That which we make for ourselves | By : magentasouth Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Tom Views: 38078 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from any part of the Harry Potter universe |
Passing the statue of Agus Agusfrey he skidded to a halt and darted behind it, taking
the passage down to the first floor then running pell
mell down the stairs to the foyer and out the
door.
He reached the edge of the forest in ten minutes, out of
breath and now nervous.
He didn’t know where to go from here. But the faint hum in his mind was louder, he
thought.
It was..so very faint.
Still panting with exertion he set off into the forest at a
jog, keeping his wand in his hand and trying to look around him as he ran.
Several times he changed directions because it felt like he was going the wrong
way.
Just a vague sense of wrongness.
He realised he was completely lost after a while and it was
getting darker. He lit his wand and
moved more slowly, trying to pay attention to that faint almost itch.. in his head.
After a minute or so he stumbled out into the clearing and
saw the body immediately, lying in dewy wildgrass.
He was on his knees beside Tom in half a second and turning
him over, inexplicably terrified that he was dead or injured. The wand was at his throat before he’d even
blinked and then Tom said, confused “Caed? What are you doing here?”
He felt the thin point withdraw from his skin as the wretchedly good looking
arse stretched and yawned.
“You were sleeping?! Fucking MERLIN, you Prat! Abraxas wanted to fill my bones with molten
lead because of you! All your little
servants thought I fucking offed you or something!
And you’re just having a nap in the middle of the bloody forbidden forest – are
you mad?!”
Tom blinked up at him, shocked and, from the twist of his
lips, highly amused. “My little what?!”
His smirk faltered then and he sat up quickly.
“How exactly did you find me?” the question came low and
suspicious.
Harry glared. He was not going to tell him that.
“I lied, alright. It was you.
The stupid amortentia.
It used to be my...friend... She did
die.. I don’t want to talk about it and don’t tell me
you’re fucking sorry for my loss – I hate that from you.
I thought.. I didn’t know that you..” he trailed off,
unable to say what he wanted to get across and was unprepared for the speed and
strength with which Tom suddenly seized him and tossed him down on his back in
the grass, flowing gracefully up to straddle him .
He had barely had the time to blink in surprise before lips had descended upon
his and he found himself being kissed...ardently.
Tom’s arm had found its way beneath his neck, lifting him slightly toward him
even as his other hand stroked down Harry’s cheek.
It was all so rapid and forceful that his mind reeled. Was this what he wanted? No.. he didn’t know.. no... it felt bloody weird.
He wasn’t sure what to do..literally. He’d never
kissed a guy..
he’d only kissed girls a few times..
He felt the boy above him sigh slightly and then pull back. In the near dark he still made out the
disappointment and longing on the gorgeous face.
Tom seemed to stare down at him transfixed and then he said, his voice husky and tight. “You..do
not want this.”
Harry frowned confused. “I don’t know..
its..look.. you don’t understand..”
The boy above him closed his eyes and his face looked pained
for a moment. “No..
I don’t.. You haven’t told me.”
he leaned down again and placed a small gentle kiss at
the corner of Harry’s mouth.
“I want to..please
you..Caed” he murmured, pressing the next light
butterfly kiss to Harry’s jaw.
Swallowing, Harry considered the various meanings of Tom’s
declaration.
Conflicted still, he allowed his jaw to be nuzzled upward to expose his neck as
Tom applied himself to the side of his throat.
“Ohhhhh” he sighed faintly at the
fluttery feeling in his stomach as the boy who he told himself was probably not yet Voldemort nibbled his way from
sensitive spot to sensitive spot, sucking and licking.
The breath across his ear made him shudder involuntarily and when Tom sucked
his earlobe into his hot wet mouth, his tongue flicking at it, Harry’s hands,
quiescent till now, came up of their own accord and
wrapped themselves around the hard firm body above him.
“Feels good?” soft lips murmured against the shell of his
ear and he whimpered, nodding slightly and turned his head, baring more of his
throat.
Tom applied himself with even more art and Harry could not quite stop himself
from emitting tiny mewls of pleasure, his breath growing ragged.
He didn’t even become aware that Tom had undone his robes until he felt,
faintly a sensation graze over his chest and then slight coolness
. His buttons were undoing
themselves. Wandless magic again he
realised even as he shivered at the feeling of his shirt being parted by Tom’s
warm smooth hands.
He wasn’t really in a state of mind to do much about it. Tom
had kissed his way around and was teasing the other side of his neck with the
same slow seductive skill.
He didn’t know when he had started to pant slightly but when lips grazed his
own again gently, experimentally, he tried, inexpertly, to kiss Tom back.
A warm hand was sliding tantalisingly down his ribs, featherlight,
and he broke away from the kiss and gasped, shivery at the unfamiliar
sensation.
He’d been touched before without his shirt on. Ginny had practically tried to jump him..but
no one had ever touched him like this.
She had been all grabby hands and overenthusiastic force and he’d pushed
her away after a second or two.
He’d never have thought that this person of all things would be gentle and
..and ok – exciting.
It..was
exciting to lie in the grass in the dark with Tom Riddle bloody kissing and groping him like this.
So that probably said it all really, didn’t it?
He must really be gay cause he...he liked this a lot more than he’d
liked kissing Cho or Ginny.
He felt a hot wet flicker tickle his top lip. Tom’s..tongue..he realised.
A weird clench of horror and insecurity warred in his gut and he babbled “I.. don’t.. I haven’t..done this..much.”
He sensed more than saw the small smile on the gorgeous face
now a mere shadow in the dark. Then it
dipped down and he felt tom nuzzle the side of his face again. “So...innocent.”
