Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Changes	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 27108 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe belongs to JK Rowling. I am making no money from this.

Chapter List
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CH9 AN: First my lovely reviewers:
Nightstar – Snape as JKR wrote him would have been “fuck it”, but if he did that that'd be the end of the fic right there! And yes, poor Harry. Don't worry though, all is not lost: Harry can be very … Slytherin when he wants to be!
Niniel1981 – thank you. There is resolution to the Lupin/Harry side of this story, it's just a little way off yet as we need more Snarry angsty goodness. And I love that you got that poor Severus just has zip in the way of self-esteem. I will try to keep up the”great work”. Let me know if it starts slipping.
And I've now finally set up an email account for smut purposes, so if you want me to let you know when I update, just drop me an email at affsickpuppy@yahoo.com SP
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Chapter 9 – The gift that has been given to me
Severus was called into Albus' private rooms a week later. He was irritated as he was trying to catch up with where his groups were in their education, condense various aspects of their courses to fit in with the time they had lost without him teaching them, and not miss Harry who had been given a room in another part of the castle's dungeons.
“Ah, Severus!” Albus gave him a wide smile and held out a bowl containing something that looked vaguely like eyeballs. “Gobstopper?”
“What?!” Snape asked, eyeing the foul looking things.
“Gobstoppers. A Muggle sweet. I'm surprised you don't know about them.”
“As I'm sure you're only too aware,” Severus said as he settled into a chair and refused one of the 'treats', “pocket money was something I had little acquaintance with as a child.”
“A pity,” Dumbledore replied, mulling over his sweets. Regretfully he put the bowl down and then asked, “So, you have told Harry to go out into the world. Did you think that wise?”
Cursing the older man, Snape answered, “He has mastered his werewolf side. When the full moon is due, I will, of course, work with him to ensure his safety, and everyone else's. But he needed to rejoin humanity before he became too cut off.”
“And yet he has asked for you to keep working with him to help him become a better man.”
Asshole! That fucking manipulative asshole!
“Oh?”
“Oh yes. He was quite insistent. He told me that you had been so helpful with his change that he was sure that you were the correct person to make him the man he hopes to be. I was rather surprised by the passion with which he spoke, and the maturity of his arguments.”
Rubbing his forehead, Severus felt the urge to scream. “And just what does he expect me to do to make him the man he wants to be?”
“He said he wanted to spend time with you, so that he could learn from you, so you would 'rub off on him' was how he phrased it.”
Snape began laughing. He had to. The situation was too ridiculous. “Are you going to order me to do it?”
Albus gave him a serious look. “Harry is going to need some support when the time comes. And who better than you?”
“Who better than me? Fucking anyone!” Snape blurted. “You're really suggesting the man who kills you is the man he should go to for support with dealing with your death?! Can you hear how insane that sounds?!”
“He knows the truth, Severus. I assume you told him.”
“Yes, I did. Even at the risk of my life, I wouldn't want him to think me a murderer and distrust any information I send his way in future.” Snape stared at the bowl of gobstoppers, not really seeing them. “Are you ordering me?” he asked again.
Dumbledore didn't reply. “I would hope you make the right choice without my command.”
Snape stood then. It was impossible for him to sit and calmly discuss this topic. He had to pace and burn off some of the desperation he felt rising in him. “Do you realise what he wants me to do, Albus?” Severus snapped, and then, without waiting for a reply, and very determinedly not looking at the headmaster, he went on, “He wants me to have sex with him. That is what you are asking me to do? That is the 'right' decision you want me to make?! I've not done it because it would be wrong, and now you tell me I should?!”
The older man looked shocked and dismayed. “I – I never realised he wanted ...”
Bitterly laughing, Snape continued, “No, of course not. He learnt deception and manipulation from the master,” he bowed ironically at Albus, “But I won't do it, Albus. Not this time. My own soul may be damned, but I won't take his with it.”
The older wizard watched the angrily striding man and understood far too much. He said nothing for so long that at last Snape stopped and glared at him.
“Well? No big plan to force me into this?”
