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Research and Development Part I; Hunger	By : Aubrey Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 8764 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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TITLE: Research and Development Part I; Hunger

AUTHOR: StarryGazer

EMAIL: foppagal@yahoo.com

PAIRING: Harry/Remus

RATING: R

FEEDBACK: (where feedback should be sent: on or off list)

DISCLAIMER: Belongs to JKR. No profit. No infringement etc.

SUMMARY: Harry wants Remus. Remus wants Harry. It should be
simple, right? Mwahahaha. Not while I�m
the author. Harry�s filled with adolescent rage, Remus fights his
inappropriate lust, and they both end up facing a werewolf plot device.

CATEGORY: (Drama / First Time / Humor / Hurt-Comfort / Romance)

BETAS: tahnee and Kel�thanks, guys!

Hunger

�Oh, that.� Lupin looked mildly embarrassed.
�Molly let me borrow it. For while I cooked. Er. Come see what I�ve made for
you!�

Harry felt the enormous guilt well up once more, far surpassing the rage
in its insidious power, but, well� Lupin looked so proud. How would it
alleviate Harry�s self-reproach if he were to make the man feel badly by saying
he wasn�t hungry? Harry followed him into the kitchen, trying not to drag his
feet too much. On the counter was one of the most�gaudy-looking desserts
he had ever laid eyes on. Strawberries were sprinkled extravagantly across
mounds of rich whipped cream, which were settled ponderously atop an
almost-totally buried foundation of cake. Large scoops of ice cream lavishly
surrounded the base, completing the very picture of an example of how to become
obese in one sitting. Harry gaped.

�That�s�just�holy cow�� he managed.

Remus beamed. �I did it all myself. It has a
Chilling Charm on it, so it should still be fine after we�ve eaten supper�so
I�m afraid you�ll just have to wait until then to have some.�

�I�er�right�� Harry said dazedly, and let Lupin
push him into the dining room.

�Harry!� Hermione�s arms were thrown around
him, and he tried not to cringe away from the embrace. It wasn�t like he didn�t
like Hermione, but he�d not grown up in a very touchy-feely family, and her
enthusiasm could be a bit overwhelming.

�Hey!� he said, trying to work some warmth into
his voice. He was just so tired. �How�ve you been?� He followed her to sit at
the table, where Ron gave him a grin.

�Have some chicken, Harry. Mum fried it�it�s
really good�� he said, shoveling some onto a plate and handing it to his
friend.

�Um�thanks.� Harry listened to Hermione talk
about what was going on as far as she knew, and Lupin headed out into the
backyard to join the rest of the adults. Harry picked at his food.

�Come on; you�ll want to eat more than that,�
Ron said. �D�you want to eat out back? There are six fully fledged wizards out
there,� he added for Hermione�s benefit, �so Harry ought to be just fine
outside.�

�Yeah�I would like that,� Harry said
grally,lly, knowing he�d gotten tery pay pale over the summer, languishing
indoors all the time. �And I don�t really need to eat any more. Did you see the
dessert?�

Ron laughed. �It�s a monster, isn�t it? Lupin
was so happy he�d get to see you; I�m kind of surprised it doesn�t need a room
of its own. Eat it before it eats you, Harry, that�s all I can say,� he
advised.

Hermione grinned, too. �When he said he would
need three dozen eggs, I thought Mrs. Weasley was going to tell him to buy his
own. She didn�t much like giving up her kitchen for the project, I can tell you
that. And after seeing all the bowls and things he used�I thought we�d need a
crane just to get it to the table.�

�I
might have overdone it a tad,� a voice responded, and the three whirled to see
Lupin standing in the doorway. They turned an uncomfortable red, but the man
was grinning. �But after all, how often does one turn sixteen? It�s quite an
important day, you know. From this day forward, Harry will be considered of
age. He�ll be allowed to learn to Apparate, and he�ll��

�Not likely,� Harry said grimly.

Instead of faltering as Harry thought he would,
Lupin just grinned more widely. �Actually, I think you�ll find that we�re all
in agreement that you should learn to Apparate, and the sooner the
better. Tonks and Mad-Eye and I will all be insting ing you. Hermione and Ron
have already begun learning. Hermione�s almost got it down pat.�

�Yeah,
well, she would, wouldn�t she?� Ron muttered sullenly, making Harry feel just a
little better about having been left out of the lesson until now. Hermione shot
him a glare, while still somehow managing to look properly pleased at Lupin�s
compliment.