The small kisses trailed along his jaw again and then he felt Tom’s lips move a
millimetre above his own. It tickled.
“I want you..Caed...whoever
you really are. I’ve wanted you since I
first saw you. Do you really think I
would wish for a more experienced
partner? Your innocence tells me that
you will be mine alone.”
Harry swallowed again in the dark. Saying it like that made it very real.
As much as he might..like it..when Tom held him..he didn’t even
feel comfortable kissing him.
What was Tom going to want him to do?..
He had only vague ideas of how guys..um..got together.. but he knew it
involved oral sex which he felt weird at the thought of receiving and really wasn’t eager to perform and anal
sex which he absolutely would not
do.
So how was this possibly going to end in anything other than Tom Riddle getting
angry with him?!
As if sensing his reticence, the face centimetres above his
pressed a chaste, lingering kiss to Harry’s lips again and then sat up,
straddling him.
He looked up to see Tom silhouetted against the deepening blue of the evening
sky. A few stars were becoming
visible.
“I am tempted to convince you right now..
but we should return.
My.. “servants”.. as you say – will be even more concerned by now. It is perhaps faintly possible that they
could report me missing.”
Harry breathed out in relief (and a tiny incongruent flash
of disappointment?) and nodded.
“Yeah..ok”
He waited for tom to rise but the other boy tilted his head, gazing down at
him. His chest felt cold and he wanted
to pull his shirt closed but somehow didn’t quite dare to just now.
Tom’s hand in the near dark stroked down the middle of his
chest and, irritatingly, he couldn’t prevent himself from shivering again.
“Beautiful..” he thought he heard the other boy whisper. Then the hand withdrew and his shirt slid
closed of its own accord, buttoning itself.
Tom seemed to glide to his feet effortlessly and held a hand
to pull him up, in the process, pulling him up, very close to him.
For a moment Harry held his breath as it seemed that Tom would kiss him again,
then the second passed and the shadow in the dark turned away. “Come..” he
muttered. “this way”
Harry lit his wand and followed quickly.
“No.” the measured voice stopped him. “No lit wands. They attract too much attention.”
A silent spell tingled over him and the night suddenly became much lighter and
clearer. The spell Tom had used when
they were walking back on the hogsmeade road.
“Thanks..” he said softly. “Will
you teach me that sometime?” He saw Tom nod pensively and glance back at him.
Harry simply followed him.
It seemed like only minutes later that they walked out of the trees onto
the grass.
He’d wandered around for ages before
he’d found his way to the clearing where Tom was.
“Disillusion yourself” Tom commanded absently and Harry
wrestled down the niggly oppositional defiant urge to argue about his tone and
say he wasn’t one of his servants. He
disillusioned himself instead and bit his lip in surprise when a warm hand
found its way into his own.
Tom was... He didn’t take him for the
hand holding type. Safe in the security
of the spell he allowed himself to grin.
Until Tom’s voice said dryly - “We’re taking a different way into the castle
and I don’t want you to get lost if we move silently.”
His grin faded slightly and Tom informed him “We’re going to run now.”
Tom grinned broadly as he led the silenced figure through
the passage opening into the dungeon corridor.
Caed was obviously not in the practice of running
quickly and silently.. and
probably wasn’t even used to running for that long –he’d been panting and
struggling at the top of the hill and he’d had had to silence him before they
got closer.
The boy didn’t seem upset at this, if anything,
his faint shimmery posture had been one of embarrassment.
That was good.
Tom was sure he would have no trouble persuading Caed
to accept a training regimen to rectify the fault.
He led Caed cautiously through the
dim corridor and up the stone stairs to the first sublevel. They had reached the shield and dispelled
their disillusionment charms in no time.
“You will not tell them anything, Caed. You will defer to me. Is that understood?”
The boy half frowned at him as if wanting to argue. He shot him a warning look. Caed nodded, somewhat
sulkily he thought.
Letting them both into the common room he ignored the many
faces that looked up questioningly.
Obviously his knights had been asking around after him.
Smiling pleasantly he strolled through the room and down to the dorms, knocking once and
entering the last room.
The overwhelming relief on the three faces was
unmistakeable. Palmer,
Alphard and Darius.
He made a mental note of that. These
three had not insisted upon searching
for him.
“Where are the others?
Go and retrieve them.” He instructed dismissing them all.
They dashed off, leaving him alone with Caed in the
dormitory.
He could see the moment that this information penetrated the
blonde boy’s mind. Caed
looked back at him timidly as if expecting to be set upon at any second.
He stalked closer to him slowly, observing with enjoyment
the way his green eyes widened and face paled, even as he held his ground.
“I need to know how much you know about me, Caed..” he said quietly.
The way the green eyes instantly became shuttered and cloudy
confirmed the suspicion he’d already held.
The boy did know him.
Or of him he corrected again.
Nodding slowly he approached once again.. his voice soft.. as if trying not
to frighten a skittish animal.
“I am not seeking to learn of the future..
I merely wish to avoid wasting time by obscuring things you are already quite
aware of.”
The emerald eyes hardened again and then softened
indecisively. He stopped in front of the
blonde and brushed his hair aside slightly with a finger. “Caed?” he asked
softly.
It was troubling how angry the boy looked now. He seemed in serious internal conflict. Finally the expression resolved itself into
an irritated resignation.
“Fine. You want to know what I know about you? I know you grew
up in a horrible orphanage and they thought you were mad.
You used to steal from the other kids and sometimes things happened.. people got hurt – and the lady
who worked there thought it was you. She
wanted to have you looked at.”
