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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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Lost and Damned

Interchanging Mind Control

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There was nothing Severus wanted more than to scream at the boy…To deduct points and give him so many detentions, he’d still be serving well past his graduation from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And it was all because the boy was looking at him.

Even with his attention elsewhere, Potter’s draught was still closer to the real thing than Longbottom’s. The vivid red needed was only seen in Granger’s cauldron, but what else could he expect? He almost wanted to take points from her for being too smart, but he didn’t need Minerva and Albus on his case for that. Everyone else’s was at least red to some degree, though not as bright as Granger’s. Potter’s was a dark pink color while Longbottom somehow managed to make his dark, navy blue with pink smoke and purple sparks shooting up now and then. Severus just sighed, many insults on the tip of his tongue, but his mind scattered when he felt those emerald green eyes boring into him once again.

Severus didn‘t dare look back. He didn‘t dare breathe a word to Potter. In fact, Severus was doing his best to avoid getting within three feet of the boy. He felt so foolish, acting so cowardly about this whole thing, but Severus honestly had no idea how to handle the situation. Things had been strange enough with him warming up to the boy over summer without learning that the boy was fantasizing about him. What was worse than that were his own now and then dreams of the boy that made him more ashamed than he could remember being. It made him almost feel hypocritical for being so harsh on Lucius for his behavior towards Draco. The very worst of it was Potter actually seeing his dreams! There was no way he could teach the boy anymore. In fact, he was seriously considering having the boy removed from his class. The boy was so abysmal in Potions it would give him a valid reason for such a request…No, no it wouldn‘t work, Severus thought with disappointment. Merely being bad wasn‘t a good enough reason to get rid of a student. He had tried the past few years to get rid of Longbottom and he hadn‘t had much luck there so far.

He glared at the time on his pocket watch and resisted the urge to sigh heavily. Ten more minutes was far too long to endure this. There…He felt it again. Those eyes on him, watching him as they had the past few days. Only Severus noticed it more today after the events of last night. He wasn‘t the only one…Severus glanced coolly around the room, determined to look everywhere but at Potter…He couldn‘t help but notice the anxious looks Granger kept shooting Potter, then shooting towards him. Her face flushed and she quickly returned her attention to her perfect potion. Severus gritted his teeth. Just great. Potter was being so obvious people were starting to notice! Well, Granger was. The girl was bright and far more perceptive than most students, but it was still disturbing to him that Potter was allowing anyone to notice his inappropriate behavior!

“Longbottom!” Severus snapped, eager to burn off some of his frustrations and get his mind off of Potter. “Kindly put out your fire and step slowly away from your cauldron before you blow up my classroom. Again.

“S-Sorry, Professor,” Longbottom grumbled, looking somewhat relieved as he stepped away from his work. A certain failure.

“Now get out of my class!” Severus snarled. “And fifty points from Gryffindor for attempting to destroy my classroom.”

“B-But, s-s-sir!”

“OUT!”

There was an outraged murmur among the Gryffindors who all (but Granger, her nose buried in her book) glowered at him, including Potter. Severus sneered and glared right back at the boy. “If you care to lose more points, by all means, carry on,” Severus threatened. They all looked thoroughly miserable, but they had the right mind to shut up. Severus felt some satisfaction, smirking as his Slytherins snickered. Even more pleasing was that look of pure anger and hatred Potter was shooting at him. Yes, yes…That’s much better, he thought to himself. It was better than the brat practically drooling all over him.

“I expect a sample on my desk,” Severus announced a few moments later. “I also expect a twelve inch essay on guessing just where Longbottom went wrong,” he continued, glowering at the bubbling dark blue liquid in the boy‘s cauldron. Slowly the students came up to his desk with a vial of their potion which Severus checked, eying the color and sniffing it and determining just how awful of a job they had done. Granger, unfortunately, received the highest marks. One by one he checked the potions, a sinking feeling as he realized Potter was taking his sweet time cleaning up his station and scooping up a sample of his work. Severus focused on the work at hand, hoping Potter wasn‘t actually doing this…But he was. Everyone had gone the time Potter walked up to his desk, placing the vial down beside him.

