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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
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Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Pulling herself up off the floor, she glanced up at the clock. Barely a minute had passed since she had first pressed the memory to her temple, although it had seemed like an age. You left him… a voice whispered in her head. Ungrateful… He did so much for you, and yet you did nothing as he lay dying.
"I didn't know…" she whispered. Her heart seemed to constrict in her chest. Suddenly she could see the events of the last few weeks in a totally different light. So many times she had seen anger and disgust in his face, and thought it was for her. But it was for himself, for what I forced him into doing. He hated every minute of it. And I told him I hated him, that I wished he was dead! She'd seen the fury in his face as he watched one of the Carrows torture a student, and thought it was because of Madame Pomphrey, or for the student himself. But now Hermione realised from the conversations she'd just remembered that instead he was fuming at his inability to be able to stop the mistreatment of the students under his care.
She couldn't pretend, even now, to understand everything he had done in his treatment of her, but knowing now his unwillingness to even agree to letting her stay, she was sure that he had only done what he thought was necessary to ensure both of their safety. There was only one thing she was certain of right then, and that was that she had no idea what her own feeling were regarding him. What am I supposed to think? He raped me… but I asked him to. He kept me safe, even though it was torture for him. And… oh Gods, I wanted him, he made me want him! Or did I want him before…
Do I want him now…?
And just how did he feel about her? She had previously been so sure that he had felt something for her. The man was obviously an excellent actor, but was he good enough to fake those sorts of emotions. Or had she just been deluding herself. The gentleness with which he had begun to treat her might just be his own way of dealing with what he had been force to do. He'd manipulated her into agreeing to do whatever he commanded. He probably only wanted you to stop fighting him, so it was less hard on him. You've been encouraging his attentions. Perhaps that was his intention, so he didn't have to force himself on you. Or is there something more to his behaviour?
The answer was not forthcoming, and she was sure it would take her some time to sort through her jumbled feelings. Maybe there would be something that would help her in the next memory.
Hermione looked over at where Harry was still emerged in Snape's memory. It could take him a while to view it all, depending on what Snape had decided to show him, but the reintroduction of her memories had taken mere seconds. The silence that had suuround the castle since the ceasefire felt eerie, although she could occasionally feel the castle shudder and groan beneath her feet. No time to think. I've got to hurry. She reached for the next phial, quickly pulling the memory out with her wand and putting it to her temple.
As she awoke she immediately became aware of a dark figure leaning over her. She gasped and scrambled across the bed to get away from him. No, not again, please…
Snape's mouth tightened in irritation. "I am not going to touch you Miss Granger. Please put this on and follow me. There are things you must see."
She looked at him uncertainly, wondering what he wanted. Miss Granger… He never calls me that. What's going on?
Snape thrust the robes in his hands towards her, and she took them from him automatically. Whatever was going on, she was sure it would be better for her if she did as was asked. The pain of the Cruciatus was fresh in her mind, and she didn't want to risk displeasing him. She wrapped the robes around her and stood. He beckoned for her to follow, and she did without complaint. Her surprise when he led her down her hall and into his office was great.
She stood in front of his desk, peering around curiously. The previous Heads of the school were all looking down at her curiously, except for Dumbledore, who was snoring quietly. She frowned in disappointment, wondering what he must have thought about the man who had murdered him taking his place as Headmaster. The rest of the portraits seemed to be stern and disapproving as they watched her. She turned back to Snape, standing behind his desk in an effort to forget all the eyes on her. He seemed strangely ill at ease, his hands twisting nervously in his robes. Why is he acting so strange?
"Miss Granger," he began, "I… There is something you must see, that will help you to understand why you are here, at Hogwarts." He gestured to the desk in front of him, and for the first time she noticed the silvery grey bowl sitting on the top.
A pensieve… what could he possibly want me to see in there? She opened her mouth to speak but he quickly cut her off.
"Please… I ask that you leave all questions until after you have viewed your memories."
Mine…? My memories? Why would Snape…?
"Many things will be made clear to you, which would otherwise take far too long to explain. You may ask anything you wish of me afterwards. Is this acceptable?"
The fact that he was asking her to do this, rather than forcing her made her pause in her desperate wish to ask what was going on, and she nodded her acquiescence. Snape seemed relieved, if her efforts at reading him were correct.
"When you are ready." He waved at the pensieve, and cautiously she stepped forward. She'd read up about pensieves when she'd first heard of them, and she knew the theory, but had never used one herself. She lowered her face to the liquid ad was pulled in.
