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Burdens of the Heart	By : innocentimp Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4566 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: Needless to say I don�t own Harry
Potter or any associated characters, plots or places. If I did I wouldn�t be sweating away in
what must be the ninth level of hell: for the uninitiated, that�s law
school.

A/N: Well, what can I say, this is my first
fic and I am a little nervous so any feedback, critical or otherwise is greatly
appreciated. (Flames are not.) I want to point out that I have this
fairly well plotted, and have for some time. Problem is HBP changed most of my
background, and as such all of my prewritten chapters. As a result this doesn�t flow as well as
originally intended. Please bear
with me. The first several chapters
are foundational and I don�t intend to deal with the events of HBP beyond what
is absolutely necessary. On that
note one final caveat: This fic
will deal with themes including dubious consent and prostitution-esq
situations. Please do not read if
that bothers you. I will remind
again when we get there.

Enjoy!

Coward. The boy had had the nerve to call him a
coward. It left an awful taste in
his mouth. Potter had no idea what
he was.



And
damn Albus anyway. He had had
little right to make such a request of him. Was it not enough that he went back to
Voldemort, suspiciously allowed back within the fold, punished for his
delay? Then, things had escalated
out of control with Draco so quickly.
Albus had been well prepared for the possibility that Draco would make a
move against him, and still he had persisted in asking for more of him. It very simply wasn�t fair. Albus had asked him for many things, and
he had never wavered, not once. He
acquiesced to the Potions position; he spied for
more years than he cared to remember on a man who would do more than just kill
him should he find out. He had
protected Potter far beyond the confines of the life debt he had owed Potter
senior. The list went on and on and
on. But, it hadn�t been
enough. He was never enough. Albus had needed, demanded more. He had tried to protest, tried to tell
him he wasn�t sure he could go through with it. But, as always, Albus had overridden his
concerns and demanded more. He had
demanded something unforgivable. He
wasn�t sure he would have been able to carry through with Albus� last request if
it hadn�t been for the vow he had made to Narcissa, a vow Dumbledore had fully
supported.



Damn
it Albus, you had no right to ask such a thing! Severus slammed one more book
closed. He had been idle for about
three weeks now, just waiting.
Waiting for word from Voldemort, and though he wouldn�t admit it, waiting
for word from the Order. The
idleness was mind numbing, but the waiting was suffocating him.



Albus
had assured him he would leave proper instructions for Minerva and the new head
of the Order. He had sworn that
Severus wouldn�t simply be set adrift to sink or swim on his own. Surely he had followed through on his
promise?



You
had known, you manipulative bastard.
You had known your time was coming.
Ever since I couldn�t completely salvage your hand, you knew. And you had been planning to make the
most of your death, to solidify my position, and that of the Order�s. You even set Potter down the right
path. Surely, with all that
foresight, you managed to leave Minerva just one little missive with regard to
me? Surely. So, just what was taking Minerva so long
to contact him?



Oh
yes, Albus had certainly known he was on borrowed time, and had acted
accordingly. Severus had known the
moment he entered the tower that evening what Dumbledore would ask of him. Beg of him. And he had complied, at great personal
risk, a great personal loss.
Despite the fact that he sometimes resented the control Albus had wielded
over his adult life, he had always, always respected the opportunities he had
provided, as well. For Potter to so
brazenly label him a coward was a slap in the face of the sacrifice he had made,
a sacrifice he doubted Potter could ever comprehend.



At
a loss for the evening, Severus stacked the books he had been half-heartedly
browsing, and prepared to turn in.



Dear
Merlin, Albus. I certainly hope you
knew what you were doing.

***


Harry�s stay on Privet Drive this summer had been the shortest yet, and
also probably the most pleasant on record.
The Dursley�s left him much to his own devices, and Harry had been happy
with the arrangement. Harry had
left his childhood residence for the last time two days before Bill�s
wedding. He had been at the Burrow
ever since.



Bill�s
wedding to Fleur had been nice, Ron had stood for his brother, as had Charlie
and the twins, and Gabrielle and Ginny had stood for Fleur along with a few
other members of Fleur�s family.
Yet despite the happy event, there was a definite feeling of foreboding
and loss between the two families.
Between Voldemort�s second rise, and more recently the loss of Albus
Dumbledore, everyone had more than the wedding on their minds, pressing
obligations to attend to. Harry
decided the night after Bill and Fleur�s wedding and reception that it was time
to undertake some of his own tasks.



Sunday
evening found Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny in the twins� bedroom, easily the safest place to have a private
conversation, as the twins had devised all manner of wards to keep Mrs. Weasley
at bay. Not knowing really how to
begin such a conversation, but knowing that he must, Harry took a deep breath
and took a moment to really look at the three closest friends he had, and for
once he was pleased when Hermione spoke for him.



�You�re
leaving us, aren�t you?� Her tone
was quiet, not accusatory, which unsettled Harry a little. He had expected her to protest vehemently, he wasn�t
sure he was prepared for such meek acquiescence.



�I
have to, and before you suggest it, no, you can�t come with me this time.�



�I
am not about to let my best friend go traipsing off to who knows where
alone!� Ron, somewhat thankfully, was reacting in precisely the
way Harry had anticipated. This he
was prepared for, this he could deal with.



