."
I had to swallow several times to keep the bile from rising up. "Why?"
The laugh that was forced from his lips was hollow and echoed around the suddenly tense room. "That's the question, isn't it?"
I said nothing and dropped the paper onto the bed, my hands shaking.
"Rethinking your decision to tutor me?" he drawled.
"No," I said, forcing myself to meet his stare so that he could see the sincerity behind my words. "No, Malfoy. My decision today is the same as it was that day on the battlefield, the same it was when I wanted to help you with your studies. My reasoning is the same. I know you aren't like them. I just thought, hoped…"
"Did the perfect little Know-It-All really think a Death Eater could get through without killing?"
"So, you are-?"
"Of course I am," he sneered, leaning back against the wall. "Dear old daddy was ever so proud. Youngest since Regulus Black. What an honor."
His voice was scathing, eating into my skin like a disease.
"Sure makes you wish the other night had never happened, doesn't it? Makes you feel dirty to know those lips you were so hungry for have uttered the words to end an innocent's life."
"Stop it," I breathed, the air seeming to have left my lungs, my stomach lurching at the vivid memory.
"What would poor Potty think, knowing you've been spending your evenings rolling around with the enemy?"
"Stop," I begged, my voice stronger this time. I couldn't think straight, images of myself wrapped in his arms blurring with that picture I'd seen in the Prophet, this time with those poor, mutilated children at his feet…
"Little Miss Mudblood, beloved by all, working ever so hard to help the Order when behind all of their backs she's snogging a murderer, wishing he'd take her, getting wet just thinking about him at night…"
"Stop! Stop it!" I covered my ears; unable to stand another word, but he just launched to his feet and tore my hands away, forcing me to look up at him, his hard, dead eyes stealing the breath from my lungs.
"How does it feel to know these hands have tortured, murdered, ruined the lives of countless others? These hands are the reason Dumbledore is dead and you let them touch you, you let them fill you-"
"Shut up!" I screamed, trying to pull away, but he held me still his face a mask of hatred.
"And you'd let them touch you again, because you know you want me. You wish just as much as I do that no one had come back the other night, that we had finished what we began-"
"Let go of me!" I screeched, my head throbbing with the weight of the accusations he thrust at me. And he was right, every single word. I wanted him with an intensity I'd never felt before, an intensity that frightened me as much as it thrilled me. If he were to kiss me now I knew I would succumb, no matter what he'd done. He had a hold on me, had, ever since I'd torn off that damnable mask as he lay at my mercy in a field of cracked ice and steaming blood. Ever since I'd seen in him the very same desperation I felt, that desperation for all this to be over, one way or another, for everything to just be done and for life to go back to life instead of war and murder and fear, all-consuming fear…
The thought of that man I'd seen the other night- the one who had snapped at the thought of me in danger, taking it out on my lips and my body- raising his wand to take the life of an innocent, rolled my stomach and I wrenched away and fell to my knees, fearing I might be sick.
The images tortured me, one after another, as my nails dug into the ancient hardwood, breaking as I fought for purchase in my completely up-ended world. He's given me a glimpse the other night, just a moment of such pure, unadulterated bliss, only to rip it to pieces, to throw it back in my face, reminding me that my life was not one meant for joy, but only for the soul-breaking anguish this world had to offer.
"Why?" I ground out through clenched teeth. If he was going to take this from me I damn well deserved a reason.
"Why?" he scoffed. "Why do we do anything, Granger? We are given the lives we are meant to lead and some…some do it better than others." His voice sounded empty, distant.
I pushed myself back to sit on my heels heavily and looked up at him. "I have to see it. I have to know."
He said nothing but folded back the sleeve of the button up shirt on his left arm, revealing the shadow of a skull, a snake protruding grotesquely from its mouth. The damning evidence shot through me like a lance but I forced myself to look at it, that mark that put him against me, that proved he hated everything about me-no matter what his body might say otherwise.
Harry had been right. It was why he'd snapped at Madam Malkin in the robe shop, what he had shown Borgin to scare him into keeping the Vanishing Cabinet safe. The image, rather than upsetting me further, only steeled my resolve that I'd felt coming up here tonight. He was who he was. The fact that I desired him changed nothing. He was a Death Eater. And I was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. We were from different sides of the war and yet here we were, shoved into a tiny room with nothing between us but the past.
I stood, ashamed of my behavior. I finally had information for the Order, but it was only the beginning.
"Why did you leave?"
