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You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling & her associates own the Harry Potter universe and I make no money from my stories.

Chapter List
- 97
- 98
- 99
Disclaimer: All recognisable IPR owned by JKR.

Dear Readers, yes dark times are ahead for our heroes, but you trust me in the long run - don't you? I hope so.

Chapter 98: Dissembling

It was a mark of how physically and mentally exhausted both men had been that, after they had eaten, they had both slept until dawn in each other's arms, oblivious to the world around them.

When Snape had awoken, he had had one moment of perfect contentment in Lupin's warm embrace before he remembered Dumbledore's callous demand. From that realisation onwards, a sickness of heart settled like a shroud over him, and he hurt as if Dumbledore had cast a Cutting Curse to his soul. All he wanted to do was stay where he was, wrapped up next to Lupin, even if it was just for the day.

Of course, he had not been permitted the indulgence of Sunday to themselves. As Poppy administered her tests and potions that morning, a house-elf delivered a scroll from Dumbledore asking to see Snape as soon as possible.

"I'm sure whatever it is, it can wait," said Poppy sternly. "You are unwell, Severus."

Poppy took the scroll from Snape's fingers and took his pulse. Snape was acutely aware that there was a time when he and Lupin would have found her fussing inordinately funny, or, at least, Lupin would have, and Snape would have enjoyed his husband's amusement. But now, he felt hollow, as if his soul itself ached and he simply could not find the humour in it.

Against Poppy's advice that he was still too unwell and Lupin's wishes that he stay to be tended, Snape had dressed and gone to see Dumbledore, not because he was following his orders, but because he did not want Dumbledore in the side ward with Lupin – he did not want him anywhere near Lupin until he, Snape, had decided how things would be handled.

He sat upright before Dumbledore, his expression unfathomable. He was not the man who had argued and begged in turn the day before, but a man on whom sentence had been passed and who had nowhere to turn. His answers to Dumbledore's enquiries about his health were monosyllabic and sullen and they fell into an uncomfortable silence.

Dumbledore regarded him, his blue eyes clear and sharp. Snape could help but note to himself how there was no twinkle in those eyes. He doubted he would ever see Dumbledore light-hearted again. All the years of Dumbledore's planning and scheming, and Snape had followed him loyally, his only mission to atone for what he had done. He had suffered Dumbledore's good humour and platitudes, but had had also learnt from his brilliance and his patience. With Dumbledore's guidance, he had begun to feel he could attain some worth, some measure of redemption.

Now, he realised that they had crossed the Rubicon from whence there would be no return for them. There would be no more mentor and penitent; no paternal guidance; no gentle remonstrance to Snape's fits of pique or sullen temperament. All of that was in the past.

Snape knew now - and he could never un-know the terrible truth - that in Dumbledore's scheme for the greater good, there was no room for Snape's happiness and it cut Snape deeply.

Not for him a simple life with Lupin and their child after the fall of the Dark Lord. Love had been denied him before, and now it would be denied him again. Snape himself had handed Dumbledore his liberty when he had vowed to do whatever was required to redeem himself. He had no choice but to give Dumbledore what he wanted, and Snape hated Dumbledore for it. Not the burning, soul-destroying hatred that had led him to the service of the Dark Lord, but the bitter, arid hatred of desperate hopelessness.

"It cannot wait forever, Severus."

"It can wait until Remus is well," said Snape quietly, but firmly. "Whilst Remus stays here to recuperate, there is simply no need to tell him this … this desire of yours," said Snape, his tone flat. "Why do you feel the need to hasten the destruction of my relationship with him?"

"I do not, Severus. Neither do I wish your resolve to weaken."

"I have no resolve for this. It is your resolve. It will never be mine."

Dumbledore acknowledged the comment with a nod.

"Nevertheless, you know there is no other way."

For one moment, Snape was almost moved to try to plead once more, but in his heart he knew it was pointless.