Tom took an involuntary step back. Rage welled up. How the hell...the answer was immediately
obvious to him. “Dumbledore. That fucking bastard. I’ll kill him.. I
swear it.”
The boy’s eyes took on a dark bitterness for a moment, but
it was wiped away almost immediately and he looked up at him again
seriously.
“You killed your father and your grandparents and framed your uncle. That ring you wear was his..”
Tom hovered again on the point of stepping away from the
strangely hard face or attacking the boy.
How did he know that?! Nobody
knew that. If Dumbledore knew it, Tom
certainly wouldn’t be in Hogwarts.
But.. But perhaps he would know it in the future.
He would have to work on finding out how exactly it all came out and what the
effects on him had been.
In sudden suspicion, he narrowed his eyes at the hesitation
on the other boy’s face.. he
was staring at the onyx ring on Tom’s finger and seemed to want to say
more.
Chilly terror that had been budding in him blossomed fully. He couldn’t know about that... There was no way.. He didn’t.. But if he did?..
Nobody could know about his horcruxes. If they were known, then they were
vulnerable.
He raised his hand, displaying the ring to Caed. “Yes? Say what
you are thinking”
The boy shook his head faintly and looked away. “You’re Slytherin’s heir” he said low. “You
opened the chamber of secrets. You killed Myrtle – not Hagrid.”
At that Tom did fly at him, grabbing and throwing him
roughly at the wall, following and crushing him there, his wand out and
sparking furiously.
He snarled at the pretty face of the boy who knew enough to ruin him. He knew more than any of his knights.
And then Caed said in a low
reluctant voice. “The others aren’t your friends.. they’re your death eaters.”
Then the green eyes shut in horror and shame and Caed
whispered, as if unable to lend any more strength to his voice than that
“You’re..you’re Lord
Voldemort.”
Tom blinked, He didn’t know what the term death
eater was supposed to mean. He must
change the name for his knights at some point obviously..
But the last part.. He’d never told anyone the name he’d created for
himself.
He had fantasised about disappearing for a while and returning... reinventing
himself as a Dark Lord, but he’d never heard the name spoken by any other but
himself.
The..aversion.. with
which Caed said the name was heady. It sounded like fearful blasphemy; the way a
muggle religious zealot might whisper a curse as if their God might hear them if they said it any louder.
He felt himself actually harden slightly at the sheer intoxicating power that Caed
gave the name.
“Yes-” he said, quietly abandoning his ministry plans
without regret and embracing this new path.
“I am.”
The boy seemed to tremble and he turned the blonde head
toward him with a finger at Caed’s chin and kissed
him gently. When the soft lips didn’t
part for him automatically he flicked a light wandless stinging hex at the
boy’s side and took advantage of his pained gasp to surge forward, thrusting
his tongue into Caed’s mouth and exploring.
He heard the whimper this evoked and, still clutching his
wand, wrapped his arms around Caed, pulling him tight
against him.
After flinching back and resisting this kiss at first he felt the boy seem to ..melt. The tongue which had been still and unresponsive, moved to touch
his own tentatively.
He withdrew slightly, teasing and then allowing the boy to
follow until Caed was breathing fast through his nose
and tangling and twirling his tongue as their mouths worked against each
other.
The smaller body shifted against him slightly as if uncomfortable and Tom
pushed harder against him, smiling through the kiss when he felt the hard
raised line of the blonde’s arousal against his own.
He had been fidgeting in order to try to hide it.
“Mmm” the boy moaned plaintively,
his arms coming up around tom’s shoulders as if afraid that Tom might break the
kiss.
He had no intention of that as he
kept Caed busy while his hand carefully delved into
his robes and started to unbutton his trousers.
“Mmmph!!!” the urgent whimper came when Caed realised what he was doing and tried to pull
away. He nipped at the boy’s tongue in
warning, his hand already slipping down into the Caed’s
underwear and stroking over his hot silky shaft.
“Mmmmmph!!” Caed struggled in excited panic.
Ignoring it Tom gripped him and started to slowly and
gently stroke up and down. When he felt Caed’s hips start to follow him helplessly, jerky in the
first instance, he did break the
kiss, wanting to see the other boy’s expression.
It was delicious. Caed looked so painfully torn between horror and reluctance
and overwhelmed bliss.
He adjusted his grip slightly and silently applied a spell
to lubricate his hand. The sudden tight
slick pressure wrung a low groan from Caed; he bit
his lip, closing his lovely eyes and letting his head fall back against the
wall; panting and moving his hips against the hand driving his pleasure.
Tom smirked at him. “Do you want me to stop” he asked,
teasingly. Caed’s
eyes opened wide and fearful, “n-no..ohh..
fuck.. feels so good.. don’t stop!”
Tom leaned in and kissed him lightly, noting the way Caed
eagerly parted his lips and seemed disappointed when he drew back again.
He manipulated him expertly to an ecstatic climax, Caeds arms clenching around him as he keened and
spasmed.
Afterward, the boy was weak and fairly hung on him as he
scourgified the emission and refastened his trousers.
“I know, Caed-” he said quietly as he cleaned him up
“-that in your time..
you considered me an enemy.”
He felt the boy stiffen slightly against him and nuzzled gently at the head
that had earlier fallen against his shoulder as the boy regained his breath in
the afterglow.
“That is no longer the
case.. You are
no longer my enemy.”
He slid his hands out from inside Caeds
robes and embraced him gently.
“You are here now. There is nothing else in this time for you,
but me.. and I won’t allow
you to leave me now anyway. Do you
understand?”
