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Junk Mail	By : jillianw Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 26373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Junk Mail
- 1
This fic is dedicated to Camilla and Geena. If not for them, I'd still be somewhat ignorant in the adult toys department. I went in search of the Tarzan they spoke of, and the following naughtiness is a collaboration of sorts from my quest. Damn those girls and their naughty minds….. Ah, who am I kidding. We love them…
DEFINITELY RATED NC-17. If female masturbation isn't your thing, skip this.

Junk Mail

Hermione had finished yet another grueling week of her apprenticeship. She had been offered Minerva's position as the Head of Gryffindor as well as the Transfigurations professor after the current term. She was retiring and Albus felt that Hermione was the most qualified of all their former students to fill both roles. Of course her lack of a husband or family helped him choose her. She had no problem with staying at Hogwarts' year round. She however didn't get the title of Deputy Headmistress. That honor was going to Severus Snape. He would be the first Deputy Headmaster ever to come from Slytherin. And he was the reason she needed a bottle of wine, without the glass, and a long hot bath. Or perhaps, a cold shower.
When she first arrived back at Hogwarts in January, he had been the same cold, unresponsive man she remembered him being when he was her teacher. It appeared as if nothing had changed. However, it was when he began being nice to her that she became suspicious. She had never known him to show an interest in her nor in her beliefs and it caught her completely off guard when he invited her along with him to a lecture on Potions. Ever since that evening, they had become friends, often sharing an evening stroll around the lake. Or even discussing one of the Literary classics they were both so fond of. And then other times, he was the same old arrogant arsehole as always. He was a very puzzling man, and she hated that he was one enigma she couldn't solve.
This particular evening, he had invited her down to his dungeons only to torment her by touching her hands and arms, or casually nudging behind while they worked on potions for Poppy. She loved the way he smelled and it deeply aroused her. She knew that he realized she was attracted to him. He'd have to be blind not to notice the casual flirtations she showered on him. She had recently taken her teaching exam and had passed with his help. Before she left, she casually kissed him on the cheek, and he had hugged her tight against his chest. He kissed the top of her head, and sent her on her way. She was furious. How dare he kiss her, then throw her out. She knew it must be because he wasn't used to affection, but she would gladly help him cope. If only he'd let her stay. Then perhaps she'd be in bed with him right now, and not heading home alone.
Upon entering her rooms, she found an array of junk mail placed upon her desk. She silently cursed Albus for letting unsolicited owls into the school, but he claimed that it was very profitable for the school, and that the money was being used for orphans from the war. She couldn't argue with him on that point. She knew many of her school friends that had died and left a child or two behind.
She sorted through the mail, when a plain brown envelope caught her eye. It wasn't the usual sort of mail she got, yet it called out to her. She stripped of her clothing and headed into the bathroom. Once the tub was filled, she climbed in, and opened the bottle of wine, as well as the brown envelope. Nothing could have prepared her for what she was to discover when she removed the flyers inside. There were many adult toys and lingerie splayed over the pages, and several were calling out to her. She hadn't ever been one to indulge in using a toy to achieve her climax, she rather enjoyed bringing it upon herself. But at times when she was so fatigued, such as tonight, the prospect of having one in the drawer was an entertaining thought.
About halfway through the forty page booklet, there were a few pages that really blew her mind. Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil had created their own line of adult toys and this company was their marketer. Across the top of the page, In bold red lettering were the words "Studs of Hogwarts." And each one was named after a former Hogwarts student. "Hmmm… Now this is getting really interesting," she said to herself as she got out of the tub, and made her way to the fire. Once she was settled again, she started reading the description beneath each one.
First, there was one named after Neville, it was called "Pudgy Protrusion." It was a smaller dildo, but had a very thick shaft. "Hm, short and pudgy just like Neville." Second there was one named after Dean Thomas, called "Chocolate Heaven." It was an ebony colored vibrator, with realistic feeling skin and remote controlled. It was a very large vibrator, and Hermione shuddered at the thought of how much pain that would cause. Thirdly, a jelly filled vibe in flaming purple was named after Seamus Finnigan. It was called "Finigan's Fantastic Fuck." Hermione began to wonder just how much research those two girls did to achieve their realistic looking quality. She shivered at the thought they had slept with all these men.
