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Shining Star in the Night Sky	By : Padfoot79 Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1128 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Shining Star in the Night Sky
- 1
Shining Star in the Night Sky

Author: Prongs (Padfoot79)

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all things 'Harry Potter.'

Word Count: 4,972

Rating: R.

A/N: This story was written for Chloe Oscura for the SiriusXJames group's Christmas Exchange. Chloe asked for Sirius angst, so this story does have some dark moments.
A/N 2: This is AU in many ways. For example, in the real "Harry Potter" books, Sirius' parents were not deatheaters. In this story, they are.



~*~*~*~

"What's wrong with you? That performance was hardly up to your usual standard!"
Sirius looked at his companion angrily.
"Can't even answer, can you? Everyone thinks you're so bloody wonderful. If only they knew the truth about you!"
"You fucking bastard," Sirius replied bitterly.
"Don't you dare talk to me that way, you pathetic moron."
Sirius cringed as he felt a strong fist collide with his right eye. He didn't know how much longer he could live like this.
"Now get out of my bed! I'm through with you for the night," the man cackled as he pushed Sirius out of the large bed and onto the hardwood floor. "I expect a much better performance from you tomorrow night."
Sirius hurriedly grabbed his clothes and threw them on his battered body. Then he made his way out of the room and limped outside.
The cold night air was somehow refrng ong on Sirius' bruises. He quickly muttered a concealment charm and then slowly sat down on a bench in front of the castle and stared up at the sky.

~*~*~*~

The star he was named after shone brightly. Sirius studied it for a while, deep in thought. Ever since he was a child, he had always been mesmerized by the beautiful objects of the night sky.
Nighttime had always been his refuge. From his father who had slapped him nearly every day. From his mother who yelled at him and constantly reminded him he was a terrible mistake and a great disappointment. From his brother who taunted him and made his life miserable. Sirius would always wait in his bed every night staring up at the ceiling, imagining he was already outside under the vast, comforting sky. The moment that he knew his family was asleep, he would carefully sneak downstairs and escape to his safe haven-the night.
He knew that many people feared the darkness, but he never had. He felt safe and protected. Those who could harm him were generally sound asleep. Those who would look at his bruises or laugh at his depression were also sleeping peacefully. Nobody could hurt him when it was dark. The blackness of the sky wrapped around him like a blanket that a child clings to. He could simply hide in its safe embrace. The lights of the stars and the glow of the moon comforted him at a time when nothing else could.
And then there was his star. The dog star. Sirius. Somehow it always reminded him that maybe there was a better life ahead of him. How could he be named after something so powerful and beautiful and not retain any of its qualities? It shone brightly when he felt nothing but dimness inside. It was powerful when he was saddened andk. &k. It was a reminder. A constant reminder that something better had to be ahead of him. It simply had to be. No one could live like this forever.
And then, finally, it did get better. When Sirius entered Hogwarts, he met the most wonderful person in the world. The one person who could somehow manage to comfort Sirius more than the black night sky or the glowing moon or the shining stars.
That someone was James Potter. Upon first meeting James, Sirius was jealous. Jealous of a boy who seemed to have everything, including a family that adored him. James was happy and rarely seemed depressed. He was confident and even arrogant quite often. He had his enemies, but he also had a wide group of admirers. Sirius figured someone as glorious as James Potter would never want to be his friend. Sirius was from the wretched Black family. Why on earth would a Potter befriend him?
And yet, somehow, it happened. Several weeks into their first year, the two were inseparable. They laughed and pulled pranks together. They studied and made jokes. They flew around on their brooms and broke more rules than most students knew existed. They belonged together. They finished each other's sentences. They often knew what the other was thinking. They picked up mannerisms and phrases from the other. Many students figured they had been friends since they were born.
Beyond all of that, the most important thing about their friendship was that it made Sirius forget about his troubled home and his unloving parents. He rarely had the urge to sit outside and stare at the night sky. James was his night sky. James was his everything.
The summer between first and second year was hell for Sirius. His family constantly berated him for being a Gryffindor and befriending a Potter. Sirius found himself missing James terribly. He returned to his safe refuge-the nisky sky with the glowing moon and the shining stars. However, this time, when he saw his star, he knew he had found something better. He just had to be strong until the next time he could see James.
The next few years passed in basically the same pattern. Sirius and James had become the best of friends and were almost always together. While they were close with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, it was obvious that their friendship was forged with much closer ties. James frequently asked Sirius about his family and his life during the summers and before Hogwarts, but Sirius rarely answered with any pertinent information. He somehow managed to sidetrack James into thinking about quidditch or something else entirely.
James wrote Sirius many letters each summer, and Sirius was able to read most of them. James' owl usually flew to Sirius' window, and Sirius was constantly on the lookout for the beautiful feathered animal. Replying to James' letters was a much more difficult matter, though. He had to write to James at night, and he had to be as quiet as he possibly could muster. In the end, he took to writing James' letters while sitting under the stars at night.
By the time they reached their fifth year, Sirius realized he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. He knew he could never tell James, but he often dreamed that he could. He imagined the perfect life with James.
That strong, heartfelt dream burned inside of Sirius for several years, like the stars burned in the night sky.
The summer before his seventh year, Sirius' parents discovered their son's love for James Potter. Sirius did not know how they found out, but they did, and they punished him brutally. Perhaps he could have simply denied it. Though, they probably wouldn't even have believed him.   And anyway-the idea of saying he did not love James hurt Sirius more than his father's fist and his mother's cruel tongue.
However, Sirius had had enough. With blood dripping down his face and bruises consuming his tired body, he left home. It didn't take long at all to gather his belongings together. He had very little he cared about in his family's home. Mostly, he had memories, and all of those were far too painful.
When Sirius arrived at the Potter's house, he halfway expected them to be angry and turn him away. James had always said that his parents knew Sirius wasn't a true Black, but that didn't stop Sirius from worrying that James' parents would force him to leave. After all, what good wizards would want someone from such a dirty family staying at their house?
Well, Sirius was quickly proven wrong. James and his family took Sirius in without question and immediately set to work on healing his many injuries. That night, Sirius finally told James the truth about his home-life. It was obvious that James was hurt Sirius hadn't said anything sooner, but James didn't dwell on that point. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his best friend and just held him.