He played at the soft locks of sandy blonde hair at the back of the boy’s neck,
waiting.
Eventually he felt Caed nod
against him, turning his blonde head slightly to rest on tom’s shoulder and
look at him.
His expression was unhappy but resigned.
Tom wasn’t sure he liked that look on his face and frowned slightly.
“Oh don’t look like that.. You like it when I touch you, don’t you? When I show attention to you? You certainly disliked it when I showed attention to Elana.
...Have I not helped you? I will teach
you so much more than remedial
arithmancy, Caed.
And these little kisses and touches are nothing in comparison to the heights of pleasure to which I will
bring you. Have you any idea how many
would crawl across coals to be in your position?”
He saw a flicker of something like guilty relief pass
through Caed’s emerald gaze and then the boy looked
away.
Tom sighed and drew back, leaving Caed
to support his own weight.
“Come.. They certainly are taking
their sweet time. Come and lie down and
rest. I can remember what was covered in
the next chapter of year six charms.
I’ll show you.”
The boy let himself be led docilely to his bed and pulled
down to curl against Tom’s side.
He was pleased with how quickly the flighty creature was now taking to his
newly revealed role. He suspected he was
still in some kind of extended shock.
Something in his eyes reminded him of one who accepts everything that is
happening because they don’t really believe they’re awake.
It didn’t stop him from making the most of his soft accepting pet.
He stroked Caed’s back gently as
he demonstrated charm after charm for him, summoning objects as targets when he
needed them.
Caed watched everything with avid, tense mien and
answered correctly when he questioned him from time to time about what he had
been shown.
By the time Abraxas returned with Antonin,
Alphard and darius, Caed was demonstrating for the second time the ten charms
he had learned.
The boy immediately pulled away from him, embarrassed;
inching away as if they were simply both lying on the bed side by side.
Without looking Tom dragged him back with the arm that had been wrapped around
him, glancing at his new toy sternly in reproof.
Caed swallowed, meeting his eyes only once before
looking down – but he didn’t try to move away again. Satisfied with this, Tom looked up, frowning
slightly in question at Alphard, who responded
without needing direct instruction.
“Palmer went for Roan.
Gyphus is upstairs in the common room and
–“
at that moment Gyphus
walked in irritated and, seeing Tom, visibly geared up to say something
unwise.
Tom was amused as Abraxas, displaying excellent reflexes, silenced him and,
grimacing apologetically, dragged him off to the side to remind the most hot-headed
of his knights exactly who he was about to gripe at and how sympathetic Tom was
likely to be to his irritation.
Antonin cautiously approached his
own bed, sitting down on it cross legged facing Tom and waiting; to which Tom
smiled approvingly.
Antonin almost never had to be corrected. He surmised that the boy, in light of his
family’s ties, was used to being around powerful dark wizards who hexed quickly
and demanded constant respect.
Roan and Palmer sidled through the door a couple of silent
minutes later. Roan, Tom noticed, looked
intensely relieved to see him. Now that
they were all there together, it seemed that the atmosphere changed.
There was a certain angry expectant feeling emanating from his knights and this
just could not be tolerated.
“Where I have been today is none of your concern.” He said simply, ignoring the infuriated
reaction on the faces (except Antonin, who nodded
slightly)
“But Tom!”
Abraxas started frustratedly “anything could have
happened to-“
Tom cut him off “If I had encountered problems with
professors or the ministry – there is nothing you could have done for me. And I am certain you do not wish to suggest
that I could be easily bested magically by any wizard who happened to be
passing and thus might lay robbed and bleeding in a ditch somewhere.
As I said – where I was today was not your concern. Had I wished you to know – I would have
notified you.
However!.. that
being said – I recognise and value your concern and loyalty. This confusion could have been easily avoided
had we met as I had planned last week.”
He absently stroked Caed’s back,
turning slightly and gifting the boy with a thin smile.
“It..could not be helped” he muttered.
“We will meet this week.
This Wednesday is the new moon.”
He looked around at the nodding, relieved faces.
“After that.. we
shall have no further problem locating one another..” he added cryptically,
observing peripherally that Caed stiffened in his
embrace at the words.
Did Caed perhaps know
what he intended to do to them? His
knights certainly had no idea what spell he intended to carry out with them..upon them. They took it on faith that whatever it might
be, it would be useful.
He assumed that they were also somewhat motivated by the thought of having
another opportunity to exercise their uninhibited desires on muggle victims again,
knowing that he would pick up the pieces and protect them from any
repercussions.
He did not much mind this. Muggles were
filthy barbarous animals and deserved everything these wizards might do to them
and more. It was their place in the order of things to serve
wizards by any means desired.
He looked down at the green eyed innocent quietly avoiding
his eyes and said thoughtfully. “Caed will be joining
us.”
He ignored the gasps and suppressed exclamations, paying attention to the
blonde at his side who had looked up in horror, his
eyes clearly pleading with him.
“Are you sure that is..wise..” Abraxas
– apparently the officially designated whipping boy for all at present - questioned
quietly.
He turned and sent him a filthy look. “Would
I have said it, if I did not?! He
will join us. Never question me again, Abraxas”
The Malfoy heir jumped, yelping and clutched at his cheek where a wandless
whipping curse had marked a thin red line.
“The next one will be permanently scarring” he warned him
softly, looking pointedly at Gyphus.
“Yes, Tom. I
apologise. I..
I forgot myself again” Abraxas managed.
Tom looked away dismissively and turned to look again at Caed. “What time is
it?” he asked the room.
