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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
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Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Thanks Rhiannon for the review. I often forget to post here, so the email in my inbox does always remind me to update. Ive got up to 113 written already.
(memory cont.)
"I'll do it."
"Well done, my dear, I knew you would understand the importance of this," said Dumbledore gently.
Snape rounded on the portrait again. "You stay out of this, you meddlesome old bastard," he seethed. There were indignant murmurs from the portraits around the room, all of whom had long also stopped pretending to be sleeping, and had been watching the proceedings with interest.
Snape then turned on Hermione, grabbing her arm and dragging her up the steps, past the real Hermione, back into the hall leading to his room. She cried out in pain as she stumbled and hit her knee. "Quiet, girl," Snape snarled at her, pushing her into his bedroom, where he flung the memory down onto the bed and started pulling at the teaching robes covering her. "Please," she sobbed. "No!"
Snape didn't stop. "You wanted this," he growled at her. "You agreed to do this, remember? Have you changed your mind?"
By now he'd managed to pull the robes off her shoulders, and she began to sob as she fought to pull them back up. Eventually Snape stilled, his body pressed over hers, pinning her to the bed. She continued to last out at him and he tried to catch her hands and quieten her. She was too terrified to realise he had stop trying to undo her clothes, and still thrashed around under him.
"Shh, it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted you to understand what you are agreeing to. Please, Hermione, please stop." He rolled off her, trying to give her some space so she would realise he wasn't attacking her anymore.
The sound of her name on his lips made her still suddenly, and she clutched the robes to her chest before rolling away from him and sobbing quietly.
"Do you still wish to go ahead, even now?" he asked almost tenderly, pulling the material up over her shoulder. Suddenly she turned over with a whimper, and buried her face in his shoulder as she shuddered. After a moment he wrapped his arms around her awkwardly.
There was a pause, before a muffled, "Yes, I'll do it," was heard. Snape pulled her head out of the crook of his neck and looked at her in astonishment. "Are you sure, really sure? You don't need to do this, not for me. It's too much to ask." The worry in his voice seemed strange to her. He'd never spoken so gently to her in all the time she'd known him.
"Yes, I'm sure," she said, stronger this time. "You surprised me just now. I felt… well safe... maybe for the first time in weeks, and then…"
"It's not going to get any better, you do realise that. You aren't going to have the chance to feel safe if you do this. I will have to go all the way, no matter how much you beg me not to."
Embarrassment at what he was saying course through her, and her cheeks heated up at the thought of sex with him. She couldn't meet his eye as she spoke. "I think… I… well, once I go back to thinking I can't trust you, that you're just a vile Death-Eater…" She bit her lip and closed her eyes, grimacing. …well, to be honest, I'm surprised it didn't happen already. At that house… when Malfoy came for me, I thought he was going to… you know. And then Pettigrew…" she shuddered in revulsion as she remember the way his greedy little pig eyes had ogled her. "Well, anyway, I don't think you could be worse than them if you tried, and it's not like I won't expect it to happen. You took me by surprise just now, I guess." She finally looked up at him, trying to smile confidently through the remnants of her tears.
"Bloody Gryffindors!" Snape grumped. "Too bloody noble for your own good." She smirked at what was obviously an attempt to lighten the mood.
"You need to understand," he continued seriously, "I want to do this as little as you do. But before I do, I want…" He pulled away from her, sitting up and rubbing his face tiredly. "Oh Gods, will you ever be able to forgive me for what I will have to do?"
Hermione felt scared, but determined at his words. "I forgive you," she said. "And I will again, I'm sure of it. I choose this way. I got myself caught, put Harry and you in danger. It should be me that pays the price. I have to try and make things better, whatever the cost." She was confident that in the future she would understand why he had treated her badly, once she was able to remember what had happened. She crawled up to kneel beside him, trying to convey the confidence she did not feel.
Snape looked carefully into her eyes, seeing the strength of her resolve, and gave up trying to change her mind. "If there is anything I can do to make your time here easier, but that won't raise suspicions, please… you only need to ask."
Hermione thought for a moment. "Perhaps… is there a potion that might help to dull pain? Emotional pain I mean. Physical pain only lasts so long, but I know that… rape victims… people who have been abused… it can affect them for a long time after. If I can't feel it so much, it may help to get me through my time here. I don't know how you can give it to me without V-v… him seeing, but if you can…"
He interrupted her monologue with a hand on her arm. "I know of a potion I can give you. It is similar in some ways to various recreational drugs, and it should help you to detach yourself somewhat from what will happen. But I cannot risk giving you a strong enough dose to stop you feeling completely. You will be expected to come back before the Dark Lord. He will be able to sense your feelings clearly if he reads your mind. He will notice if you are unaffected by your time with me, or if you are less than utterly terrified by him. It is not much, but I cannot risk doing more"
"I understand. Anything is better than nothing." She looked down at her fingers which were picking nervously at the fabric of her robes as she thought of something else. "I… I have another favour…"
"Yes?"
"I… ummm… It doesn't matter," she stuttered nervously. How on earth was she to ask such a thing of him? She was sure her face was bright red once again.
