Until Again | By : RynStar15 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 15444 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 3 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter and do not make any money by using the world of J. K Rowling here. |
Staying at Shell Cottage was infinitely better than sleeping on hard bunks out in the woods, but Hermione was having as much trouble handling the crowd as Harry made out to be. He hardly spent time in the house and she envied his ability to set out and walk among the garden or explore the beach. She was still too sore to do much more than limp from the bed to the bathroom to the couch to the dinner table. She tried to help Fleur but she tutted her away and Hermione could see that she was much more like her mother-in-law than she would ever admit.
The fourth morning of their stay found her cupping a mug of tea at the table waiting for the boys to wake so they could continue planning with Griphook. Fleur quietly began breakfast, humming softly, when something tapped at the window. Both women jumped and Hermione’s mug shattered as she whipped out her wand.
Fleur flew to the window. “Eez alright, dear, eez only an owl.”
Hermione put away her wand but stayed on her feet, her heart hammering when she spied an eagle feather clutched in the owl’s talons.
“’Ow strange, eez just a feazzer. What do you think eet means?”
She moved faster than she should have and paid for it dearly as pain seared through her when she snatched the feather from the poor bewildered French girl’s hands.
“It’s nothing, just a joke between Ron and me,” she lied smoothly. “Please don’t mention it to him; he’d be very embarrassed if he knew you’d seen.”
Fleur snorted. “Eez only a feazzer. You two ‘ave a very strange sense of humor.”
“Very strange indeed.”
Infuriated, Hermione pounded to the room she shared with Luna, quieting her steps when she entered so as not to wake her. She closed the door and ensured the young girl was snoozing quietly before hefting the heavy mattress enough to get her hand under and yanking out the coin.
Safe? Worried. Midnight. Love.
She radiated with fury and could hardly stop shaking enough to write back.
I don’t want to see you.
She almost wanted him to wonder, to worry about her, to live every day without knowing if she’d died at the hands of his wretched family while he’d watched. But she couldn’t chance more owls, more feathers. If anyone else had been downstairs when that feather had arrived there would have been an uproar, investigations as to who sent it and why. Shell Cottage could have been evacuated under suspicion; she could have been back in that tent with the boys and Griphook with no way to quell their puzzlement at the strange delivery.
He wrote back almost immediately.
Relieved. Please, let me explain.
Explain?! What in the world did he think he could say to her to make his actions alright? Anger coursed through her, making her heart race and her face heat. The image of his face looking down at her behind his demented aunt and the gnawing pain at the base of her skull had her writing in haste.
No. We’re through.
Almost as soon as she sent it she regretted it. Her heart was breaking. She could still feel his arms around her; remember all the things he’d said to her on that snowy hill over the lake. Ever since she’d stopped communicating with him her heart had shattered piece by piece, day by day. She missed him. But she was so angry. The person who kissed her with so much passion, who held her after a silly fight with Ron, who told her that she wasn’t invisible, was so very different from the cold person who’d stood by and watched her being tortured at the manor.
And as the coin heated in her hand tears scored her cheeks unchecked and she was instantly reminded of how completely he held her heart.
No matter what may come.
She squeezed her eyes shut and she held the coin to her chest as she had so many times before, as if she could hold him in the same way. Guilt assailed her. They made a promise to each other. No matter what may come. And she’d broken that promise.
But how could she have foreseen such betrayal? How could she have known he would sell her out? That he would watch her in pain with such indifference?
Stuffing the coin away she turned and readied herself for the day.
***
Hermione glanced nervously at the bed where she had arranged pillows to look like her sleeping form and transfigured a bouquet of flowers into a swath of rich brown curls so anyone looking in on her would think that she was sleeping soundly.
She wondered yet again if she was making the right choice as she lovingly fingered the eagle feather. The only thing she could feel right now was the harsh sting of betrayal and the still sore muscles she hid from everyone, although Ron had been watching her closely as she winced during their long talks with Griphook. She worried he’d check in on her but she’d sent him to bed hours ago saying she was tired and he had been snoring soundly when she’d looked last.