Antonin was the first to respond
“ten minutes after seven.” He nodded,
his eyes still roving over the lovely form curled against him nervously. He brushed Caed’s
hair aside slightly and placed a kiss above his eyebrow, feeling the boy
stiffen once more.
“Shh.” He murmured. “They were all aware of your role
long before you realised it yourself.”
The green eyes didn’t meet his own. He sighed slightly.
He still had to make his excuses to the professors of the classes he’d missed. It would not do to appear bright and chipper
at the Slytherin table if he was going to say that he did not attend because he
felt unwell and accidentally slept through them.
“I will not join you for dinner. ...take care of Caed.”
He sat up, aware that Caed’s emeralds shot to him,
unsettled and questioning. It was gratifying that even if he was afraid and
conflicted about the whole situation, the thought of his new master leaving
bothered him nevertheless.
Of course Caed probably did not
think of it in those terms, he mused. He
perhaps saw Tom as a beau or perhaps a potential lover.
He stroked the blonde’s head again absently and stood.
“Bring Caed to my room after
dinner, Abraxas” he tossed, glancing over them all and then stalking out of the
room.
He had been tempted to take the little waif with him now-
but it would not do for him to be absent at lunch and dinner on a weekday.
No doubt a few of the more perspicacious had entertained questions when the boy
missed all his meals on the weekend.
As he slipped into the passage on the third sublevel that
would take him to the first floor down the way from his room, he wondered again
about the things Caed might know about him. What he had revealed was disturbing.
As soon as he marked the boy he would work to find out everything he knew.
Harry sat up hesitantly, looking around the room at the
death eaters.. or apparently
not yet death eaters.
Abraxas was looking at him with tight lips.
The expression on Gyphus face was
sympathetic.
Alphard looked openly
hostile. “Where was he?!” he
demanded.
Harry shook his head faintly. “I..
he said..”
“Leave him alone!”
Harry turned surprised to see Antonin standing close
by the bed, placing himself between Alphard and him.
“You know what will happen if you make him tell you anything
Tom told him not to say. Just drop it Alph. It does not
matter!”
Harry looked up at the Russian gratefully.
“Fuck the well being of Tom’s new toy, Toni – He was missing!
For the whole day! Don’t you want
to know where he was? You know if he
goes down, we’re going with him!” Alphard snarled.
Abraxas wasn’t saying anything but looked like he agreed.
Antonin glanced over his shoulder
tensely at Harry and turned back. “Alphard – you need
to control your mouth” he growled quietly.
“Yeah.. leave it out Alph” Gyphus spoke up, looking
irritated. “He’s got enough worries right now.
Obviously Tom wasn’t at the ministry.”
He looked pointedly at Harry who swallowed and started to
shake his head before catching himself.
“See. There you
go. Your privileged arse is safe. Now shut your hole.”
Harry looked around at the boy’s faces. Was that what he was now?! Tom Riddle’s..toy?!..
The uncomfortable, sick, guilty feeling he’d been feeling since potions.. no – since Sunday morning really
– and which had gotten way worse when Tom started kissing him suddenly flared
out and bore fruit.
He leapt off the bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming the
door and barely making it to the toilet bowl before he emptied the contents of
his stomach.
It was just acid. He hadn’t eaten all
day.
He knelt and swayed slightly before retching again.
He was Voldemort’s fucking toy.. it was
worse than everything that had already happened. What a life.. dead in the present or..or.. this. He didn’t know which was worse.
God.. the look on Hermione’s
face if she knew about this. It was
almost a mercy she was dead.
If she had lived he would have tried to get back and then eventually he would
have had to tell her.
He heard the door open and close again quietly and then a
second later Antonin squatted down at his side
looking troubled.
“Hey. You ok? Alphard’s an
idiot. You can’t take it to heart.”
Harry grabbed a handful of toilet paper and wiped his lip of
the sickly sour acid that coated it. He
shook his head absently wishing that the other boy would leave.
“look.. if
you were that...Tom would not be insisting you come on Wednesday.”
Harry sneered at the tiles in the corner of the room. “No.. he still would. I
know what he’s doing. I know what he’s going to do at the meeting.”
He turned and looked at the black eyed boy next to him warningly. “It’s bad stuff. He’s going to mark you all. You’ll be tied to him forever.”
To his surprise the look on Antonin’s
face didn’t change much. His eyebrows raised slightly and he nodded slowly, thoughtfully.
“Ah. That is what it is? I was worried for a minute. You look so
upset. Marking is not bad. My family carries a mark already. I don’t think it will be a problem for them
if I wear two”
The boy flicked open the top two buttons of his shirt and pulled the neck open,
dragging it down to expose the top part of a black sigil
tattoo over his heart.
“It is the Vadinesh clan” he
informed lightly.
Harry, frustrated, shook his head. “No! You don’t understand! This is different. With this mark he can find you and you can
find him all the time. And it won’t ever
come off! He’ll be able to call you with
it. Its dark magic”
Antonin looked thoughtful again
for a moment and then looked up and tilted his head
“It sounds useful. It would have been
good to be able to find him today.”
Harry groaned “NO!!
You don’t fucking get it – He’ll
be in control of it. He’ll be the one
calling you and finding you – you’ll only be able to find him when he wants you to.
Listen to what I’m saying. You’re
not listening!”
Antonin gave him a strange look.
“He is already in control Caed. I thought you
understood that.”
The boy stood smoothly and tilted his head, looking down at him. “Clean
yourself up. We go to dinner now.”
Harry watched as he walked out, looking calm as
anything. He slid onto his buttocks and leaned up against the wall, with his knees bent against his
chest.
