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Worth Living For	By : pippi Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 2969 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, except for
Lucinda, and I own the plot, but not the theme.

Okay everyone, total edited story…enjoy! More smut
later on!

"Please, Severus,
please don't leave me!" Lucinda cried out in her sleep. She awoke with a
start, and realized that she was home in bed, safe and sound. It didn't come to
her quickly the reason for her dream, but when she looked over at the clock she
realized that it was 6:00am, September 1; she would be going back to Hogwarts,
to start the term of her seventh year.

        Last
year had been and great year for Lucinda but it had gotten worse near the end,
and she was even sure if she really wanted to go back.                                                                          Near
the beginning of the year, Harry Potter and his friends Hermione Granger, Ron
Weasley and his sister Ginny Weasley had befriended her. She had always been a
quiet girl, usually the one who always walked a foot behind, but no her new
friends had not allowed to do so. It had surprised her that they had even
befriended, because they were from different worlds. Lucinda wasn't a
Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, hell, she wasn't even a Hufflepuff. No Lucinda was
the only muggle-born in Slytherin. Her friends were actually quite surprise
when they had found out that Lucinda was in Slytherin.

"You don't have the same attitude as most of them."
Harry had told her once, while glaring at Malfoy.

It was tough being the only muggle-born witch in a house full of
pure bloods, who hated muggle-born’s, but her friends helped her to
forget the problems. Oh they had had so many adventures the year before,
still thinking of them made her giggle. She could relate to the four of them
like they were her siblings.

Harry was like her in the way that he was very loyal to his
friends, and seemed to feel left out if they went and did something without
him, which was very unlikely because Harry was always the one to find
adventure.

She felt she was very much like Hermione because she herself
always had a nose in a book, although the difference was quite obvious.
Hermione like non-fiction, whereas Lucinda loved fiction. Hermione was also a
muggle-born in which Lucinda could relate. Out of her family consisting of her
mother, her father and her two brothers, she was the only one who was born with
the power to perform magic.

She could relate to Ron and Ginny numerous ways, they weren't
exactly the smartest kids, but they weren't dumb either. Their family wasn't
rich but they always seemed to make it by, just like her and her family. But
the one thing that she could really relate to them was their red hair, for
Lucinda had the brightest red hair out of all of them.

But around Christmas time, Lucinda began to feel like a fifth
wheel. Harry had started to date Ginny, and Ron had begun to date Hermione. Oh
sure, they had tried to include Lucinda on many of their outings, but it just
didn't feel right to her, with the two couples cuddling and kissing, Lucinda
felt out of place, even bothersome at times. But that wasn't to last.

Late one night, just after New Year’s, when Lucinda thought that
she would not be able to take the heartache a minute longer, she snuck up to
the astronomy tower, with a knife she had swiped from the kitchen. She
wasn’t sure if she was planning on ending her life, but she wanted to
feel pain that didn't come from her heart. She began to cut at the top of her
arm. It was easy, she had thought to herself, as the blood began to flow from
the wound. She watched the cut bleed until it began to taper off, and then made
another cut. She did this five more times, concentrating so hard on the blood
that flowed from her arms, that she didn't notice the tears nor did she noticed
the footsteps behind her.

"Ms.Palmtroy! What in god's name do you think you are
doing?"

Lucinda turned around and came face to face with her potions master.
"Um..." She started to say, but her mouth wouldn't form the words.
Instead, the tears that had started to fall came quicker. Her hand snapped up
to the cuts on her arm, trying to cover the blood that was still oozing from
the wounds.

Professor Snape's face softened as he watched he tears fall down
the young students face. He bent down beside her and pulled a white
handkerchief from his pockets. Gently pulling her hand away from the cuts, he
pressed the handkerchief to her wounds. "Ms.Palmtroy, what has gotten you
so down, that you feel the need to hurt yourself?" Snape asked, applying
pressure to her wounds.

"N...nothing." Lucinda muttered, averting her eyes away
from her professor's face.

Using his free hand, he lifted her head up so that she had to look
him in the eye, "Ms.Palmtroy, we've had students do this before and it has
never been because nothing has happened." He told her, "No, why don't
you tell me. It may surprise you, but I can be a good listener.