"I will do what you ask, but not until Remus is fully recovered and you must not interfere. You must leave it to me."

"I trust you, Severus."

oooOOOooo

"Can you tell me what's troubling you so?" asked Lupin, worry plain in his eyes, as he kissed Snape's shoulder as he sat on the bed on his return.

"Some of it," Snape sighed and closed his eyes. He wouldn't tell Lupin all of it – he wasn't even sure how he would manage a separation yet. He wasn't even sure he could! But, he would at least tell him about the Fidelius. With any luck, Lupin would believe that his own injuries and the breaking of the Fidelius triggered Snape's shock yesterday. It was a half-truth, but at least it was not a complete lie.

Snape told him the whole story from the moment the ring had resonated until he had returned with Bellatrix to the Dark Lord. He did not tell him about the Tracing Jinx or his conversation with Dumbledore on his return. Lupin listened in silence, letting Snape tell the story in his own way, occasionally squeezing his hand for reassurance.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," Snape said as he finished. "The flat is no longer safe. We cannot go back there."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You saved me. You risked yourself to do it." Lupin pressed a kiss to Snape's face. Snape's stomach turned with the knowledge that there was worse to tell.

"I should have been aware before I Disapparated. I should have ..."

"No Severus!" Lupin interrupted. "You expect too much of yourself. We'll find somewhere else. Make a new home for ourselves." Lupin brought Snape down to lie against him. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go. You are my home."

As much as he was home to Lupin, Lupin was home to him. Snape closed his eyes as he listened to Lupin's voice, so much stronger than it was the day before, wishing he could make the pain in his heart diminish.

"As soon as I'm better, I'll do the flat-hunting," said Lupin, stroking his fingers through Snape's hair.

"No!" Snape raised his head to meet Lupin's look of surprise. "You are a target. We know that definitely now. I will find a new flat, but when I do, you must hide there - out of harm's way!"

Then, for a mad moment, Snape thought if he could get Lupin to agree to hide – hide here in Hogwarts – the place the Dark Lord expected Snape to be – he could keep him safe. He could just keep him. As quickly as the mad thought tried to take root, he remembered Dumbledore's interdiction against it and then Lupin himself sealed the fate of Snape's only way out.

Lupin sat up slowly and held Snape gently, but his tone was firm.

"I cannot stay shut away, Severus. I have to work – for a living as well as for the Order." Snape started to protest, but Lupin shook his head. "I can't hide. What kind of a man would that make me?" Lupin stroked his thumbs over Snape's cheekbones. "I know you want to protect me," he said gently. "And I understand. But we're in this together. Now rest."

oooOOOooo

The following week was a diary of unfolding misery for Snape.

Monday came all too soon, and Snape had to return to teaching. Poppy insisted he return after the evening meal to the ward so she could monitor him overnight. He suspected she and Lupin had connived to keep them together and he was grateful for her intervention even though he could feel Dumbledore's disapproval of the delay.

On Tuesday, when Snape returned to the side ward after teaching, Lupin was sitting up in bed.

"Severus!" Lupin smiled broadly. "Albus brought us a list of flats. Have you seen them yet?"

Meddlesome old man! Snape thought furiously, but was more angry with himself that if he did not pull together a plan soon, Dumbledore would take the initiative and this was his way of letting Snape know it. Covering his upset, he sat with Lupin and they went through the list together but Snape only paid attention to the flats that Lupin liked. After all, Snape was not destined to share whichever one was chosen.

On Wednesday, Snape gave orders to Gringotts to pay the deposit and three months' rent in advance on the flat of Lupin's choice, and instructed Tippy to move all of Lupin's belongings there. She did so without demur. It was only later that evening as Snape collected his students' papers from his office, intending to mark them as he sat with Lupin, that Tippy appeared to request which of Professor Snape's belongings should also be moved to the new flat.

It stopped Snape in his tracks. To dissemble, he should give the outward appearance of normality – there should be some of his belongings at the new flat. But then, when it was time for Snape to leave, Lupin would have all those reminders of him. That didn't strike Snape as fair either.