This was all wrong. He shouldn’t be
here. These boys obviously thought he
was naive but they were naive – they
would all end up tom’s slaves for the rest of their lives!!
He should tell them everything he knew – but then, if he did that it would get
to the ministry. Some of their parents were in the ministry and they were Slytherins. It would
come out somehow and then he’d be in Azkaban.
Hermione had said that the ministry had a really strict
policy with time travellers – anyone who had the power to fuck up the entire
universe, in their eyes needed to be locked away for society’s protection.
Even if it didn’t get back to the ministry – if he told them
everything and even one of them took
it in and tried to get away from Tom..God.. he didn’t even want to think about what the young Dark Lord
would do to him.
Killing Harry here wouldn’t change
the time line at all.
He needed to think of something. Maybe he should run away.
He couldn’t stay here and take the bloody dark mark. That wasn’t fucking happening.
His thoughts were punctuated by the bathroom door flying
open and Gyphus stomping in. He found himself dragged bodily to his feet
and thrown over the much larger boy’s shoulder.
“You’ve had enough self pity now. You’re keeping everyone from dinner. Pull yourself
together” he was told as Gyphus carried him out into
the dormroom.
He saw Palmer and Darius smirking at the side.
He was dumped on his feet by his bed and Gyphus
pinched his cheek, grinning.
“I will carry you all the way up to
the great hall if you don’t snap out of it now.
Alph didn’t mean it – he’s a colossal tosspot
and we’ve all told him where to go so you can cheer the fuck up now, alright?.”
Harry saw Abraxas roll his eyes over Gyphus
shoulder. “Really..must
you be so vulgar, guy?”
Gyphus half turned and smirked at
the blonde. “Yes. I really must. Now.. can we go already?”
They went.
Abraxas took Tom’s place and Caed
found himself steered subtly to sit on his left side, with Antonin
next to him and Gyphus opposite.
Alphard, he noted, was all the way at the end on his
side after Antonin and Palmer. They would have to lean all the way out to
see one another.
On the other side in his view , Roan and Darius sat,
and behind them, the rest of the school.
Because they were so close to the front of the hall, he
couldn’t see up to the teachers, but he’d seen Dumbledore and Slughorn both
looking at him when he’d walked in with the others.
Slughorn had looked pleased and greedy – not entirely unlike
how he’d used to look at him in the future.
Dumbledore had narrowed his eyes disapprovingly again. Clearly he didn’t like that Harry had been so
immediately and completely adopted by Tom’s friends.
He ate his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding while the boys
around him chatted and laughed. A few
times one of them managed to pull him into a conversation.
It was strange. It wasn’t the same as
the loud, rowdy rambunctiousness of Gryffindor – in fact it was maybe even a
little better. He’d often felt
overwhelmed by the Gryffindors when he was feeling a bit tired or worried. By the end of the meal he felt a lot
better.
Not looking at Alphard might have helped.
It was funny how he could want to avoid someone who looked so like Sirius.
He stirred his custard aimlessly, staring at nothing.
“Caed. Stop staring at Goyle. You’re provoking him” Abraxas informed him
from the side.
Harry blinked and turned slightly, confused. “huh?”
He saw Gyphus snort in front of him, amused and then
turn around and crane his neck at the other side of the room curiously. Harry looked too.
He saw all the way
over the opposite side in hufflepuff a big thickset
bloke with no neck was glaring angrily.
“I..wasn’t.. I didn’t even see him.” He said bemused.
Gyphus sniggered. “Well.. you sure picked the right person
to not see. Goyle’s
the resident bastard of the huffies. Don’t look at him again and maybe he won’t
challenge you.”
Harry averted his eyes onto his bowl immediately thinking
fuck fuck fuck – what were
the gestures tom told me about?! He said
there was a lot more as well and if I didn’t notice them then it would be
bad.
Crap.. did he make one
already? I wasn’t watching. How is anyone supposed to be completely aware
of everyone at all times. I was just daydreaming. God purebloods suck.
The rest of dinner he spent controlling his eyes very
closely and making sure not to even glance in the direction of hufflepuff.
Tomorrow, he decided, he’d switch sides.
He didn’t like having his back to the room but it was worse to risk starting
some fight accidentally.
He didn’t even bother trying to persuade Abraxas not to take
him up to Tom’s room. The look on the
aristocratic face told him that it would be ignored or treated with
disdain.
On the way up though, he encountered another difficulty.
“I did not tell the others, however I am still curious, Caed – how it was that you knew Tom was not in his room.. that he was not in the school.” Abraxas asked him quietly as
they walked through the corridor.
He’d felt a spell go up and realised what was coming but he had no idea what to
tell him.
“A lucky guess.” He offered
hopefully. The blonde shook his head
lightly.
“No...you were quite certain as you spoke. You knew.. you didn’t even bother to check
his room. Where did you disappear
to? Did Tom show you that
passageway?”
Harry bit his lip. “look.. I just
had a feeling..
you know?
The feelings you get sometimes about stuff? Just like a gut instinct. It doesn’t matter.”
Abraxas stopped dead in the corridor and looked at him wide
eyed. “That’s the skill he was talking about.
You’re a seer. It explains why he
didn’t want to talk about it.”
Harry’s eyebrows made a break for his hairline. “What?! No. I’m not a seer – I don’t even like divination.
I don’t think he-”
Abraxas smiled, delightedly. “You don’t have to have
anything to do with divination to be a seer, Caed. It’s a gift.
You can have it without realising it.”
He seemed to think of something and looked troubled suddenly. “You were very upset before dinner. What were you thinking about?”