Lucinda looked at her teacher, and suddenly felt a feeling of
warmth wash over her. The whole story came pouring out, her feelings on how she
always felt like the fifth wheel, and how she felt so lonely and just wish that
she had someone to care for her, like her friends did. She told him that she was
tired of only feeling pain from her heart, and that was why she was cutting
herself.

Professor Snape listened with an open ear and when she had
finished telling her story, he pulled her into his lap and held her as she
broke down and cried.

When her sobs finally reduced to sniffles, Snape pulled back so
that he could look her in the eye. "Lucinda, listen to me, there is
someone who really cares about you, in the way that you want."

Lucinda looked at Snape, he heart pounding wildly in her chest,
"Who?" She asked, "Who could possibly love me?"

Snape looked at Lucinda with seriousness in his face.
"Me."

"You?" Lucinda looked at Snape in surprised, "Why
would you love me?" She asked, "And why would you tell me now? Why
haven't you told me before?”

"There were two reasons as to why I haven't told you before,
one was because you are still a student and I am a teacher." Snape paused.

"And the other reason?" Lucinda asked tentatively.

"I wasn't sure if you felt the same way." Snape replied,
he opened his mouth to say something else, but paused, as if he wasn't sure how
to word it. "H…how do you feel about me?" He asked cautiously.

Lucinda looked at Snape, her brain racing wildly, and her palms
sweating profusely. Her heart was still pounding wildly, and felt like it was
going to jump up her throat. "I…"

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have put you on the spot."
Severus said, loosening his hold on her

"No…no, I just….oh I can't explain it. I feel
something for you, something strong, something that I have felt since the first
time I saw you and it’s not a bad feeling, but I've never felt love so I
don't know what it feels like, what I do know is that I feel attracted to you
and drawn to you." Lucinda explained.

Severus then smiled to himself. Finally he was able to say what
had been in his heart since Lucinda had walked into the potions classroom her
first year. He had felt drawn to her and had taken a special liking to her,
helping her more with her lessons then he had any other student. Yes, he
thought to himself, the big greasy git did have a heart.

That was the beginning of their relationship. By March, their
relationship was in full bloom behind the backs of the entire school, well
almost the whole school, somehow, no matter how careful they were, the
headmaster had found out, and unbelievably given his blessing, as long as they
kept it hidden until Lucinda had graduated. There were many weekends when
Lucinda had disappeared after dinner on Friday nights and didn't reappear until
Sunday evening. Lucinda's mood had changed drastically. Her friends had noticed
that she was much happier and as hard as they had tried, they couldn't get her
to tell them what was going on. Finally they decided to give up, well not
quite, Ron wouldn't give it up. But Lucinda would just smile and walk away
whenever Ron asked.

But there were clouds on the horizon, and Lucinda's happiness was
not to last. Nearing the end of the school year Severus began to come up with
more and more excuses on why the two of them couldn't meet on the days that
they usually met on. Most of the excuses we're along the lines that Severus was
too busy preparing for upcoming exams or that Lucinda should be spending more
time studying for her exams.

After Lucinda's last exam she decided to confront Severus
and find out what the hell was going on. So that night after lights out,
Lucinda snuck out of the Slytherin common room, and carefully made her way to
Severus' private chambers. Muttering the password, she quietly slipped into the
room. She stood at the door way, without moving, watching Severus on his couch,
reading a book that she had given him for his birthday. Her heart started to
beat wildly.

"Severus?"
She asked quietly.

Severus jump up from
the couch, and turned around. His eyes, rimmed with redness, widened in
surprise.

Lucinda slowly took a
step towards him, "Severus?" she asked again.

"What the fuck
are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come tonight." Severus
said.

"You did."
She replied.

"Then why are you
here?"

"Because I need
to know."

"Need to know
what?" Severus asked, growing frustrated at the vague answers he was
receiving.

"I need to know
what is going on. What has happened between us?" Lucinda replied, tears
filling up in her eyes.

"Nothing! I was
merely playing into the infatuation you had with me." Severus retorted.

"But…but…you
said you loved me. You said that you cared for me! That I was the only one for
you. You said we were soul mates!" She rambled.

