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Those who are left behind	By : GothVamp Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 894 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Those who are left behind
- 1
Title: Those who are left behind

Author: GothVamp/ Natalie viggoorlandolover@hotmail.com

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sirius/Harry

Warnings: Character death, AU, angst

Summary: After the war is over there are no real winners
or heroes, only the ones who are left behind and have to collect the broken
pieces of their lives.

Disclamer: Not mine,
don�t sue, I don�t have anything anyway.

�bla� speech

/bla/ thoughts

~bla~ lyrics �For those who are left behind� Autumn. (I changed a couple of words)

Walking
down the hall I notice how much Hogwarts has changed. It�s frightening. It�s
too big, too quiet, too dark. The few students that
are still here, who have survived or the first years are too silent. They talk
in hushed voices, no one is running in the halls
anymore, pupils pay too much attention in class. It�s almost as if we are all
ghosts, students and teachers alike.

As I pass
McGonagall in the hall we nod to each other. It�s amazing to see how old she
looks. The wrinkles in her face seem to be skin deep, but who am I to judge how
she looks, when my own face looks as dead as hers? My hair is snow white now.
Imagine that, when I�m barely forty years old! I look like Dumbledore now, but
without the spark in the eyes.

I still
can�t believe that a
year has passed. It all feels so unreal. I think that every
teacher here feels the same. Because how could it have been a year ago when I
see it happening over and over again every time I close my eyes? I see it so
clearly as if I�m there again�

~Like the clouds that sail along the endless sky

and roses give out
their color to the air

Like the swans that start to sing before
they die~

There at
the battlefield. The sun had just started to set and the sky looked blood red.
It was as if the sky had taken in all the blood that hadn�t been spilled that
day, because the bodies all around me weren�t splattered in blood, even their
robes weren�t torn or filthy, but they were all unmistakably dead. I myself had
killed some of them. The Death Eaters on the ground had died by my hand. I was
drained of all energy, but still alive.

Picking
myself up from the ground and looking around, I noticed that I was the only
living human being as far as I could see and that the sounds of battle had died
down. It was the kind of silence I had never heard before. Even the birds and
the wind were silent.

Slowly and
carefully I started to walk, making sure to look into every face on the ground.
There was only one thing on my mind, one sentence I was repeating over and
over: /Please don�t let him be dead./

The further
I walked the more faces I recognized. I saw a pretty seventh year girl- what
was her name again? I was something
Oriental. Oh right, - Cho Chang. Poor thing had lost
her boyfriend at the end of fourth year. He had been the first. It al had
started then.

I could see
some more people like me, the survivors, walking around, looking for relatives,
parents, lovers. /Please don�t let him be dead./

There,
lying very close to each others were the Weasley
twins. Inseparable in life, they even tried to shield each other at the moment
of death. A bit further, lied their brother, Bill, a
slightly triumphant look gracing his face as he had managed to take a Death
Eater with him while dying.

I forced
myself to walk on, though my legs protested. The I saw, no life just couldn�t
be so cruel, Mr Weasley
holding his wife while she was screaming hysterically, holding the lifeless figure
of her daughter in her arms.

�No, not Ginny too! Not my little girl! Why did he take all my children? I don�t even have
one left!�

I turned my
head away, not able to bare such sadness and loss.

Walking on,
I was confronted with deep pain and loss myself as I saw the next person lying
motionless on the ground. Remus. I kneeled down, trying to fight back the tears, but
failing. Well, this meant that I was the last Marauder left. I had always
expected that he would be the last one standing. Always the silent
force within our little group. Bending down, I kissed him on the cheek.
He felt so cold. So unnatural when you know that he had always been such a warm
person.

I would
want to sit beside him for a while, hold his hand, But I remembered where I was
going, that I had to find someone and my mantra returned: /Please God, Merlin,
somebody, don�t let him be dead./

As I was
walking the sky turned darker and there were less
bodies on the ground. Looking on the right from me, I saw a figure sitting on
the ground, rocking gently back and forth. Draco Malfoy. The first
urge to Avada Kedavra the
little shit passed me when I saw the look on his face. It was blank, totally
overcome with grieve and helplessness. His parents, his whole
family, his friends, all dead. It was true, this was had no winners or
losers, no good or bad guys anymore. We all had lost, we all were sad and we
all were terrified. /Please don�t let him be dead./

I felt
panic rise in me as I walked towards the outskirts of Hogwarts� grounds. There
were no bodies there, no living people either. I started to fear that maybe
somewhere I had missed a body or that maybe his body was unrecognizable, but I
immediately dismissed that thought. I couldn�t think like that, I couldn�t give
up hope. He hadn�t even given up hope this morning. The night before he had
cried, he had screamed, he had let me fuck him senseless, he held on to me like
he would never let me go again, but in the morning he had stood up with the
same determination as always. Never gave
up hope that one. So neither could I now. /He is NOT
dead!/

With power
I didn�t think I had I strolled forward and then I saw�

I saw him.
His silhouette illuminated by the setting sun. Hair tousled, limping, robes
torn, sword in one hand, wand in the other, all covered in blood, �his blood or
someone else�s? it was hard to tell.-but still
standing. My wonderful, beautiful, brave Harry.