To say he looked shocked at my words would be an understatement. You'd have thought I'd smacked him across the face with a two-by-four. His face suddenly went blank and he straightened. I could see he was about to disappear to a place where I'd never reach him, but I wouldn't allow it, not this time.
"That night on the field, you chose the Order. You chose us. Why? What has changed?"
"What makes you so sure anything has changed, Granger? How do you know I wasn't just trying to keep you from killing me?"
"You didn't fear death, I saw it in your eyes. You were just as exhausted as I was that night. It would have been a relief, you were thinking it, I know you were. Until I gave you a choice. Then you felt it again, that spark of hope. You've had plenty of chances to leave since that night, more than enough information to take back to them, more than enough chances to kill me, others, torture us, interrogate us, steal our secrets. And yet you stay, you study, you kiss me. Why?"
He shook his head, and I knew I was getting to him.
"You don't have to be afraid anymore, Draco." The sound of his given name from my lips snapped him to attention. "We're going to take care of you, no matter what you've done. It's what you do from now on that matters. You chose to desert, to join us. Tell me why."
He looked suddenly frightened, like a cornered animal and I worried that I'd pushed him too far. "Why, so you can run off and tell your Order friends? So they can get what they want out of me and use me as another pawn in your sick games and then kill me when they're through? So you can justify the reason you took pity and brought me here? To make you feel better about wanting me? Why, Granger, why the fuck should I tell you?"
I stepped forward slowly, the anger and fear radiating from him telling me I should proceed with caution. "I can help you, Draco."
"I don't need your help," he snarled.
"You don't have to do this alone."
"You don't know anything-"
"You're right, I don't. But if you tell me-"
"What part do you still not get, Granger? You-will-never-understand! This shit is so beyond your pretty little world-"
"You think I don't understand?" I snapped, my own anger threatening to boil forth, but I kept it in check, knowing that if I tread carefully, if I used it carefully, I might learn the reason, finally, for his desertion. "My pretty little world at one point consisted of your sick aunt using me as her own personal plaything! Oh, she sure loved her Mudblood, didn't she? But you know all about that, don't you? If I recall correctly, wasn't it you who she brought down for one of her little shows? Yes, I seem to remember begging you to help me, to get me out of there!" I saw the pain cross his face at the memory and knew I had him right where I needed him, disgusted at his role, disgusted at this life, willing to do anything to change it. Now it was time to put everything on the line and I prayed I didn't damn us all in the process.
"My pretty little world is full of nights sleeping on the ground, eating roots and rotten berries for months to survive while battling your friends every other day as we searched for those precious bits of your master!"
He jerked at that, his face registering the unexpected blow. His jaw dropped infinitesimally, his fists loosening at the shock of my words.
"You-you know?" he whispered as if hardly daring to believe.
"About the Horcruxes?" Please don't be making a huge mistake, Hermione. Please don't be a spy for them Malfoy, please… "Of course we do! Who do you think destroyed them? Who do you think-"
"Enough."
My heart dropped as he hardened once more, turning into that terrifying statue of a man, closing himself. No…
What have you done?
"Malfoy…"
"Get out."
His jaw was tight, revealing nothing, but his eyes were suddenly bright and I could see beads of sweat gathering at his bangs. He wiped a shaky hand over his mouth suddenly, a crack in the exterior. "Go, please, just get out-"
"Malfoy, what is going on? What are you hiding?" I was losing him quickly, I'd just given him everything he needed to bring us down, I had to cling on with anything I could, I had to fix this.
"Get out of it, Granger. This isn't to do with you."
"It has everything to do with me! With everyone! Please, just let me help you." I reached for his hands, trying to draw on the connection we'd had the other night, but he stepped back as if I'd brandished a sword at him.
"Don't come back," he warned. "If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away. Now go."
He grabbed me roughly and yanked me out the door despite my useless protests and struggles. I rounded at him but ended up with arms full of my bag and a door slammed in my face before I could make a noise edgewise. I knew there was no use banging on the door and forcing my presence upon him. He'd never tell me anything now and I had other things to deal with right this moment; his pain would have to wait.
Wrenching myself away from the haunted man just beyond my reach, I thundered down the stairs, hoping I wasn't making a huge mistake.
I skid to a stop in front of Kingsley who glanced at me with raised brows.
"Problem, Miss Granger?"
"I don't know yet," I admitted. "Could you please just keep a closer eye on Draco for now? Especially the window. I'm scared he might…" I chewed on my lip as my words failed me. How could I tell the Minister of Magic that I was worried Draco Malfoy might run back to the Death Eaters and tell them about the Horcruxes which I'd leaked to him in hopes he would tell me something in turn but had instead tossed me out on my ass again and told me to never return?
