Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Survivor's Guilt	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Lucius Views: 34080 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I make any money of this dark dance of Harry Potter fanfic.

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Chapter 9

Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Thanks, Tenchi, you're the best!

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Sitting on the bench where he normally met Dudley if they did something after he got off work, Harry was fighting dozing off. He was tired, that's all there was to it. As he knew what Dudley was like with this stuff, he was certain there was no begging off so he could go home and get some sleep. Hell, it wasn’t like he would sleep anyway, more like lay down then his brain would go into overdrive and no sleep would come. He would feel better if he rested, though. That wasn't going happen, however, so he was going to suck it up and press forward. The best plan he had was to go, stay as long as he thought he could get away with then get the hell out of there and go home. Tomorrow he had Teddy coming over for a while. It was his thought that he could use that as an excuse to get him out of it. After all, Dudley knew that he spent time with Teddy when he could. It would work. Besides, he did have things to attend to when it came to Teddy. There was some stuff he wanted him to have, though he would give it to his grandmother. He wanted him to know the history of what some of it was, like the map and cloak, before he gave it to him.

Leaning forward, putting his elbows on his knees, Harry hung his head and just breathed. Only thing running though his mind right now was the whole strange bit in Kings Cross Station after he 'died' during the final battle. Right now, he was kicking himself for not deciding to move on then. He supposed, knowing what it was like now, he had made a mistake in coming back. The fact was, he should have moved on when he had the chance. From the perspective of hindsight, he was sure that was fate trying to tell him it was his time. In the end, he had been a fool. Having been led around by the nose for so long, believing that damned prophecy and that he was destined to end the whole thing. No, he had been wrong and ignored the chance to spare so many so much pain, not to mention his own suffering over it.

Finally, he was drawn out of his dark thoughts by a voice saying his name. Looking up, he saw Lucius standing there. Nodding to him, he gestured for him to take a seat.

“I was wondering if this was the correct place,” the elder Malfoy said as he seated himself then crossed his legs before smoothing down his trousers.

Nodding, Harry said nothing.

Eying Potter, critically, Lucius took in his appearance and saw some serious dark circles under his eyes. Normally anymore, those were there, but these looked to be worse than usual. However, he was taking into account that he seemed to be geared for noticing the most minute things and wasn't sure if it was a case of appearing to be or really was. Instead, he asked, “Rough day at work? You appear tired, Harry.”

“No more than normal,” Harry grunted. “Just haven't been sleeping well is all.”

Nodding, that was something that Lucius could understand. After all, with all that had happened, nightmares came with the territory for most everyone involved in the damned war. “You look exhausted. Perhaps you should go see about getting something like Dreamless Sleep and taking it for a few days. It'll give you some rest.”

Shaking his head, Harry told him, “No thanks. That stuff is too addictive.”

With a sigh, Lucius nodded once more. Again, that was something that he also understood. It told him Potter was in the same boat he was with that potion; that at some point they had overindulged to get some rest and didn't want to risk taking it anymore. “Got it,” he said. “There are other things...”

Cutting him off, Harry grunted, “Tried them. Nothing works. Just have to deal with it and move on is all, nothing more.”

Knowing better than to push it, Lucius nodded then changed topics. “Alright, on this whole Dr. Who thing... now, what exactly is this? I've heard you and Dudley discuss it but never encountered the show.”

“It's not that easy to explain,” Harry told him, looking up. “It's going to be one of those things that you have to watch to get. If they're running the old episodes tonight, you'll get most of it. Then some of the things you've heard will make more sense.”

“Alright,” Lucius told him, digesting that. “How old is this show anyway? The way you and Dudley talk, it sounds like it's been around for a long time.

“It started way back in 1963, so it's been around for a long time. No, it hasn't run continuously since thing, but it's been on TV off and on for a long time. There have been eleven Doctor's since the start of the series. With what I know of such things, we'll probably see the third and forth Doctor. Tom Baker is the one that most people know, though the current one and the one before him are the ones that are real popular right now. When they say classic Doctor Who, they usually run stuff with Tom Baker in it though. I bet they run Day of the Daleks though. It's a definitive arc of the story.”

