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The Pain Of Loss	By : Kitkatislovely95 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4673 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter fandom. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
I really hope that this last chapter lived up the expectations you guys had set from the last one. If it doesn't, then I apologize. I had a lot of fun writing this story, and I hope you all enjoyed it.

All mistakes are my own and I own nothing.

On you go!

Severus inhaled deeply as the first threads of consciousness slipped unbidden into his mind. He didn't want to wake up. He had had the most pleasant dream; Harry had come to him the night before and had willingly entered his bed again.

Severus cuddled the warmth next to him and imagined that the dream the night before had been real, breathing out slowly as a smile slipped onto his lips.

A giggle escaped the warmth he was snuggling, making Severus snap his eyes open and realize that he hadn't been dreaming. That Harry was really here, in his bed, resting contentedly in his arms and it made the smile grow bigger as he pulled back slowly to look into Harry's deep emerald eyes. He was beautiful.

Seeing Harry's sweet smile he whispered, "Good morning, love."

Harry's reply was to lean up and gently place his lips to Severus' thin ones, coaxing a response from them, wrapping his arms around the older man and drawing him on top of him and in between Harry's legs.

Pulling back panting, Severus looked down into the warm eyes that he loved so much. He didn't know how he had gotten so lucky as to get another chance with the man he had hurt so deeply. He didn't understand how Harry had seemed to just forgive and forget so easily, to be able to look at him the way he had before Severus had caused this rift between them.

With a put upon sigh, he said softly, "I believe we have to talk."

Harry's eyes turned serious as he nodded. "Yes, I believe we do."

Getting up reluctantly, Severus made his way out of the room, stopping to slip a shirt on over his head before going to make coffee. He had a feeling it would be needed this morning.

As he prepared the coffee, he heard Harry slip his clothes on and follow him, moving to sit at the small kitchen table; watching as Severus moved around the kitchen with a small smile playing around the corner of his lips.

Bringing two cups of coffee to the table, one with a splash of cream and two spoons of sugar that he slid across to Harry and his own black coffee that he took a sip of before sitting it down, he took his seat across from the younger man.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each trying to figure out where to start before both speaking at the same time.

"Harry-"

"I guess I-"

A small smile tipped Severus' lips as Harry let another giggle escape him.

"You were saying?" Severus asked teasingly, making Harry smile slightly before his face became serious once again.

"What I was going to say was that since you explain why the other day, I might as well tell you what you want to know. Now, please let me get this out, alright? No interruptions." Harry said, giving Severus a mock stern look earning him a little smile and a nod.

Harry looked away for a minute, presumably to collect his thoughts before taking a deep breath, "When you found me that night in the Astronomy Tower, I had never thought that something so simple as an innocent invitation would turn into what it did. I never thought you would be able to look at me as anything but a burden, a look-a-like of my father. When you confessed to me about your desire to be with me a couple of months later, I was ecstatic. Your kiss was like nothing I'd ever felt before..."

Harry stopped and his eyes took on a dreamy look for a moment before he physically shook himself from the memory of that night.

"You made love to me that night, you know. Whether you meant to or not, if it was part of the plan, I don't want to know. But it was the most special night of my life. You made me feel so... beautiful, for the sake of sounding like a girl. Something I'd never felt before. It was that night that made me think that maybe I deserved love, maybe I could find my happiness in you; that not everything had to end in pain.

"Over the summer, that thought was only solidified as you continued to talk to me, to keep me company when no one else would. I stopped having nightmares and only had beautiful dreams about what it would be like to see you again, to feel your body against mine; to rest my head over your heart and hear it beat as I fell asleep."

At this point, Harry's voice had dropped so low that Severus had to lean closer to hear him. It was as though Harry thought the pain would come back if he spoke of it too loud.

"That was what got me through the summer; the thought of the year to come. When it came around to school starting, I was so excited to get to your rooms that night and feel you again, and when it was all said and done and I said that I loved you, I felt like such an idiot when you told me I was nothing more than a fuck. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest and stomped on when you told me to leave. It was the last straw; the last blow I could take. I broke and after I made sure that Voldemort was dead, I tried to kill myself.