"Ask me later," Snape said gently. "I'll do anything I can to make this better for you."
Hermione looked at him, her eyes wide, and nodded silently.
"Now, I think we need to get back to our task," Snape said. "Are you ready?"
"Ready," she repeated quietly. She was still feeling slightly shocked by what had just happened. First Snape had almost raped her, then he had been so kind and tender. Suddenly, she was very unsure of just how much she really knew about him. Everything he had done and said in the last half an hour pointed to there being someone very different behind the cold exterior that was presented to the world on a daily basis. He had done his utmost to persuade her to leave, despite the danger to himself. She felt herself swell with some strange emotion as she realised how much he had been through in order to protect his true allegiance.
In the few moments she had taken to think, Snape had stood up and was now waiting by the door for her.
"Do you plan to make me wait all day, Miss Granger?"
"No, no, I'm coming," she replied quickly, jumping up as she tried to hide a smile. Whoever he really was behind the bluff exterior, she was sure he would never lose his snarkiness.
Once they were back in the Headmaster's Office, Snape went to prepare the pensieve, while Dumbledore warned her quietly that these memories, being her own of the last few months spent with Harry and Ron, were not to be talked about in front of Snape.
Hermione spent much longer in the pensieve this time, watching months of her life, and when she reappeared out of the pensieve she was exhausted, but nothing like as emotional as she had been upon her previous exit. She took the chocolate Snape thrust at her and went again to talk to Dumbledore.
"Well Miss Granger? Have you had any success with your task?"
"Yes, Professor, but not much." Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "We've only found one more, after the diary and ring. The locket you found with Harry was a fake, but we managed to find the real one and destroy it. They still need my help, we have to find the rest of ….. them, but I can't… I promised that I would stay and help Professor Snape." Her face brightened for a moment. "Can't he help? I'm sure with his knowledge of V… of You-Know-Who he might have a good idea of where or what they might be."
"I'm afraid not, my dear. Severus is too close to Tom. He is an accomplished Occlumens, but if Tom should see the slightest hint of anything wrong, he will stop at nothing to find every secret Severus knows. We cannot risk him finding out about the task I have set Harry. If he believes there is a risk to his hocruxes he will hide and protect them so well there will be no chance of destroying them."
"There must be a way I can help both the boys and Professor Snape," she said musingly. Now she had decided to help him there was nothing that would stop her. The man had done enough for others without anyone looking out for him. She was going to change that. But the boys couldn't be left to try and find the rest of the horcruxes by themselves, they were far too quick to rush into situations without thinking them through, and they were terrible at research. She was sure they'd never figure it out without her. She wasn't even sure what had happened to her bag. She'd dropped it at some point as she was running from the Snatchers. Everything she and the boys needed was in there, all of her books. She'd have to ask Professor Snape if she could use the school library. The though set off an idea in her mind.
"Professor, I have an idea of how to do both." She turned and raised her voice to address Snape as well. "Professor, I still have to find a way to help Harry and Ron. They have something they must do, and they will need help, but Professor Dumbledore says I can't ask you. But I think I have a way to help them, and stay here with you." She paused to wait for his reaction.
"Go on, Miss Granger," was all he said.
"If you keep my memories safe, and when you think we have enough time, give me the chance to research and try to help the boys. I will store my memories of the research, you then obliterate me again, and the next time I will see the new memories as well as the rest. You can continue to do what you need to so he doesn't get suspicious, and I can continue to help my friends."
"And what would stop you from getting suspicious of the sudden losses of memory? If Voldemort sees it in your mind he will want to know what memories are disappearing. He is already angry that he has not been able to find any information about Potter in your mind."
She thought for a moment. "Well, if you wait until the morning and wake me up, then I won't realise that I'm missing memory. After you obliviate me I will just think it's the next day. Or I could be knocked unconscious for a while… you could always tell me after that I had been asleep for a long time recovering."
"And what could I possibly do that would make you believe you have been knocked out for hours or even a day on what could be a fairly regular basis?"
She already had the answer to that one, although the thought made her nauseous. She took a deep breath and summoned her courage. "The Cruciatus curse? Surely that could that make me black out."
"Yes." His mouth twisted in distaste. "Bad enough that I have to… force myself on you. I had hoped to avoid using the Cruciatus on you as much as possible. You had a small taste of it earlier. Are you sure you are really prepared to go through that on a regular basis? You would not be able to endure it."
"Wouldn't that be suspicious? Surely he would expect you to perform it on me, occasionally at least? And if it is what needs to be done to fool him, then yes, I am prepared to do it," she replied hotly, stalking towards him, her Gryffindor bravery insulted. "Don't think you hold the monopoly on self-sacrifice. What Harry is doing is important, and as far as I understand, so are you, and I must do all I can to help you both. And if being raped and tortured is what it takes…" she choked slightly before continuing. "Don't you dare go easy on me! If there is any suspicion that all is not as it should be if he looks in my head, then it is all for nothing."
"Have you ever cast the curse, Miss Granger? he said almost wearily. "You have to truly mean it for the curse to be strong enough to knock you out."