"You foolish
girl! Don't you understand that men will say anything to get a woman into their
beds? That's all it was!"

Lucinda opened her
mouth to say something, but she couldn't think of what she had wanted to say.
"But…but…"

"Not buts, I
don't want you here, please leave."

"Severus…"

Severus walked up to here,
placed his hands on her shoulders and escorted her to the door of her chambers.

"Severus, I love
you, and I'll wait forever for you, please don't let it take that long."

Severus didn't say
anything, but instead, walked back into his chambers and closed the door behind
him.

Lucinda stayed in her
room for the last three days of school. She didn't leave her room, to spend
time with her friends, nor did she leave her room for meals. The headmaster had
even come to see if she was alright. And although he had come into her room,
she had pretended to be asleep, and heard him tsk tsk before he left. Finally
the last day had come and she had been the first student on the platform.

On the train she wouldn’t talk to anyone, just sat there and
stared out the window, until finally the train came to a stop. She jumped up
grabbed her luggage and was the first one off the train and through the
barrier. She didn’t even say goodbye to her friends, and didn’t
notice the hurt and worry in their eyes as she left them behind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Lucinda, come
down and get some breakfast. We've got to get you to the train in a couple of
hours."

"Don't worry
about it Mom, I'm not hungry."

"Lucinda, you
barely eaten all summer!"

"I'm not hungry!
Get off my back!"

"Fine,
whatever."

Lucinda slowly climbed
out of bed, and headed for her private bathroom, where she kept a knife. After
the initial shock of Severus breaking up with her, she had started cutting
herself again. They weren't bad cuts, but they were just something to take her
mind off the pain coming from her heart.

Lucinda made a few
fresh cuts to make herself feel better, and then opened a window and lit a
cigarette.

Finishing her cigarette, she left her bathroom and finished
packing her trunk.

                                                       XXXXXXXXXXX

Severus went over his
lesson plans for the fifth time in an hour. The students were going to be there
any minute and he didn't want to face the feelings he would have when he saw
her. He didn't know how he was going to be able to handle a full year with her
in his classes, with Lucinda being only a few feet away.

He hadn't wanted to
break up with her but it was for both of them. Voldemort had found out that
Severus had started a relationship with one of his students. And although he
hadn't found out who yet, Severus knew that it would only be a matter of time,
and once he had found out who it was, both Severus and Lucinda would have been
killed, so to protect them both, her more then him, he broke it off with her.
He wouldn't have been able to beat it if she had gotten hurt.

But that doesn't mean
in hadn't hurt himself too. Oh no, it had hurt so bad that he hadn't even taken
a single house point from the Gryffindors. No it had hurt so bad that there
were even nights where Severus had cried himself to sleep. The book that
Lucinda had given him on his birthday was under his pillow, and the only time
that it left that spot was when Severus would take it out to read the
inscription that Lucinda had written on the back of the front cover.

Severus walked into
his bedroom and pulled the book out. He opened the cover and read the
inscription.

Severus,

My love, you are my soul mate. I never knew what
love felt like, until you came along. I long for you on the nights we are
apart, and I bask in your love when we are together. I can't wait until I am
finished school and I can be in your arms every night. I love you and everyday
that love grows stronger. I can't live without you.


        Love, Lucinda

Severus placed the book down on his bed and then turned to look at
the clock. The students should be entering the great hall now, and he supposed
he should make an appearance. Grabbing his robes, he left the chamber and
headed for the great hall

XXXXXXXXXXX

Slowly Lucinda made her way through the barrier that separated the
muggle world from the wizarding world. She knew that eventually she would have
to face her friends but she didn’t know what she would say to them. She
had just entered the train when she was addressed.

“Ms.Palmtroy,
may I have a word?”

Lucinda was in shock when she turned around and saw, none other,
then the headmaster himself standing behind her. She gave a mute nod, and
followed him into a private compartment.

He gave a nod to the seat across from him, but waited until she
had sat down, before making himself comfortable on the opposite side.

“Lemon
drop?” He asked, offering her a candy dish. Lucinda shook her head,
wishing that he would get the candy out of her sight. Just the thought of
eating anything made her feel sick to her stomach.