And so, Sirius' life seemed to have improved greatly. He still hadn't told James that he loved him, but he knew that was something he had to keep inside. At least he was away from his family, and he had James to comfort him. And hold him.
During Sirius' seventh year, it all fell apart again. A dark family by the name of Irkinstock struck a deal with Sirius' parents. The Irkinstocks had a son in Ravenclaw who was Sirius' age. The young man's name was Matthew, and his temper was as vile and dangerous as that of Sirius' father.
The Black family was higher on the scale of dark wizards than the Irkinstocks. In order for the Irkinstocks to move up in ranking, they made a promise to the Blacks. If they fulfilled their end of the bargain, then the Blacks would promote them as one of the oldest and darkest pureblooded families around. The Black's word, of course, was worth more than its weight in gold. This, indeed, was the best way for the Irkinstocks to become more powerful, which was what they had always wanted.
The deal simply involved Matthew Irkinstock torturing the Black's traitorous son, Sirius. Beating was defined as excellent, but not nearly enough to make an impact. Slapping and hitting were encouraged, but still deemed to be not good enough. Abusive language was thought highly of, but rape was considered to be the best form of torture.
The Blacks told Matthew that Sirius was strong and was likely to fight back. They encouraged Matthew to use whatever means necessary to keep Sirius locked into this terror for at least two months. In the end, Mr. Black came up with the best-laid plan for success-simply have Matthew explain that his family was closely tied with the Dark Lord. If Sirius disobeyed Matthew's wishes, then James and his family would be moved to the top of Voldemort's list of targets.
Sirius, of course, said nothing. He did put up a strong fight initially, but eventually succumbed to his torture. He desperately wanted to tell someone-perhaps Dumbledore or another professor. But Sirius couldn't dare take that chance. His only source of happiness was James, and Sirius simply could not lose his best friend. He could allow for James' family to be hurt, either. They had done so much for him, and besides, their death would result in far too much pain for James. Sirius couldn't bear the thought of it.
And so, he visited Matthew nearly every single night for several weeks. He was beaten and raped repeatedly. It took every ounce of power within him to appear normal during the day. Concealment charms simply were not enough. Sirius constantly wanted to break down sobbing whenever he was with James, which was quite often. He had trouble concentrating on his schoolwork, and he was rarely truly interested in pranks anymore. Everything was a show that he put on to appear normal to his friends. He figured that they suspected nothing.

