Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Going On	By : Relevant_Peach Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 6814 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter universe or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
The next morning, as Severus came downstairs, a lively conversation was taking place in the kitchen.

“We have to name her”

“I assume she already had a name. I’ll have to ask Draco. Lookit her annoyed little expression! She looks like she’s mad at the world for not recognizing how great she is.” Harry laughed. “She’s like the owl version of Lucius”

Severus enters the kitchen, and finds, to his disgust, that the owl is hopping around on the countertop, with Harry and Teddy draped on either side, watching her adoringly. He tamps down his desire to instruct them to get the filthy bird off of a surface that they prepare food on, and simply says “Morning”

“Morning” Severus had never known Harry to be cold. He’d known him for over fifteen years, watched him grow up and suffer trials and tribulations that, frankly, defied reason, and he’d never heard him use this voice. It was a voice that lacked all emotion, frankly, as though Harry didn’t care whether he existed. Harry always cared, even if that caring manifested itself in furious anger. This was bad.

“Harry?” Severus hated the tone of his voice, then. It was tentative, and insecure and when the fuck had it started mattering to him how Harry felt?

“Severus, listen. I understand that we’re going to be living together for another six months, and so at some point, we’re going to have to discuss what happened. I just don’t want to. Not today, probably not tomorrow. Give me some space, please” It was a clear dismissal.

“I need to visit the apothecary today. Do you need anything in Diagon?” Severus was desperate to keep the conversation going.

“No. I’ll call Draco to come over so I have supervision while you’re gone” The word ‘supervision’ was sneered.

“Very well” Severus gave up and stalked downstairs in defeat. None of them noticed him go. He left the owl potions on the counter. A gesture. When he returned later that afternoon, he left a bag of owl treats that he got at Eyelops on the counter, and noticed that the potions were gone.

While in exile from the other members of the house, Severus tackled the alarming problem with his magic. He’d not had a repeat of the spell not working since. He transfigured a corner of his lab into an open area, and conjured some dummies. Increasingly confused, he cast spell after spell at them, and they all worked fine.

Finally, he transfigured a rock into a rat and cast Simplice Morto at it. The rat slumped over immediately. Severus felt an uneasy prickle in his stomach. They had somehow, miraculously, escaped a terrible tragedy. Severus learned that he could simultaneously be endlessly grateful for not accidentally murdering the Chosen One, while also be deeply suspicious of how such a miracle occurred. Severus was a logical person, and this situation, as was often the case when Harry-Fucking-Potter was involved, defied logic. Severus wasn’t having it, not for a minute. Logic would not be defied, not on his watch.

He dove into his library. It was obvious that, somehow, Harry was immune to Severus’ spell. It wasn’t the spell’s fault, it was Harry’s. Obviously. The next step was to cast something on Harry again, and see what happened. Preferably not a lethal spell this time. There were only two barriers which prevented Severus to run upstairs and cast a stinging hex on the Chosen One’s arse. First, he’d sworn to him that he’d never cast magic on him while Harry were unable to defend himself. Secondly, the man in question was dismissively furious with him, and, if Severus wanted to rectify that situation, this was not a productive approach to doing so.

Despite his earlier inclinations, Severus had grown to respect the man, and, in his more unguarded moments, could admit that he was…fond of him. It rankled that Severus had now realized that he had warm feelings towards someone who now appeared to loathe him. Fuck my life, he thought.

So, Severus decided, a plan. Step One, make Harry stop hating him. Step Two, convince the now back-to-normal Harry to let him cast magic at him. Step Three, figure out why the original spell hadn’t killed him in the first place. Step Four, shag Harry. Severus paused. Where had Step Four come from? Feeling completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of paradigm-altering revelations that had come in the past few days, he resolved to examine Step Four later.

He realized that one of the first things he needed to do was call in some expert advice. Much as it galled him, he was going to have to go crawling to some Gryffindors. He floo-called the Granger-Weasleys, and was invited to tea that afternoon. As he fussed with the buttons on his semi-formal robes, Severus tried to ignore the dread that was crawling through his stomach.

As he expected, the afternoon began awkwardly. Granger bustled him into a sun-filled kitchen, and settled him at the table as she waved her wand at the teapot. “I’m terrible in the kitchen” she laughed. “It drives Molly to distraction. She’s panicked that I’m not taking good care of her baby. The good part, though, is that she’s always sending food over, so I can offer you biscuits without the fear of poisoning you”

“You were always a very strong potions student” Severus finally offered. “Cooking is no different from potions”

“Ah, but what’s the point of cooking well if nobody is giving you marks for it? If Molly came in and graded me each time I tried to make scones, maybe I’d care more about it” As she sat at the table, heaving a huge sigh at getting her pregnant self off its feet, Hermione gave him a small smile. “Ron will be in shortly, he’s just getting Rose and Hugo settled for their naps. Before he does though, I wanted to tell you, we all appreciate what you’ve done for Harry. The children in his life mean everything to him, and it killed us all to keep them apart. Having you there to make sure they’re all safe takes a load off our minds”

“I don’t really do all that much” Severus admitted.