He told Tippy he would call her when he had decided. As she popped away, he sat heavily in his chair.

His previously pain-addled thoughts crystallised. He knew what needed to be done. He would tell Lupin that Dumbledore was sending him undercover to the Dark Lord – that he would be required constantly when not at school. This gave him the excuse to request Tonks's assistance at full moon. If he stayed away on espionage every bit as essential as that which Lupin used to undertake with the werewolf packs, how could Lupin not understand? He would come to rely on the woman and, like Angharad, she would take a place in his life – a second mate. It would be painless.

Painless for Lupin, anyway.

Lupin need never know that Snape was leaving him. In fact, Snape was sure Lupin wouldn't allow Snape to leave him. Dumbledore would need to understand Lupin's nature if he wanted both of his spies alive. And if Lupin came to realise at some time in the future that Snape was indeed gone, he would have his second mate to dull any pain, and no mementoes in the flat to jar any memories.

Snape let his head fall into his hands and a sudden sob racked his chest as he thought further.

Of course, when Snape killed Dumbledore, Lupin would stop loving him anyway. That was assured now. If Snape was not there to tell him the truth when the Fidelius broke, Lupin could never know the truth. He would hate him, and Dumbledore's wish for the destruction of their relationship would be realised.

He moaned in misery, but it was as good a plan as he could think of. It would keep Lupin a safe distance from Snape, and Lupin's safety seemed to be the only goal he was allowed.

It was a full hour before he mastered himself enough to return to Lupin, and he held him throughout the long and sleepless night.

On Friday, Snape told Dumbledore of his plan at lunchtime. His voice had been monotonous as he had relayed the plan. Not once did he look into Dumbledore's eyes.

"Severus, you are doing the right thing."

"Not for me," said Snape. "Tomorrow, we will tell Remus this lie. Remember when you see his pain whose fault it is."

Snape had swept out of the room and went straight to see Lupin.

"Severus! How wonderful. Are you joining me for lunch?" exclaimed Lupin, his smile lighting up his face.

It was such a beautiful smile.

oooOOOooo

Poppy had finally given permission for Lupin to leave the side ward. Between them they had agreed that Lupin would spend the night in Snape's quarters before being discharged the next day.

"It's like old times, Severus!" said Lupin, as he entered Snape's drawing room. "I've missed these rooms."

"I've missed you being here," said Snape, softly, almost tremulous in anticipation of the night together.

Lupin pulled Snape into an embrace and kissed him lightly.

"You're still unwell. I should be looking after you now."

"I am fine, Remus. I'm still worried for you, that's all."

"But you can see I'm fine now. I've had the very best care, after all." Lupin sat and pulled Snape to sit next to him. "And we'll get moved in tomorrow and I promise you I'll be more careful ..."

"Never think you are to blame, Remus," Snape interrupted forcefully then sagged against the settee as Lupin pressed him back carefully.

"Severus," Lupin said, calmly, caressing Snape's shoulder. "You mustn't worry like this about me. Not when you take so many risks yourself."

Snape was about to protest, but Lupin laid a gentle finger on Snape's lips and then kissed him softly and so very sweetly. The sweetness of it took Snape's breath away. He realised then he didn't want to spend this night with his heartbreak. He wanted to take every bit of love and affection that Lupin could give him, and return it one hundred-fold while he still could.

His own lips responded just as gently, gradually releasing the brittle tension in his body, allowing the sweetness of the kiss and the warm caresses to ease away the bitterness of his sacrifice to come and wash over him with tenderness.

The moan that escaped his throat as Lupin's fingers unwound his cravat, undid his collar, and stroked his neck was almost one of pain as the touch seemed to drill into his soul and he knew then how he wanted this night to be. He reached out and guided Lupin's fingers to the bite on his neck, never disengaging from the kiss as Lupin's fingers deftly opened Snape's robe and shirt and his soft lips made their way across Snape's throat, exciting throaty murmurs from Lupin as he understood the request that had been made.