~*~*~*~

Sirius sighed and continued to stare up at the stars. He knew he should probably go inside soon, but he didn't want to. The dark halls bothered him. His bed was lonely. James no longer slept in the same room as Sirius, Remus, and Peter because he was Head Boy. The comfort of knowing that James was close by was gone for Sirius.
"Maybe I should tell someone," Sirius whispered, looking up at his star. "Am I a coward?" He crinkled his forehead and shuddered. What if he had told someone? James could be gone…
Sirius shivered and felt a tear slide down his face. This was no way to live. He took a deep breath and slowly stood up on shaky legs. He nearly fell back down when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Sirius jumped and turned around to find himself face to face with James.
"We need to talk," James said in a calm voice. His real worry was betrayed by his eyes, which shone with fear.
"What about?" Sirius asked, trying desperately to sound normal.
"Everything," James replied. "Will you come back to my room?" he asked, gently taking one of Sirius' hands in his own.
Sirius slowly nodded his head and allowed James to lead him back to the Head Boy's room.
They said nothing as they walked down the long hallways of Hogwarts. The only sound was their breathing and the shuffling of their boots.
Finally, they reached their destination. James softly closed and locked the door. Then, he looked back at his best friend.
"What's going on?" James asked softly. "And don't try to deny it because I know you. Something is wrong. The past few weeks, you haven't been yourself at all. I can tell you're trying to hide whatever it is, but I won't let you. I need to know what's happening, Sirius."
The entire time James was talking, Sirius was looking down at the floor nervously. He couldn't tell James. He couldn't risk hurting James or his family. He couldn't….he simply couldn't…
But all rational thought left Sirius' exhausted body when he felt James wrap his arms around him and pull him close. James' warmth was like the blanket of the night sky. Only better. Much better.
James carefully guided Sirius over to the bed and both sat down. Sirius buried his head in James' shoulder and began to cry. He sobbed for nearly half an hour while James simply rubbed his back and held him close.
When Sirius finally lifted his head, the strong wall of lies he had built crumbled under James' gaze, and the truth came pouring out.
James listened intently while Sirius explained everything. The only thing he left out was his love of his best friend.
Exhausted, Sirius collapsed back into James' arms.
James, on the other hand, was shocked and stunned to say the least. Finally, he spoke. "I wish you had told me," he whispered as his arms tightened around Sirius.
"What if…." Sirius sobbed. "I couldn't risk it," he replied hoarsely. "I couldn't hurt you or your family."
"We wouldn't have let anything happen," James said slowly. He was trying desperately to remain calm for his best friend. All he really wanted to do was find those who had hurt Sirius and destroy them in the most painful way possible.
"How could you be sure?" Sirius murmured, his tears subsiding. "What's going to happen now, anyway? Now that you know? I'm so weak and pathetic, James. I should have been stronger. I was just…just so afraid of losing you, and you're everything to me."
James closed his eyes momentarily and silently wished for all of Sirius' pain to leave forever. "Sirius, I-"
"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry," Sirius whispered. "It's just that I…you have no idea how much you have helped me over the years, James. You've helped me get through so much. You're the only reason I'm alive, and I love you, James."
Sirius' eyes widened when he realized what he had just said. He tried to pull away from his best friend, but James held onto him tightly.
"And I love you," James replied in a quiet, yet extremely intense voice. "I have for quite a while."
Sirius studied James' face for a moment before lowering his head and gazing at the floor. His long, tangled hair fell into his face. "But you love me like you would a brother or a friend," he said refullfully. He couldn't believe he had said so much that he should have kept concealed.
James gently swept the strands of Sirius' hair aside and forced Sirius to raise his head. "I am in love with you," James replied clearly.
"What?" Sirius' voice wavered, and he felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He silently willed them away to no avail.
"The minute I met you, I knew we would be best friends, Sirius. By the time I was fifteen, I wanted you. I needed you. Maybe it was lus lust then, but I don't think so. I think it has always been so much more. I love you. I love everything about you except for the hell your life has become. I want to make it er aer and take away the pain. And I will if you'll let me."
Sirius' resolve died again as he began sobbing against James' chest. This time, he stayed that way until he fell asleep, nearly an hour later. James, however, stayed awake the entire night plotting ways to seek revenge on the Blacks and Matthew Irkinstock.