"I'll make sure everyone is aware of your concerns. I'll ask Alastor to come in tonight."
"Thank you," I said, relieved. Mad-Eye could keep a wandering eye on him.
When I stepped into the circular office, Lupin was sitting on a chair before McGonagall looking exhausted. Their conversation ended abruptly.
"Yes, Miss Granger?" McGonagall asked, all sternness from earlier having vanished, replaced with a drained acceptance.
"I have some information."
She looked surprised, but pleased, and I reminded myself that this was why I was here. As Malfoy had said, we were given the lives we were meant to have. This was mine.
"Then by all means, please take a seat."
I sat in a chair next to Lupin and sucked in a deep breath. I started with the information about the Snatchers, the two of them pleased with my detective skills as they had yet to put names or faces to the senseless murders.
"I'll get that information to the Aurors immediately," McGonagall said. "Hopefully we can see an end to their reign. Was there something else you wished to discuss?" she questioned, eyeing me.
"Draco is a Death Eater."
"You are certain?" McGonagall asked anxiously.
"He showed me his Mark. I'm thinking since at least the summer before our sixth year. I have a feeling killing Dumbledore would have been something like his initiation. But there's more." Both the older adults seemed to lean forward so as not to miss a word. "He's killed. He admitted to it. But I have reason to believe he wasn't doing all this of his own accord. He seemed sickened when he told me. Besides, look at how he was acting all last year; the fact that he couldn't murder Dumbledore and the attempts…you can't pretend that they weren't pleas to be caught."
"Yes, Dumbledore always said Mr. Malfoy's heart was not in it," McGonagall nodded, looking up into his snoozing portrait, the wizened man refusing to look up though he was obviously listening.
"And I know he's hiding something, something big… I think it has to do with the Horcruxes." I looked at them nervously, knowing I couldn't hide this from them though it killed me to admit my enormous err of hoping my admission might lead to his. I'd been a fool, as I always was when it came to him it seemed.
"The Horcruxes?" Lupin asked apprehensively. "But we found them all, we have them, what could he possibly know that's important?"
"I think he knows something more, something we must have missed. I don't know what it is, but when I mentioned them he snapped." I felt ill, knowing that I'd betrayed the Order by telling him about the Horcruxes. But if something happened, if he escaped, if he sold us out, they needed to know the danger we now faced and my stomach twisted with dread at the horrified expressions on their faces.
"You told him we had the Horcruxes?" McGonagall choked, grabbing at her throat while Lupin looked at me as if I'd grown two heads.
"I know what you're thinking and I know it was really risky, but in order for him to trust me he needs to know I'm willing to share information with him, too. He's upset right now, but I'm sure he'll come around-"
"Hermione, this was an extremely risky route to take," Lupin said sternly, his eyes dark with his reprimand. "If he escapes, if he tells them, it will compromise everything we have been working for!"
"He won't, trust me!" I exclaimed, even though I didn't trust myself. "I know it sounds mad, but I have every reason to believe he's on our side, however reserved he seems. Put more people on him if you need to, but he won't leave, not now. Give him time to process, I know he wants to help, he'll come around."
I knew I sounded mental, but there was nothing more I could do to get them to realize, not until Malfoy opened up to me. I knew that whatever he was hiding could turn the tide of this war and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
And I pretended it was simply for the cause.
…
I didn't get a foot into Draco's room on Friday, no matter how much I pleaded, and I couldn't help but feel that we were right back exactly where we started. I could magic my way in, but I knew better. I had just scared him with my declaration and he needed time to process, to sort through his emotions. Why, I didn't know, but I was hot on the trail.
Every moment that wasn't devoted to the boys, homework, or patrolling, I was reading the books Lupin had found for me, growing more and more frustrated with every page I turned. Nothing seemed to explain why Malfoy would be having these recurring pains. Most of the books were about how to perform sickening spells, few of which had counter-curses. I kept my eye out for anything that had to do with ongoing stomach cramps and, meanwhile, I re-read the Horcrux books I had taken from Dumbledore's office at the beginning of our search, not really believing it would help me, but I had to feel like I was doing something.
Monday was the same. He refused to allow me entrance and while I knew I could blast down his door it wouldn't lead to anything but another row. He needed to come to me. So I simply slipped his work under the door and returned dejectedly to the castle.