Taking all that in, Lucius was rather lost. It explained some things, but didn't answer many of the questions he had. “That all sounds ruddy confusing and doesn't explain much!”

“No, it doesn't. You'll have to watch some of it to get it. By the time you're done watching tonight, you'll get it. Dudley and I will explain as it goes on.”

“That would be most helpful. Spending a night being nothing but confused, despite good company, isn't a great amount of fun,” Lucius told him, mouth twitching in something like a small grin.

Just then, Dudley pulled up in front of them, honking the horn, grinning and waving at the two of them. Standing, Lucius smoothed his clothes down then looked at the car, blinking. It was... well, it was small. “Um, Harry? I assume that the automobile is bigger on the inside than it appears?” He had ridden in cars before, of course, but they tended to be big, luxury models with lots of room in them. This was quite tiny compared to those and he wondered how all of them would fit in it comfortably.

“Nope, it's a small car. Don't worry, it's comfortable.” Harry said, opening the back door then sliding in. As he was smaller, he was going to take the backseat. Lucius had longer legs so it was best he get the front.

Grinning into the mirror at Harry, Dudley said, “Got it all set up. Picking up the pizza on the way then we can settle in for a night of Dr. Who!” Navigating back into the traffic, he glanced at Lucius then grinned when he saw his suit, “Lucius, mate, no offense, but you're a bit overdressed for this.”

Looking down at his suit then at Dudley and what he could see of Harry's clothes in the rear view mirror, Lucius sighed, looking a bit sheepish. “I'm not accustomed to such forays and dressed normally. I guess that I am somewhat overdressed for such an occasion.”

“You're fine, mate. For next time, this is just an informal thing where we can relax, nothing more.”

“I'll keep that in mind, Dudley,” Lucius nodded. Though, honestly, he didn't have a more casual wardrobe than what he was wearing. The only thing he tended to have when it came to going out were suits. Of course, at home, he had loungewear but that wasn't suited for going out in public. He would see about getting some things such as the two young men wore. After all, if he was going out into the Muggle world for things, he wanted to blend in.

With that, he thought that, perhaps, it was something that he could get Harry's help with. He didn't know anything about Muggle casual fashions and didn't want to end up looking the way so many Wizard's did; completely and utterly moronic. It might work, the more he thought about it and decided it was something that he would try. If it worked, he could use it to segue into other things with Harry.

Sitting in front of the telly in Dudley's living room, holding a plate with a slice of pizza on it and a Coke in the other hand, Lucius was fascinated with the show. It helped that Dudley and Harry, though it was mostly Dudley, were explaining what was going on in the series. By this point, he was getting what Harry had told him about before Dudley picked them up.

After polishing off the slice of pizza, a food he found to be quite delicious, something he was going to have to indulge in more often, he leaned back, eyes glued to the telly. During a commercial, he said, “I can most assuredly now see why you both like this show. Though those 'special effects' things aren't up to what one sees of current things, at least what I can tell from what I've observed at the pub, the story is quite good! I like this show.”

“We told you, mate; Dr. Who is awesome personified!” Dudley told him with a grin. “I have most of them on DVD by now. So, if you like, we can do this more often so you can catch up. I've managed to get my hands on most of them all the way back to beginning. No, don't have 'em all yet, but I'm working on it!”

Really, Lucius was having a good time. Though the whole thing was set up to draw Harry out of the funk he was in, or try to, he was having an enjoyable time as well. It wasn't something that he thought he would take pleasure in, but he did. It certainly beat the hell out sitting home by himself with nothing but house elves for company. “That, Dudley, is something I think I would enjoy. There are quite a few episodes of this?”

“Oh, yeah, quite a few. This thing has been on for decades. All kinds of them. Each different. They are great!” Dudley nodded, grinning.

“I think we should do something like this, yes,” Lucius nodded. “What do you think, Harry? Is that something you would be up for?”

Harry had been dozing slightly when he was spoken to. Opening his eyes, he rubbed them then said, “Sorry, what was that? I must have dozed off or something.”