�Listen,
I know you guys have always come with me in the past, and I will admit that it
has been your interference and loyalty that has saved my skin in the past, but
this time I have to do this on my own, it simply isn�t something you can� or
should help me with.� Harry was
careful to make eye contact with each of them, it was important that they
understand how serious he was about this, he had a task to do, and by the end of
the evening, hopefully so would they.



�No!� Ron, predictably, was turning an
interesting shade of red. He, by
far, would be the hardest sell. His loyalty, though not always steadfast,
had never wavered when it had really mattered and it was against his nature to
allow Harry to take a hold of this task alone.



�Why
Harry? Why is it so important you
shut us out when you know we would help you.� Ginny�s quiet pleading made Harry
pause. They had to be made to see things his way, he needed to know they
were supporting him in this decision one hundred percent.�



�Because,
I am not shutting you out. I need
you, all of you, it�s just a little different this time.� Ron looked ready to protest again,
rather loudly, and Harry quickly tried to avert the impending tirade. �Please, I really need you guys on my
side in this, at least hear me out.�



Ron
still looked ready to vehemently protest, but Hermione,
taking advantage of his pause, gently laid her hand on Ron�s arm quietly
speaking up,
�Alright Harry, we�re listening.� A slight squeeze from Hermione and Ron
remained silent.



�Alright,
I know I have told you about the sessions I had had with Dumbledore over the
course of last year. Do you
understand everything that I told you, everything we were trying to do?� All three nodded, silently beckoning for
Harry to continue.



�It
is my intention to go after the remaining Horcruxes, beginning with the real
locket. But there are some things
that have to be done in my absence, things I need you guys to take care of.�



Ron�s
patience for the moment was at an end, and he surged out of Hermione�s grasp
exclaiming, �Then why don�t you let just me come with you, two and two makes
more sense!
The girls can take care of whatever you need, research or
whatever. I won�t let you go
alone!�



Hermione
reached for Ron, trying to pull him back onto the bed beside her, but Harry
spoke up before she could get Ron to completely calm down.



�Listen
to me! I know you would gladly come
with me, but there is more to consider now than just ourselves! It�s time Ron. Time to grow up, time to face what is
coming, and time to take on some responsibilities. That
means we all have tasks to do and this one is
mine. I need you here!� Harry was breathing hard; Ron had to
understand this was more than childhood adventures. To some extent it always had been, but
this was very real, and very dangerous, and they were beyond the age where
foolhardiness was tolerable.



�What
do you need, Harry?� Hermione was
quietly studying him now, as if seeing him for the first time.



�Well,
for starters, I need all of you to start doing some research. I understand the nature of these
Horcruxes, but I need more than that, I need to know everything. The smallest detail may give us some
insight into what Voldemort might use.
Then, you need to move onto The Founders. I need more detailed histories of them,
their surviving families, and any heirlooms that are currently known to
exist.�



�Alright,
it might take us a while, but we can probably use the Black library for a lot of
this, then if Hogwarts reopens, we can use that library for lineage
studies.�



�That
brings me to my second task, one that will be more difficult. It is still undecided, as of yet whether
or not Hogwarts will reopen. I
suspect it will, parents will still regard it as safer than their personal homes
for their children. When you guys
get back, you must re-instate the DA.
Start with all of the original members you trust, and then move out from
there. The more people you can
prepare to stand defensively against what is to come, particularly in the older
years, the better. Make no mistake;
with Dumbledore gone Voldemort will have his sights set on Hogwarts. Make sure
that the older students can take care of themselves, and provide protection to
the younger years. Try to work out
protocols and meet as often as it is safe to manage. You should have more time as it�s
unlikely you will have Quidditch or Hogsmeade weekends to contend with.�



Ron�s
groan of distaste broke the intensity of the conversation, relieving the
mounting pressure in the room.



�I
need you guys to hold it together there.
Use your prefect status to the best of your abilities; we need to prepare
everyone for what is to come. The
more that can fight to protect what they believe, in the better shot we have at
winning.�



�You
will keep in touch with us, won�t you?�
Ginny sounded strangely reluctant to voice her acquiescence.



�Yes,
it should be fairly easy at first.
I intend to begin my hunt at Black manor, so I am sure our paths will
cross. Past that, no owls.
Dobby has agreed to carry letters for us, I trust him not to reveal
anything to anyone outside of our group, so if you need to contact me, go
through him, okay?�



�Harry,
are you sure this is the only way?�
Ron sounded pleading, which Harry supposed was probably a good thing.



�No,
Ron, but it is the best way.� Harry
sounded completely resolute in his decision, even to himself.



�When
will you leave?�



�Early
tomorrow, before breakfast. You
guys will have to make your mum understand. I will be at Black manor for a while,
you can contact me there. Start
your research as soon as possible.�



�Why
begin there, Harry?� Leave it to
Hermione.



�Because,
I think Regulus was the one to take the real locket, and there are a lot of
items that have been laying around that estate for ages. It seems a good place to start.�



�Alright
Harry, we will do this, just make sure you keep in touch.� Harry could tell the only reason Ron was
doing this was out of friendship and trust, two feelings he deeply
appreciated.



�I
will. I promise.�

***
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Burdens of the Heart