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Consequences and Complexities	By : ckllsdam Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 16322 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and canon situations belong to the Harry Potter fandom and JKRowling. Plot and OCs are mine. I make no money from this work.

Chapter List
- 8
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Chapter 9 – Insights

Previously –

She saw a peacefully sleeping child, who had obviously been lifted just seconds earlier from her supine position on the bed, being cradled gently against the chest of a young father, who was blessing her with his first kiss on her forehead and dampening her flaxen hair with his silent tears.

And now…

Hermione was experiencing an intense internal debate. Make her presence known or quietly back away and leave Draco to bond with his daughter? The newly-minted Mind Healer knew that there were benefits and risks to both actions. Joining her daughter and Draco could lead to a broader connection within their little “family” but she was reluctant to send a message that could be misinterpreted. Leaving them would allow a deeper link between the man and his little girl, but would likely exclude her from an opportunity to partake in an undoubtedly healing moment. Her heart finally overruled her mind, and Hermione quietly stepped behind Draco and gently placed a hand on his shoulder in a gesture that was meant to convey comfort.

He started a bit at her touch, having not heard her approach, then relaxed when she squeezed gently, reaffirming the support that she’d just offered. “I don’t understand, Hermione,” he whispered through his tears.

In keeping with the solemn, intimate mood, she whispered in reply, “If I could, I’d help. What are you thinking, Draco?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened the hold he had on his daughter. “How could something so good, so awe-inspiring, come from the horrible thing that I did to you?”

“One of life’s mysteries, Draco. Every burden brings its lessons and rewards. She was my reward,” Hermione stated simply, reaching around him to gently move a curl from her baby’s cheek.

Draco shook his head in disbelief and wonder. “Hermione, you’ve been so kind to me and given me two of the most precious gifts a man could ever want. You forgave my heinous crimes against you, and you bore my heir. How can I ever repay that? How do I deserve to even breathe the same air as you?” There was a sorrowful hint of desperation in his words.

She stepped to her right so that she was better able to see the young man and the child in his arms. She raised her eyebrows and her hands in a silent offer to relieve him of his burden, but he shook his head. “No, please. Let me hold her for a little while longer.”

“Let’s sit then, Draco,” she replied quietly, and offered him the rocking chair while she silently levitated an armchair so that she could sit facing the two platinum-haired Malfoys.

Louisa hadn’t stirred in her father’s arms, sleeping as only small children do, deeply and completely undisturbed by their surroundings. Draco seemed unable to tear his eyes from the girl as he searched her face for his own and her mother’s features. He’d already been shocked – and informed – by the color of her eyes which were an exact match to his own and his father’s.

Hermione was struggling with what to say in answer to Draco’s earlier question. He deserved an answer, even though it probably wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. “Draco, my forgiving you was as much a gift for me as it was for you. I was always taught that there is healing in forgiveness, and that anger and hatred consume your soul. Once I knew that you had not made those decisions, that the vile things you did were not your choice, it was a simple step to let go of the anger and release both of us from that burden. When I decided to have Louisa, my motivations were my own. Don’t paint me as a saint, because I’m not. I’m happy that you seem to be finding a bond with Louisa, but I didn’t have her for you. I had her for me. However you look at it, I’ve been selfish in this. You may have been a beneficiary of my actions, but that was an ancillary effect.”

Draco didn’t seem deflated by her words. On the contrary, he smiled softly when she finished speaking. “Granger, that’s one of the things I respect most about you. There’s something so good and true about your soul that even when you’re being self-serving, it turns out well for everyone around you. Do you know how rare that is?”

“I’m not that special, Draco,” she argued.

“I beg to differ. I’ve come to think you’re some kind of… angel on this earth. That’s the only explanation for how such wonderful things happen around you, even in the midst of the darkest times. Either that or you’re a Leprechaun. You’re not Irish, are you?” he teased.

“No, I’m not Irish, I’m definitely not a Leprechaun, and I’m most certainly not an angel. Draco, you have to stop putting me on a pedestal. I’ve got feet of clay like anyone else. I’ve done plenty of things that I’m not proud of, and romanticizing two or three compassionate deeds is not realistic.”