~*~*~*~


The following morning was a Saturday and the day that most of the students were returning home for the winter holidays. Weeks ago, James had practically begged Sirius to come home with him and celebrate Christmas with the Potters, but Sirius had refused. After all, Matthew was purposely staying at Hogwarts for a good portion of the holidays, and therefore, Sirius was obligated to stay, as well. However, things had changed. James wasn't letting Sirius out of his sight for any length of time.
"Are you sure your parents won't be angry?" Sirius asked warily the following morning. He had just taken a shower and was leaning ast tst the bathroom door with his wet hair drenching his shirt.
James got up and walked past Sirius into the bathroom. He grabbed a comb and a towel and tenderly started working on Sirius' long locks. "We want you to be there, Sirius. And besides, I will not let you stay here."
"He's going to find you and hurt you and-"
"No, he won't," James interrupted. "We have to tell my parents, though."
Sirius turned around lnd looked at James sadly. "Then they'll know how weak I am."
"You are not weak," James said firmly. "You are one of the strongest people I know. Your strength and will to live are the reason you have survived the hell you've been through. Never say you're weak."
"Strength had nothing to do with it," Sirius whispered. "I only survived because of you."
"And before you knew me?"
"I would go outside almost every night and look at the stars. I also wished that there was something better waiting for me. Some reason to live. You're my reason, James."
"Maybe I have helped you, Sirius, but the power still lies in your hands. Your strength has kept you alive. You're an amazing person."
"No I'm not," Sirius replied. "Look at me! Think about how many people believe I'm this suave, collected person. It's all a façade, James. I'm really-"
James clamped his hand over Sirius' mouth. "Stop right there. You are a wonderful person, Sirius. Stop saying otherwise."
"James, I've been letting that bastard beat me and rape me night after night," Sirius said with tears in his eyes. "How is that wonderful?"
James opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. He honestly didn't know what to say, and he worried that saying the wrong thing could hurt Sirius even more.
"See? I'm not wonderful. You don't even want to be around me now. You can't even think of anything to say."
Hoping this wasn't the worst thing to do at this crucial moment, James leaned forward and captured Sirius' lips with his own. The kiss was short, but gentle, and it conveyed James' true feelings in a simple, but meaningful gesture.
"How can you love me after everything?" Sirius asked quietly.
"How can I not?" James replied. "Sirius, regardless of what you think, you will always be an amazing person to me. You're not weak because your parents hurt you. You're not weak because of that bastard-" James paused, trying to calm himself down. "The fact that you went through so much pain just to try to protect me and my family shows how truly wonderful you are. You're intensely loyal, and-"
Sirius stoppemes mes when he grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm broken, James," he whispered. "And only you can put the pieces back together."
"And I will," James replied.