The feather glowed blue and she rose unsteadily to her feet, anxious. She glanced over at Luna who was sleeping soundly, having had her pumpkin juice laced with a mild Sleeping Draught at dinner. Hermione held her breath as she felt the familiar yank and the sensation of spinning quickly nauseated her. She landed and every muscle protested and she felt her knees buckle. She reached out wildly for the couch back to her left and leaned heavily on it, her face screwed up in pain.
“Hermione…”
The voice was so soft she barely heard it. She looked up and Draco was silhouetted in the window with the rain falling steadily behind him. Every inch of his body was hard, formidable. Except his eyes. They were full of pain, regret, desperation, and were staring at her as if he wasn’t sure she was real. His face was unreadable as he walked slowly towards her as he would a frightened animal. And she supposed she was. She was frightened that one touch from him would make her forget everything again and she’d fall into his arms like nothing had ever happened.
Myriad emotions roiled through her and she couldn’t breathe. He was as beautiful as ever and she forgot how long it had been since she’d seen him. It had seemed like only yesterday he’d kissed her, held her in his arms. She could smell him and knew her resolve was crumbling. She wanted to back away from his advances but her feet were rooted to the spot.
He stopped less than a foot from her, looking down at her, his eyes swollen above deep purple bags of exhaustion. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand as if to touch her cheek. She flinched at the movement, turning away, but she could feel her heart hammering in her chest and knew she was losing the battle.
“Oh, Hermione…I’m so sorry…”
She snapped. Before she knew what she was doing her hand was cracking against his porcelain cheek. His head whipped to the side but he otherwise gave no indication that he’d felt it. This spurred her anger even more and she slapped him again, and again, her hand ringing in the aftermath. She was panting from her exertions and she shook with rage.
She hated him for making her hate him.
When he made to touch her again she whipped out her wand, pointing it at him. They stared at each other for moments that felt like an eternity. Her wand began to tremble but she tightened her grasp as if this motion could steel her resolve. His face crumpled.
“Go on,” he croaked, splaying his arms out to his side, empty, in surrender. “Do anything you want to me. I won’t stop you.”
She saw the wretched turmoil in his eyes and her determination wavered. She could see the pain in his gaze and knew he meant it. She closed her eyes, not able to look at him anymore, and took a steadying breath.
“What you did…”
Her voice broke as she was struck by the image of him that she’d spied between the locks of dank black hair as Bellatrix had screamed in her ear just before she’d used another Unforgivable. That mask of indifference. That’s what she needed to remember.
When he spoke his voice was gravelly and it sounded as if he had to force the words out.
“I did what I had to do. You know that. You’ve always known that.”
She scoffed and shook her head, still not looking at him. “You’re right. I was just stupid enough to believe that you’d do the right thing when it came down to it. And maybe you did in your eyes. Maybe it was right for you to stand aside while she tortured me, maybe you even liked it a little-”
“Liked it?” he thundered, grabbing her arms so fast that she gasped in pain and fear. “You think I liked it? You think it was pleasant for me to watch the woman I love being tortured to insanity? IT KILLED ME, HERMIONE! Every second, every scream, I died inside!”
“Oh, I’m sure it was just agony for you!” she screamed scathingly, trying to get away, sparks flying from the tip of her wand as her temper flared. “As far as I recall, you weren’t the one being Crucio-ed half to death!”
“I would have given anything to take your place, to get you out of there, but I couldn’t!”
“You could have tried, Draco!” she cried, wrenching her arms away and stepping back to prevent his touch from breaking her will. “You could have lied; you could have told them it wasn’t us!”
“And you think they would have fallen for that?” he yelled, advancing on her yet again. “I’ve been with you three for nearly seven years! Do you actually think they would have believed me if I said it wasn’t you? Your face is plastered everywhere! My parents have seen you at the train station, they’ve seen the Weasleys at Ministry functions, hell, my father fought face-to-face with you! You think they didn’t know immediately who you were? It was a test, Hermione! One I couldn’t chance failing. If they caught me lying we all would have been murdered on the spot, have no doubt about that! My aunt has been suspicious of me since my failed mission, she knows something is up; she would give anything to look right in my father’s eyes and murder the one last chance he has at redemption!”