“No, I imagine you don’t”

“Mrs Granger-Weasley, before we begin discussing the reason I’ve asked to visit, I wanted to apologize to you. During the war I was under…a measure of strain, and my instructional methods were, by necessity, quite harsh. I was unable to nurture your gifts as I would have liked to, and I regret that”

The woman’s eyes filled with tears. “Professor, thank you for saying that, but there are no apologies necessary. We had to play our respective parts during the war, and we all suffered. Of all of the costs that the struggle exacted from us, the price that you, and Harry paid were the ones I always felt saddest about.” She gave him a warm smile. “It’s water under the bridge. I’d like you to call me Hermione if you can manage it”

“I can. Please call me Severus” Snape found himself smiling back at the engaging young witch, who, it seemed, had finally come into the confidence she’d been lacking while a student.

Just then, Ron entered the room. “Hullo Professor” he greeted, pausing to kiss Hermione on the cheek before throwing himself into a chair at the table.

“Mr Weasley” Severus greeted

“Call me Ron”

“Ron. I was just finishing my apology to your wife, and I owe you an apology as well. My conduct during the war was unkind. I was not the educator I aspired to be. I have no excuse, only regrets. The two of you” he regarded each of them in turn “proved yourselves to be incredibly talented during the war. I am honoured to have fought alongside you”

Ron seemed taken aback by Severus’ open apologies. In truth, Severus had not known what he was going to say, but found himself meaning his words and hoping that his apology was accepted.

“Sir, the feeling is mutual. Your actions during the war truly turned things around for the side of the Light. The honour is mine” With that, he presented Severus with a beaming grin and a little bow of his head, and continued. “Not that we’re not thrilled to have you, but what brings you to visit?”

Severus felt the smile that had been quirking on his lips fall. “I’ve thoughtlessly and unintentionally hurt Harry. I reacted poorly to a mishap that occurred, and Harry took my actions to mean some insulting things about himself. It’s entirely my fault, and I confess myself at a loss as to how to heal the breach, or, if such a thing is possible”

Hermione and Ron exchanged a look. “Lucy” they said together.

“Who is Lucy?” Severus asked, confused.

“That’s what Harry’s calling his new owl.” Ron grinned. “After Malfoy…senior, obviously”

“So you’ve heard what happened?”

“Harry called me last night. You’re right, he was very upset.” Hermione said. Severus felt his face fall further. He didn’t know why Harry’s esteem mattered so much to him, but the loss of the companionable environment around the house pained him.

“You have to understand, Severus, this really isn’t about you, at least not exactly” Hermione began. Ron gave her a look that Severus couldn’t interpret. She quelled him with an equally incomprehensible look and continued. “Your words about the owl…in some ways, these are things that Harry has been saying about himself since he lost his magic.” At his look she hurried to continue “Not that he should be mercy-killed. But rather that a man with no magic has no place in the Wizarding world. He’s tried to leave a number of times. Harry’s self-esteem isn’t exactly the greatest”

“I’ve gathered that” Severus offered.

“He’s only staying out of guilt” Ron said. Hermione cast a furious glare at him that suggested that this discussion wasn’t the first one they’d had on the subject. “‘Mione, it’s true. He’s a fish out of water here, and it’s his ties to people that cause him to stay. But, when he starts beating up on himself, it’s easy to convince himself that we’d all be better off without him. If he didn’t have Teddy, I think he’d have left years ago.”

“And, not to make you feel more guilty, Severus,” Hermione said, only stumbling a little at the notion of referring to one of her Professors by their given name. “the fact that it’s you who has said these things makes it worse. I don’t think that you knew how fond Harry always was of you.”

“I find that very hard to believe”

“It’s true. You didn’t see him studying potions until all hours, trying to figure it all out” Ron volunteered. “Even as a little firstie, Harry wanted so badly to please you, but potions was a nut he couldn’t crack.”
Severus snorted. “Harry hardly presented himself as an eager student”

“Well, you weren’t looking for one, were you?” Ron said reasonably. “You were looking for Harry’s dad. Besides that, when Harry gets defensive, he pushes people away. He was defensive a lot around you, but it was only because he really wanted you to like him”

“And then there was the whole sixth year thing” Hermione said, and they both grinned at one another.

“As I recall, your sixth year was not a particularly pleasant one for any of us” Severus said, shuddering at what he’d had to do.

“No, but before all of that, Harry got overly attached to a particular potions textbook. It drove us all mad”

“Truly?” Severus had known that Harry had gotten access to his old textbook, otherwise he’d never have known how to cast Sectumsempra. He’d never known the circumstances, though.