Lupin's lips found the bite, and then his tongue and teeth. Snape's head fell back as the intensity of the bite drove everything from his mind and body and he slowly succumbed to bliss.

oooOOOooo

It was the perfection of satisfaction that he usually felt when they made love, but it was more than that. He tried to remember every single feeling and touch, trying to imprint it on his mind for when he would have it no more.

The dawn was approaching and Snape watched through the window Lupin had constructed for him, even as Lupin himself slept soundly, their limbs tangled together from a night of tender passion.

Snape refused to sleep. He would not waste one single second, even if it was just to watch Lupin sleep. He turned his face slightly just so he could place a single, soft kiss on Lupin's cheek, only to gasp violently as the Dark Mark burned through his flesh.

Tears of pain sprang to his eyes and he winced, but he would not give in. He turned fully so his body trapped his own arm and moved so he was once again in Lupin's arms. The sleeping man responded, pulling Snape closer and humming contentedly.

The pain flared through him, just as it had that one other time when he had ignored the summons on the night of the Third Task. He would not respond. This was his time with Lupin. He could concoct a lie for the Dark Lord easily. He would probably be tortured anyway, whether he arrived on time or not. Let the Dark Lord torture him. It could be no worse than what Dumbledore had planned for him.

oooOOOooo

The Dark Lord stalked around Snape's prone, twitching body, still angry despite subjecting Snape to the Torture Curse in repeated violent bouts.

Of course, Snape had been right that the Dark Lord would curse him for his tardiness. Without even hearing his excuse, the curse had torn into Snape as soon as he knelt before the Dark Lord. Had he been able to think past the agony that fired through his nerves, he would not have been surprised: he had not left Lupin until 11 that morning. Only a fool would keep the Dark Lord waiting for nearly five hours.

The Dark Lord paced back and forth and, although Snape could feel the Dark Lord's magic reverberating powerfully, straining to be unleashed, the Dark Lord was clearly containing a further torture spree.

"You know you deserve this punishment, don't you, Severus?" the Dark Lord hissed as he glowered at Snape.

"My Lord, yes," Snape gasped, his hands clawing at the floor for purchase to try to kneel once more.

"Get up! Get up! Account for yourself!" the Dark Lord hissed.

Trembling from head to toe, Snape pushed himself to a kneeling position, although he was barely able to hold his head up.

In his Occluded mind, he remembered the brush of Lupin's fingers over his face and neck and the memory comforted him. He remembered the extraordinary beauty of Lupin's smile as they had bathed together that morning and then that Lupin had dressed him carefully in his Death Eater robes in an act that spoke of adoration. Snape would not have missed those times just save himself some pain – he would not have missed those times for the world itself. It galvanised him to raise his face.

"I was with the old man," he said weakly, his breath rasping. "And some members of the Order ... I thought ... I was to stay ... if I erred, my Lord ..." He wondered if the Dark Lord remembered his instruction to Snape to stay at Order meetings, even if he was summoned. He held his knees to steady himself.

The Dark Lord swooped about him, threateningly, but he did not deny that he had given such orders.

"What news do you have for me then, that you kept your master waiting?"

"I am still trusted, my Lord. They were making arrangements for a new safe house -"

"- Under the Fidelius?"

"Yes, my Lord." Snape hoped the Dark Lord would not savage his mind. There could be no retrieval of information under the Fidelius Charm.

"You have been taken into the Charm?"

"I have, my Lord," Snape lied, his voice becoming stronger. "Had I left at that point ..."

"Yes, yes, I understand. It is good the old man still trusts you." The Dark Lord cast over Snape, and Snape knew he was checking the Tracing Jinx. He would find nothing other than Hogwarts there. The Dark Lord ran his wand across the tips of his fingers. Snape knew the Dark Lord wanted to punish him again: why hadn't he?