Albus Dumbledore looked at the small twig of a girl sitting across
from him with sorrow and pity in his eyes. His potions master had come to him
shortly before the end of the school year, his heart practically shattered. He
had told Albus that Voldemort, somehow, had found out he was involved with a
student and if Severus didn’t push Lucinda away, it could mean the end of
both of them.

Albus had asked Severus why he didn’t just tell Lucinda the
truth, but they both knew that she was too much like her Gryffindor friends,
and wouldn’t allow that to separate them.

Albus had agreed with Severus, that is, until he saw her on the
platform. She had lost so much weight over the summer that it looked as though
a small breeze would blow her away.

“Lucinda…” He began, as
she looked at him in shock of him using her first name. “I know that
you’ve been hurt, but you must understand, Severus has his reasons, and
he does still care for you. I cannot give you details, but I ask you not to
give up on him. Now you may stay in my compartment for the remainder of the
trip, but I have other matters to attend to. I do ask though, that you buy a
lunch from the trolley when it comes by.” He said, pressing some coins
into her hand.

“I can’t
accept this sir.” She replied when she saw how much was actually there.

“Yes you may,
consider it an earlier birthday present.” He said with a twinkle in his
eye.

Lucinda watched him go, and then looked down at the money in her
hand. She had forgotten that her birthday was only a few weeks away. It just
didn’t seem important without Severus by her side.

When the food trolley came along, Lucinda did as she was told, and
bought a fairly healthy lunch, which included a chicken salad sandwich, an
apple, and a piece of pumpkin pie and a flask of pumpkin juice. She at a little
and then put the rest on the seat beside her, shoving the change from her lunch
into her suitcase, which rested on the luggage rack above her. Resting her head
against the window, she fell asleep.

Professor Dumbledore stopped in to check on Lucinda before the
train arrived at Hogwarts. She had fallen asleep, and he pursed his lips when
he saw how little she had eaten. Carefully wrapping up the rest of her food
with a simple incantation, he placed it into her luggage, hoping she would eat
it later. He then woke her up, informing her that they were almost at the
school and it was best that she changed into her school robes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucinda entered the great hall and headed towards the Slytherin
table. The year before she had always sat in the chair closet to the staff
table. It had always made her feel better to be close to Severus, even though
they couldn't talk freely to each other. There were even times when a secret
little smile or wink would pass between them. But Lucinda didn't want to be
anywhere the staff table, she would rather not even be in this room, but on
that matter she didn't have much of a choice. Just as she sat down in the chair
that was on the opposite end of the room then the staff table, Severus stalked
in, his robes billowing around, and her heart leapt up into her throat.

XXXXXXXXX

Severus walked down the corridor to the Great Hall. Most of the
students, except for the first years, should already be in the great hall.
There were a few straggling students, but Severus just gave them his death
glare and they were on their way in a flash.

He entered the Great Hall and his eyes automatically searched out
Lucinda. She was sitting as far away from the staff table as she could. It
didn't look like she had eaten anything at all over the summer. She was
extremely thin and her robes hung on her like they were five sizes too big. Her
eyes had sunken into her face, giving it a skeletal look, and they no longer
had the shine in them that they used to.

He felt horrible. He knew that she looked that way because of him.
She lifted her head to look at him, but when she saw that he was looking at
her, she immediately looked away, bringing her eyes back to the table top. He
had to resist the urge to rush over to her, take her into his arms and tell her
everything was going to be alright.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucinda had looked at
Severus once, but she had seen that he was looking at her, and she quickly looked
away. She didn't want to think about the pain he had caused her, but she
couldn't help it.

Suddenly a hand fell
on her shoulder and she whipped around to see who it was. Draco Malfoy and his
little gang stood behind her glaring at
her.

"What do you think you're doing mudblood?" Malfoy asked.

"W…what do
you mean?" Lucinda asked nervously, "I'm not doing anything."

"You're sitting
in the wrong seat. You're seat in down there." He replied pointing to her
usual seat, on which a sign had been, placed that read, MUDBLOOD.