Nudging his cousin in the side, passing him a Coke, Dudley said, “Were planning on more Who-A-Thons. I think we got Lucius hooked on it. Of course, you're up for it, right?”

“Sure,” Harry said without thinking, sitting up and taking the Coke and downing some of it.

Though he was certain that what Harry said was just automatic, Dudley nodded, fully planning to hold his cousin to that.

About an hour or so later, during a break of the show, Dudley had got up to attend to things and grab some more munchies from the kitchen, leaving Lucius and Harry alone. Though awake, Harry appeared to be slightly out of it from exhaustion.

Looking at the younger man, more than slightly concerned, Lucius asked, hoping to draw him out slightly, “I have a proposal for you, Harry.”

Downing the rest of what was in his can, Harry asked, “What's that?”

“As I'm going to start going out on forays into the Muggle world and most of what I have in the way of clothing is something designed for business, I was wondering if, perhaps, I could get your assist on one of your days off getting more casual attire. You're well aware of what Wizards who have little contact with the Muggle world can dress like. Though I have a feeling I have enough common sense about fashion to do a better job than some of what I've seen them do, I would like an assist from someone that does know what goes with what as well as what is considered common anymore. Not to mention navigating through Muggle shops and the use of Muggle money.”

Thinking of some of the goofy ways Wizards dressed, Harry couldn't help but shake his head. Though it was hilarious, he could understand why Lucius wanted assistance. Rubbing his eyes, he said, “I don't know.”

“I would like you to consider it, if you would. In the position I'm in, I don't know of anyone else I could turn to for an assist on such things. I'm certain Dudley would be more than happy to help but he doesn’t know our currency or the conversion rate. I would be more comfortable with someone that did know both. Of course, if you like, you can bring Dudley along. I take no issue with that end of things. I rather enjoy the company of both of you. It goes without saying that I'll treat you to a good meal or whatever afterwards as a payment for doing such a thing.”

“I don't need any payment for doing something like that,” Harry told him automatically. “Look, I'm not sure about this...”

“I think it's a good idea, Harry,” Dudley said, coming back in with more soda and some bowls of chips and popcorn. “It'd be interesting and you'd be helping him.” Sitting everything on the coffee table, he handed both of them a fresh soda then flopped back down. Grinning, he said, “If nothing else, Lucius can pay you in butterbeer and you can give it to me! I love that stuff!”

Chuckling as he opened his soda, Lucius said, “Yes, the stuff is good. We can work a deal out on that, Dudley. You give me the Muggle money, I have it converted then I'll purchase it for you. That's nothing troublesome to do!”

“Mate, I’m taking you up on that! I adore the stuff!” Dudley told him with a grin.

“Whenever you want it, Dudley, let me know. I can easily get it for you,” Lucius told him with a chuckle. “Or we can work out an exchange for something like this soda. It is rather good and different than what I'm used to. That might work well!” Lucius said taking a sip of it. “I bet Scorpius would adore it.”

“Yeah, well, you don't want to give him too much soda. His mother would hex you if you did. As much sugar and caffeine as is in the stuff, he would be bouncing off the walls and would never sleep,” Harry told him, shaking his head. “And I know this because I gave too much to Teddy one night. I thought Andromeda was going to hex me into oblivion for it.”

“Ah, yes, that is something to keep an eye on then. Astoria is quite mild mannered but my grandson can be a handful on a good day. No, I wouldn't like to see what she would do to me if something like that happened. I imagine mild would end and I would be on the bad end of her wand. Moderation would be the key. A little shouldn't harm him,” Lucius said.

“No, a little is fine. A whole can? You might end up hexed. At least at first. When they get used to it, it'll be fine. Though it's not good for anyone in large quantities.” Harry told him.

“That I get,” Lucius nodded. “It's similar with butterbeer. A little is fine, but not too much.” Switching back to the original topic, he asked, “Are you willing to give me a bit of an assist? I admit to being a clothes horse, yes, but I promise not to run you ragged.”