The hem of the Dark Lord's robe whispered along the floor as he turned from Snape and went to the desk, then returned and pushed a phial into Snape's hands.

"Drink it!" he hissed. "But never expect this mercy again."

Post-Cruciatus Potion! With shaking hands, Snape unstoppered the phial and drank greedily, wondering what on earth had induced the Dark Lord to offer to cure Snape's post-Cruciatus tremens. He breathed in deeply as he felt the potion begin to work slowly but surely.

"When you are ready, come to me!" the Dark Lord snapped and left the study.

Snape could scarcely credit it. The Dark Lord did not hand out potions. He expected his acolytes to accept his correction. Merlin knew, punishments for other Death Eaters assisting each other were always severe - if caught.

Eventually the potion had its full effect and, only slightly tremulous, Snape appeared before the Dark Lord in the Hall.

oooOOOooo

It was dusk. Dumbledore's office was bathed in the red remnants of sunset.

Snape and Lupin sat as Dumbledore paced behind them. Lupin sat in his chair so he could look at Snape as he told them of the meeting.

"He wanted me to Legilimise the children. He said they would have information they probably didn't even know they had – things their parents had said – that kind of thing."

Lupin held his hand, and Snape was grateful for it.

"Why didn't Voldemort do it himself?" asked Dumbledore.

"He had ... ah ..." Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. "He had tried with the oldest child. In the time I wasn't there, he drove the boy into madness." Snape swallowed hard, knowing Dumbledore was blaming him for ignoring the summons. "The Dark Lord sometimes enjoys the manipulation of memories more than physical pain itself. He didn't exercise restraint."

"I see," said Dumbledore. "I trust you were there in time to save the second child."

Snape felt his cheeks flush deeply, hearing in his mind the cutting comments Dumbledore had made to him the previous week: your existence is so wrapped up in Remus. He knew Dumbledore would use this as proof of Snape's dereliction of his duty.

"Yes. I was."

"Did you hurt her?"

"Albus!" interceded Lupin.

"It's all right, Remus. She fought me, just as Potter fought me. She panicked. It hurt her, but not like the Dark Lord would have hurt her. I got the information he wanted, but I did not give it all to him."

With that, Snape told Dumbledore about the children of Elvira and Nicholas Page. The parents had been Muggle-born both. The father was an Unspeakable and their mother worked for the Minister's Liaison Office. They had died trying to protect their children. Greyback and Bellatrix had been punished for their failure to bring in the whole family alive. The Dark Lord had wanted to use the children to force secrets from the parents. With no parents to manipulate, he hoped the parents had discussed their work at home. From what Snape had found out, it appeared they did. Or, at least, the mother did. Eventually, Snape managed to discern from the scraps of memory he plucked from the child the mealtimes when the mother told the father so much information that detailed itineraries for Scrimgeour could be salvaged from those fragments. Snape had given the Dark Lord enough to be satisfied, but tried to expurgate critical links between them.

"Well done, Severus," said Dumbledore nodding, and then stroked his beard. "What of the child?"

"Children, Albus. There were another two. I told the Dark Lord that there may be more information to get, but if they were injured, physically or mentally, it would become more difficult. He agreed not to let the others have them."

"Severus. If this is successful, you understand that Voldemort will attempt this with other children ..."

"He has already said so, not just children but adults too. He has been interested in using my Legilimency ever since I fought off his Imperius curse."

"It is better that it is you than him," said Lupin.

"Clearly so," added Dumbledore. "There is a chance the prisoners may survive if it's Severus."

"And we must find ways to look their rescue too," added Lupin.

"If Severus is there, of course," said Dumbledore.

"It goes without saying," agreed Lupin intently.

Snape saw the trap just as it sprang shut.

"Severus, you should be deployed at Malfoy Manor whenever you are not called upon here at Hogwarts. That is the only way we can ensure you are there to protect these prisoners."