Lucinda could feel tears come to her eyes as she read the sign.
She quickly got up from her chair and ran from the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Severus watched the
confrontation between Malfoy and Lucinda. He felt his blood boil as he followed
Malfoys pointed finger to a sign that had been posted on Lucinda usual
seat. Severus decided to throw all caution to the wind and go after her. Giving
an apologetic look to the headmaster, who nodded, he got up from his seat and
quickly left the room.

He knew the first place he was going to look would be the
astronomy tower, and if she wasn't there, he knew exactly where she would be.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucinda had no sense
of where she was going as she ran from the Great Hall. That is, no sense of direction
until she ended up in front of Severus' chambers. Hoping he hadn't changed the
password, she muttered "worm’s wart," and the chamber door
swung open.

Hurrying through his chambers, she ran through the bedroom door,
and flung herself on the bed where she and Severus had made love many times.
She grabbed the pillows and held them to her face, hoping to catch a sent of
him, to no avail. The house elves had done their job well, there was no sent of
him on his pillows. Placing them back in their proper positions at the head of
the bed, she noticed the book she had given Severus for his birthday, Rare
Ingredients for the Extremely Advanced Potion Master; Where to find them and
their uses. She opened the book, and read the inscription she had written
the year before, and she began to cry harder. This was it, she was going to end
her life, she couldn't live like this anymore, and she couldn't live with the
mocking, the pain or the torture. But how was she going to do it? She wanted it
quick so that there would be no way to be saved and she didn't want it to be
messy, she was in Severus' chambers after all. Then she got an idea, she just
hoped it would work. Placing the book down on the bed, she walked over to the
full length mirror that Severus had placed in the room for her. She was quite
surprised that he hadn't removed it yet, but it didn't matter now. Lucinda
walked away from the mirror and into Severus' private potions lab. She knew
which potions were which by the tour Severus had given her last year. She
picked up a vial of Draught of Living Death. Just one drop would put her into a
coma for an immeasurable amount of time…a whole vial would end her life.                                          She
slowly walked back into Severus’ bedroom and sat down on the edge of
the bed, sinking into the silky dark green sheets.                                                                                      She
popped the cork on the vial, and looked down into the black, foul smelling
liquid. “I’m sorry Severus.” She mumbled as she lifted the
vial to her lips

“Sorry
for….Lucinda! What are y…you doing?” Exclaimed a startled
Severus, as he came into the room.

"Leave me alone!" Lucinda cried, "Why can't you
just let me die!" And before Severus could stop her, she dumped the
contents of the vial down her throat.

Unbeknown to Lucinda, Severus had just spent the summer perfecting
an antidote to The Draught of Living Death, and from the foul smell, he knew
that was what she had just taken. But he had to hurry. He wasn’t even
sure if it would work, it hadn’t been tested on a human yet, but he knew
that it would kill him if she died and he didn’t do everything in his
power to save her.

He rushed to his private stores, grabbed the antidote and then
rushed back to his bedroom. Hurrying to the bed, he tipped Lucinda's head back
and poured the antidote into her mouth, massaging her throat so that she would
swallow it. After he a done this, he sat beside her on the bed and waited. It
would be a few minutes before the antidote took effect.

Sure enough, a few
minutes later, Lucinda began to sputter and cough, and then her eyes opened.
She looked around excitedly but then the excitement turned to disappointment
when she realized that she was still alive.

"What did you
do?" She demanded as she sat up.

"I saved your
life." Severus replied.

"Why?" She
said, "I wanted to die."

"Because what
would the parents say if a mudblood like you were to die in my chambers?"
He told her cruelly, "It would be a scandal." He knew that the
sentence was going to hurt her in a way that none other could, but he had to
push her away, if only to keep her safe.

"A
mudblood?" Lucinda asked in disbelief, "You've never called anyone a
mudblood before, how could you call me that?" Tears once again began to
make their way down Lucinda's face.

"Yes, that's all
you are to me, and now that I know you are all right, we are going to see the
headmaster. He should know about you breaking into a professor’s
chambers” He said, grabbing her arm and leading her out into the
dungeons.

Lucinda tried to pull away, “Breaking in? Breaking in? I
didn’t break in!”