“I don’t put you on a pedestal, Hermione. I’m not that naïve. I’ve spent the last two and a half years learning about who I am and what I think and feel. In that process, I’ve also learned about how I view the people around me, and you’re a big part of that. Bigger than I expected.”

Hermione looked at him with trepidation. It almost sounded like he’d developed some kind of… crush on her. God, what a disaster that would be, she thought. “Draco, don’t…”

“’Don’t,’ what, Hermione? Don’t admit that the things that have happened between us weren’t pivotal moments in my life? Don’t recognize that without your forgiveness, I wouldn’t have had the courage to try to become a decent man? Don’t acknowledge that your intelligence and insight helped me to begin to unravel what had really happened to five of the most important developmental years of my life? Don’t notice that you were the person who singlehandedly shattered every mistaken perception that I had about the truth of the magical world?”

She sat there, stunned, while he rose from the rocker, Louisa still tucked against his chest, and began to pace the room.

“Granger, you were right earlier when you said that our relationship is complicated. But from my perspective, you don’t know the half of it. Without what you did for me, I’d never have had the courage to begin to forgive myself for all the horrific harm I caused in those five long years. I’m not fully there yet, but I’m on my way, and I’ve promised myself that will make something good out of my life.” He paused as he looked at the sleeping toddler. “This little girl just gives me more incentive to continue on that path, and if you’d made different choices, she wouldn’t be here. The truth is that she may be my only chance at having a family, and I’ll do everything in my power not to waste that gift. No matter how forgiving you’ve been, and how much I can heal myself, there will still not be many people who will want to associate with me for any number of reasons. I will do my best to be a real father to Louisa, and if you’ll allow it, maybe even a friend to you. Those will be few and far between in my life, I fear. So yes, Granger, I may be hanging on a little tight to whatever odd relationship we have, because as strange as it is, there’s something about it that’s still pretty special to me, even when you add up all the things we’ve done to hurt each other.”

Hermione watched Draco still cradling his daughter and tried to process all the things he’d told her. He’d shared some deep and intense thoughts, most of which she’d never have imagined were part of his mindset. That he’d matured and come into his own to a great degree over their three years apart was evident. And he’d clearly done a lot more thinking about how they related to each other than she had. He’d also developed at least some level of emotional attachment to her, if she hadn’t misunderstood his words. That wasn’t entirely shocking; she had done something for him that had changed the likely course of his life. It was normal for him to feel some kind of gratitude for her. What was unsettling was the subtext that there was a bit more to it than him simply feeling thankful. Knowing that he’d been under the care of two skilled psychotherapists for so long gave her comfort that he wasn’t harboring an obsession or fixation, but all his work was done before he knew about Louisa. That had to have had a psychological impact. She swore silently; what kind of idiot had she been not to consider that earlier?

“Draco, I know it’s really none of my business, but would y…”

Her question was interrupted with an amused snort. “Hermione, since when has that ever stopped you from discovering something you wanted to know? I’ve never known anyone as curious and tenacious as you.”

She glared at him, more embarrassed than angry. How did he know her so well? “Well, I’m just a little… surprised that you would want us to be ‘friends’ after everything that’s happened.”

“Why? You’ve told me that you forgave me, and I’ve finally learned to accept that… unless you’ve changed your thinking…”

“No!” she interjected, not wanting him to misinterpret her question. “No, Draco, not at all. I meant it three years ago and I mean it still today. Please don’t think that.”

The look of relief that crossed his face was almost comical in its intensity. “Oh. Good, then. What did you mean?”

“It’s just that we’re from such different backgrounds and lifestyles. Honestly, we barely know each other.”

“I beg to differ, Miss Granger. I think we actually know each other quite well, and that the last three years have actually aided in our getting to understand each other rather fully. I don’t mean the little things, like what our favorite colors and meals might be, but important things, like character and beliefs and conscience.”

“How do you come to that conclusion, Draco?”

“Think about it. You’ve been living with my parents for three years. What better way can you think of to understand how I grew up and what was at the core of my life until it was perverted by that sick witch and her husband? I’ll lay Galleons that my mother and father have been very involved in teaching our daughter what it means to be a pureblood princess, and they’ve ensured that she lacks nothing.”

“Well, there is some truth in what you say, except that Louisa is certainly not a ‘pureblood princess’ in any sense. Her mother is a girl you used to call ‘Mudblood’, if you recall,” she reminded him, but not angrily.