Harry looked away, suddenly remembering what he’d been thinking
about. “oh..yeah.. I ..I forgot... “ he looked up ahead
to where the mermaid painting was already visible down the corridor. “Nothing.. I.. it was nothing.”
Abraxas drew his attention back with a hand on his shoulder.
“Antonin told everyone what you said about the
meeting.
He said you were quite..distressed
about it. Is something going to go awry
on Wednesday?”
Harry rolled his eyes at the other boy. “How should I know?!! I..I just don’t want
to do it.. and.. and what Alphard
said – it’s true, isn’t it!!.. That’s
what I am. You’re bringing me to him
right now and if I wanted to go back down to the dorm you wouldn’t let me,
would you?! I...
...this is all messed up.. I don’t want to be
here. I don’t know where I want to be
but I don’t want this.”
He stumbled as Abraxas pushed him suddenly, dragging him
into an alcove.
“Look.. Caed..” the other boy said, almost compassionately. “This might
be difficult for you to accept. It is painfully obvious that you are somewhat..inexperienced.. however you must
find a way to adapt!
After today – after what I can only assume
occurred when you found him, in light of the way he was holding you – this is the way things are now. They cannot go back to how they were
before.
You are perhaps not his...toy.. that was crude of Alphard. But you are His.
I am not certain how much you understand about Tom yet – but understand
this. He is powerful; He is more intelligent than all of us put together and he
is not particularly tolerant of faults in others.”
Abraxas hand lifted to his own cheek absently where, beneath
a glamour, the mark from tom’s hex lay.
“You would do better pursuing his favour than seeking to
provoke his wrath, Caed. He is a gifted lover, or so I am given to
know by others – It is surely better to be writhing in lust beneath him than
writhing in pain at the end of his wand!”
“And do not imagine that you might go to a professor for
protection. Tom is...untouchable..
in Hogwarts, whereas your own
reputation...suffice to say you do not yet have much credit here and all the
credit you have is given to you through your association with Tom.
If you try to report anything you
will only appear a deluded ungrateful little blaggard
and then you will still have to face
his anger.”
Harry felt his stomach contracting as the blonde spoke. His dinner was threatening to make another
appearance.
“Ok! stop!” he hissed. “I know all that. You don’t need to tell me. I know what he’s capable of.”
Probably a lot better than you, he thought
“Just.. just don’t, ok?!” He put a hand on his stomach as it shifted
horribly.
The aquiline featured face offered a tiny cold smile. “yes.. You would, I
imagine. I suppose that is part of the
reason this is so difficult for you. As
I recall, last week you wouldn’t even perform
dark magic in defense.”
Harry glared. “I’m not going to use dark magic. And I’m not
a bloody seer. Stop acting like I
am.”
He forced himself to ignore the queasy feeling and stepped out of the alcove,
marching down the corridor to the mermaid.
“Don’t wink at me. Just open the bloody door” he growled at
her. She looked affronted. He could hear Abraxas catch up behind him
just before the portrait swung open, displaying Tom smiling devastatingly.
Harry frowned, struggling to compose himself as the deep
blue eyes, taking in his state slid questioningly to Abraxas.
Whatever passed between them he didn’t see because at that
point he’d had enough of it and pushed past Tom rudely, stomping to the sofa
and tossing himself down.
When nothing happened for over a minute of silence he sat up to see the door
closed and Tom nowhere in sight.
Great. Probably outside having Abraxas rat
everything out to him’, he thought uncharitably lying down and swinging his
boots up onto the armrest.
He was absolutely certain that Tom would not like this and was pleased that it would tick him off.
The door closed quietly a couple of minutes later and he didn’t
move, just stared at the cracks on the ceiling with his arms folded. He heard Tom walk around the sofa behind his
head and sit down next to him.
“I am painfully aware that you are highly strung, Caed and understand that Alphard
upset you earlier – but if you do not remove your boots from my furniture, I am going to demonstrate a particular Surinaste hex you did not learn in class today on
them.”
Harry rolled his eyes, still glaring at the ceiling and toed
his boots off, letting them drop one after the other onto the floor. He flinched away at the hand that stroked
through his hair. It did not stop even
so.
“How did you find
me? Abraxas seems convinced you are a
seer.. that this is the skill I intimated you possessed.
Are you a seer? There was no reason at all for you to think I
might be in that clearing.”
Harry growled, brushing at the hand to get it to stop
touching him..even if it didn’t exactly feel unpleasant...
“You’re the smart one. I’m sure you can
figure it out.”
The hand in his hair tightened and his head was wrenched backward painfully
till he was looking at Tom upside down.
“There are limits
to the sark I will tolerate from you, Caed.” He was informed coldly.
Harry narrowed his eyes and looked away. “I don’t care”
He was released a second later as Tom sniffed disgustedly.
“I am told that you spoke with Antonin regarding the
plans for Wednesday. You ...warned..him. Abraxas said that Antonin
did not inform the others what exactly concerned you, only that – in his
opinion you were needlessly worried. What
exactly did you tell him?! What do you
believe I am going to do on Wednesday?!”
Harry pursed his lips and folded his arms tighter. “I’m not
your toy” he gritted out. “I’m not..yours.. I’m bloody mine.
It was a mistake. I don’t want this. I don’t want you.”
Tom hissed softly in annoyance. “Alphard is going to pay for that remark. You can be assured of that, Caed. However that is
beside the point right now-
If you continue to refuse to answer my perfectly legitimate
question, I will go and ask Antonin and then I will
return and demonstrate my displeasure with you most creatively.”