Snape's jaw dropped. It had been so smooth. How could he complain? It was his very own plan. He turned to Lupin, unable to speak, hoping Lupin would refuse, but knowing he would acquiesce to Dumbledore's wishes. He saw refusal in Lupin's eyes, then he saw shame for the thought.

"All the time?" asked Lupin, his voice small.

"Just as you were undercover with the packs or when you were in Egypt," said Dumbledore, "so no suspicions are aroused. Think of the lives that may be saved, Remus."

Oh so smoothly done.

oooOOOooo

"We could use the mirrors?" said Lupin, still cradling Snape's face as they lay facing each other in bed in Snape's quarters, still breathless from passionate, desperate sex.

Of course they could, but then he would be going against Dumbledore's demand.

"I might be with the Dark Lord at any time," replied Snape quietly, guilt warring with hopelessness. If he could just tell Lupin the truth, Lupin wouldn't let him go. Lupin would demand a retraction from Dumbledore – Snape knew he would. He pressed his own body next to Lupin's, savouring the feel of their skins touching. The time was drawing closer. It felt as inexorable as death.

"Are you telling me everything, Severus?" asked Lupin. Snape knew Lupin was sensing his guilt.

"Do you want more detail of what I did to the children?" rejoined Snape, knowing it was an unfair deflection.

"No. Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't think." He kissed Snape's face again.

"I don't want us to part," murmured Snape, wondering if even that admission would compromise his Vow, and therefore Lupin's soul.

"I'm sure Albus doesn't mean us to stay apart completely. He wouldn't do that to us. There has to be a way," said Lupin resolutely, and then kissed Snape's forehead as Snape clutched Lupin's body. "There has to be."

oooOOOooo

All that had been gained was a few extra days at the weekend. Snape and Lupin had filled them with passion and affection. Snape knew they were their last days, although Lupin did not. He still believed that Snape's vigorous passion had been spurred on by the attack and his recovery – not that he complained. Lupin told Snape at every opportunity how entranced he was by Snape's ardour and returned it in kind.

Monday came, and Lupin went to see Dumbledore as Snape taught, but when he returned to Snape's quarters, he told Snape that Dumbledore had just asked Lupin to be patient and to trust him that everything would work out.

Lupin had taken that meeting at face value, and in turn reassured Snape, holding him close as they murmured their good-byes to each other with tender kisses before Snape saw Lupin to Dumbledore's office as the school sat down for dinner.

"As soon as it's safe, Severus, we'll be at the flat together – you'll see," said Lupin, with the smile of a man with complete belief.

It took all Snape's strength to smile tightly back and not beg Lupin not to leave. He held Lupin's hand and gave it one final squeeze then left before his tears overwhelmed him, as he heard Lupin call "The Leaky Cauldron" and the fire flare, and he closed the office door, knowing Lupin was gone.

He had thought he would weep once he returned to his quarters, but he did not. He moved around his rooms like an automaton, finally unpacking those cases from their previous home, knowing his possessions would only find their home here or at Spinner's End. His clothes, his toiletries, his books, his papers, the letters from Alphard – it was all here. Tippy had been thorough – nothing of Lupin's remained here.

Just as listlessly, he undressed and lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, inhaling Lupin's scent that still remained on the bed clothes. Once. Twice. Three times until it filled his senses.

This bed that had seen such passion these few days, now cold under his back.

This body that had been filled, now empty and alone.

Then a cold tear traced down the side of his face. It didn't matter if it was one tear or a thousand: his despair was complete.

oooOOOooo

The very next day, Dumbledore began to set things in motion, closing off avenues of meeting for them. A new Fidelius was worked on the flat as Snape taught during the day. Dumbledore was the Secret Keeper. Snape had even told Lupin this was the best idea as then Snape could not be compelled to give up the Secret, even though Snape knew Dumbledore would not divulge it to him. Only after his death would the Secret repose in Lupin himself.

Just two days ago, Snape had known the address of the flat when he had made arrangements for the payments. Now, he could call it to mind no more.