~*~*~*~

As James had said, his parents were overjoyed that Sirius was spending Christmas at their house. They had always loved him and often felt sorry for him because of his family and their treatment of Sirius.
When Mr. and Mrs. Potter heard about the Irkinstocks, they were irate. Being one of the most predominant members of the light side, they had inside information about the dark families. They knew that the Irkinstocks were not that close to Voldemort. The family simply hadn't been around long enough for Voldemort to trust them. The Potters immediately knew that the Blacks had to be behind the horrible treatment of Sirius, and they were determined to find out the details.
While James' parents worked hard to uncover the truth, James worked hard to comfort Sirius. At first, they slept in separate rooms, but James quickly insisted Sirius stay in his own room. Night after night, Sirius awoke screaming, memories of his family or Matthew foremost in his mind. As soon as Sirius started sleeping in James' embrace, he rarely had nightmares.

~*~*~*~

The day before Christmas Eve, James' parents were called away by Dumbledore and several other important members of the light side.
"What do you think is going on?" Sirius asked worriedly. He was scared that the Irkinstocks were going to harm James or his parents.
"I don't know," James replied quietly. "They're often called away whenever Voldemort and his deatheaters are up to something. They rarely tell me the specifics."
"James?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
"For?"
"Helping me so much. For being here for me. I feel so much safer when I'm with you."
James smiled warmllad lad to have a distraction from worrying about his parents. "We'll always be together, Sirius. I promise."
Sirius smiled and leaned forward. He pressed his lips against James'-the first time that he had ever initiated a kiss between them. James responded quickly and wrapped his arms around Sirius' body. Sirius closed his eyes and stuck his tongue into James' mouth. James moaned and pulled Sirius even closer to his body.
James moved one of his arms slightly and reached up to run his fingers through Sirius' long raven hair. Sirius opened his eyes and stared at James. "Will you make love to me?" he asked, almost timidly.
James gazed at Sirius with wonder evident in his brown eyes. "Are you sure you're ready?"
Sirius nodded his head. "I know you're not going to hurt me, James. I know you're not him. I want you to make love to me."
James gently kissed Sirius' forehead. "You're positive?"
"Yes," Sirius replied, almost looking amused. "I am."
"And you'll tell me if you want me to stop?"
"I will," Sirius said quietly.
James nodded and brought his lips to Sirius' once again. While kissing his lover, James slowly moved his hands to Sirius' waist. He moved back from Sirius for a moment and carefully pulled off Sirius' shirt.
James eyed Sirius' beautiful chest for a moment, but then decided he shouldn't stare since it might make Sirius uncomfortable. He once again closed the gap between the two and kissed Sirius, this time with even more passion. One of James' hands was busy combing through Sirius' hair while his other hand had taken to stroking Sirius' tanned chest.
Sirius eventually pulled away and tore off James' shirt. They both moved back together, relishing in the feel of their bare chests against each other.



James gently pushed Sirius back against the bed. James positioned himself carefully above Sirius and looked into his lover's eyes.
Sirius placed his arms around Ja' bo' body and pulled James down against him. "I love you," he whispered hoarsely.
James brushed some of Sirius' hair away from his eyes and then kissed Sirius' lips tenderly. "I love you," he replied with equal passion. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"Positive," Sirius said, his voice full of need.
James carefully placed his hand on Sirius' waist. He slowly unzipped Sirius' jeans and pulled them off. Sirius quickly did the same with James' pants. The two were now wearing nothing more than their boxers.
They pushed against each other, kissing madly. Their erections pounded against one another, filling both young men with even more desire than before.
Not able to wait any longer, James pulled off Sirius' boxers and then his own.
Sirius moaned when he felt his lover's body against his own. This was nothing like the abuse and pain he had previously experienced. This was the most wonderful feeling in the world. He felt even safer than he had before. He felt loved.
As the two made love, neither noticed the glowing moon or sparkling stars shining in through the window.
When they were done, they simply stared at each other for what felt like hours. Finally, James pulled the blankets up around them both. Sirius placed his head on James' chest and cuddled up into his best friend's embrace. Sirius' eyes eventually came to the window, and he couldn't help but smile when he saw his star brightly glimmering. He had always hoped there would be something more, and now there was. And there always would be. He knew this was going to be the most wonderful Christmas of his life.