I still hadn't told Ron and Harry about what I'd learned; they were too busy trying to finish all their work before the Christmas holidays. So, as the school swarmed the Great Hall on Tuesday morning I convinced them to join me on a trek down to the lake during our free period in an effort to clear my mind.
Their talk was on Oliver Wood who hadn't shown up for his last match against Ireland and was reported to be missing.
"I just wish I knew why he didn't die!" Harry moaned again. It was a usual discussion amongst us.
"I really don't know, Harry," I replied, bracing myself, knowing I couldn't keep this from them forever. "But I think Malfoy might…"
As expected, they rounded on me while we trudged around the frozen lake, the giant squid frolicking beneath the ice, following us like a faithful pet. I explained about the reaction he had when I told him about the Horcruxes (and of course we went on a total free-fall of what a mad idea it was to tell him about them). I even hesitantly told them about his pains (after making them swear to secrecy), although their ideas were much like mine; a brutal curse which continued to trouble him. The three of us were quiet for a while, the snow crunching beneath our feet. I looked up into the grey sky and wondered if Malfoy was on the roof looking up, too.
"Reckon he was cursed after finding out something Voldemort didn't want him to know?" Harry suggested.
I sighed. "It's the only thing that makes sense. Why else would he have been cursed so brutally? Surely a simple mistake wouldn't warrant such a punishment…"
"I dunno, You-Know-Who must have been pretty mad when Malfoy didn't off Dumbledore," Ron said.
"Ture, but it seems like a recent curse," I replied, chewing over my words as I spoke. "He wasn't experiencing these symptoms when he first came, it's almost like it's compounding, worsening each day…"
"So a new curse which made Malfoy run…" Harry mused. "What if he found out where another Horcrux is? Voldemort caught on and tried to kill him but didn't get a chance for some reason?"
"D'you think there could be another one?" Ron asked, beginning our never-ending conversation once more.
"I don't know, but it would fit," Harry fretted. "Though Dumbledore said he didn't think Voldemort would be able to do it more than he already had…"
"Yes, well, no one thought a person could split their soul more than once, but here we are," I stated, rubbing my freezing hands together to bring feeling back into them.
"Dumbledore did also say that Voldemort had gone beyond the normal evil," Harry agreed. "Maybe he knew about this?"
"Yeah, maybe that's why he was trying to get Malfoy to join our side last year!" Ron exclaimed.
"You're right," Harry agreed. "And he was going to. Up on the tower." We knew how hard it was for Harry to talk about that night. I myself felt my throat clogging up when I remembered Harry's hollow words as we all stood in the dark hospital wing. "Malfoy would never have killed him. He was going to come over. He had lowered his wand." Harry stopped walking, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "I never said anything, I was too angry at the time. But he didn't want to go."
"What, Dumbledore-?" Ron asked.
"No, no, Dumbledore was ready to go. You saw the memory Snape left us. No, Malfoy. He didn't want to go with the Death Eaters. He looked…terrified when they joined him on the tower. I actually felt sorry for him. Snape had to drag him away. And when Dumbledore fell...he looked like I felt. Like his every chance was gone. That must have been why he went with them. He thought there was nothing left for him."
My heart constricted in my chest at the thought. How scared must he have been? Voldemort threatening him with his family, his life, only to be given another chance and have it taken away just as fast. The dark hopelessness that he exuded suddenly made sense. The only person from our side who had ever given him a chance was gone.
Not anymore. More than ever, I was determined to show him that I was here, that we were here, that he could trust us, the only family he had now.
"I-I have to go," I stuttered, leaving the boys calling for me by the lake. I slipped and slid up to the castle, fourth-years with a free period throwing snowballs, making forts. It was all so…ordinary. I felt isolated, like I was intruding on a world in which I didn't belong.
It was hard not to feel that way, not when an entire group of people were trying to erase my kind from their society. I remembered how I struggled before Hogwarts. I had always been different. I knew I was ugly; kids never liked me because I was too brainy and I tended to make things…happen. Of course then I had no idea what it was, but when Dumbledore showed up on my doorstep and told me and my parents about Hogwarts, I had been so happy. Finally, there was a place I could belong. And then on the train ride I ran into Malfoy as I was looking for Neville's toad and he'd sneered at me for being a "Mudblood" and explained that I wasn't a real witch. It had shaken me to my core, wondering if maybe that Dumbledore man had been wrong about me after all…
As the weeks dragged on I tried so hard to fit in, to prove that I was a witch, to learn more than those who had been born into wizarding families. I read every book I could get my hands on, excelled in my classes, but I only succeeded in pushing my classmates further from me instead of impressing them.