“I’m not being literal, Hermione. And it shouldn’t have escaped your notice that my parents have fully embraced you as one of their own. They treat you as though we’re married. In fact, they treat you better than they would if I had selected you as my bride, I suspect.”

“Draco, it’s true that living here with Lucius and Narcissa has taught me a lot about things that I never knew about the magical world. I’ve learned about many of the traditions and practices that were sadly excluded from our education at Hogwarts. But there are still so many things I don’t know, and will never understand - for example, your father’s little bombshell about our legally recognized ‘association’ under Wizarding tradition, not to mention Louisa’s title and inheritance rights. How can we build even a friendship on such a thin foundation?”

“This,” he nodded at their sleeping daughter, still held firmly against his chest, “is not so thin a foundation, Hermione, and I didn’t know about that ‘association’ tradition any more than you did. I still plan to have that investigated by a family-practice solicitor, because I wouldn’t put it past my parents to create a ‘new tradition’ when it suits their purpose.”

“To what end?” Hermione wondered.

“I couldn’t say, but I know they’re up to something. Surely, you’ve felt that too.”

“Well, they do their fair share of huddling, but I can’t imagine what ulterior motive they’d have.”

“I think you’re being a little naïve, Hermione. Think about it. They are both Slytherins. They are definitely scheming something. Trust me, I’ll figure it out in short order.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Seated in his study, Lucius watched while his wife anxiously paced the floor. “You’ll wear a path in the Persian rug, darling,” he drawled.

“The only reason you’re not pacing with me is the calming factor of the glass of Ogden’s in your hand, darling,” she retorted, emphasizing the endearment mockingly.

“That may be true, but I also recognize that whatever they’re talking about, whatever they’re doing, there’s nothing we can do to… influence them at the moment. They have to get through this together, and the less apparent interference from us, the better. Subtlety, love, is as important as timeliness.”

“Did you see how upset he was?” she pressed.

“I’m not sure that’s how I would describe it. He seemed more… emotional than upset, in my estimation. Overwhelmed, probably. Think about it, Cissy, he just witnessed the birth of his first child. It’s not something I’ve ever really spoken about, but you know how overcome I was when I saw Draco for the first time.”

“He was quite stunned when he saw Louisa in my arms at Hogsmeade,” she admitted. “He couldn’t speak. I suppose you’re right that witnessing her birth would be at least as shocking as that initial discovery.”

“Trust me, Cissy, it was more than that. While witnessing the miracle of birth is indescribable, she allowed him to see it when she could have easily refused. That’s at least half of his emotion, I’ll wager.”

“You seem so convinced, Lucius. You know I wholeheartedly support the idea – it was mine in the first place – but your confidence in its success far surpasses my own.”

“You’ve always said that you know our son, and you’re undoubtedly right about many of your insights into his behavior, but you forget that there are some things that a son shares with his father that he mightn’t with his mother.”

“And if that’s the case, you’ve been holding out on me, Lucius. What do you know that you’ve not shared with me?” Narcissa asked, both annoyance and curiosity evident in her tone and her cross-armed posture.

“I’d be breaking a confidence to do that, Cissy,” he noted.

“Since when has that ever stopped you before when it suited you to share something?” she needled.

He rose from his seat to refresh his drink, chuckling at her taunt. “Touché, dear. You’re not wrong about that.”

“So?”

“So, maybe it doesn’t suit me to share it at this time, love,” he teased her.

“And why not?” she demanded, the slightest whine creeping into her question.

He laughed aloud at her annoyance, his silver eyes twinkling in the firelight with amusement. “You are so easy to tease, love. It’s a temptation I sometimes find impossible to resist.” He set his crystal tumbler on the table and gathered her into his arms. He noted that it only took two or three seconds and one kiss to her neck for the stiffness in her posture to lessen.

“So will you tell me?” she whispered into his ear while her hand dropped below his belt. She hadn’t decided whether to caress or squeeze; his response would dictate her next move.

Since he was not a fool, Lucius easily read her intentions and went the route of safety. “Of course I’ll tell you, silly goose.” He miscalculated. She squeezed.

“Prat.”