One glance at Dudley's face told him his cousin was all for this and would argue for him to do it, something he would end up doing just to shut him up, Harry sighed then nodded. “Alright, I'll do it. I have Tuesday off. We can meet up and do it then. First, though, I would suggest you do what I did... go to Gringotts and get one of their credit cards. It looks like the ones Muggles use and acts the same way with their machines. That way you don't have to worry about converting money with them or running out, things like that. Only difference with it and the Muggle credit cards are whatever you purchase comes right out of your vault so there are no payments to make or interest on it. Just a small monthly fee for the use of the card.”

Though he had heard of that before, it hadn't been something Lucius thought he would ever need since he didn't do much of anything in the Muggle world. Now, though, it sounded like the right way to go about things. Nodding, he told Harry, “Yes, I believe that's something I should get. It would make things easier on me. For things like the pub, where not much Muggle money is needed, I carry a small amount around. Though for a shopping trip like this, it would take more than that. Yes, this would be a better way to go about things. Besides, Muggle money is perplexing. So many denominations to work with. It gets confusing.”

“Yeah, it's more complicated,” Harry told him with a nod.

Pleased that Harry agreed, figuring that this was just the first step in getting the young man to do something to get his focus elsewhere, Lucius said, “Good. Before we go tonight we'll set up a meeting place then figure out how to go about such things. We can then work with things from there. I'll trust your judgment on what to purchase.”

“Yeah, get me with before we go and we'll get it set up,” Harry told him with a nod, shifting around in his seat to get more comfortable.

Though Lucius, going into things, thought he would have a good time with them, he found himself pleasantly surprised at how much fun he had. Sure, the program was something he did like, more than he ever thought he would. From the way the two talked about it, he thought it might be something that only the younger generation would find appealing, not someone his age, but he did like it and the storylines, something he could relate to in many ways. Beyond that, the conversation they had was something he found more so. In his life, other than with Narcissa, he hadn't had any truly close friends that he could just talk with about the mundane. Normally, those he associated with were more of a business type thing or people who had a purpose in life. This was far more enjoyable than he ever thought possible. It also made it to where he wanted to do it again, many times.

Until tonight, he hadn't realized how bored he was with the way his life was going right now. Sure, it was far better than being in Azkaban, but it wasn’t something that was enjoyable. This was and he wanted more of it. Dudley seemed more than willing to do such things again. Though there was a purpose to them doing it, partially, the young man was affable enough that such things were something he would do with friends. From the way he talked, he and Harry, before things began to turn for the younger Wizard anyway, had done a lot of things like this. Now, well, he wanted more and hoped to be included. It wasn’t something he would have done in the past, no, especially with the company he was keeping, but it was now. And he planned to enjoy it.

As time ticked on and the conversation turned to other things beyond the show, a curiosity of Lucius' came up. It was something he had been wondering about but hadn't yet voiced to either of them. During one of the ads on the show, he asked, “I'm curious, you two. If you feel I'm out of line, say so and I won't ask again but... wouldn't young men your age normally have dates on Friday night? Again, if it's too personal, tell me to keep my nose out of it and questions about such things to myself.”

“Not interested in that, really,” Harry admitted with a shrug. “Haven't been for some time. I like keeping company with friends more than the whole dating thing.”

Nodding, Lucius could understand that. Even before whatever Harry was going through right now came into it, it had to be hard for the young man to find someone that genuinely liked him for himself and not the fame that came with his name.

“Not seeing anyone right now,” Dudley admitted in almost a mumble, looking away, an uncomfortable expression on his face.

From Lucius' end, he found that puzzling. Dudley, from what he knew of him, was very open about most things and he hadn't encountered him acting like this about any topic before. Before he could inquire about that, Harry spoke up.

“Dudley, mate, don't worry about it. I told you, Wizards are different about that topic than Muggles. It doesn't bother them. Lucius is a pureblood. I don't think he's going to bat an eye.” Looking at Lucius, he said, “Dudley likes blokes, not birds.”