Quietly, Albus removed his glasses, cleaned them, and replaced them on his crooked nose. “You are an exceptional wizard, and an exceptional man, Severus. If Harry desires you he is showing good taste and a maturity far beyond his years. Whatever may have passed between you during the time he shared your rooms, I know that you are honourable. So, too, is Harry. And there could be so little time for him. Let him have this happiness, even if only for a short time.”
Fear built in Severus at the words. “He has so little time? Why?”
And then the headmaster explained his theory that he thought Voldemort's plan had back-fired, how Harry had become the unexpected horcrux, and how he had to be destroyed if the Dark Lord was ever to be defeated. As his solemn voice filled the room, Severus groaned and dropped his head into his hands. His shoulders shook as he sobbed.
When Albus finally stopped, Snape turned red-rimmed eyes to him. “All this time, you've known.” He heard a noise from the older man and amended, “You've suspected. All this time I've put my life in jeopardy because I thought you had a plan, and all this time this was the plan? Harry as your unknowing sacrifice?” He swallowed, “This is how you use my affection for Lily? To make me protect him just long enough?” Words failed him and tears dripped down his sallow cheeks once more.
Looking unhappy, Dumbledore said nothing, giving his friend time to accept what he had been told. He said nothing, made no attempt to justify his actions, just gave Severus the space he needed to take in the truth of the situation and what it meant for them all.
At last the younger wizard wiped his face and turned distraught black eyes to meet the pain-filled blue ones. He spoke bitterly, “So, now your plan is to let me fuck him so he has some good experiences to keep him going when he starts searching for horcruxes, and to give him a chance to die without being a virgin?” He snorted. “Well, you're too late there.”
Albus' voice turned positively frigid. “What do you mean?”
“It isn't my secret to tell. But trust me when I say Harry is no virgin. So if you were pushing this because of that reason, it doesn't hold. And, whatever his future holds, I will not do this thing to him. Don't you understand he is pure and innocent? Why would you want him infected with my hatred and bitterness?”
“Because,” Albus said, beginning to sound annoyed, “you are a good man, Severus. And it is obvious that you care for Harry.”
“So, school rules and the law don't matter because the great Albus Dumbledore decrees it so?!”
“Severus, after you kill me, do you really think you'll be able to remain at the school? What will it matter about rules and law then?”
“It matters because I will not bugger a sixteen year old child!” Severus shrieked. He clutched at his hair and folded in half, a scream working its way out past his clenched teeth. His knees hit the floor and he began to cry with the sheer helplessness he felt – murder, child rape – what else was there in his future? “Please,” he begged around his sobs, “please...”
Albus hurried to the distressed man. He put his arms around the trembling body and rocked Severus gently. Almost whispering, the older wizard said, “Let Harry move back in with you. Let him learn how to be a man from observing you. Let him see you for the special individual you are. Let nature take its course. Let yourself love again.”
Snape took in a shuddering breath. “I don't trust myself,” he confessed. “What if I hurt him?”
Dumbledore stroked the black hair with his own good hand, “How can you? You've been so hurt that you would never behave in the same way to others.”
Sniffing, Severus gained mastery of himself and pulled free. Wiping his face once again he stood up, face determined. “Very well,” he began, glaring down at Albus, “you want me to do this thing, Harry wants me to do this thing, and I – I want to do this thing.” He paused, gathering his resolve. “But I won't, Albus. I won't.”
***
Harry knocked on the door to the quarters he had shared with his teacher and waited. He nervously shifted from foot to foot and chewed his bottom lip. Was Severus ever going to answer the door? Or did he know who was outside and so he was refusing to open up?
A slight sound alerted the boy to the locks being withdrawn. Snape's pale and deeply unhappy face peered around the wood. “Potter,” he said reluctantly, his eyes showing all too clearly his dread and fear.
“Professor Dumbledore told me to come down here,” Harry said, shocked at the pain in his teacher's face, “Are you … all right?”
Severus swung the door wide and ushered Harry in. The boy stared in surprise as he spied his trunk in a corner, his firebolt atop it. A grin lit his face as he understood what it meant and he turned shining eyes to the older man, “You agreed?! Thank you! Thank you!”