Harry felt a sinking feeling inside. He would do that too, he was sure of it. And
now Tom knew that he knew some of the
things he’d done – he thought that the young Voldemort probably wouldn’t hold
back on cursing him.
Although... he was holding back now.. His older self would have cruciated him as soon as look
at him.
Maybe this Voldemort wasn’t that bad.
Pissing him off just because he was feeling pissed off himself wasn’t the
smartest idea anyway.
“Fine!! I told Antonin that
you were going to give them all the dark mark.
That’s what you’re going to do, isn’t it?!
I’m not taking it! You have to accept
it, don’t you?! I’m not accepting
it. You’re not marking me! I’m not a death eater!!”
He shied away from the hand that returned to his head and
played distractedly in his hair again.
“and stop petting me.
I’m not a cat either – I’m not your pet.”
In the next moment he found himself dragged bodily up till
his head and shoulders were laying in Tom’s lap.
He looked up at the stern (albeit still painfully perfect) face and blanched
slightly.
“I believe I told you that I would not tolerate any more of
this attitude, Caed.” Tom’s voice was icy.
Harry swallowed, thinking ‘right. I’ve done it.
I’m definitely in for it now.’ But astoundingly the harsh expression
softened and Tom’s hand brushed his cheek gently –soothingly. He looked back at the gorgeous blue eyes
warily.
Tom’s voice was reasonable.. measured..caramel when he spoke next.
“Yes.. I am going to use a spell on
them that I have only recently created.
It will mark them. I wish you to
take it also.”
A finger settled on his lips lightly when he moved to
respond
“Hush. It will not harm you. If you refuse to take it, I will simply apply
a different curse to bind you to me. – one that does not
require your consent.”
Tom looked thoughtful, his expression softened to a dark pleasure. “But perhaps you would prefer that.. I can think of one binding spell right now that would
cause the desired result. It is rather
dark.. black in fact..from a much earlier, and in many ways simpler, time.”
Harry felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in
horror. Whatever that spell
was, he really really
didn’t want it.
If it provoked this sinister little
smile – it was nothing he ever wanted applied to him.
Tom looked like he was seriously considering it.
“Ok. ok I’ll take the dark mark” he told him emphatically. “On
Wednesday – I’ll take
it. Whatever you’re thinking of – don’t
do that. Alright?”
he raised his eyebrows hopefully.
Tom didn’t reply but he leaned down and placed a light kiss
on the centre of Harry’s forehead and stroked his cheek again.
“Tom??!” Harry pressed, frightened
now.
“I think we should work on some transfiguration today” was
the response. “I suspect Dumbledore will be quite eager to humiliate you in
front of the class. We will not allow
him to, hm?”
Harry looked up helplessly at the perfect face that was
staring off thoughtfully into the fire, still wearing that small troubling
smile.
“All right” he offered quickly. Anything. He didn’t care. Just not whatever was going through Tom’s
twisted little mind now.
He didn’t want the dark mark but he wanted some kind of bloody medieval binding even less.
Tom summoned three books wandlessly from the bookshelf, not
even looking. Harry read that one of
them was the seventh year textbook for transfiguration while the other two were
advanced texts in the subject.
Tom sighed slightly and then turned his attention back to
him. Harry was relieved that the
disturbing smile was gone. Tom’s smile
was the regular confident magnetically appealing one as he asserted. “You are
going to become very proficient in
transfiguration, Caed.”
Later that night, lying in his bed back in the dorm room he
was going over everything they’d worked on in his mind.
He could hear the soft breathing of the others (of the death
eaters – his mind corrected nastily) and the light snoring of Darius.
Tom was an amazing
teacher. If he were teaching all the
subjects, Harry was certain he’d have had much better marks all throughout
school and they’d have been real.
It didn’t seem to bother him if Harry didn’t get something the first time. He
just changed the way he was explaining it till the understanding dawned.
And...it was different
now too. The way he taught him. He had given Harry little kisses when he was
pleased with him..
he’d held
him while he explained things.
At first Harry had resisted that but in light of the threat
of a dark binding curse of some kind and maybe also just a wee bit due to the
fact that it felt kind of..nice..he’d
just stopped trying to stiffen away from the other boy.
It seemed like Tom Riddle, was – weirdly enough – really affectionate. He liked to be constantly touching him,
stroking him, kissing him, holding him. He constantly sought out his gaze.
The sheer weight of the future Dark Lord’s attention was heady.
Harry had been adored by thousands of people he didn’t know
from adam and he’d had friends who were almost
constantly with him.. and Ron
and Hermione hugged him too from time to time – but he’d never experienced
anything like Tom. It was really difficult to not want him back.
Maybe the way he acted affected him even more than it
otherwise would just from knowing who Tom was.
In any case when Tom had said that he had to bring him
downstairs now, Harry had actually felt a little disappointed.
Tom had known immediately and had
tightened his arms around him as he sat leaned up against his chest, gently kissing
and nipping his neck in a way that made Harry shiver.
Apparently he wasn’t allowed to stay there except on the
weekends – it was better that no one suspect their trysts.
He should have been happy to hear it. But he found he wasn’t really.
He should have been pleased that he could evade Tom’s
advances for an entire week.. but
he just felt kind of dejected..
It hurt to be something shameful that the bloody Dark Lord would want to hide –
even if he really didn’t want anyone knowing about what he and Tom might do
either.
And
he felt..maybe a little lonely.
But that was obviously just because of..
well.. everything. He’d always had Ron and Hermione
..and Ginny too..and the other Gryffindors.. and now he didn’t have that security, that belonging
anymore. That was all it was.
It was nothing new.
Author note.
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