�Yes, well. Why don�t we all head outside?
Arthur�s got a lovely barbeque going.� He gave Harry an encouraging smile and
shepherded them out the door.

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Lupin
sighed as he watched the boy skillfully maneuver his fork around so it looked
like he was about to take a bite, without ever actually doing so. That same bit
of potato salad had been there for a quarter of an hour. If this kept up, he
would have no choice but to talk with the boy. He really didn�t want to�he had
always been one of the least confrontational people he knew�but Harry was
becoming so thin�and he hadn�t started off at a proper weight in the first
place.

�I�m glad he wanted to come, at least,� Remus
said quietly to Moody, who frowned and shook his head.

�He didn�t want to come. I had to pull out the
Threat, again.�

Remus sighed briefly, closing his
eyes. The Threat had become commonplace, which was surprising, considering how
odd it had seemed at first. At the beginning of the summer, the boy had been so
terse and contrary�he would say down was up just to argue with you about it. It
had been hell getting him to do anything, but then�

Hermione had simply suggested that, for some
reason, Remus�s opinion would matter more to Harry than the others, and that if
Harry were handled carefully, he might be a little more willing to go along
with certain things, if they somehow involved Remus. Remus had been certain she
was wrong�why on earth would his thoughts or feelings matter to Harry, who
barely knew the man? He certainly liked Harry well enough�probably better than
was proper, actually�and he knew Harry liked him, perhaps even thought of him
as a friend, but Harry had many friends. And Harry had scads of admirers. Why
on earth should he affect the boy differently?

Lupin just wished he understood why
Harry had done it. Perhaps understanding that was the key to a lot of other
things about Harry, and a way to help him through some of his problems. There
just weren�t a lot of possibilities in the werewolf�s mind that would have
explained that kind of behaviour. Harry could be looking at Remus like a
surrogate father�but they had spoken of that almost right at the outset, and
Harry insisted he didn�t want that; no one could replace Sirius. It was
possible that Harry looked up to Remus and wanted to keep on good terms with
someone he admired, but Remus felt this was doubtful. After all, he was not
much of anything for a teenaged boy to admire�not the way Sirius was�he dressed
poorly, and he never did anything flashy or brave. Harry might have behaved
that way if he�d had a crush on Remus, but Remus felt like this was an even
more unlikely scenario. However strangely warm and tingly he felt at
contemplating it. Aside from all the reasons listed that a teenaged boy would
not idolize the werewolf, there was also no indication the boy was that way
inclined, or interested in older men, or capable of getting a crush on a known
werewolf. And he certainly could have done a lot better than Remus, in any
case.

No, there
were only two options that seemed remotely feasible in this case�and Remus was
thoroughly depressed by both of them. The first was that Sirius had asked Harry
to befriend Remus if anything happened to him. He�d already asked Remus to look
after Harry, so that was a distinct possibility. The thought that maybe his
best friend felt the need to fix his friends fos for him because he wouldn�t
have been able to form his own made him quite angry. Stupid Sirius�if that were
the case. The second possibility was that Harry simply was desperate to keep
contact with the one person that was part of the lives of the people he�d
loved. Remus was the last living person who had been close to Lily, James and
Sirius�the last person that hadn�t actively attempted to get them killed, of
course. This didn�t make him angry, but he did feel very�sad, thinking about
it. Part of it was perhaps a small ache of disappointment that Harry didn�t
like Remus for himself. The greater part, however, was simple sorrow that Harry
was so insecure as to feel the need to comply with Remus�s every whim simply
out of fear of losing him otherwise. If he�d known Remus better, he�d have
realized that it didn�t begin to matter; he would always love Harry, regardless
of the boy�s actions. But Harry was at an age that didn�t take that kind of
declaration well. It would not be considered�cool�or whatever the current slang
was.

Suddenly,
Harry looked up and caught Remus�s eye. The boy flushed several shades of
crimson, before ducking his head and finally putting his fork in his mouth.
What was that about? For the next several minutes, the boy ate
studiously, as though that was what he�d been doing all along. Did Harry think
he�d been caught in the act of not eating? Yes�that was probably it. Although
Remus couldn�t fathom why it would cause the boy to flush. Well, at least he
was eating. And Remus was going to make damn sure the boy had a good serving of
cake. It wasn�t the most nutritional thing that he could have fed the youth,
but it has strawberries and was made from lots of eggs, and anyway the boy
could do with a bit of fat, as well. Remus intended to see Harry tuck away a
large portion of it�even if he had to passive-aggressively trick him into it.