Hermione hugged herself and looked at the wall to her left, unable to meet his gaze. She was wracked with indecision and doubt. Maybe he was right; of course he would know his schoolmates on the spot, even if one of them was swollen and distorted. Of course they’d known who the three of them were without his confirmation. How would it have looked on him if he’d tried to cover, tried to pretend it wasn’t them? Hadn’t he faltered, hadn’t he looked away, feigned ignorance? Guilt tingled at the back of her mind as she recognized the banality of the situation. An easy way for Bellatrix to prove Draco was lying, to discredit him and his parents. It was an obvious ploy, now that she looked back on it.
But that didn’t redeem him from the rest of it.
“You just stood there,” she barely choked out, shaking harshly, the memories assailing her as they did every night before she closed her eyes. “I begged you and you just stood there-”
He was on her and she shattered as she knew she would when he dragged her against his chest. His hands clutched her as they had so long ago and she had to fight herself not to hold him back.
“I’m so sorry,” he ground out, the words sounding painful. “I wish I could take it back, I wish I could have found a way…but it all happened so fast, I’d had no warning and then you were there and I didn’t know what to do to keep you safe except to play the part…I was so worried that any interaction on my part would only make things worse, get you killed…I was so scared, I was wracking my brain every second, the only thing I could think to do was to make sure Potter and Weasley were armed so they could fight for you so I shot spells over their heads, let Potter take the wands…”
Guilt punched her once more as she listened to his side, realizing it was what she should have done all along. Hadn’t Harry admitted he had wrested the wands from Draco without effort, with barely any resistance? And, as experienced as they were, how had they battled at such close range with no injury?
Hermione buried her face harder into his chest, inhaling his scent, emotions choking her as her brain whirled with uncertainty and fear. She dug her nails into her palms to keep herself from wrapping her arms around him and comforting him as she yearned to do. She could feel him trembling ever so slightly, his muscles tense as he tried to quell it.
“When that chandelier fell…” His fingers tightened on her until they were nearly painful, his face buried in her hair. “Hermione I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think with worry…Every moment since that day had been filled with your screams, the thought that you didn’t make it…When Weasley dragged you out it looked like you were dead. You weren’t moving; you were covered in blood and I...I…”
His voice broke and he held her tighter, as if he could meld them together with his words. “I’ve been in agony every minute not knowing if you’d made it. I wanted to die every day. I wanted to just give up, to turn myself in and just be through with the lies, with the pain, with everything. But I had to know. I had to know that you had made it, that you were still alive, still here to do all the things that I’m too much of a coward to do. And I know you hate me, I know. I don’t blame you. I hate myself. But I had to see you, had to hold you, had to know that you were alright because I couldn’t live with myself if…”
The inevitable happened as she knew it would and she knew she would hate herself later, but she dropped her wand and gripped him fiercely and he choked on a sob, obviously trying to hold it back. He lifted her in his arms, her feet dangling, and when he turned his head for a kiss she met it.
She’d almost forgotten what it felt like, but their lips reunited like old friends and she couldn’t stop the pounding of her heart, the melting of her limbs. It was impossible. She loved him, no matter the reasons, no matter his flaws.
He groaned against her lips and she could feel the desperation behind the kiss. She felt it too, like every moment since she’d left that wedding so long ago had been building to this.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again, kissing her cheeks, her eyes, her hair. “I’m so sorry…”
She squeezed him tighter. “I know. I know, Draco. I should never have doubted you.”
“No, don’t apologize; you had every reason,” he grated out, burying his face in her neck and breathing her in. “Gods, Hermione. When I saw you there…I never want to feel that way again.”
He lowered her to the ground and pulled her away enough to cup her face with both hands, his eyes fierce. “Hermione, you have to stop whatever it is you and Potter and Weasley are doing. You’re going to get yourself killed. If the Dark Lord had been there-”
“Draco, don’t ask me to do what you yourself cannot. If I don’t fight for my kind, who will?”
His eyes closed. “It’s too dangerous; you don’t know what he’s capable of…”
She covered his hands with hers and tried to smile at him reassuringly. “I survived him once. I’ll do it again.”
She could feel him start to tremble under her hands, knowing he understood her confession to the night in Godric’s Hollow. “Please, Hermione, I’m begging you…”
“There’s nothing you can say to make me stop, Draco.”
