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To Love Again	By : BeckyHoadley Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 3981 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-To Love Again
- 1
Title: To Love Again

Author: Skye

Pairing: HP/SS, HP/RL, (Heavy on SS/HP as well as HP/RL)

Rating: NC-17 for Part 5, PG-13 for the rest.

Category: Drama/Angst

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns them.

Feedback: Absolutely BeckyHoadley@hotmail.com

Archiving: After 6-1 wherever. Let me know.

Warnings: Death (Early on, look at the challenge), SAP-ALERT. MAJOR-MUSH!

Summary This is part of the Mortal Moon fest (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mortalmoonfest/). It is HP/RL but HP/SS is a heavy influence throughout.

Scenarios:7. Remember the old adage 'werewolves mate for life'? Well that's definitely true for one Remus J. Lupin. He's never been touched by anyone, and Harry wants to change that. (Cara) 27. Harry is involved with Severus, who died in the last battle with Voldemort. Remus consoles him. (pastles) 67. Harry, for whatever reason, decides to become a werewolf. Your call whether Remus gives him the bite or not. (Dark Artist) **Heavy emphasis on Harry dealing with Sev's death.

Beta: Grey

A/N: The first part of this story is very similar to: "For a Moment", one of my fics. In that story Severus dies in battle, but Harry never realized his feelings. Here, obviously, he has. It's my own fic, I think It's legal.

Song lyrics at the end of chapters are Lyrics are from:

You left me, just when I need you most. Billy Vanwarmer

You won't see me cry. Wilson Phillips

Healing Hands. Elton John

I don't know much. Linda Rondstat

The first time. Surface

The Dance. Garth Brooks

Because You Loved Me. Celine Dion

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Just When I Needed You Most

The final battle was nothing Harry had expected. It was nothing any of them had expected. The battle- ground was not Hogwarts, or Hogsmeade. It wasn't even in the Wizarding World. There were no sparks, no lights, no curses, and no hexes. Instead it was held in a magical vacuum, and fought with antiquated, inefficient, muggle weapons.

Somehow, that made it more real than the battles that had come before. The screaming of the dead and dying, the sound of steel on steel, and the smell of the blood that soaked the earth, running in crimson rivulets over the grass before being absorbed by the rich loam. It all added a brutality, an immediacy, that hadn't been present before. The need to *end* this war at any cost, but it must *end* and end here, and end now.

Harry and Severus had started fighting back to back, but as the battle progressed had been separated. Now that the battle was winding down. Voldemort had been shot by Hermione, who had literally blown his head off with her fathers revolve. The few remaining Death-Eaters were being gathered together by survivors, Harry was finally able to look for his lover.

Stumbling with exhaustion, streaked with mud, blood, and less identifiable substances he sca the the field until he caught a flash of white-blonde hair and the billow of a cloak on the edge of the woods. Malfoy. Lucius or Draco, Harry didn't know and didn't care. His spouse was forgotten for the moment as he headed toward the forest with determination. They'd gotten away with quite enough - - they were consummate survivors. They weren't going to get away this time.

As he walked, determination over coming his weariness, his eyes were fixed on the spot he'd last seen that shocking white hair. He was so focused that he nearly tripped over the crumpled body lying face first in the frozen mud. He almost dismissed it. He'd seen a lot of death in the past, and more today. A body was nothing out of the ordinary, but a low groan caught his attention, and he looked down.

His knees gave way as he recognized the long black hair spilling over thin shoulders, and he knelt beside Snape, and turned him over carefully. The eyes that opened to meet his were glazed with pain and shock. "Harry." Snape acknowledged with a weak smile, his voice uncharacteristically rough.

"Yes love," Harry said quietly, "I'm here." He paused to push away strands of damp dark hair, that clung lightly to his fingers.

Snape's respiration had a distressingly liquid quality, as though his lungs were ... filling with blood, Harry realized with a jolt. Damn, damn, and double damn. He knew a bit about medi-wizardry, but magic wouldn't work here. Worse, he knew almost nothing beyond the most basic first aid for mundane injuries, with muggle methods. "Severus," Harry said, voice edged with panic.

"It's ok," Snape said soothingly, patting awkwardly at Harry's hand. He was, Harry realized, trying to comfort *him*. Harry could only shake his head. No, not ok, not ok at all. He couldn't loose Severus, "I need you," Harry said painfully.

"I'm--sorry." Snape gasped, before those two words sent him into a coughing fit. Harry instinctively turned him onto his side and braced his head, some obscure medical fact pushing itself past conscious thought, as Snape gagged and brought up a truly astonishing amount of bright, frothy blood. When he lay back he was even paler than he had been, and shivering. Without opening his eyes he wove his fingers through Harry's and gripped him weakly. Still trying to soothe the younger man. There had been far too much death in his young life. He didn't mind dying, but he was worried about Harry. "Promise me," Snape said opening his eyes with a supreme act of will, "that you won't do anything--stupid."

Harry looked at him, tears streaking down his face and nodded silently. Those last words had exhausted Snape utterly and he could see that exhaustion, beyond anything even he could comprehend, in his eyes and the lines on his face. He was so tired, but fighting and hanging on--for him. Fighting death itself--for him, and because Severus Snape did not simply surrender to anything. When he went it would be an active choice to let go, and that wasn't something he would do until Harry let him.

That knowledge left Harry crying harder than before but still silently and sitting calm. When he spoke his voice was steady and sure, in spite of the tears. "It's ok, love, I promise. Close your eyes and rest," and then Harry leaned down to place one last, very gentle, kiss on his lips. It was bittersweet, tasting of salty tears and metallic blood.

Snape was beyond speech now but he smiled weakly, squeezed the hand he was holding once more and let his eyes drift shut. Harry bit back a sob and settled his fingers against Severus' throat, monitoring the rapid, weak, and irregular pulse, as it grow steadily slower before it stuttered, and then finally stopped.

He locked the scream of pure agony behind his gritted teeth. He wanted to scream, to fight, to get his lover *back*. But this time there was no one he could fight, no battle he could win. It was over, and in the end, he'd lost the only thing he'd ever been fighting *for*. He couldn't even seek solace in death, however appealing it was. He'd promised.

It was Remus who found him late that evening. Harry didn't know how long he'd sat there, unmoving, and he didn't care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. He *needed* Severus, and he'd *left* him *alone*. Beyond that one thought, that kept repeating itself, over and over, there was nothing. Just pain and anger and an emptiness that made his chest ache.

He didn't hear the quiet footfall behind him, and didn't hear the very soft curse. Even when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder he didn't respond. Remus stood quietly behind him while Harry knelt over Snape's body for a long time. Finally knowing this place wouldn't be safe in the dark he spoke, keeping his voice soft, low, and, with effort, even.

"Harry, we need to go."

There was no response beyond a minute shudder. He tried a different track.
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To Love Again