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Harry tried
not to groan when Remus plunked a good two pounds of birthday cake onto his
plate. Dear God, how can he expect me to eat all of this? He can�t really,
can he? But one glance at the werewolf�s hopeful, expectant face told
Harry, oh, yes he did. �Erm. Gosh. This looks�really great, Remus,� he said,
searching for a tactful truth. �You must have put a lot of work into it.�

�I
certainly did,� Remus replied, �so I really hope you like it,� he said
anxiously. Harry managed a half-grin�there just was something so irresistibly�cute
about Remus when he was being unsure of himself. How could Harry not
produce a genuine smile? Remus returned the smile, his eyes shining with
affectioHappHappy sweet sixteen, Harry,� he said.

Harry�s
stomach did a funny flip, and his half-smile widened as he took his seat. He
tried not to blush too badly, but it was hard to mind much if he did. A little
while later, he actually surprised himself by asking for seconds.

The next
helping, though, he ate much more slowly. His stomach wasn�t an empty, aching
pit anymore�in fact, he was awfully full. So now he was mostly just enjoying
the cool taste of sugary cream. He took a small scoop of whipped cream and ran
the spoon back and forth across his tongue. His eyes fluttered shut as he
listened to the symphony of cheerful conversation all around him, and he sucked
the last bit of cream into his mouth. Happily, he opened his eyes again in
order to dip the spoon down, then bring it to his lips, where he rolled his
tongue over the dessert, shaving away layers of sweet, sticky heaven. A soft,
strangled moan pulled his eyes to the left, where Lupin was sitting across from
him.

Remus�s
wide eyes traveled from Harry�s, down to the cake, and then jerked up again.
�Er, no, thank you. I�m allergic to strawberries, actually,� he licked his lips
nervously.

�Oh,� said
Harry with seeming understanding, poking at the fruit on his plate. �It�s much
worse to want something and not be able to have it, isn�t it?� he said
regretfully, wishing Lupin had chosen to make something he could share in. He
glanced up to see the man staring at him, looking slightly horrified.

�Yes,
quite,� was all Remus managed. Then he bolted.

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Remus lie
awake that night, trying not to think about what he couldn�t seem to stop
thinkabouabout. He�d actually had to rush from the table and hide in the WC
that afternoon, in a futile attempt to find peace and quiet and distance from
Harry, and most especially time to deal with a nearly painful erection. An
erection that had materialized while he was watching James�s son�Sirius�s
godson�eat whipped cream. Whipped cream that had been lovingly provided by
Remus himself, and likely Remus�s own sly subconscious. Freud would have a lot
to say about Remus.

He groaned
and made to roll over, only to recall that he never had managed to deal
with his erection, and agonizing over how it had occurred had really only made
it worse. God, what was wrong with him? Harry was only a boy! Well, of
course he had just told the boy that turning sixteen meant he would be of
age�there was that Freudian impulse again�but sixteen was still just
sixteen. Hardly more than a child. Certainly, Harry had been through many
things most children would never have to deal with, and he was undoubtedly as
tough as they came, but still. Just a child, really. With the most gorgeous green
eyes Remus had ever seen. And a heart-stopping smile, and cheeks that turned
the most appealing shade of pink nearly whenever Remus laid eyes on them. And
an amazing ability to hold his own while fighting Voldemort and his supporters.
Hold his own�Jesus. Stop it. And an unwavering loyalty to those he loved. And
the kind of courage unmatched by the people around him. And the isolation that
came from being different, a fame he handled with grace despite the fact that
he�d never asked for it, and any number of burdens that would have crippled
most wizards twice his age. Come to think of it, it was rather insulting to
call him just a boy. With gorgeous green eyes...

Remus
became conscious of the fact that his hand had trailed downward, and he jerked
it away from himself as though he�d been stung. Oh, damn. He was going to have
to take care of it�it wasn�t going away on its own. All right, then. But he
wouldn�t think about Harry. He wouldn�t. He wasn�t. He was just� Dark lashes
lowered, casting shadows across emerald windows. Pink, wet, rosebud of a tongue
slipping out, tentatively trailing over slick skin. Tight, warm, velvet-soft
heat, enough to melt ice cream or anything else. Shit, he was still
thinking about Harry. Too late. Nothing for it, now. Remus shut his eyes and
lost himself in the images.