He shook his head. “I’m so sick with worry all the time,” he whispered. “I can’t take this, I can’t take knowing you’re out there putting your life on the line over and over for Potter.”
“It’s not just for him,” she insisted. “This isn’t just about him. It’s about everyone. It’s for the right of my kind to live among the Purebloods and Half-bloods without subjugation. It’s so that people like us might one day have the chance to be together without fear. Don’t you want that world, too?”
He sighed deeply, wearily. “Yes. I do. But not at the cost of losing you.”
She didn’t know what to say. She knew how he felt. She was scared every day for him, for the boys, hell, for her own life. But she knew it was worth the risk. She couldn’t live with herself if she wasn’t trying to end Voldemort’s reign for good. They were so close, Harry was certain there was a Horcrux in the Lestrange vault and with Griphook they might actually be able to take it. They had the sword now. They were closer every day.
He sighed heavily. “I know nothing I say will change your mind. Just...try not to be so risky again, alright? Don’t say his name anymore, that’s how they’ll find you. And they know you three are together now so just…don’t be seen in threes. Not even with Polyjuice potion.”
Her stomach leapt. So Voldemort knew for certain she’d been with Harry in Godric’s Hollow. And if Draco had any idea the risk they were about to take he’d be beside himself. But it gave her an idea for their break-in. Not in threes…
She nodded. “Alright. And you do what you need to do to survive.”
He scoffed. “I always do, don’t I?”
She felt a shift in their relationship. They’d begun as nothing more than innocent distractions, sexual playmates. They’d turned into lovers. Then they’d fallen in love. They had always known they were on opposing sides. But the game had changed. It wasn’t just about fighting each other at school; it was about life and death. Every day was more dangerous than the last. She couldn’t fully forgive his hand in what had happened at the Malfoy Manor, though she knew it was not his fault they’d been caught and he’d done what he could to make sure they had an advantage without giving himself away. It hurt because she knew she’d give her life for him and yet wondered if he would be willing to do the same. She felt let down in a sense. She’d hoped it would be like some fairy tale and he would be the knight in shining armor there to rescue her.
But she was more logical than that. It would have been stupid of him to blow his cover. He was absolutely right. If he’d tried to help her they would have all been murdered on the spot. Bellatrix was a terrifying opponent, especially when angered. They would never have escaped her wrath.
And he was here now. He’d done everything he could and had brought them back together, had reminded her of what they had. No, it wasn’t a fairy tale, it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t easy. But it was theirs.
She sighed wearily. “Why couldn’t you have been a good ole’ Muggle-loving Gryffindor? It would make this whole mess a mite easier to work with.”
He snorted. “You had a ‘good ole’ Muggle-loving Gryffindor’ and yet who did you turn to when he let you down?” He grinned. “The bad boy Slytherin who made you come outside our Potions classroom. Do you remember that day?”
She tried to look annoyed at his jibe about Ron but her lips tugged up at the memory. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh?” he quipped, his hands snaking their way down her body. Her breath caught and the need of the last several months suddenly sprang up and hit her like a battering ram. “It’s been too long, I see. Well, I’ll just have to remind you, won’t I?”
“Draco-”
His lips devoured her and she moaned at the intensity of his kiss. He grabbed her hips and lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, gasping when he pressed her against the wall as he had so long ago. Her breath stuttered from her as his lips travelled her neck and he placed open-mouthed kisses on her collarbone. She moaned softly when he cupped her breasts, bringing them together to nip at her cleavage. She shut down to mind to everything besides what she felt when he touched her. All the pain, the fear, the anguish of the last months slipped away beneath his touch, beneath his love.
“I still remember that day as if it were yesterday,” he murmured. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you during all of potions. I nearly took you right then, right in front of everybody to show them you were mine. I thought I would die of want waiting for you to emerge and the moment I saw you I snapped, I had to have you.”
His words crashed over her, melting her heart once more, weaving the broken pieces back together as his hands explored her body, taking in every inch, memorizing every line. She gasped when he nibbled her lip, but he completely took her breath away with his next words.
“Look at me,” he growled; his eyes dark behind the intensity of his words, his hands cupping the side of her face, warm, strong, hard. “I will never betray you. I will never put you in danger or bring you harm. And I will never, never, stand aside again. Do you understand me?”