Snape and Lupin had thought they would see each other at the next Order meeting at least, but Dumbledore then told Snape he should no longer attend Order meetings.

"It will not be long now, Severus," said Dumbledore, "before you can no longer attend in any event."

Snape glared fiercely at Dumbledore, unable to believe he could be oblivious to the hurt he was causing. The reminder that once Snape killed Dumbledore, his reputation, any shred of trust or respect he had had would be lost, on top of everything else Dumbledore expected him to bear, was just too grim.

It was not that he cared about the meetings themselves, but they had at least connected him to the Light and to those who worked for it. It was not as if he would be missed: he was neither liked nor trusted by most of the Order. Why should his absence make any difference to anyone except to Lupin?

It shouldn't make any difference, but to Snape, he felt as if his humanity was being stripped away, piece by piece.

oooOOOooo

"So, why weren't you at the Order meeting?" asked Tonks, her gaze mistrustful, as she looked around the bar at The Hog's Head where Snape had asked to meet her.

"Dumbledore has other tasks for me," replied Snape. Tonks opened her mouth to ask, but Snape repressed the pending question. "No, you may not ask what. I am here to discuss Lupin."

The effect on Tonks was electric.

"What is it? He was out of sorts at the meeting. He even had words with Dumbledore. Do you know why? What's happened?" she said rapidly.

"As far as I know, nothing has happened." The lie was easy, but the knowledge that Lupin wore his distress on his sleeve was not.

"The business Dumbledore has for me means I will not be able to tend to Lupin as I used to," he said, his tone matter-of-fact. He saw the realisation of what this meant light up Tonks's eyes. He tried to control his voice so it would not betray his own upset. He turned his attention to his apothecary bag and produced two large glass jars.

"This is a balm I've been working on specifically for transformation injuries. It is applied directly after any tears or breaks ..." His voice almost gave out, but he coughed and glared at a customer nearby who was smoking a pipe to cover the moment. "As I was saying, any tears or breaks are repaired first. Your Auror medical training will suffice for that. This salve will speed up recovery and prevent cursed scarring."

She received the jars as if they were solid gold, her eyes sparkling with happiness. She knew what being together at the full moon meant. At that moment, Snape wished he could tell her that he understood her grief – the grief that would soon be his.

"Do you have the address to Lupin's flat?" he asked quietly, steadying himself for the answer.

"Yes, Dumbledore gave it to me after the meeting."

Foul, foul, foul old man! Snape nodded abruptly and inhaled deeply to calm himself. He doubted Tonks noticed – she was too happy holding the jars as if they were the key to her happiness. Perhaps they would be.

"I will continue to supply his Wolfsbane. It has gone way beyond the standard preparation now. It would only set him back to have the standard Damocles brew now ..."

"You won't see him at all? Not even for research?" Tonks interrupted, confused, her gaze now sharpening as she looked at him. "Why are you doing this for Remus? You hate him."

"Dumbledore has ordered it." It answered one question, but not the one Tonks thought. She nodded and her acceptance of his answer made him burn with anger. "I will be undercover for a long time." Snape had to draw on all his considerable restraint not to give in to hex her and Disapparate to try to find Lupin. "Now, as I was saying ... I will send the Wolfsbane by a Hogwarts house-elf called Tippy. She is very trustworthy. Dumbledore appointed her for the purpose."

Tonks nodded. Snape could see a tinge of colour returning to her cheeks. There was no doubt that she was planning to make herself indispensible to Lupin, and that she hoped that it would one day lead to love.

He continued instructing her and she listened avidly. She had always been an apt pupil, even if inclined to misbehave. She had loved David once and she would know how to care for Lupin – she should care for him because Snape himself no longer could.

Snape told himself this over and over in his mind now he was so thoroughly convinced that what he did, he did to save Lupin's soul. After all - he had sworn – he would do anything to keep Lupin safe. Even this.

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A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed.
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You Will Not Kiss Me