That Halloween with the troll had been the best night of my life. It had brought me Ron and Harry. The rest of the school could mock me (and most still did) as long as I had them by my side. I had often felt Harry and I were similar, with the exception being that he was burdened by an impossible destiny, one we learned about together. There was nothing I wouldn't do to get him through this. Nothing. And no one would stand in the way.
But Draco, how could I have known? He'd been trapped for so long in a world he despised but he had never known anything else, just as growing up with Muggles had never taught me about a different world until it was presented. His actions as a child made so much more sense now.
"We are given the lives we are meant to lead and some-some do it better than others." It seemed he wasn't happy with his conduct in the life he was handed. Obviously, he was looking for a new way.
And I was damn well going to give him one.
"Miss Granger, is there something you needed?" McGonagall asked when I entered her office, setting aside a heap of papers she was busy grading.
"I just need to talk to Draco," I admitted.
"It can't wait until your session tomorrow evening?" she asked, her eyebrows raised.
"No, it can't. Is it alright if I-?"
"If you believe it will help, then by all means. We need that information, Miss Granger."
"I understand."
"If you could give this to Alastor for me?" She handed me a sealed scroll.
"Of course, Professor. Thank you." I stepped into the grate and landed in the kitchen of headquarters where Moody was clunking back to the table twisting the cap on his ever-present flask.
"Miss Granger," he said for a greeting.
"Good morning. I have this from Professor McGonagall," I said, handing him the note.
"Ah, yes, much thanks."
He slumped into a chair with a groan, stretching out his wooden leg, and began to read. I hovered nervously, twisting my gloved hands before yanking them and my hat off. "Is he...how has he been?"
Mad-Eye gazed at me for a moment, measuring me up, and my stomach twisted in humiliation when I remembered the scene he'd caught us in, but I stood my ground as if I hadn't the faintest idea.
When he spoke, his voice was low, his wild blue eye fixed on the floors above us where Draco must be prowling around. "Restless. Seems to be in a good amount of pain. Don't worry; I haven't said anything to the rest. If you haven't deemed it prudent to tell the others, I'm assuming there's a good reason for it, Miss Granger."
"There is," I promised. "And he hasn't tried to-to leave?"
He grunted. "No. He spends enough time on that roof, though. Can't say I blame him, cooped up in this place too long. Reminds me of Sirius."
It felt as though a heavy stone was dropped into my stomach. Yes, he was a lot like Sirius. A man meant for action hidden away like an animal. It was enough to drive anyone mad.
"Thank you, Mad-Eye," I said sincerely.
"Speaking of which, I'll keep that trained down here. Merlin knows I've seen more than my share with the damn thing."
I blushed crimson. "It's not like that-we're not-"
"I'm not sayin' whether you are or not and I certainly don't want to know. Just keep yourself to yourself and I'll do mine."
I didn't know what to say about this, mortification temporarily wiping my mind blank. I stammered something about going upstairs and he chortled.
"He's in the drawing room, reading like always. Constant vigilance, Miss Granger."
I managed a jerky nod and made my way to the first floor. I peered in the door which hadn't been fully shut but merely left to sit against the frame. He was leaning against the window sill, a heavy book in his hands, not one I had given him for classes, but one that nobody had been able to remove from the bookshelf against the far wall.
"How did you get that off the shelf?" I asked as curiosity got the better of me, pushing the door open and stepping into the room. There was an air of neglect, a musty smell of dust and decaying wood. Malfoy looked up at me and simply stared as if he didn't believe I was actually standing before him.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class?"
"I need to talk to you," I said, bravely taking a few steps closer. "Look, I didn't mean to upset you the other night."
"You didn't upset me." He snapped the book shut and replaced it haphazardly on the bookshelf and made to stride past me. I longed to know how he'd managed to remove one of the dark books which had, until now, been glued stubbornly to their shelves, but shook the thought from my head.
"Then why are you avoiding me?" I asked, grabbing his arm as he passed, but he simply shook me off and continued up the stairs. "Malfoy, please, just talk to me!" I begged, following him up the stairs.
"There's nothing to talk about, Granger, and even if I there was, what makes you think I'd talk to you?" he hissed contemptuously.
"Like there is anyone else on this planet who would listen to you anyway, you arrogant, selfish, infuriating-"
"Yes, Granger, you seem to know just the way to get a person to open up," he chided, charging up the next set of stairs while I puffed along behind him.