“A very poor attempt. Even Weasley managed better off than you,” Severus snorted, tapping his quill against the side of the vial, the pink goo inside jumping around at the light touch. Severus raised his eyebrow and Potter just coughed. Severus didn’t dare look at the boy. “A D, I think. That’s being very gracious.”

“It‘s not that bad,” Potter muttered while Severus jotted down the grade.

“You may go, Potter.

“I want to continue my lessons.

Severus froze and glared up at the boy for the first time, hating that look of cool confidence on Potter’s face and those small traces of anger still lingering in his voice and his green eyes. “I think not.”

“Why n--”

“You’ve faced the Dark Lord alone before, boy, you can do it again! I will n--”

“Sir, I’m sorry! I’ll forget I saw anything! I--”

“You think I want to spend my time with some adolescent boy drooling over his professor the entire time! You can hardly focus in Potions without your mind falling into the gutter. I see the way you have been watching me, Potter. It is truly pathetic.”

“From what I’ve seen, I didn’t think that would be too much of a problem for you!” Potter shot back.

Severus felt his eye twitch. A moment of silence followed in which Severus glared at the boy and Potter stared defiantly back. “Get. Out.”

To his surprise and relief, the brat turned and stormed out, muttering about greasy gits and ugly bastards under his breath as he left. “I did not think that was a problem for you, Potter!” Severus called after the boy mockingly just a second before the door slammed shut. Severus slowly sank back into his chair and eyed the potions on his desk. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to throw every last vial against the wall and throw his books to the floor and have a proper vent for his anger. Severus remained composed, however, as fourth year Huffelpuffs and Ravenclaws began filing in. He picked out the good potions and put them away and flicked his wand to get rid of the rest. He was too controlled a man to let himself get worked up by Potter…Or at least too proud to let himself act out on such frustrations. He refused to let that brat get to him. His next class with the boy was going to be a real treat, he thought bitterly to himself. No Potter was going to get the best of him, and it was about time Severus returned to treating the boy like the arrogant little snot he was!

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“Harry! Harry! We need to talk!”

Harry stopped and turned towards Hermione, sighing at the sudden giggling and murmuring all around him and Hermione blushed as she jogged over to him, coming to a stop. “Erm…Back off, you lot! This is none of your business!” Hermione snapped before grabbing Harry‘s arm and pulling him off. He had just gotten out of his last class of the day and was looking forward to a good dinner before Quidditch practice, but Hermione was insistent and continued dragging him down the corridor, despite his protests. “This is important, Harry!” was all Hermione would say before they finally found the Room of Requirement. “Perfect!” Hermione said, looking relieved as she stepped in. It looked like it normally did when they came in, only without the bed.

“This is as private as we’re going to get, I think,” Hermione said with a nod before rounding on Harry. “You have like Professor Snape!”

“I do not!” Harry snapped defensively, feeling heat rise up in his face despite himself. Bloody hell, Hermione was too smart for her own good.

“Please don‘t lie to me, Harry,” Hermione said impatiently. “We‘re friends! Oh Harry, I wish you would have told me!” she sighed.

“There’s nothing to tell!” Harry shot back at her…Which wasn’t a total lie. There wasn’t much to say about the situation. He was having continuous sex dreams about Snape and…Oh, it was more than that, Harry reminded himself, feeling more heat flame through his body at the memory of Snape’s dream. Harry couldn’t ever get his head to wrap around that properly, and most days wondered if it wasn’t just his own dream…But with Snape’s behavior last night and today, it was hard to fully believe that.

“Oh, Harry…You really need to stop,” Hermione said anxiously. “You‘re underage! And he‘s a professor! You could get expelled and he could get fired and sent to Azkaban! I really th--”

“Wait, what?” Harry interrupted, eyes wide in surprise.

“You know what I‘m talking about, Harry!” Hermione said angrily. “You’re having an affair with a professor!”