For the first time, really, since that first encounter with Potter in the pub, Lucius saw a fire in Potter's eyes, one that spoke of the fact that if he said a cross or derogatory word about it, there would be issues. However, Potter was right and Lucius just snorted, rolling his eyes the said firmly, “Muggles need a better education on the topic. It's normal in our world and accepted, so I take no issue with it, Dudley. As long as you find someone to make you happy, the gender of the being matters not!”

“Told you, Dudley,” Harry said, nodding.

Looking more relaxed and almost relieved, Dudley nodded, “Good. Too many in our world take exception and I've lost friends over it. Glad it doesn't bug you, mate.”

Waving a dismissive hand, Lucius said, “Nothing to worry about. It's normal in our world and we think nothing of it. I believe that most of our kind likes both sexes, though they tend to prefer one over the other. It's Muggles that have the issues, not us. Besides, it's the company you keep with someone, not who is in their bed that matters. That applies here. Good company is hard to find so you enjoy it!”

Grinning, Dudley nodded, “I wish more thought like you did among my kind. Would make it easier on some of us. But, you're right, it's the quality of the company that matters, nothing else. Shite, this kind of thing is better than going out trying to find someone anyway, far more enjoyable! Nothing beats good times with good friends.”

“Hear, hear, Dudley!” Lucius said raising his can of Coke in a toast to that.

Harry did the same thing, nodding. Then, after a glance at the clock, said, “Shite, it's eleven already? I'm going to have to get home. Teddy's coming over in the morning.”

Normally, since this was done to get Harry out of the house, Dudley would have protested but knowing how Harry was about Teddy, he nodded, “Gotcha, mate! Tell him I said hi. You're going to have to bring him around again. I like the kid!”

Nodding, Harry said, “Will do. I gotta get home though. Don't want to be too out of it when he gets there. I have some stuff to give him and explain what it is. With him going to Hogwarts soon, I want him to have it.”

As Dudley knew this was coming, he understood it. After all, he knew Harry looked out for his godson. Standing, he said, “Works for me, mate. Curious, though, what are you giving him? I know you said you had some stuff of his dad's but never said what it was.”

Standing, Harry sat his now empty can on the coffee table then shrugged, “That map his father helped make. It should go to him. I don't need it anymore. Going to give him my cloak too. I doubt I'll ever have anyone to pass it along to. Was going to give him my broom as well so he can practice up before he gets there.” Nodding to the two, he said, “See you both Monday.” Then after a wave, headed out towards the backdoor to use the backyard so he could Apparate home.

Standing there, Dudley looked frozen after Harry stepped out, an almost horror-struck look on his face. Feeling panicked, he looked at Lucius but couldn't form words to say anything.

Seeing Dudley's expression, Lucius stiffened up then asked, “What's the issue?”

“Mate...” Dudley started, stammering, “We got a real problem!”

Looking to where Potter vanished from the room then back to Dudley, brow furrowed, Lucius felt his gut clench then asked, “What kind? I don't understand?” Though he didn't, he had a foreboding feeling about this.

“Remember that pamphlet you gave me?” Seeing Lucius nod, he continued, “One of the signs to look for in that is the giving away of most treasured possessions. Now, the map Harry said he was going to give to Teddy long ago. After all, it was something the kid's father helped make. That cloak and his broom though? No, mate, that's wrong! That cloak was Harry's father's. It had been passed down for generations among his family. Hell, Harry still uses it from time to time to avoid people. Not to mention he has very few things that belonged to his parents. That's one of them. Hell, the only other thing I can think of that he has is a photo album of them. And his broom? Flying was all he's ever done to help relieve stress. And I know he hasn't bought a new one. Mate, this is about as bad of a sign as we can get! 'Cause, though I get the excuse, Teddy isn't starting school until next fall, not this one!”

Face going rigid, Lucius stared at Dudley in dawning horror. “Oh, bloody hell!” He finally murmured, rubbing a hand over his face. Glancing back at the younger man, he asked, “Now what do we do?”

Flopping in his chair, Dudley scrubbed a hand over his face then shook his head. “I don't know, I really don't!”

Nodding, Lucius sighed and tried to think. Nothing came to mind though. The only thing that was happening was more panic was setting in.

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Survivor's Guilt