"You won't listen any other way, I might as vent while I have your ear," I panted, having to jog to match his strides which took him up two steps at a time.
"Out of shape much?" he sneered as he finally reached his landing.
"A bit," I admitted. "Malfoy, please just-"
BANG!
I stumbled back as the door slammed in my face once again.
Breathe, he's just upset, scared, alone, I reminded myself when the urge to curse him into the Dark Ages threatened to overwhelm me.
"Will you just give me a chance? Please, have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?" I knew the Silencing Charm he'd somehow placed was preventing me from hearing anything within the room so it was hard to judge what he was doing. I just hoped he was standing on the other side of the door, listening to my words, because I wasn't going to break down his door, not this time. This time he was coming to me.
"Why do you think I saved your neck out there? I could have killed you, I killed the Death Eater I fought right before you. But I didn't, I couldn't. Haven't you ever wondered why? Why I've never questioned my decision, why I kept coming back to you even when you pushed me away? It was because…because I saw in you what I felt in me. You didn't want to be on that battlefield any more than I did and if I had killed you it would have been…a relief." I sighed. "Trust me, I've thought the same thing dozens of times."
I leaned my weary head against the door, closing my eyes, envisioning him standing inside, wishing I could reach him. "Tell me what I can do to help you. You don't have to suffer this world alone. You and Harry have that in common. Both of you seem to disregard my assistance, both of you have some sick idea that you're the only ones in the world who hurt, who have been through hard times. Maybe you've had it harder than us all, maybe you've been through more than I will ever understand, but you don't have to keep it inside where it will eat you up. I know about that, trust me. I know what it's like to be in such a dark place that you don't think you'll ever feel happy again. But you can, Draco. You can be happy, you deserve to be happy. It doesn't have to be like this."
I recalled my own struggle back to sanity, the darkness I'd nearly let consume me. But Harry had been there, and Ron and Ginny and Mrs. Weasley and Neville and…the list went on and on. I'd had so many people to root for me, a reason to return. A reason to keep fighting. Malfoy had no one anymore, no reason to come back from the brink. Except for me.
"I'm so sorry for everything you've been through," I said lowly, determined to show him, one last time, that if he reached his hand out, it would be met with another's. "I can't imagine what it's like. You're so far from home, from everything you've known. Right or wrong, they were your family and now you may never see them again. No one should have to suffer that, no one should be without family. Let me be yours, let us be yours. We'll stand by your side, we'll help you through this, I will help you through this. But I can't unless you let me in. Tell me how to help you and maybe…maybe I can make it better."
The silence was deafening. What more could I do? How could I make him see that he could trust me? And how could I beg him to trust me when I was essentially selling him out to the Order? Even if it was for his own good, our own good, the good of the world, it was his trust to give and one I was loathe to break.
I waited what seemed like ages before letting out a defeated sigh and backing away from the door, staring at it as if willing it to open before turning to leave.
The slick sound of metal on metal as he turned the handle was enough to make my eyes well up. Finally, there he stood, silhouetted in the frame, the room lit from a solitary lamp, the curtains drawn against the grey sky outside. He looked so lost, so abandoned, that it made my heart ache.
"Why are you doing this?" he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. All his anguish, so long tampered down, was threatening to burst forth.
"Because I can't let you carry this burden alone," I murmured, his pain my own. "I care about you, Draco. Surely you know that?"
His face screwed up, holding back tears that needed to fall. On a burst of courage, I eased through the door and wrapped my arms around him, holding him while he stood stiffly, knuckles white where he was clenching the door and frame, fighting for control. I only held him tighter when I felt him tremble, burying my face against his chest, my fingers fisting in the fabric of his shirt.
And then he was holding me back, so hard it seemed he was trying to meld us together, his face in my hair, his body shaking with suppressed sobs. I hung on to him, saying nothing, letting my comfort pull him from the depths. His body seemed to fold within itself and we sank slowly to the floor where I held him all the harder, his face pressed into my neck, his tears slipping down my shirt where I swallowed his pain. My own tears threatened, my throat burning.
"I'm here, Draco," I breathed. Who was the last person to hold him like this? To comfort him when life was too much to bear? I somehow couldn't imagine Crabbe or Goyle reassuring him and his mother had never quite seemed the maternal type to me. Had anyone…ever? With that morbid thought my grip tightened and I rocked him gently.