Harry just stared at Hermione for a moment, not sure if he should laugh or correct her. She didn’t seem to be joking, though, and Harry shook his head. “Hermione, I’m not sleeping with Snape! What gave you that idea?”

“Well, for starters we’ve already established you like men. Be you gay or be you bisexual,” Hermione explained. “Then…Well…You’ve been staring at him, Harry! And not glaring or anything, but staring at him…That look you give him…Merlin, Harry,” Hermione said, turning a bit pink as she shook her head. “Then he’s been treating you differently! He isn’t horrible to you anymore…He’s been avoiding you! And then you have all of those lessons together, in private…In his living quarters! Well…You’re really not involved with him?”

“Of course not, Mione!” Harry said, unable to stop himself from laughing. He couldn’t‘ believe Hermione actually thought he and Snape had been sleeping together! Harry didn‘t mind breaking rules, but that was one he didn‘t even dare cross. Even if he was attracted to Snape, he had no idea why anyone would act on it without fear of suffering a few hexes and curses. Then even if Snape was attracted to him, Harry doubted he would act on it, either. Snape was certainly doing a good job of pushing him as far away as he possibly could. The Potions master had made it very clear that what Harry had seen was not going to do him any good. “I just…I do…I think I might be…Attracted to him. I mean…I‘ve been having a lot of…those dreams about him,” Harry admitted awkwardly. “He saw them one day and…Yeah. That‘s why he‘s being all weird.”

Harry wondered for a moment if he should have mentioned what had happened with Lucius Malfoy, but he decided against it for now. He definitely was not about to bring up what he had seen from Snape. Despite his own irritation with the man, Harry didn’t want to get him in trouble any. More than anything he wanted to find some way of getting back into those lessons. For the life of him, however, he couldn’t decide if it was because he knew he needed the lessons or because he enjoyed being around the man.

“Ooooh,” Hermione said, looking mildly surprised and relieved. “I‘m sorry, Harry,” she laughed sheepishly. “That‘s good, then. As long as you don‘t act o--”

“Hermione, I may be reckless, but I’m not entirely stupid,” Harry laughed. “Can you imagine what Snape would do if I ’acted’ on my feelings?”

“Goodness,” Hermione giggled. “You‘re right. I‘m sorry I‘m so silly…It‘s just…Well, I already explained what I thought,” Hermione said, waving off her comments. “So…How do you feel about him? Is it just…?”

“Attraction? I don‘t know. He‘s a complete git, but…I really don‘t know what I think or feel about him right now. And I don‘t think I want to know…It‘s not like it‘s going to do me any good,” Harry said with a shrug. Even if he did like Snape or was attracted to the man or whatever it was, it wasn‘t like anything could or would happen. It was better to just leave it alone, Harry figured.

“Hmmm…Alright. Just be careful with staring in class,” Hermione said teasingly.

“Oh c‘mon…Not everyone‘s as smart as you are, Hermione,” Harry reminded her with a grin. Honestly, though, he knew it was probably a good idea. Snape had noticed and maybe other people might notice, too. Some part of him, though, didn‘t really want to stop. He found he enjoyed staring at the man way too much for his own good.

“If you say so,” Hermione said, shaking her head. “Well, I suppose we can go ea--Harry?”

Harry hissed in pain, clamping his hand down over his scar. The last time it had hurt was at the end of his first week of detention with Umbridge. The pain was sharp and slowly faded away into a slight tingling sensation. “Agh…Just m‘scar,” he muttered, rubbing the sensitive flesh delicately.

Hermione frowned. “M--”

“Let’s go eat,” Harry interrupted, shaking his head and walking out of the Room of Requirement to head to the Great Hall. He found he wasn’t very surprised that Severus Snape was not seated with the other professors.

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“Crucio!”

The group watched Walden McNair fall to the ground, screaming in pain. Some attempted to look bored by the entire fiasco while the majority did nothing to mask their anxiousness and their terror, all in awe of the Dark Lord and all fearing him. McNair wasn‘t the first, or the last, to face the Cruciatus Curse that evening.