“Ouch!” he exclaimed. “Guess I did deserve that,” he mumbled under his breath as they separated.

“Yes, you did. For being a nasty, rotten tease. Now, tell me what he said,” she ordered.

“Well, it’s not so much what he said as what he asked. Often,” he hinted.

“And that was?”

“He frequently asked after Hermione’s health and well-being, and wondered aloud what she’d been up to,” he revealed.

“That must have been difficult for you to answer,” she noted.

“Yes, especially since he’s become quite skilled in reading between the lines. I’m quite certain he owes that ability to his time in psychotherapy,” he observed.

“From what I understand, he had also becoming exceedingly skilled in both Legilimency and Occlumency,” she remembered aloud.

“That’s true, but he’s used so little magic in the last three years that I feel quite certain he never cast the Legilimency spell around me. He rarely had his wand at hand, Cissy.”

“He’ll probably need to do some brushing up along the way,” she mused.

“Possibly, but he hasn’t seemed anxious to be completely immersed in the magical world again. He certainly had the opportunity while he was still in Salem, but he chose not to do that.”

“He never said anything to me about a deliberate or conscious reason for that. Did he say anything to you?”

“Once. He mentioned that he had a great deal of satisfaction from doing things with his hands. It wasn’t that he was rejecting magic, but augmenting his skill repertoire with Muggle techniques, of all things. He claimed to still use his wand for things that were either exceptionally time consuming or impractical in other ways. Maintenance around a magical house, for example.”

“Well, I suppose that’s reasonable. He did work in a Muggle establishment, and he had to learn to do things that he never would have done, even with a wand. I can’t imagine him having spent any time in our kitchen. I can’t imagine you doing anything there, for that matter,” she observed.

“The only time I’ve been to the kitchen in the last three years was for a series of experiences I’d rather forget.”

“Yes, quite. But Draco’s life is destined to be different than yours, Lucius.”

“Without doubt. And let’s not forget that his daughter’s mother is a Muggle-born. His experience in Salem will help him in relating to her more easily.”

“Somehow, I don’t see that as their biggest obstacle,” Narcissa noted.

“Probably not. That would likely be their remarkably difficult history, no doubt. And I’m still concerned that that obstacle may be an insurmountable one.”

“It’s a reasonable concern, Lucius, but there are other factors that will trump that, I feel quite sure.”

“Our little one,” he offered.

“Yes. As soon as Draco begins to see her as ‘his’ little one, things will move along in the proper direction.”

“As long as we can manage to conceal that one little in absentia decree for a few more months, I don’t see any other major obstacles,” Lucius amended.

“I still can’t believe you did that without even telling me about it first. They’ll both be infuriated if they find out. And it’s more than a few months before a final notice is delivered.”

“Those months are a good thing. They give us – and them – time to… maneuver. And I intend to see to it that they don’t find out until long after they’ve arrived at the same result on their own.”

“And if they don’t?”

“We’ll cross that moat when we come to it,” he averred.

“Since when does a lifelong Slytherin not have a backup plan? This is one instance where I’ve no doubt that you’ll rue the lack of one before we’re through with this.”

“It helps that Hermione and Louisa will be staying with us now.”

“And it would have been easier if Draco had decided to live here too,” Narcissa bemoaned.

“I’m not so sure about that. I see some interesting possibilities in them not being in such close proximity so soon. It may even work to our advantage.”

“Do I hear that contingency plan being hatched, Lucius?” Narcissa needled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“She looks so peaceful and comfortable in your arms,” Hermione observed.

“Maybe she understands subconsciously that I’m no threat to her, that there’s a connection between us,” Draco postulated, still unwilling to tear his gaze from the girl.

“It could be; children are so intuitive at her age. She’s young enough that if you develop a strong relationship with her now, she’ll never remember you not being part of her life.”

“Hermione, I can’t pretend that I’m still not overwhelmed about this, and I’d be lying if I said that I’m not upset that she was hidden from me, but I will not waste time and emotional energy being angry with you over that. As you said a little while ago, being angry can consume your soul, and mine has had enough damage for a dozen lifetimes, so I’m not going to allow these circumstances to drag me back into that horrible place. I want to see as many of the memories that you and my parents stored as possible. I think that will help me to get over any resentment.”