Floored, Hermione couldn’t speak. Her heart stammered from the conviction in his voice, in his eyes, in the tight grip of his fingers. She knew he meant what he said, that she could trust him once more. Impossibly moved, she nodded.
He kissed her with heartfelt desperation; desperation to show her the truth within him.
“I love you, Hermione,” he said against her lips. “I’ve always loved you and I will always love you. You give me life, and I will give you mine if necessary. Never doubt me. Never doubt me.”
“I won’t,” she whispered.
He kissed her hard, completely shattering the barrier she’d been building for all these months. She clung to him, eager to show him that she believed him, that she trusted him once more.
“I’ll never doubt you,” she gasped. “I trust you, I love you. It’s you and me Draco, no matter what may come.”
“No matter.”
Without breaking the kiss, he wended his way through the small cottage, pushing open the door to the bedroom and laying her gently on the soft bed. His kisses slowed and his hands explored her, loving her.
“Oh, my sweet little Gryffindor, it has been much too long…”
Her body agreed as he slowly unwound her, unravelling all of the doubt and terror and fear of these last months without him. He undressed her as if unwrapping the most precious of gifts, savoring each centimeter revealed. Each time she attempted to reach out, to give him the pleasure he was bringing her he pressed her back. She allowed him, knowing that he needed this. He needed to show her, through words and action, how much he cared for her. So she let him and reveled in it, tucking each moment away for when she was back out there, knowing how much she would need it in the next coming days.
With his hands, lips, and tongue, he quickly had her melted into the mattress, nearly bursting with want. His lips ventured further south, taking in every curve and setting her skin on fire even as goosebumps erupted. Her breath skittered through softly parted lips as his finally settled on her mound, drawing her legs up, sinking to the floor for a better view. He growled low in his throat before diving in, making Hermione yelp as electricity shot through her. He worked her hood fervently, his tongue drawing out sensations she’d nearly forgotten existed. She mewled, her hips jerking but he held her firmly, lifting her bum and raising her to him.
“Draco!” she gasped as his expert mouth worked her, drawing her higher, tearing every thought from her mind until it was centered fully on her rising need. She cried out when his fingers entered her, working in tandem with his tongue and lips, guttural sounds ripping from her throat as she would higher and higher…
Hermione screamed in utter bliss as it crashed over her, hot and hard and breathtaking. She nearly sobbed as she came down but he didn’t stop and she knew he wouldn’t until he had her completely plait, completely under his spell.
And like the skilled wizard he was, he took her there, one climax breaking over the other until she swore she couldn’t handle one more…
But she did, he showed her, his lips coming to take her mouth as his fingers continued their destruction and without warning he was filling her, thrusting into her tightness, making her cry out and cling to him to ground herself.
“Draco please-”
“I’ve got you,” he grinned. “I’m not nearly done yet.”
He kissed her hard and raised her legs, pounding deeper into her, taking more from her, giving more of himself to her. She could barely breathe, the impossible ecstasy whipping through her with every thrust, coiling up tightly within her.
“That’s it,” he grated out, watching as her eyes rolled back. “That’s my girl, come for me now.” It broke over her again at his words and he worked her through it, his eyes nearly black when she met them once more. Hermione couldn’t think, couldn’t see anything but him, couldn’t feel anything but the pleasure he wrought. She yanked his head down to hers, telling him wordlessly where he had taken her.
His movements quickened, she could feel the fire burning within him and it rushed over her, winding her up once more, knowing he was as crazy with need as she. His fingers tightened, his face twisted with pleasure so intense it almost looked painful, his last thrusts shoving her over with him as he cried out, his hips whipping against her, lengthening their pinnacle until he emitted one last guttural roar and slumped against her.
Hermione couldn’t see for several long moments and her entire body tingled in the aftermath. She couldn’t catch her breath, didn’t want to. Draco enveloped her in his embrace, his sweaty forehead tucking itself in her neck, breathing hard. They didn’t speak, simply felt. Every hurt, every ounce of fear and betrayal and anguish he had removed and she felt more peaceful than she could ever remember being. She knew what she was about to do, the danger she was about to partake in. She knew her life was not certain, that death may be creeping just around the corner from her, waiting to wrap her in his arms as he had with Ignotus…but for once, she didn’t fear it. A calm she could have never imagined had settled into her bones. Determination rose within her. She would fight to her last breath for this.