It was a little early compared to their usual meetings, held when the sun had fallen and the night was black, so most of the first tortures had been latecomers. They made excuses for their lateness…They couldn’t leave right away, they couldn’t blow their cover, etcetera. The Dark Lord tortured them anyway, and Severus didn’t doubt he would have tortured them if they had come right away and had risked their covers. Luckily classes were over and Severus had been on his way to dinner when he felt the Dark Mark burning his flesh. He watched with little amusement as old friends were cursed, mentally preparing himself for when he was called upon. This whole mess with Harry Potter was going to get him into trouble, he imagined, though he figured he could lie his way through it and go to Dumbledore or someone and try to find a way out of this assignment of his. He knew it wouldn’t’ be an easy task, but nothing he did for the Order was ever easy.

Maybe it would just be easier to continue his lessons with Potter. Dumbledore wanted them to be on friendlier terms and the Dark Lord wanted him close to the boy. It would be hard, though, to face the boy after everything. Severus had done a lot of bad things in his past and had spent over a decade trying to repent for his sins. Maybe he wasn’t the most heroic man alive, but he did like to think he had some morals. He wasn’t interested in killing innocents or raping women or seducing children or torturing for the sheer joy of it. He wasn‘t like many of the vile, twisted souls he stood among. It was for that reason that those few dreams he had had of Potter left him very disturbed and very desperate to get away from the source. He was sick with himself over the matter and now that Potter knew about it…Severus couldn‘t even begin to imagine what was going through the brat‘s mind right now.

“Severussss,” the Dark Lord whispered.

“Yes, my lord?” Severus said, stepping up and bowing down before the most horrible creature of them all.

“How are things coming along with Potter?”

“Slowly, my lord,” Severus admitted. The Dark Lord frowned deeply and Severus went on calmly. “It could take some time, my lord. I am doing the very best I can with the brat, but…We have quite the history of loathing one another. I do not imagine it will be incredibly difficult to earn his trust, but I fear completely changing around the boy would not only be suspicious to him, but to others. I wish to work quickly for my lord, but I would rather succeed in this attempt rather than spoil it completely with haste.”

“Mmmm,” said the Dark Lord a moment, eying him. “Crucio!” the Dark Lord hissed and Severus cringed and doubled over in pain, letting himself hiss and grunt in response. He had dealt with the Cruciatus Curse many times and as loathe as he was to give the Dark Lord the satisfaction of his pain, he knew it was smarter to do so. Luckily the Dark Lord didn‘t hold him as long as the others and the curse was lifted after only a few seconds. Severus stumbled back a bit, though he quickly regained balance, his breathing ragged. “See that as…incentive to do your very best.”

“Yes, my lord. Thank you,” Severus said, bowing and slowly backing back out as Lucius was called forward. The Dark Lord was certainly set on this…Damn him and his brilliant ideas, Severus mentally berated himself. Getting out of this would be tricky, if not impossible. Severus stood, lost in thought, his black eyes watching the spot where every Death Eater was called to stand by the Dark Lord. If Dumbledore wasn‘t so set on the two getting along, perhaps he could arrange to have Dumbledore forbid him from being around the boy. In fact, Severus thought, maybe that was exactly what he could do. He wasn‘t too keen on the idea of sharing his secret with anyone, but he was sure Albus would agree that it wasn‘t good for him to be around Potter with such confusions. And if Albus forbade him from spending time with Potter, it would make it even harder for him to get close to the boy and hopefully the Dark Lord would drop his plan…

No…Severus doubted he would forget his plan. He would probably assign the task to someone else. Perhaps he would speak to Lucius or any of the others with children at Hogwarts to try to befriend the boy. Severus doubted it would work, but it was still dangerous to be having instructions given to Hogwarts students. The small flare of hope he felt died away.

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After the meeting, Severus returned to Hogwarts and headed towards the headmaster’s office, just as he always did after the meetings. There wasn’t much to review. Not much new information to give…Only the Dark Lord’s displeasure with the group and some secret the Dark Lord was bragging about that he would share with them “in due time.”