Severus ignored her and continued to drag her along until they
reached the stone gargoyle that served as the entrance to the
headmaster’s office

“Acid pops” Severus announced, and the stone gargoyle
began to move.

Lucinda moved forward to enter the staircase, knowing that there
was no way to get out of it now, but Severus pulled her back.

“Now let me make
this clear, you are not to come back to my chambers, and don’t even try
because I will be changing the password.” He told her in a dark and
dangerous voice.

“But Severus…”

“It’s Professor Snape, and I mean it Ms. Palmtroy. Now
let’s go.” He replied leading her up the stairs.

Severus paused and raised a hand to knock on the office door, when
a soft voice told them to come in.”

“Severus, Ms. Palmtroy, what do I owe this pleasure of
seeing you to?”

“I’m not so sure this will be a pleasure headmaster. I
found Ms. Palmtroy in my private chambers after she has been told that she was
not allowed back, and tried to kill herself with a vial of Draught of Living
Death. Thankfully the antidote that I created this summer works, and she is
still with us.”

“I can see that Severus, you may leave us, I will deal with
Ms. Palmtroy.”

Severus nodded, and turned to leave the room, giving one last,
longing look at Lucinda, or so she thought, and then left is a swish of robes.

“Sit down please, Lucinda.” The headmaster said.

Lucinda sat in a chair facing the headmaster’s desk, and
looked down at her nervously clasped hands.

The headmaster came around the desk and knelt in front of her.
“Do you remember what I told you on the train?” Professor
Dumbledore asked. Lucinda nodded, afraid that if she spoke she would break
down. “Then why?” He questioned.

Tears began to fall down her cheeks as she opened her mouth to
reply, “It hurts so much, professor. To see him stare at me with hate in
his eyes…and,” She sniffled, “He called me a mudblood
tonight.”

Dumbledore looked at her over the rims of his crescent moon
glasses, “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Now as for your
punishment, you will be serving detention for the next week with Professor
Snape.” He said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lucinda looked at him in shock, “Is that wise sir?”
She asked.

“I believe it is.” He said, “Now, I know that
you are suffering and in order to give you the privacy I believe you require, I
have given you private rooms. Do you know of the portrait of Lady Macbeth
hanging in the Slytherin Girl’s Dorms?” Lucinda nodded “Good,
go to her and give her the password ‘Rose Quartz” and she will let
you in. I have taken the liberty of sending dinner to your rooms, as you did
not eat supper.”

“Thank you headmaster.” Lucinda said, standing in
preparation to leave.

“Oh and Lucinda, there will be no smoking inside the castle.”
He said, hold her pack of cigarettes. “If you would like one, I or one of
the other professors will take you out onto the grounds to have one.”

Lucinda sighed and nodded, “That’s fair
professor.”

“And with all that has happened tonight, I would assume you
would like one now.”

Lucinda looked surprised at the suggestion, but nodded, and then
followed the headmaster as he headed out of the office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Severus watched though a window on the second floor as Lucinda and
Albus made their way to the edge of the lake. He didn’t know what they
were doing, but it made him feel a little better to see that Lucinda was
alright.

Suddenly he saw a flicker of flame and a puff of smoke rise from
her figure. He was shocked, Lucinda was smoking! He was close to tears as he
realized that it was him who had driven her on a path of destructiveness of her
own body.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucinda hurried back
to the Slytherin dorm, refreshed after her smoke, but standing outside, she
realized that she didn't know what the password was. It looked like she was
going to have to wait for someone to come along a let her in.

Unbelievably the first
people to come along were Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy.

"Well, well,
well, it looks like the mudblood doesn't know the password." Malfoy
teased.

"Fuck off Malfoy
and just open the door." Lucinda muttered.

"Well, that's
rude." Malfoy said, "You should be more considerate to your betters.
Parseltongue"

The hidden stone door
that concealed the entrance to the empty Slytherin common room slid open, and
Lucinda walked in first, not listening to the "Hey!" that came from
Malfoy.

She headed up the stairs, but instead of turning to the left,
where the rooms were, she turned to the right, and faced the portrait of Lady
Macbeth

“Password?” The portrait said in a silky voice.

“Rose Quartz”

The Painting nodded and swung open.



There's the end of
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Worth Living For