Shutting the door and re-locking it, Snape ground out, “I did not agree. Albus has ordered me.”
Shocked eyes looked into his face.
“Did you expect me to be pleased that you went behind my back? Did you think I told you no because I enjoy sleeping alone? Do you truly think you have put your own bad experiences behind you? I wanted to do what was right and you and Albus have seen to it that that can never happen. So, well done, you got what you wanted. But this time it will be rape. This time, you are forcing me. Are you sure that is what you want?”
Harry was horrified. “But, you want me!” He gasped, “You said so!”
“And I also made the decision not to sleep with you. And now my wishes are being ignored. As much as you think you are an adult, you are still the same selfish child you always have been, complaining that life isn't fair when you don't get your own way.” Harry opened his mouth but Snape's bitter words continued. “You are a selfish child who is playing with another person's life. My life, Potter. So don't expect me to be thankful I am stuck with you, or pleased that I get to add yet more experiences of rape to my memory, you carry on and be happy because of course Albus sided with you!”
Striding away, Snape slammed down in the seat behind his desk, his mouth a tight angry line and he picked up a quill to continue marking the essay he had been reading before Harry's unwelcome arrival.
Overwhelmed by the barrage of abuse (and feeling uncomfortable at the truth revealed in the bitter words), Harry went over to his trunk and began emptying items from it into the chest of drawers next to 'his' bed. He worked silently, tears sliding down his face. Severus was right about him: he hadn't paid any attention to what the older man had wanted, he (Harry) had just assumed Snape was being difficult, not that he truly loathed the thought of sleeping with a child, however much Severus was attracted to the youngster. He'd thought that Severus would be pleased that Harry had found a way to get them to be together, not broken and despairing. And, was Snape right? If Harry forced intimacy, was it rape? He hated to think he was making Severus do something that he really felt was immoral.
Finally, with all his clothes packed away, he let himself look at the older man. Snape had his head bent low and looked, to all intents and purposes, as though he were marking. Harry, he knew the man well, saw he was doing no such thing. He'd never seen his friend in such a hopeless posture. And that was Harry's fault; Harry had done that to someone he professed to care about. His feet took him to stand by the side of the teacher.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered. He didn't dare touch the older wizard but he ached to, not to gain sexual pleasure, but to comfort him. “I'm sorry, Severus.”
Snape gave a sniff, but made no other noise. Harry dropped to his knees and let his head fall forwards so he was bowing before this man he had destroyed with such thoughtlessness. “I'm sorry, Severus, I'm really sorry. I – I don't know what to say to tell you how sorry I am, but I swear I mean it. I – I never thought you'd hate having me here so much. But I can stay out of your way, and we d – don't have to have sex. Whenever you're ready. And … if that's never, I'll respect that. If you could never think of me like that because of what I've done, I – I accept that.” He paused, longing to feel something other than anguish. “I'm sorry,” he moaned again.
A quiet response came from Snape, “I shouldn't have said those things about you. You … I, whatever I feel about this situation, will enjoy sleeping with you.” The teacher cleared his throat. “Thank you for apologising. I think we understand this situation better now. And understand our place here.”
Harry felt a weight lift from his shoulders. “God, Severus, I was really worried I'd pissed you off!”
“You did. You have. But, I will do what I can to restrain my tongue. Albus deserves his share of my wrath for forcing this upon us.”
Harry wanted to giggle, but didn't feel it would be right. “I bet he'd be less willing if he knew what I wanted.”
Snape lifted his head and turned a ravaged face to the youngster. “He knows. And he doesn't care that it's illegal, nor that I don't want to commit statutory rape. That's the man you confided in; the man you thought you could manipulate.”
Swallowing as he realised that Dumbledore not only knew about the sex, but was actively encouraging it, Harry repeated softly, “I am sorry, Severus. Really I am.”
Shaking his head, Snape said without too much bitterness, “Fucking Gryffindors will be the end of me!”
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CH 9 AN: Oh, how I love the angst! Sorry if you feel Severus is too emotional here, but he really is at the end of his tether, especially after learning that Harry is doomed too. Please review, it really does give me a kick up the backside to keep writing. SP
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