The moment was shattered when he cried out in agony as another one of his pains ripped through him, his body seizing as he screamed and I tried to keep hold of him. He twisted in my arms, his head whipping back as he strained against the anguish. I pulled him closer to me, his back against my chest, murmuring comforting words into his ears. His hands clenched my wrists, grounding himself, until he was gasping, slumping onto my legs, spent. I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder, similarly exhausted from trying to still him.
"Granger," he croaked, his voice like nails as residual tremors wracked through his body. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You have no idea…the things I've done…this is my penance, and it will never be enough..."
"Don't tell yourself you deserve this, don't you dare," I said firmly. "You are not a bad person, Draco, and whatever atonement you feel you need, this is not it."
"You don't understand…"
"Then help me to," I urged, brushing back his sweaty bangs. His eyes closed on a shudder.
"I can't bring you into this. I can't…"
"I can handle it, I'm a big witch," I smiled. He just hung his head more, trying to get his breath back. "How often does this happen?" I asked. Maybe if I got him on a related subject we would circle back to the reason.
"Few times a day," he grunted. "Maybe more."
My stomach twisted, imagining him going through this several times a day. "How bad is it? The pain?"
He was quiet so long I thought he had fallen asleep, but when he finally spoke, his voice was so agonizing it sliced through me like a dagger to the heart.
"Unbearable."
I slid my head into the crook of his neck where it was hot, slick with sweat, and just breathed him in. He disentangled an arm and brought his hand to the back of my head, holding me there, his fingers twisting into my hair. I could feel the unspoken gratitude and held him tighter.
I don't know how long we sat there. Minutes. Hours. It seemed an eternity in which everything between us, six years of loathing, of fighting, a lifetime of differences, seemed to simply melt away through the cracks in the floorboard and we were left with only each other, broken and complicated as we were.
Another seizure overtook him and as he writhed and screamed I broke, grabbing my wand and Summoning a Pain Potion, catching it with my wand hand as the other arm continued to hold the anguished man against me in solidarity. I unstoppered it clumsily and brought it to his lips, urging him to drink, some of it dribbling to the floor through his clenched teeth. As soon as the first few drops kicked in, he calmed enough to swallow more, drinking greedily until I'd given him easily double the usual dose.
His gasping slowed, his body growing limp as the pain ebbed and he let out a tired laugh.
"Bloody fucking hell, Granger," he said, his voice gruff from yelling. "I could kiss you for that."
I blushed furiously as images of being thoroughly snogged against the bathroom wall flashed across my mind. "That's not necessary…"
He grinned, turning his head slightly to look up at me. "You like kissing me, Granger. Admit it."
Mortified, I turned away from his burning gaze and he let out an amused bark, making me blush even harder.
"Oh, my sweet little innocent Gryffindor, what have I done to you?"
I prayed for the ground beneath me to just swallow me up as Draco continued to laugh at my prudish behavior. He twisted in my lap, one arm whipping up to grab the back of my head, and yanked me down to his lips. I gasped through my nose, wondering vaguely if I could ever get used to Draco Malfoy kissing me, before sighing in bliss as he soothed me into pliancy.
The kiss was tender, his lips warm and salty from his tears and sweat. The emotion woven through every caress tugged at my heartstrings and I moaned softly against him, both of us pulling each other closer at the sound.
When I felt him tremble I pulled away reluctantly, knowing he was weak and altered by the medication. I didn't want him to kiss me just because he was drugged and exhausted. He looked up at me beseechingly, wondering why I'd ended the most mind-altering kiss I'd ever had, his glazed eyes solidifying my decision.
"You, er, you should get some rest," I said lamely, not able to meet his gaze. He snorted.
"I can rest any old time, it's not every day a little Granger comes strolling into my room trying to save my soul and happens to kiss like the goddess Aphrodite herself. I intend to savor every moment."
I swear my face was about to catch fire with embarrassment but he seemed either not to notice or care as he took my lips once more, this time with an eager desperation which stole my breath away, a shocked sound echoing from the back of my throat as he sat up, cupping my face and angling me so that he could probe deeper, groaning as he plundered my mouth, my entire body igniting beneath his touch.
With every single fiber of my being fighting me, I tugged him back once more, shaking my head. "Really, that was quite a lot of Pain Potion, you're not thinking straight-"
He laughed so hard he fell forward and I was forced to catch his shoulders to prevent us from crashing to the ground, my eyes wide with shock at his behavior. He was still framing my face and his eyes glowed with amusement as he looked me over as if completely bewildered by what he saw.