“I’m grateful and… relieved that you’re being so reasonable about this, Draco. I’m sorry that the way you found out about her was so abrupt and shocking. That was never my intention. I had a really orderly plan about how I was going to tell you about her and ease the two of you into a relationship, but it’s clear that the universe had other ideas. Maybe there’s a reason that it happened the way it did.”

Draco issued a short, humorless laugh. “The universe has been doing bizarre things to both of us for far too long, Hermione. I’m ready for some stability and normalcy, if it’s all the same to you.”

“You’ll get no argument from me on that one.”

“And I hope that we’ll keep our arguing to a minimum, in general. Louisa deserves to have two parents who can get along with each other well enough to ensure that we’re always keeping her best interests at the forefront. I think we’re both mature enough to keep peace between us for her sake.”

“I couldn’t hope or ask for anything but that. She’s everything to me, and I’ll be flexible enough to work with you if you will do the same for me.”

“Agreed.” He shifted his daughter so that her head was nestled on his shoulder.

“Do you want to put her down to finish her nap? She’ll probably sleep for almost another hour.”

“Can you understand how reluctant I am to let her out of my arms?” Draco asked with a wry smile.

“I’m sure I can. I would hold her for hours on end when she was an infant. The physical touch is part of bonding between a parent and child, so I completely appreciate how you’re feeling about that. You seem really comfortable with her already. You seem to be a natural when it comes to handling little ones.”

Draco hesitated for a second. “Yeah. I had the opportunity to get to know a couple of great kids while I was in Salem. Having that relationship with them was a very important part of my growth. I came to see that I really enjoyed spending time with them, and at the same time, it made me sad that it was unlikely I’d ever had children of my own.”

“Why did you think that, Draco? That’s quite a pessimistic view.”

He shrugged in response. “I think it was more realistic, considering my history.”

“Well, the child in your arms proves you wrong.”

Draco looked at her pointedly. “And we both know how she came to be, Hermione. Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not. Her conception is now irrelevant. When I made the decision to keep her, I had to set aside that fact for both my emotional and physical health. Can you imagine how horrid it would have been if I’d given in to dwelling on that?” She shivered involuntarily. “I don’t know that I’d have delivered a healthy child under those circumstances. It undoubtedly helped that your parents were so supportive and embraced me so fully, but if I had wallowed in self-pity of how we got into that situation, I’d have gone ‘round the bend.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that she wasn’t born into a marriage? That she may be viewed as someone… lesser, because of the way she came to be?” he wondered.

“If that had been my primary concern, do you think I’d have gone through with it? She carries your family name, and has been named your heir. The way I understand it, that’s all that is required for so-called legitimacy under Wizarding law. She’s clearly been accepted – cherished even – by your parents, so if anyone has a problem with her origin, the problem is theirs alone. And since when have I lived up to societal conventions, Draco? If there’s an unconventional witch anywhere, that’s me.”

“You are one in a million, Hermione. There’s no denying that,” he allowed, smirking at her with amusement, and a hint of affection. He turned his attention back to Louisa, who had started to squirm a bit. Her eyes were still firmly closed; she was dreaming. He gently kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. “As reluctant as I am to let go of her, I do think she’ll be more comfortable in her bed.”

He laid her on the fine lavender cotton sheets and covered her with the warm down blanket. The magical unicorns rested along the fabric’s edges, facing away from the child as though forming a protective perimeter. He leaned over and kissed her cheek once more, and when he straightened, Hermione could see that his eyes were once again bright with tears.

She reached out to grasp his arm in companionship, but he gathered her in for an embrace, much to her surprise. He spoke softly, into her mass of curls. “I know we’ve had our… difficulties, but I want you to know once again how very sorry I am for all the harm I caused to you over the years. With all the good things you’ve done for me, especially the gift of this child, I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for my sins, and trying to make your life a little easier.” He paused for a heartbeat. “Thank you, Hermione, for helping me to salvage my life.” He squeezed her for barely a second, and then abruptly released her, retreating from the room.

She was left speechless. Who was this young man? He looked like Draco Malfoy. He walked like Draco Malfoy. He even sounded like Draco Malfoy. But this was not the same Draco Malfoy she’d known for more than half of her life. This was a Draco Malfoy she might be able to… tolerate.
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Consequences and Complexities