“So how are things with Harry, Severus?” the old man asked with a polite smile and a knowing look in his blue eyes that made Severus sigh in exasperation.

“What has he told you?” Severus demanded, feeling irritation well up inside of him, just thinking of that brat telling Albus what he had seen.

“Only that you refuse to teach him anymore. He asked if Remus or Kingsley could come around more often since you ended the lessons. He claims to not know why…So why, Severus?” Albus asked quietly.

“That…brat…continues to have inappropriate dreams about me! And he‘s been…ogling me in class! I cannot get through to him if he continues to drool over me every time we are in the same room. I think it good that he knows there is no hope for anything of that nature to occur.”

“I don‘t believe he ever thought there was,” Albus replied calmly. “We already discussed this, Severus. It‘s natural for a boy his age, with rampant hormones, to have such dreams and it certainly isn‘t unusual for them to be about professors.”

“I remember, Albus. That does not mean he is any easier to work with.”

“What is the real reason for all of this, my boy?”

Severus scowled at the old man. He read people too easily…While he didn‘t know all of Severus‘s secrets, he could at least normally guess when he was lying. Severus…A spy, an actor, a master Occlumens, and he couldn‘t always hide things from Albus Dumbledore. It was sadly too hard to remain properly agitated with the wizard. “I do not wish to discuss the matter. I simply do not want to be around the boy anymore.”

“But you must,” Albus said seriously. “Voldemort expects you to get close to him and he must be prepared, Severus. No one else has the time, talent, or experience that you do.”

“Flattery will get you no where, Albus.”

“It wasn’t about flattery, Severus. It is the truth. I need you to understand why I need you to do this. I would not ask this of you if I did not believe it was for the very best. Unless you can tell me your reasons are more important than this war, I fully expect you to continue Harry’s lessons.”

Severus gritted his teeth. “You do not seriously believe that my socializing with that arrogant brat is that important to the cause.”

“I do,” Albus said sternly, his tone leaving very little room for argument.

Severus did not understand why it was so important that he teach Potter and that he befriend the boy and warm up to him. Severus couldn’t help but feel as though Albus and the Dark Lord were conspiring against him in some way, though realistically he knew that thought was beyond ridiculous.

Despite his own uncertainty on the whole matter, Severus slowly nodded his head. “Very well, headmaster. I’ll resume the boy’s lessons within a few days,” Severus agreed, standing up. Albus followed suit, looking no happier than Severus felt.

“Thank you, Severus. I assure you…This is for the best,” Albus said.

Severus nodded curtly and turned to leave the headmaster‘s office. He needed a drink…A very strong drink, he thought to himself. He was displeased, but determined to go through with this. Just because Severus didn‘t understand the importance of it, didn‘t mean Albus wasn‘t right. Albus normally was right about most things, he thought with some bitter amusement. He very well wasn‘t going to let some personal matter get in the way of what he had been working towards. He wasn‘t risking his life as a spy, going to the Dark Lord every time he called, just to let the plan all fall apart because he couldn’t deal with Potter and his own strange dreams. They were just dreams, Severus scolded himself. He was not going to let Potter get the best of him, he reminded himself. Nothing was going to get in the way of the Dark Lord‘s downfall. Severus wasn‘t eager to work with the boy again and was at least going to wait a short time to get himself back under control with the situation. He was going to make a few things very clear, he told himself as he headed back down to the dungeons. And he was going to make sure that brat saw victory before long…He wasn‘t doing this for nothing and would personally bring the boy back from the dead and strangle him to death if he failed.

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Author‘s Note: Not my best chapter, but I wanted to get something up for everyone! I won‘t be updating as quickly as I would like to. Between school, a job, and my laptop breaking, it‘s harder to get computer access and get things done. I will update as often as I can, though! Please review! Anyway, song title are lyrics from “Uprising“ by Muse! Thanks everyone who‘s reviewed so far!
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Lost and Damned