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Falling to pieces	By : HHRDestiny Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 5386 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
It's been two months since my unsettling bath. I have tried my hardest to keep the memories and day dreams at bay, and I have been quite successful. The owner of the bookstore I work at as been leaving me with more responsibility. He speaks of retiring, and mentions leaving the store to me. A twinge of excitement fills me every time, despite the fear of the responsibility of it.

Today is a difficult day for him. He came to the store this morning in a foul mood. I’ve kept my distance for most of the day. He came to me around noon and said he would return later and for me to watch the store. I have been sitting here since, having helped a few customers, but mostly passing the time in silence. I look around the store wishing I could find something to do, something to pass my time quicker.

The bell of the door chiming knocks me out of my stupor. It is Edward, the owner. He still looks in a foul mood but smiles at me none the less. He arrives at the counter, standing at the opposite side as me. He places a package on the counter and I recognize it as the usual shipments of new books.

“My wife is driving me crazy. She is tired of coming in second to the store. I don't know how much longer I can handle her nagging.” Edward states in his elderly voice, walking towards his office.

I cringe at his statement. My two months of peace is slowly fading as I remember. I fight it, but it is inevitable. It's the most significant of the memories. The most painful. The one I try and forget the most.

**

Draco and I were in my bedroom at Grimmauld. We could hear the bustle of people down stairs. He closed the door quietly and turned to me. We didn't say anything. A few moments earlier we were down stairs with everyone else. We were in the kitchen and he had walked up and placed his hand on the small of my back. I had moved away, as if on fire. I saw the hurt on his face and I had fled to my room. He had followed me and now we were standing there, wondering who would speak first.

“Why did you do that? Am I not allowed to touch you anymore?” Draco asked, hurt on his face.

“I don't want anyone to know yet. I don't know what to do?” I sat on the edge of the bed, putting my face in my hands. I could hear him shift his stance but not move to me.

“Why can't anyone know? I thought we were behind all of this? Wouldn't they understand?”

“I don't know?” I said through my hands. “I know some people would be hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone. It's too soon since everything. I just don't know what to do,” I could feel the tears fighting against my eyelids. I was tired of crying. I didn't want to do it anymore.

“I can't do this anymore, Hermione. I can't stand in a room, looking across at you, and have to fight the urge to walk up and hold you, kiss you, bloody hold your hand. I can't pretend I don't love you anymore..” Draco cried out in a raised voice. I hoped no one could hear and would come searching for the source. “All I want to do is walk downstairs and yell at everyone down there that you're mine and I love you, and that you love me.” He paused, pain in his voice. “Unless you don't anymore, and that’s what this is about.”

I looked at him, lifting my face from my hands. The tears fell, I could not hold them at bay any longer. I stared at the man I loved, the only man I had ever truly loved. I saw the pain in his expression and knew I had caused it. I didn't want to hurt anyone, especially him. But any decision I made would hurt someone.

“Of course I still love you. Nothing has changed about how I feel about you. I'm just confused. I don't want to hurt anyone, you, Ron..... No one.” I looked at him, hoping for him to understand.

“Ron. If we had told everyone long ago it wouldn't be an issue now. I've kept this a secret like you've wanted. It's eating away at me, Hermione. I don't care about anyone else, but you and me. We deserve to be happy after all of this. Not to continue to be tortured. You're choosing him, them, over me. You just can't see that, can you?” I couldn't. I never looked at it that way, but he was right. I wasn't choosing Ron as the man I love, but I was choosing his feelings over Draco's. It shouldn't have been that way. I couldn't love Draco the way he needed me to. Not in that moment. I was weak. I could not turn my back on my friendships and risk losing them. But I was risking losing Draco because of it. I was too weak to take a side. I was comfortable living the lie.

“I'm sorry. I can't. Not yet.” I weakly whisper.

"Then lets run away. We can just leave, start over, become new people. People who don't have the responsibilities we have. No on to hurt by being together. Once things settle down, maybe we could come back, explain things then." He begged me with his eyes. I had a hard time looking at him.

"We can't leave, Draco, you know that. It's too soon. People need us. I can't just leave."

He dropped his head and looked to the floor. Moments passed and nothing was said. The tears continued to fall down my face and I had given up on fighting them. He finally looked back up, finding my eyes. He had tears falling down his cheeks too.

“I'm done. I can't do this. I love you but I won't come in second, or third, or last, to everyone else. You are number one in my life and I deserve the same. I'm sorry.” He waited for my reaction. I was numb, so I sat there, the tears fell quicker but I didn't speak. “Good bye Hermione.”

He walked out of the room, leaving me to cry myself to insanity. By the time I returned to the group down stairs he was gone. I had not seen him again for over 2 years, at a Ministry function. We had both married by then. The news of his engagement is what drove me to my own marriage. I had fought against Ron's advancements until then. I held the hope things would change, now that I was mature enough to reveal the truth. But I had realized he had moved on, and so I did as well. And for the next three years we played the staring game, torturing ourselves.

***there will be more, don't worry
- 8
- 9
- 10
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Falling to pieces