~*~*~*~

The following morning, Sirius awoke to see James looking at him with loving eyes.
"Good morning," James whispered, running his fingers through Sirius' hair.
Sirius smiled and snuggled closer against his lover. "Good morning." Sirius paused and then looked worried. "Did your parents ever come in?"
James nodded his head. "I believe they checked in on us, too."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Hope we weren't too shocking."
James laughed. "You were sleeping, and I pretended to be asleep."
"Could you not sleep because of me?" Sirius asked, obviously concerned.
James rolled his eyes. "Don't be daft," he said, grinning. "I was watching you, love."
Sirius just smiled and closed his eyes again.

~*~*~*~

Later that morning, the two finally got out of bed and threw on some clothes. They hurried downstairs and found James' parents in the kitchen.
"Is everything okay?" James asked as he grabbed a muffin.
James' parents glanced at each other and then looked back at Sirius and James. "The deatheaters attacked the Irkinstock's mansion last night," James' dad finally said.
Sirius sat down quickly and stared at the wall. James put his hand on Sirius' back before speaking. "Do you know why?"
Mrs. Potter nodded her head. "The Blacks led the attack."
Sirius sighed and lowered his eyes. James pulled a chair over next to his lover and sat down close to Sirius. He grabbed Sirius' hand and held it tightly in his own.
"We are almost positive they killed the Irkinstocks because Matthew stopped-" Mrs. Potter's sentence was never finished, but everyone knew exactly what meant.
"Are you saying that Sirius' parents were paying that bastard to hurt Sirius?" James asked angrily.
"Not exactly paying," Mr. Potter replied. "The Irkinstocks wanted a higher position among the dark wizards, and the Blacks offered to help them. In order to attain this position, the Irkinstock's son was…"
Sirius cringed and started to get up. James followed his lover, but both were stopped by Mrs. Potter's next words.
"Sirius, James, wait," Mrs. Potter begged. "There were many deaths last night."
"It was an unusually brutal gathering," Mr. Potter added.
Sirius and James just start tht the two adults with questioning eyes.
Mrs. Potter got up from the table and walked over to Sirius. "Your family was killed," she said quietly.
Sirius' eyes narrowed and he looked at Mrs. Potter as if trying to figure out what to say. James' hand grasped Sirius' tightly.
"I didn't consider them my family," Sirius finally replied. "The word family implies people who care about each other and love one another. That was never them. If anyone is my family, it's all of you."
Mrs. Potter smiled with tears in her eyes as she hugged Sirius tightly. "You will always be part of our family," she said softly. "Especially considering what I saw last night," she murmured, winking at both Sirius and James.
James just smiled and took Sirius' hand in his own. "What do you want to do?" he asked quietly.
Sirius shrugged his shoulders and squeezed James' hand. "Anything is fine with me."
James nodded and led his lover out of the kitchen. The two walked into the living room area and sat down next to each other on the sofa. Sirius rested his head on James' shoulder in their usual favorite position.
"Are you all right?" James asked after several peaceful moments.
"I am," Sirius replied. "I never loved my family. You know that."
James simply nodded his head.
"It's weird to think that they're dead, but more than anything, I feel safer now. I know they can't hurt me or anyone I love. They're gone forever. And so are the Irkinstocks. What all of them did to me will haunt me, but it will get better with time. It already has, thanks to you, James. I feel relieved they're gone." Sirius paused and looked up at his best friend. "Is it bad to feel that way?"
James looked surprised. "I can't believe you're asking that, Sirius. Of course it's not. You have no idea how much I despise your family. I hate them so much for everything they did to you. I'm glad their dead. They deserved much worse, though," James whispered. "And you deserve so much better."
Sirius smiled and placed his head on James' shoulder again. He gazed at the beautiful Christmas tree contentedly. The ornaments seemed to sparkle and glow like the night sky he loved so much. Sirius' pale eyes then reached the top of the tree where a glorious star shone brightly. He grinned and snuggled in closer to James. Finally, everything was perfect.
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Shining Star in the Night Sky