"I'd never felt as free as I had that night, flying through the air to what I thought would be the reprieve from the... nothingness I had been feeling since I had lost you. I was like nothing mattered anymore, that you were all I had to live for, and without you, I didn’t want to live any longer.

"Failing was definitely humiliating, I'll tell you that. I couldn't even kill myself right, how could I ever make anyone happy? How could I ever be what someone needed in a partner? When I didn't see you, I knew it was really over. So I waited and made sure everyone had begun to think I was getting back to normal, that I was over my suicide phase, and I left in search of a place to kill myself without the hindrance of wards to stop me.

"And then who would be the one to find me, but you of course. And you kissed me and it felt... It felt like everything would be alright again. I was still so hurt and angry, no matter how far back I pushed the emotions, and you had just told me you would do anything to keep me alive... I thought that you were just doing it for that reason, no matter how good it felt.

"I came back with you and you made me so angry in Potions not a week later. I realized why you had been doing everything you could to get me into trouble, to get me alone, and I couldn't resist trying to hurt you, if only to make you feel a little bit of the pain I was feeling. It was petty and childish, but it was all I could do without being conspicuous.

"And then you attacked me that night and I just couldn't fight what I wanted so desperately anymore. You were the only thing that made me feel again, always have been and I couldn't say no. Not when I wanted it just as badly as you seemed to.”

Harry stopped and shivered again as the pleasure filled memory of that night popped into his mind. He continued again, composed, his voice a whisper. "When you told me everything that night, I couldn't believe it. All week, everything you'd told me kept repeating in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about how desperate you sounded, how hopeful you seemed to be to get me back. It wasn't until last night that I had some sense talked into me." Harry smiled slightly before continuing.

"Hermione found me thinking in the Astronomy Tower; don't look at me like that, just thinking. She gave me some insight on how I felt with and without you and I realized that there had really never been another option. You were always the only choice I had, no matter how badly you'd hurt me. Because without you, I feel nothing. I would never be able to find happiness with anyone else.

"You, Severus Snape, are my everything. The man that makes me whole, that fills that void in me that I didn't even know I had until I'd lost you. You seemed so shocked last night to have me in your bed and you cried..."

Severus flushed softly at the remembrance of his tears. But he had been shocked, shocked that Harry would be so willing to be with him again, looking as though he had never even been hurt, like he trusted Severus completely again.

Now, as he thought about it, seeing no one at the door should have made him realize that maybe Harry was under his invisibility cloak, but at the time, he had been so distraught that he hadn’t been thinking about anything but losing his only chance at love.

Harry smiled slightly at the look on Severus' face, "Sev, I just said that I can't live without you. How could I hold a grudge against the man that is my everything? You are the reason that I wake up in the morning. It might take a while to get back to the way we were, but I could see it last night, and that night a week ago, you really truly regret hurting me. And that is all that I care about."

Severus was stunned. Harry was going to forgive him completely and let him have the chance to make up for the last few months, make up for the pain he had caused Harry. He would make sure that Harry never regretted his decision to take him back.

Dropping to his knees in front of Harry, he took the man's hands into his and kissed the backs of them gently. "Oh, Harry. You have no idea how much this means to me. I will do everything I can to make you happy, to show you that you deserve the world. I love you so much."

Harry moved his hands up to Severus' face and cupped his cheeks, leaning down to kiss the lips of his lover.

“I love you, too, Severus.” Harry whispered softly against Severus’ lips, making both men smile.

Severus stood up and brought his arms around Harry's body, leaving the younger man to wrap his legs around his waist, carrying him back to the bedroom as Harry laughed softly, happily.

They didn't leave the bed for the rest of the day.

Well? Let me know what you think. Thank you all for reading. :)

xoxo,

kitkat
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The Pain Of Loss