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Reminiscence	By : Raincloud Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 755 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Reminiscence
- 1
Reminiscence

by: Niamh Wolfe

disclaimer: I don�t own Harry
Potter or anything related to it.

notes: Eh, plot bunny. I adore the
Malfoys all and I wanted to write a Lucius piece. Initially he was in his
study, thinking specifically about the second war, but I scrapped that idea and
this emerged. I rather like it.

- Reminiscence -

Some wizards thought that Azkaban was a better place now,
without the Dementors. More humane, they would say.

Lucius Malfoy disagreed.

When the Dementors ruled, it took less than a year for an
average prisoner to lose himself. Now, you were left forever with all your
memories, and Lucius found the combination of pleasant memories and dreadful to
be the most painful punishment of all.

He remembered being a child desperate for his father�s
approval, striving to be worthy of his name. He remembered how proud his father
was when Lucius did something right, how he would smile ever so slightly. He
remembered striving to emulate his father in everything he did.

He remembered his sixth birthday party. His father had
invited all the most powerful and influential wizards of the age. Lucius
remembered the joy he felt as his father proudly introduced him to the Minister
of Magic as the Malfoy heir.

He remembered the evening before he left to attend Hogwarts,
how his mother came to him with a desperate warning that power was not
everything; he remembered hearing her screams that night as his father beat
her. He remembered wishing he had never told his father what she had said.

He remembered being Sorted into Slytherin, and the cheer
that rose up from his new Housemates. He remembered the slight pang he felt as
the Potter boy was Sorted into Gryffindor; they had
gotten along so well when they were younger. Lucius had known that the House
divide would be enough to kill any friendship that might have blossomed between
them, however. At least Potter had seemed to be making acceptable alliances �
Black, Pettigrew and Lupin. While they were not his favourite people, they were
from reasonably well to do families.

He remembered when his father told him about a powerful
wizard who would revolutionize the world. He remembered coming home from school
to meet Lord Voldemort. He remembered feeling that this man was the future.

He remembered his time at school. Exams, parties, friends
and rivalries all combined into one happy memory. He found it difficult to
remember the little things that had upset him so much during those years.

He remembered watching Potter sully himself and his name by
marrying that filthy mudblood girl, Evans. He remembered Severus telling him
that Lupin was a werewolf. Two pureblood families ruined beyond repair, it
seemed. Lucius remembered the urge to join Voldemort, to stop atrocities such
as this from happening. He remembered asking Severus to accompany him.

He remembered the pain when he was Marked
a Death Eater, tempered by the conviction that he was making the right decision.
He remembered Severus at his side, supporting him silently and taking the Mark
as well.

He remembered seeing Narcissa Black for the first time, a
stunning young woman in an evening gown of blue bearing no resemblance to her
infuriating cousin. He remembered the look in her eyes when he asked her to
dance, the feel of her slim body against his.

He remembered the night he proposed to her in the gardens of
Malfoy Manor. He remembered his words, �Will you be mine?� and her response, �I
always have been.�

He remembered their first night as man and wife, the awe
that he felt as he looked at her delicate form. He remembered being afraid that he might hurt her, running his hands gently over
her breasts and hips, entering her carefully. He remembered the force in her
eyes as she pulled his hips, guiding him into a violent rhythm. He remembered
the responsibility to care for this amazing being, the love that he felt
overpower him as he released himself inside her.

He remembered the first war, the thrill of power, the
knowledge that he was truly in the right. He remembered the faces of the people
he killed, the sounds of their final pleas before his wand silenced them
forever. He remembered the children�s broken bodies, their snapped necks and
slit abdomens. They weren�t worthy of a magical death.
Common muggle brats killed in common muggle manner. Lucius remembered the feel
of small bones shattering in his hands.

He remembered learning that Narcissa was pregnant. He
remembered the fear for his unborn child. He remembered his first flicker of
doubt. He remembered thinking of all the purebloods Voldemort had killed for
the slightest infraction.