Memories swam before her eyes, her initial disbelief soon replaced with horror at what she had forced him into doing to keep her safe. It's all my fault… why didn't I just watch where I was going? The horror faded slowly, a pervading sense of gratefulness and appreciation for everything he had done for her spread through her, and relief that he was not the bastard that he had seemed for the past seven years. Finally, worry set in. Worry for him, for everything he had been through, just for her.
She was watching herself research horcruxes when the memory suddenly ended, and she found herself back in the study. Snape had sat down at the desk while she had been gone. There were sheets of parchment spread in front of him, but he was ignoring them, his head in his hands and his face a sickly grey.
Quietly she stepped around the desk, her soft footsteps on the bare stone not enough to attract his notice. She looked down at him for a moment, feeling a strange surge of affection rolling through her. She reached out and touched him gently on the shoulder.
"Professor…" she whispered, "Are you ok?"
He looked up at her, and she could see the self-loathing in his eyes. Suddenly he stood, pushing her aside and bolting around the side of the desk. He dropped to his knees and grabbed the bin, his whole body heaving. Hermione followed him quickly and grabbed his hair as her mother had done for her years ago when she'd been sick. It took Snape a minute or so to stop throwing up into the bin, and once he seemed sure he had finished he pulled his wand from his sleeve and vanished the contents of the bin. Hermione quickly let go of his hair and stepped back, sure that he would not want her to crowd him.
He hauled himself to his feet using the desk, before conjuring a glass of water, which he drank half of, and set the rest down. He had not yet looked at her.
"Professor…" she said again.
"I'm so sorry, Miss Granger," he said roughly. "I'm sorry. I had to… The Dark Lord, he wants to see…"
She stepped forward and put her hand on his arm. "I understand, It's ok… I'm ok," she said quickly, not sure whether she was telling him the truth, but knowing that he needed to hear it. He was just as much a victim of the circumstances as she, and perhaps more, as she knew instinctively that he blamed himself for everything.
She needed to distract him. "Please sir, I have some questions…"
A couple of hours later she was bathed and clean, and sitting across from him in his library. He had answered all the questions he had been able to, and had explained why he was unable to answer the rest. Dumbledore had woken up and spoken to her too, although she had not been impressed to find out that he had actually forced Snape into killing him. And had told the old bastard to his face too. Hermione smothered a giggle at the memory of Snape's face when she'd berated the portrait.
Snape turned from the fire and looked at her quizzically. She shook her head slightly, before smiling shyly across at him. He didn't return her smile, and she almost laughed at how unsure he suddenly looked. He returned his attention to the fire, and they sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes until Hermione yawned.
"Perhaps it is best if you go to bed. You will have a long day tomorrow."
Hermione had been dreading this moment. She was strangely unwilling to leave him, knowing she would not be able to sleep easy with all her new knowledge flowing through her head. She felt vulnerable in a way she hadn't even when she'd been completely at his mercy, but she didn't expect him to be happy to let her stay with him. How was she even to ask such a thing of him?
"Yes, maybe I will…" she sighed, pushing herself up out of her chair. She walked slowly towards the door, lost in her own thoughts, and reached out to turn the handle. She pulled the door open an inch, then paused and turned, intending to say goodnight. Snape was right behind her, and she squealed in surprise, jumping back.
"I thought perhaps you would like to use my room this evening, it is far more comfortable than your own." He obviously mistook the way her face lifted in hope for worry for he continued quickly. "Of course I will take your room, you needn't worry… what's wrong?" he asked, concerned by the way her eyes had suddenly filled with tears.
"Oh, it's nothing," she tried to say brightly, but he was having none of it.
"Miss Granger, it is clearly not nothing. Please… tell me, I wish… let me do what I can to help."
"I… it's just… I'm scared," she whispered tremulously, her head lowered in mortification. "I want… I…" She trailed off, unable to ask him.
Snape stepped forward and touched her lightly on the shoulder, and she flew at him, wrapping her arms around him. Snape stiffened, but after a moment laid his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back enough so that he could see her face. "Tell me, if I can do it I will."
"Please… don't leave me… I don't want to be alone."
"I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right across the hall…"
"No, I mean…" she bit her bottom lip, wishing it was not so hard to ask. She was not even sure why she was so desperate to keep him with her. Only a few hours ago she had thought only the worst of this man, and would have been ecstatic to never have to see him again, and now she was beyond desperate to stay by his side. Perhaps the whole situation had sent her insane. This was certainly not normal behaviour.
Snape waited patiently, obviously not prepared to let it go until she told him what she wanted.
She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I want to stay with you… in the same room. I don't want to sleep by myself…" she pleaded.
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Memories of Deception