He saw me
and smiled.

I crossed
the distance between us as fast as my legs could carry me, but before I could
wrap him in my arms he stretched out a hand to stop me and backed away.

�Harry?�

�Please
stay back Sirius, don�t touch me.� His voice sounded hoarse and his smile was
sad. He looked as if he would fall over any minute. Why did he hold me back?

�Sirius,
there is no easy way to say this, so I�m just going to say it like it is. I�m
dying.�

�What?�
/WHAT?!! But he can�t be dying! He is ok, he is standing in front of me for
Merlin�s sake!/

�Voldermort. I�ve killed him, but when he knew he was dying
he cursed himself. This is his blood on me. I had to kill him with the sword as
our wands refuse to duel. It�s poison. It�s already mingling with my own blood.
I think I have half an hour left. It�s enough. Just enough to say what I have
to, what I always wanted to say.�

My mind was
racing like crazy. I just couldn�t believe what I�d just heard. He couldn�t be
dying. Not then, not after finally having defeated Voldermort,
not after everything was over at last, not when I had him back again.

�Listen to
me Sirius, I don�t have much time. I want to tell you that I love you. I�ve
never loved someone like this and never would have even if I still would have a
whole life ahead. And I am not scared of dying. I�ve faced death often enough
to lose my fear of it. I can hear my parents calling me Siri.
They wait for me. They are proud of what I�ve done. They tell me not to be
afraid or sad.� Harry then got a dreamy look on his face. Was he already
slipping away? I felt tears run down my face, but didn�t even bother to wipe
them away anymore.

�Please
don�t cry. I have always known that today would be my downfall. I was my
destiny, my real reason to live: to defeat Voldermort
or die trying and I did defeat him, though I really had hoped that it would
take less innocent lives��

�Don�t say
this. Don�t give up so easily. You�ve never done that. I�m sure there�s a
remedy�a potion or something. We can find Snape��

�Snape is dead. He jumped in front of a curse a Death Eater
tried to fling at my back. Who would have thought, huh? Severus Snape
dying, protecting Harry Potter. He turned out to be a great man after
all.�

�But what
about Fawks? Phoenix�s tears can heal��

�The poison
has already mingled with my blood. There is really nothing anyone can do now.�
He sighed, looking at me with the wisdom a 17 year old boy should never have
had.

�Who did we
lose? I know Ron is dead and Snape and Dumbledore,
but I�ve missed the biggest part of the battle. I was too busy with Voldermort.�

�The Weasleys are alive, but they have lost all their children��
Harry gasped and his look turned even more sorrowful. ��Remus
is gone��

�I�m sorry,
I know you loved him.�

/I love you
more! Don�t leave me!/ I wanted to scream that, but I
didn�t want to make it even harder for Harry, so I just continued naming the
people who had perished.

��Cho, Seamus, Professor Sprout,�Draco�s whole family, though that�s not a big loss.�

�Don�t say
that. All the lives that had been taken are a loss.�

There was a
silence in which neither of us moved or spoke. Then Harry�s knees buckled and
he landed on the ground. I made an attempt to catch him, but once again he held
out his hand to stop me.

�Please
Harry let me hold you, let me kiss you for the last time.�

�No, you�ll
get poisoned too.�

�I don�t
care, then I�ll die with you. I don�t want to live
without you!�

�NO!� I saw
the strength and bravery of the one who had killed Voldermort
in the look Harry gave me that moment.

�Listen to
me Sirius. I want you to promise me, no, swear me, that you will keep living
when I�m gone.�

/How could
he ask me that? How could I live without him? Why should I live without him?/

�I want you
and the others who have survived to keep the hope, keep the spirit. I want you
all to rebuild Hogwarts. I want to know that the place I loved so much will
become a safe haven again for all the new students. I want to know that I
didn�t fight for nothing, didn�t die for nothing. If I know that my life has
had a meaning, that I really have done something great, then I can die
peacefully, I��

His words
were interrupted as he suddenly clutched his stomach in what appeared to be a
cramp. I hurt to see him like that, not able to help him, but I still looked.
Then he raised his head and looked me right in the eyes.

�Promise me
that Sirius. This is my last wish. I need you to promise me.�

And before
I knew what I was doing, I promised. Promised to keep his
dream alive, to keep his hope alive.

And now,
walking the grounds of Hogwarts, I know that he is proud of me. Somewhere. And that one day we will meet again. Until that
day I�ll keep on breaking the record of being Defense Against
the dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts for the longest amount of years in a row.

~I cry over you while
you are feeling free

Cause now you are, you are in the
revealing lands

Passed away taking along a part of me

It was hard for me, for me to see you
die

Through all the tears, tears that made
me blind

It was hard for you, for you to see me
cry

But you won't forget those who are
left behind ~
- 1
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Those who are left behind