And then Draco, how much he remembered Draco�the first time
he held him; a tiny baby with perfect Malfoy features and Narcissa�s clear grey
eyes. He remembered the beautiful little hands with their ten beautiful little
fingers, the wonderful pink cheeks. He remembered panicking when the infant had
started to cry. He remembered Narcissa�s amused laugh
as she took Draco back from him.

He remembered the downfall. He remembered the trials, his
closest friends being Kissed, the faint guilt when he
was released on account of his lies. He also remembered relief.

He remembered working to reestablish himself after the war,
particularly with his family. He remembered the time Narcissa was ill and he
had spent a week as the primary caretaker of a three year old boy. He
remembered how delighted he was by Draco�s abundant energy and childish wit.

He remembered Draco�s fascination with everything about him.
He remembered finding Draco, four years old, in his bedchambers, wearing
Lucius� finest robe, hair combed in perfect imitation of Lucius� own style. He
remembered laughing.

He remembered the first time Draco said �mudblood.� It was
at dinner when the boy was seven years old. He remembered Narcissa�s
raised eyebrow and lack of comment. He remembered the fear that coursed through
him, fear for his precious son.

He remembered when he abandoned Draco and Narcissa emotionally.
When he decided that his father was right, that power was more important than his
wife and the blond angel they had sired. He remembered Narcissa�s tears as he grew more and more distant. He remembered moving
her to a separate room to escape the emotions she brought forth in him.

He remembered sending Draco to Hogwarts, telling him that
Slytherin was the only place for purebloods, for Malfoys. Telling him that
power and blood were the only things that mattered, that friendship didn�t
exist. He remembered Draco�s unwavering belief in everything he said.

He remembered Draco�s weekly letters. He remembered reading
every one and saving it. He also remembered that he never responded.

He remembered seeing Potter for the first time. He
remembered how he had longed for the boy�s death, if only to rid himself of the
reminder that James had once been his friend. He remembered hating the boy�s
eyes. They were not James�s eyes.

He remembered the Dark Lord rising again. The pain as his
long-dormant mark burned black against his flesh. He remembered the graveyard,
seeing Potter stand against Voldemort so bravely. He remembered being impressed.

He remembered the Department of Mysteries. He remembered
hoping to see James�s spirit shine though Potter as it had at the graveyard. He
remembered being disappointed.

He remembered being sent to Azkaban, but he didn�t remember his stay there. Perhaps he had blocked the memory, perhaps the Dementors had damaged his mind. He did,
however remember Voldemort releasing him at Draco�s request.

He remembered seeing Draco Marked. He remembered feeling nothing
as his son screamed in pain.

He remembered the second downfall. He remembered sitting in
the back at Draco�s trial as Potter stepped forward. He remembered Potter�s words,
�He was a spy for the Order. We have been lovers for three years. He is
innocent.� He remembered how Draco looked away.

All he remembered of his own trial and sentencing was Draco
sitting in the back of the room with Potter, face void of emotion. He
remembered wishing he could tell Draco that he was sorry.

He remembered the Daily Prophet article announcing Draco�s
marriage to Pansy Parkinson; Potter had refused to comment. A few weeks later,
Lucius remembered, the Prophet had announced Potter�s engagement to the Weasley
girl; Draco also declined to comment. He remembered the picture of Potter and
Weasley. She looked so happy; he looked so blank. He remembered his heart
breaking, wondering what had driven the two young men apart. He remembered
wondering if it had anything to do with him.

He remembered the single sentence in the obituaries
announcing Narcissa�s death at age 52, no funeral to be held.
Lucius remembered crying.

He remembered wondering every day if Draco would ever come
to visit. Draco never did.

Lucius Malfoy gazed tiredly out of his Azkaban cell, his
life almost spent, dwelling on memories and wishing for death.

- Endless -
- 1
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Reminiscence