"You must find a way to mean it, Professor," she said simply, stepping towards him and laying her hand on his arm. Snape looked old and careworn. He obviously hated the thought of what she was begging him to do.
"Maybe… you could remember all the times I insisted on answering you correctly in class," she said with a small smile, trying to lighten his mood.
It had worked somewhat, a small smile now ghosted across his lips, although there was still a dark expression visible in his eyes. "Maybe, Miss Granger. We shall see."
"Ah, Severus, I remember the many times you would stand in this very office and complain about Miss Granger's aptitude for knowing all the answers to your questions. I remember you didn't seem to be particularly enamoured of the fact that she actually managed to equal your own OWLS potions score either." The painting the addressed Hermione. "I think what offended him the most, however, was the fact that you weren't in Slytherin. Yes, Severus?"
"Whatever you say, Albus," he answered nonchalantly, trying to ignore the observation. Dumbledore and Hermione shared a quick smile.
"Well, Miss Granger," he tried to return to the previous conversation. "It seems we have decided on an acceptable, if distasteful course of action. If you wish I can order dinner, and then we can discuss anything else you feel is important while we eat, or is there something you wish to do first?
"Can I do some research first? I'm not really hungry yet. And I still want to …" She trailed off, unable to look him in the eyes. How could she ask him to torture her with the Cruciatus, and not be able to ask this of him? Snape frowned, obviously wondering what she was still unable to say.
She decided to try and chance the subject. There was plenty of time to ask later. "Oh, you don't happen to have my wand do you, Professor? I can't remember having had it at all."
"I don't have it, but I do know where I can get it. It would be of little use to you now in any case. While you were unconscious the Dark Lord ordered me to bind your power. It is a rather long and taxing spell. Besides, I would only have to redo it in a few hours, and there are more pressing matters to attend to this evening. I will look into attaining your wand, and maybe at a later date we can lift the binding for a few hours."
Hermione nodded, clearly disappointed. "I need access to the library. Is it possible for me to get down there without being seen?"
"I don't believe so. The Carrows are unpredictable, and have an unerring knack of being able to find anyone doing what they should not be. I can't risk exposing you to them. They will be curious enough as it is, and your presence in the library would be… peculiar, considering why you are here. However, I believe I have something as good as, if not better, than the library…. This way, Miss Granger."
Hermione's followed him back to his rooms. This time they entered the library. Hermione gasped, her eyes wide at the sheer amount of books in the room. Her fingers twitched at the sight, and Snape noticed, smirking at her.
"Considering the importance of your task, I will allow you to read any book you wish, but if you want to read a book on dark magic, I would ask that you inform me first. If you are not sure what the book might contain you must consult me first. Many of these books are quite dangerous and rare, and have their own wards on them. Some of them are dangerous in their own rights."
Hermione just nodded, her eyes still traveling around the lines of books. There were so many, a vast number of them not available even in the restricted section.
Snape smiled gently at her. "Off you go, Miss Granger." He give her a little push. She went quickly to the closest shelf and began browsing the titles, trailing her hands gently across the spines. Occasionally she paused to pull a book out, and quickly she had a stack which she tucked under one arm. Snape watched her for a few moments before he pulled out his wand and deftly magicked the pile from her hands and set it down on his desk, which he then also expanded.
A small stool was also quickly transfigured into a larger chair which pulled itself up to the desk on the opposite side to his own chair. Hermione stopped to watch him while he worked, smiled in thanks, and continued her perusal of the shelves. Before long she had another pile of books under her arm which she balanced on the edge of the desk and sat down.
Snape raised his head from his own book, and looked up at her again as she pulled open the first book and begun to scan the pages. After a few moments she asked Snape for parchment and a quill which he gave to her, and she began to scribble.
Snape ran his eyes over the pile of books then turned his attention back to Hermione, satisfied that she hadn't chosen anything that needed the wards removing from. He watched her curiously for a few minutes as she worked, furiously writing with one hand, and turning pages with the other, sometimes twirling a strand of her bushy hair around her finger as she thought.
He opened the desk and pulled out a small, worn book. The sound of the drawer closing with a bang made her look up from her book. Their eyes met for a moment, and lips twitched slightly as he glanced over the piles of books surrounding her, but Hermione could see the pain in his eyes. This all must have been awful for him. He's got no one but a painting to confide in, and everyone hates him.
Seeing even a hint of a smile on his face amazed her, though she knew it shouldn't, but it was so unlike the stern teacher she had always known. He began to read, and she took the chance to study his face carefully. He was even gaunter than he had been at the end of the sixth year, and there was an air of melancholy hanging around him that she had not noticed earlier.
Hermione couldn't remember having seen him genuinely smile before, unless it had been at the misfortune of someone else, usually a Gryffindor whom he was intent on making cry. Yet, he had shown more positive emotion in the last few hours than she had seen in all the previous six years. Since we decided on a plan which would include me losing any memory of it. She rolled her eyes. Still, it's nice to know that he actually has other emotions besides hate and anger.
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Memories of Deception