“I was jealous. He liked the Half-Blood Prince far more than me, that year. It was like the book was his best friend”

“Anyhow” Hermione said, giving Ron a fond little smile. “The point is, Harry has always looked up to you, and hearing you say things that confirmed what he believes about himself will be hard for him to recover from”

“So how do I make it up to him?”

“Trap him” Ron said. “You’re going to need to corner him somewhere and get him to talk to you. Then tell him what you told us”

“I would never-I wouldn’t…” Severus sputtered.

“I know that it’s a fairly…direct approach” Hermione soothed. “But when Harry’s hurting, he tends to bottle things up inside. He won’t approach you, and he’ll allow this to fester and make him come to conclusions that will only hurt him in the end.”

“Also,” Ron continued, getting into the spirit of things “If you really mean what you say, that you’re sorry, and that you’d like to make it right…stop waiting for him to ask you for help. Try to anticipate his needs. Get ahead of him. But talk first. Harry’s as clueless as I am. If you don’t spell things out, he’ll never figure it out on his own”

The conversation moved on, and Severus found himself asking after Hermione’s health.

“I’m tired of being pregnant, that’s for sure! My ankles have never been so swollen!”

“I have a topical remedy that will help with Oedema” he offered. I can brew it tonight, and Ron, you can come by to pick it up in the morning”

“I wonder why your magic didn’t work on Harry” Hermione wondered curiously.

Severus shrugged. “It’s vexing, to say the least. I have no earthly idea”

“Maybe you’re soulmates” Ron suggested.

“Been reading the romance novels again, Ronald?” Hermione snorted. “Soul bonds are a fairy tale”

“Just because you’ve never seen one…”

“I highly doubt that I’m bonded to Harry Potter, Ron. Surely I would have noticed”

“As you say” Ronald shrugged, unconcerned.

Severus left the Granger-Weasley home, buoyed by the notion that, even if he were unable to resolve things with Harry, at least he’d made amends with the other two members of the Golden Trio.

When we returned home, (and when did he start thinking of Harry’s house as home?) Harry was sitting in the living room, staring out the window. The owl was perched in a cat bed, sleeping comfortably. He looked up at Severus’ arrival. He looked terrible, Severus noticed. Dark circles lingered under his eyes and there was a haunted look about him. He wasn’t smiling, Severus realized. Other than the few times Severus had seen him truly upset, like when he had found Teddy under the stairs, Harry was always smiling. He didn’t speak, and Severus felt a tiny stab of alarm. What if he couldn’t fix this?

“Harry” he said softly. “I feel so terrible about what happened.”

“I’m not feeling so great about it either” Harry said softly.

“Where’s Theodore?”

“Upstairs. I don’t think I’m good company today, so he went off to go read in his room”

“May I speak with you?”

Harry shrugged. It wasn’t an outright no, which Severus took as progress from the morning. He took a breath, unsure where to begin. He sat, fiddling with the arrangement of his robes, and settling himself in the chair. He crossed his legs, uncrossed them.

“Go ahead” prompted Harry softly.

“I’m uncertain how to begin” he answered, just as softly. “Harry, it goes without question that I owe you a total, unmitigated apology for my behaviour yesterday. I was unthinking about your feelings, I put you in danger, I tried to hurt an owl”

Harry opened his mouth to speak, and Severus continued “Please, Harry, I’m terrible at this sort of thing, and I don’t want to make the situation worse by my ineptitude. Would you mind if I continued before you responded?”

Harry nodded. He was sitting stiffly, tense and closed-off. Severus hadn’t seen this posture since Harry was a schoolboy. He suddenly saw what Ron had been telling him earlier. When Harry felt bad about himself, he turned away. When he saw evidence to support all of the terrible things he believed about himself, he reacted defensively. He’d never been arrogant.

“Thank you. I am sorry for those things, but I’m so much sorrier for how my actions made you feel. I understand now, that diminishing the value of the owl-“

“Lucy. Her name is Lucy”

Severus dipped his head in acknowledgement. “By diminishing Lucy’s value because she won’t fly again, it suggested that I think those things about you. I can only tell you that wasn’t my intention, because it never occurred to me to see you that way.”

“Harry, would you look at me?” Harry raised his gaze to Severus’, his expression wary. Severus smiled “Don’t worry, I won’t look at your mind. I just need you to see in my face that I’m telling you the truth” He hoped that he wasn’t imagining a fractional softening of Harry’s gaze.