"Bloody fucking hell, Granger," he grinned. "You're worried about taking advantage of me in my vulnerable state, aren't you?"
Was it possible to blush harder, or would my cheeks simply smolder into the ether? "Well, er, I did give you quite a lot…"
He chuckled, bending forward to peck me sweetly before leaning his forehead against mine. "Oh, you innocent little dear. You would die of mortification if you saw the things I've imagined doing to you."
I sputtered with indignation but he held fast when I attempted to pull away, looking into my eyes intensely. "Trust me, Hermione-something-Granger, you could not possibly do anything to me that I would object to. In fact, I'm in such a good mood, I give you full permission to taste or touch anything you'd like. I know you're shite at riding brooms, but I could show you how to ride-"
"Alright, I think it's time for bed!" I interjected quickly, shooting to my feet and having to catch him as he swayed from my sudden departure, giggling drunkenly.
"Whoops, scared the prude little bunny!" he trilled as I attempted to pull him to his feet.
"I am not-!"
"Oh, yes you are!" he chortled as he stumbled. "Prude little bookworm who writhes so sweetly beneath the sexy charm of the snake!"
"Oh, for Merlin's sake," I snapped, sending him into another peel of delight as I tugged him towards the bed while he wove in a manner that would make Mundungus proud. He continued to chuckle as I dumped him onto the bed uncermoniously, seriously doubting my decision to drug him even as I tamped down my amusement at his carefree joy. I had never seen him so happy and it took years off his face, reminding me of the young boy at Hogwarts who hadn't had any worries or cares and floated at the top of the world.
Rolling my eyes as he clutched at his sides, I pulled off his shoes, ignoring his weak jibes at me "trying to get his clothes off."
A smile tugged at my lips when he whooped about being ticklish and I threatened him with Rictusempra! if he didn't behave which made him press his lips together, still giggling quietly.
"Merlin, if I'd known all it took was a strong dose of Pain Potion to get you to lighten up I'd have done this ages ago," I muttered, assisting him in tugging off his robes.
"I give you an 'Outstanding' in pain management, Granger," he mumbled, his eyes closing under the sedative effects of the potion. "And one for that pretty mouth of yours, who knew-"
"Single dose next time."
"Tits, too. Those things are marvelous."
"Half dose."
"And that cunt, Merlin, Granger!"
"Malfoy!" I squeaked. "For goodness sake!"
"What? You can't blame a bloke for admiring," he ginned even with his eyes closed. "So tight-"
"ALRIGHT, that is quite enough!"
"No need to be embarrassed, Granger."
"I'm not embarrassed, I just…"
He snuck a peek at me. "Yes?"
I swore, mortified, and yanked his blanket up to his chin to hide the erection which was now straining against his trousers. "Just go to sleep!"
He chuckled, pulling back the covers invitingly. "What not going to crawl in?"
"No."
"Come on, I promise I'll let you finish this time, I'll Avada anyone who tries to interfere-"
"As chivalrous as your offer is, I'm afraid I am still going to decline," I said, chewing on the side of my cheek to hold back the grin that threatened at this new and completely adorable side of Malfoy. I turned, intending to hang up his discarded robes but his hand shot out and held me fast, a desperate look wiping away the mirth.
"Stay," he said, his voice tight. "Please, just for a bit, I swear I won't come onto you anymore just…stay."
My face fell at his suddenly fearful gaze. Broken, I sat beside him on the bed and covered his hand with my other, squeezing it reassuringly.
"Of course I'll stay. As long as you like."
Relief washed over him and he settled back against the pillow, closing his eyes, and allowed the potion to take hold. The extra dose quickly dragged him under and his breaths grew slow and deep, his posture relaxing as he sank into slumber.
I sat there watching him for a long time, unable to get myself to leave him. Only the knowledge that Harry and Ron were waiting for me, probably frantic by now, had me rising nearly an hour later. Conjuring several vials, I measured out single doses of the remainder of the potion, leaving them with instructions of how often he was allowed to take them, suggesting that it would be of his best interest if he did not double up again, however amusing the effects were.
With a promise of bringing more the next day, I signed the note with a flourish and made to leave, turning back for one last look.
I sighed, leaning against the jam, my heart stuttering as I gazed at Malfoy's sleeping figure.
I cursed myself violently, knowing that I'd gotten in too deep, that my existence was now thoroughly shattered, that I would never survive falling for Draco-something-Malfoy.
…
XOXO
RynStar15
- 8
- 9
- 10
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Never Mine