She sighed. “If only we could do this more often.”
He chuckled, his breath hot against her skin. “I’m not sure if I could handle it more than twice a year. You almost killed me.”
“Me? You were the one who decided I needed to be orgasmed to death!”
“Hey, I was just making up for lost time.”
She laughed and rolled to her side to kiss him sweetly. “I want this,” she whispered, looking into his beautiful grey gaze. “When it’s all over. I want this.”
His face saddened and he drew her against him tighter, his hand pressing her head to his chest where she could hear his heart thudding strongly beneath her ear.
He sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I want this too.”
They were quiet for a long time and Hermione could feel herself drifting off but knew she mustn’t.
“I have to go,” she said softly, regretfully. “I can’t chance anyone noticing I’m missing.”
His grip tightened as if he could keep her there by will alone and her heart swelled, wishing she could stay there forever where she was warm and safe and loved. But he finally nodded and placed a heavy kiss against her hair before silently helping her dress, stalling her with lingering kisses and soft caresses.
When they’d finally readied themselves they held each other, not wishing to leave the sanctity of the night.
“I’ll call for you next week,” he said, kissing the top of her head. Hermione hardened like a statue, knowing he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. She pulled slightly out of his arms in order to look up at him.
She shook her head solemnly. “No, Draco. I won’t be able to come to you. Not for…a while.”
He stiffened, anger flashing across his face.
“No.”
“Draco…”
“No, Hermione, dammit!” he roared, pushing away from her. “Not again!”
“Draco, you knew what I was getting into-”
“After what nearly happened to you the other night? Do you have a death wish?”
“Of course not,” she said, trying to soothe him by placing her hands on his chest. “Draco, please understand-”
“No,” he snapped, shaking his head. “No, I can’t let you; you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into-”
“Excuse me!” she replied breathlessly. “I think I know better than you-”
“NO!” he thundered, turning from her to pound across the room, his hands coming to his hair, scrubbing his face. His fist smashed against the wall hard enough to make her jump and she could see the turmoil in his stature. He kept turned away from her breathing hard, trying to regain control.
“I just got you back,” he panted. “I almost lost you just days ago and now you want to throw yourself in danger again? Do you have any idea how furious he is that you escaped?”
“That’s why we need to act now, as soon as we can,” she said quietly, terrified of angering him further.
He scoffed, shaking his head, leaning heavily against the wall as if it were the only thing keeping him upright. She knew he wasn’t angry at her, but for her, and it only made her love him all the more.
Tamping back her emotions Hermione went to him, touching his back gently though the small movement seemed to break him, his composure sinking.
“Don’t make me lose you,” he whispered, the words painful. “Don’t make me go through that again. I’m not strong like you, I can’t…”
“Draco…” She turned him to face her, her hands going to his haggard face which held the evidence of the fear her held. For her. “You know I have to do this. You know me. But I’m smart; I’ve always scraped by before, haven’t I?” She smiled, trying to lighten his mood, not wanting to leave like this.
“But what if you don’t this time?” his voice barely audible, his eyebrows scrunched in fear.
Her thumbs gently stroked his tight face, her body moving into his. “Then you’ll know that I went happy. That I went more loved than I ever dreamed and doing what I wanted to do. My heart will be content.”
He shattered, she watched it happen. He shattered for her. She took him into her arms and he clung to her fiercely, his body quaking as he tried to hold back wracking sobs.
“Just promise me,” he grated out. “Promise me you’ll fight. You’ll never stop fighting. Fight for us.”
She leaned up to kiss his forehead. “I promise, Draco. I’ll never stop. Not until it’s over.”
He enwrapped her once more. “I love you, you reckless, selfless, courageous witch.” He sighed, seeming to gain a modicum of composure. “Damn you. Damn you for being a bleeding Gryffindor.”
She grinned and saw the ghost of a smile upon his lips. “I love you too, you sodding Slytherin.”
His kiss floored her with its intensity. She gave back, not knowing what the future held for either of them but knowing that whatever it was, they would always have this.
***
XOXO
RynStar15
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