“I’d like to tell you what I see in you, Harry. When you were a child, I didn’t understand you. I was blinded by my hatred of your father, and I was jealous of your power, and your ability to make people love you, and of your ability to experience the very worst things and not turn bitter or angry. Since I’ve come to live here, I’m still awed by your abilities. I’ve gotten to see you as those who love you see you. I’ve been witness to your kindness. And that’s why, Harry, in my mind, there was no parallel between an injured bird and yourself. You’re not a Wizard with no magic, or the Chosen One, or an arrogant spoiled boy. You’re Harry, and it’s a fine thing to be”

Harry’s jaw dropped open. Severus was hopeful that it’s not because he was so insulted by Severus’ confession that he was unable to speak. To Severus’ immense horror, Harry’s eyes filled with tears. Why did he always persist in making this man cry?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-“ Severus was inarticulate in his distress. He longed to reach out and hold him in his arms, but Severus had spent too many years in self-imposed exile to pile an additional vulnerability on top of the one he’d just exposed. Besides, he’d clearly just made an utter cock up of apologizing. Unable to observe the pain he’d just unwittingly wrought, Severus stood to leave the room.

“No, wait” Harry’s hands reached out, beseechingly. “Don’t go. I just need a second”

Awkwardly, Severus retook his seat. He could hear the clock ticking, he counted the seconds, but lost track and had to start again. And again. He knew that he was awkwardly fidgeting with the hems of his sleeves, and forced himself to stop.

Finally, Harry stood and approached him. For a moment, Severus tensed. For a small man, Harry was mightily strong, and Severus didn’t fancy his right hook. Instead, Harry put both of his hands on Severus’. “Thank you” he said softly, his eyes still glinting with tears, but incredibly warm. Severus thought for a moment that there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to see that warmth directed at him again. “I will never be able to tell you what your words mean to me. All my life, I’ve hoped that someone might see me as ‘just Harry’. Ron and Hermione do, sort of, but they still make a lot of assumptions. The fact that it didn’t even cross your mind that Lucy and I were, basically one and the same…well…I’m so grateful that you said that. I know that these sorts of emotional conversations aren’t really your thing. So thank you”

And just like that, they were okay again. Better than before. Severus became accustomed to stopping his work when the heavy front door banged, and Harry and Teddy came home from from work and school, often with four or five other children in tow. Severus, who’d never really loved children, enjoyed these ones. He never stopped to ask himself why, but if he’d been pressed to answer the question, the answer would likely have simply been ‘because Harry does’.

He had become fond of Theodore, largely on the child’s own merits, but aided greatly by proximity, and the fact that Harry’s eyes lit up when he saw Teddy learning something new. Of all of the additional children that entered their zenith, Severus especially enjoyed Dominique Weasley. She was a cautious child, one who lingered on the sidelines watching, rather than plunging into the action like her older sister. The other children were rougher, braver, while Dominique was a thinker. Much like Severus had been. Harry called her his ‘old soul’.

Once such day, when the children were involved in some sort of game that seemed to involve running up and down the stairs and slamming doors, Dominique sidled up to his side, a thumb planted squarely in her mouth. She had beautiful long golden hair, and her eyes were violet. Severus had no doubt that her mother’s Veela inheritance had played a part in her ethereal beauty

“‘Fessor Snape” she said solemnly.

“Dominique” he replied.

“You don’t play the wild games, like Uncle Harry”

“No indeed. I have bad knees. You don’t play the wild games either”

“I think that I also have the bad knees”

“What do you like to do instead?”

“I like gentlemen with bad knees to tell me stories” she replied. “Et vous?”

“I enjoy telling stories to little girls who may also have bad knees”

They exchanged small smiles, and Harry found them later, Dominique perched on Severus’ lap, a copy of ‘Beetle the Bard’ held between them.

“Dominique, darling. Don’t you want to come play with your cousins? Even Scorpius is playing” he encouraged.

Dominique removed the thumb from her mouth and replied “We are fine here”

Harry shot an apologetic look at Severus. “Sweetheart, you ought not to bother Mister Snape. He is likely very busy”

“He isn’t” she assured him dismissively, and settled back into Severus’ chest, turning the page.

“Would you like me to put a stop to this?” Harry asked Severus, looking worried.

“I think not. We’re just getting to the best bit” Severus answered, continuing to read. With a bemused little smile, Harry left the room and soon could be heard joining the children singing Karaoke. Terribly.

When the story was finished, Dominique fixed her gaze on Severus. “You’re the most clever of all, aren’t you?” Smirking a bit, Severus assented. “We must find Uncle Harry’s missing magic, you know.”

“Uncle Harry says he doesn’t want his magic”

“Uncle Harry says many things that aren’t true. You’re the only one who can find it, mais non?”

“Do you think that’s true?”

“I know it is. You will know where to find it. The answer is inside your heart” With that, the fey little girl pecked a kiss on the end of Severus’ hawkish nose, hopped off of his lap and disappeared in search of her cousins. It was a silly little thing for an imaginative little girl to say, but as he lay in bad that night, Severus turned Dominique’s words over and over in his mind.
- 8
- 9
- 10
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Going On