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Harry Potter and the Skirt of Doom	By : blackatt Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 3657 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Harry Potter and the Skirt of Doom
- 2-Chapter 2 - Storm Clouds Build
- 1
- 2
Harry and the others from Hogwarts aren't my characters, as much as I wish they were.
I just like to torture them a bit!

- Enjoy! --

"I need an heir!" Voldemort cursed, his anger making his already transparent form
waiver.
Lucius Malfoy frowned. "But the potion I've created, Master-"
"Isn't enough! It only gives me form for a short period of time, which grows
shorter each time I use it. It is only a matter of time before I will be immune to it." The
glowing figure flickered furiously in the dim light of the cavernous cellar.
"I'm still working on the ingredients, My Lord. In time I can-"
"I don't have time! I'm getting weaker as each minute passes. My time for
waiting has ended, I must find an heir! Now!"
Lucius cringed. "But an heir My Lord? What good will that do? You would still
be lost, and there is no guarantee that the child would inherit your considerable powers."
Voldemort turned his flat, dead eyes, well more like a lack of eyes, really, to
Lucius. "I'm beginning to wonder if I'm wrong about the superiority of 'pure bloods', the
longer I'm infested with your presence."
Lucius bit his tongue, his already thin lips drawing tighter in an effort to hold back
his indignant retort. His fear of Voldemort's power, and his will to remain on this plane of
existence, far out-weighed his family pride. "My Lord," he replied through clenched
teeth.
Voldemort sighed tightly. "The child would inherit my powers, Malfoy, because
the child would BE me."
Lucius' pale eyebrows dipped in confusion. If there had been eyeballs in the dark
void where Voldemort's eyes were supposed to be, they would have rolled upward.
"Once the child is conceived," he said slowly, "my essence could slip into the
child, and I would truly be reborn."
"But, My Lord, it would take years for you to return to your glory!"
"At least fifteen."
"Fifteen long years?"
"No longer that I've been waiting, since that meddlesome Potter banished me!"
Voldemort howled.
"True, My Lord," Lucius agreed placatingly.
Voldemort's form flickered again as he began to pace. "We must find a suitable
mother," he murmured.
"Would you like me to run an ad in the Daily Prophet? Banished Master Wizard
seeks single female to produce heir for world domination."
The smirk melted from Lucius' face just a moment before the bolt of lightning flew
from Voldemort's wand.
"Squeak!" The sound came from the depths of Lucius' long, black cape, now a
rumpled pile on the stone floor.
"An excellent choice, My Lord!" Beadius Slymewell, who had just strolled
casually into the room, sneered at the furious white rat emerging from the sleeve.
"I thought it rather ... fitting," Voldemort chuckled.
Slymewell bowed at the waist. "My most sincere apologies, Master, for my
tardiness in answering your summons. My current position poses certain ... obstacles
for exiting the castle."
Voldemort merely waved away the atonement. "I understand. You are aware of
my current necessity?"
"Yes, My Lord."
"Do you have any suggestions?"
"A candidate from the wizarding community that has had considerable success in
baring sons is Molly Weasley, My Lord."
"I think not, Slymewell. I'm seeking someone more powerful in magic."
"Ah ... well ... um," Slymewell stammered awkwardly. Voldemort's eye void
narrowed.
"Speak your m Bea Beadius, but mind your tongue ..."
Slymewell's adams apple bobbed nervously as he eyed the pale rat who was now
perched upward on his hind legs, laughter brewing in his beady, red eyes.
"It's just that ... well, My Lord, ... we've ... ah ... killed them all."
"?!" ?!" Voldemort's outraged bellow echoed loudly in the room.
"Well, they opposed you, My Lord! We had to remove the threat to your glorious
return!"
Voldemort smacked his forehead in frustration, though it would have been far
more effective had his hand not flown right through his head. "I'm surrounded by raging
idiots."
"I'm sorry, My Lord. If we had known, we could have gathered all the suitable
ladies and chained them up until you were ready."
"Squeak! Squeak!" Lucius, ratty whiskers twitching eagerly, chirped, which
translated loosely into Turn HIM into a piece of well aged cheddar!
"So what's left, Beadius?" Voldemort sighed wearily.
"Perhaps a student from Hogwarts, My Lord? There is one in particular which
shows a great deal of promise."
"Who?"
"Hermione Granger. Quite strong in magic, though a bit uptight."
Voldemort resumed his pacing. "I want someone in the same league as my
enemy, Harry Potter."
"But there IS nobody in his league."
The pacing halted immediately. The rat ripped off a chunk of robe hem and tied it
around his neck like a bib.
"Except you, My Lord!" Beadius' soothing smile wobbled. A pink rat foot stamped
in frustration over the narrow meal, ... ur, miss.
"If you can't be helpful, Beadius." Voldemort sent ratty Lucius a meaningful
voidish glance. A bead of sweat slid down Beadius' temple.
"I'm trying, My Lord."
"You have no idea," Voldemort muttered darkly. "If only Potter was female."
Beadius coughed nervously. "I could arrange that."
"In what universe?" Voldemort was not amused. Lucius, having removed his
cape/bib, now reached for it again in anticipation.
Beadius ran a finger around his collar, which suddenly seemed extremely tight.
'I've ... created a potion, My Lord. Monday's are ladies night at the Gyrating Griffon.
There's no cover charge for women and they hand out these nice little flowers-"
"Slymewell!" Voldemort bellowed in warning, his wand rising. Lucius licked his
ratty lips.
"The potion! It allows one to change genders for a ... well, um ... a while, My
Lord." Beadius smiled apprehensively.
Voldemort eyed, well voided, him. Something wasn't quite right here. "What's
the catch, Beadius?"
Beaduis gulped. "Well ... um, it's been a bit difficult to get the mixture just right,
My Lord. Potion making is a delicate science."
"And?"
"Well, the good news is that I've made great strides in progress, My Lord.>
>

"And the bad news?"
"It'll be another seven months before Maximus Glux can stop shaving his legs.
He's rather looking forward to that after the rather painful waxing incident. He couldn't
walk right for a week."
Briefly, Voldemort considered smacking his forehead again, but quickly realized
there would be no point. Oh for the good old days when people could be evil AND
intelligent at the same time!
Beadius cleared his throat. "But, My Lord, the potion does work. Having Harry
Potter as a female for a year would allow you three months in which to create your child,
and then nine more for him, er her, to carry the child to term. Once the child is born, he,
uh, she, um Harry, would return to his original state."
Voldemort's brows curved downward in thought. Though created for a rather
idiot purpose, this potion would serve him well in his pursuit. Once Potter was charmed,
he would have considerable time to capture him, uh, her, and have his way with, well
you get the idea.
Beadius became giddy with relief as he watched the plan formulate in his
Master's head. Mind you, it wasn't that difficult, since Voldemort's head was
transparent. "I can slip him the potion tonight, My Lord!"
"No," Voldemort shook his head adamantly. "It's too risky for you to do it," he
said, meaning it was too risky for himself to have such an incompetent boob do this
important task.
"Of course, My Lord," Beadius' thin shoulders sagged in disappointment.
Voldemort turned and strode across the stone floor purposefully. "Have the
potion ready in four days time and leave it outside the door to your office. I'll send my
most trusted servant to serve Mister Potter his drink."
"Yes, My Lord." Beadius replied quietly, bowing again, turning and leaving the
dank cellar.
Nobody noticed the white rat that climbed up inside Beadius' robe and blew a
ratty raspberry at the transparent wizard of the Dark Arts.
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Harry Potter and the Skirt of Doom