Even in the
dark solitude of Grimmauld place, he held the secret want close and tight.
There was no one here, and no one would be arriving, but it didn�t matter.
Remus stuffed the knuckles of his free hand into his mouth, biting down in
hopes of biting back the word he so desperately wanted to moan. Even as he
climaxed, his teeth drew blood, which trickled around the almost stifled name.

�Harry.�

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Back at the
Dursleys�, Harry was awake as well. It was the first time he�d slept in the bed
in a long while, and he told himself that the unfamiliarity was the reason he
was having trouble dropping off. Yes, he was just unused to it. And he�d eaten
a lot more than he had in a while. He could still taste the sweetness on his
tongue, and the roof of his mouth. Yeah, all that sugar was probably keeping
him awake. Not�anything else. Not the way Lupin had looked at him, while he was
eating his ice cream.

Certainly
the memory of those titillating, predatory eyes was not keeping him awake. Nor
the recollection of the man�s warm hands on his back, as he�d steered Harry out
of the kitchen. His inviting smile. His fond touch. The hunger in his eyes. Those
eyes burning into his. Delicate sweetness, the delicious flavor of his former
professor against his tongue. Warmth of hands, trailing up his back to tangle
in his hair. Sexy, hoarse voice forming
no words at all, but an incoherent moan. Harry�s eyes were squeezed shut.
This was so very, very wrong. Lupin would hate him if he found out about
this.

He really
wanted to stop, but his hand had already slipped under the covers and grasped
himself. He shouldn�t be doing this�Remus was much too old, friends with his
father and godfather, and could never see him that way. He was smart and sexy
and gentle and probably preferred women, and doubtlessly had them hanging off
his every word wherever he went. He was beautiful, with those feral-hungry
eyes, shy, perfect smile, throaty growl of a voice� Harry shuddered, thrusting
himself into his hand. That voice set off primal responses in Harry that had
nothing to do with running away or hiding.

Harry clamped his jaw shut, trying to hold back the
groans that were building and building in his chest. He�d never even called the
man by his first name before. God, he wanted to know what it would be like. He
could almost feel the heat of the Lupin�s gaze on his body. The Dursleys were
all asleep, but it wouldn�t take much to wake them. He closed his lips between
his teeth, letting out no noise beyond his desperate panting. He would not say
the name. He remembered those eyes, shining with affection. Happy sweet
sixteen, Harry. Harry bit down hard, tasting the metallic blood in his
mouth, even as it seasoned the trembling breath. He could not smother the
whimper that escaped in a name.

�Remus.�

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This is my next big one, my next whole enchilada, my next
kit-n-caboodle, my next you�you�ve all been waiting for, (should have been
waiting for) my next�you get the idea. Now, I am a HUGE Remus/Harry fan, but I
appreciate that this is not everyone�s cup of tea. Everyone has preferences,
and everyone has something that makes them squick. In any case, I will not plan
on putting anything extremely graphic on here, because I am a good little girl
and follow the rules (some of you who know me well are undoubtedly laughing,
and I say shut up.) but I will post it other places, if I even write anything
particularly graphic.

Anyhow, I hope you�ve enjoyed what you�ve read so far. If
so, why not drop me a line? You see that little thing down on the bottom
left-hand corner that says �Review?� That button is your friend. Do not fail to
press that button. Failing to press that button and heap glory and song upon my
head will result in the immediate destruction of life e kne know it. And yes,
that would include Jason Isaacs and Daniel Radcliffe, so now you know
just what the stakes are. The world is in your hands. I beg you to bear this
burden responsibly.

Also, I am looking for someone to Beta Part II for
me. It is almost finished, so I am in a bit of a hurry. Something a bit more
than thirteen pages in all, I think. I am especially concerned about
CONSISTANCY, as I�ve realized this is not something I pay close enough
attention to. I�ve already had to repost this, because I had ice cream/whipped
cream used interchangeably, and had the group indoors/outdoors/apparently the
ar dor doesn�t give a damn where they are. So, if this is the type of thing you
notice, I beg of you, have pity and beta read me! Please! I�ll dedicate the fic
to you, if you do a decent job!

Thank you. StarryGazer
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Research and Development Part I; Hunger