The following page was dedicated to the men of Slytherin. There was a Blaise Zabini, which was an improved version of a Venus Butterfly. Hermione thought about how enjoyable the staff meetings would be if she were to wear that beneath her robes. Then, there were a pair of mini vibrators for beginners. They were called Mini Metals. They were only 4 ¾ inches long, and were very hard and rigid looking. No surprise they were named after Crabbe and Goyle.
Lastly on the page, was something called a Squirmy Dragon. It was something she knew she would like. And, it was named after Draco Malfoy. If she'd known in school how wonderful he'd be in bed, she might have thrown her books out the window. It was what they called an erotic vibrator which also offered clitoral stimulation. It was a stylised penis with reversible rotating vibrator, that had a bead filled shaft and multi-speed vibrating clit tickler for exquisite stimulation. And, it included a full function control base. She put a small 'x' beside that one and flipped the page.
Waiting there for her viewing pleasure was a two page spread on the Weasley males. First was one named after Bill, and it was a climax maximizer. It was called "William's Willie." It was designed for g-spot stimulation, as well as clitoral with a multi-orgasmic egg design. And, it was designed to be worn beneath your clothing as well.
Following his was the waterproof Sea Slider. It was modeled after Charlie and came in three different colors for your pleasure. It was rather large and somewhat more slender than the others. Directly beneath his was a small anal vibe and no surprise it was named after Percy. Hermione had to laugh at that. Boy did they hit the nail on the head with him. To the right of his description, was a set of double jelly dongs, that glorified Fred and George. They were called "Weasley's Wonderful Wieners." Hermione had no idea that you could buy one that had two penis'. They ranged from 12" to 18" and were a light translucent purple color. They were either smooth or veined. "Not a bad bargain for the price," she thought.
The last item on the page was mirrored after Ron. It was a rather large anal vibrator called Red Heated Passion." Hermione shuddered at the thought of sticking anything in "there", and wondered just how much Ron liked anal sex. But she really wondered if he was a giver, or receiver. Then she quickly recovered and realized she was truly better off not knowing.
When she turned the page, she saw several items named after Sirius. One was called "Padfoot's Pussy Pleasure, and the other was called Blazing Black. The first was a mouth and when you murmured the correct spell, it attached to your vagina and licked you until you screamed in ecstasy. She placed another check by that one. The second one named after Sirius was a plain dildo. It stated it was made for beginners. Remus' namesakes adorned the bottom half of the page. The first was "Moaning Moony," and it was a set of anal beads. The second was named "The Wolvinator," and it literally looked like a monster. It was a deep gray colored vibrator that must have been at least 10" long.
The opposite page was dedicated to Albus Dumbledore. Now she really was wondering about those girls' sanity. It was called a Hitachi Magic Wand. It was a high powered massager that looked just like a muggle microphone. The tip rotated a thousand times a minute in high speed, and it was for external use only. She supposed the old fart couldn't even get it up anymore, so this suited him in a sick, twisted way.
Turning the page brought her face to face with Harry's picture, and the two toys designed after him. She had shared her first experience and a few after with Harry, so she knew exactly what he had to offer. The first was a cyberskin dildo that looked exactly like Harry's. It was called "Potter's Perfect Penis." The girls had gotten the size exact, and also the thickness looked about right. The second toy was called the Pearl Panther, which just happened to be his animagus form. It was getting very eerie looking at these pictures. They were so close to the real thing. This particular toy had a unique G-spot shaft with stimulating rotating pearls. The panther was attached at the base and gave you clitoral stimulation as well. It wae moe most appealing item she had found. Well, it 'was' the most appealing until she looked at the next page and saw Severus Snape staring back at her.
The toy named after him was called Tarzan. It was by far the most expensive, and most appealing of all the items in the book. It was a deep red colored vibrator that had a very long shaft. It looked to be the perfect size, in her opinion. Attached to it's base was another clitoral stimulator, but there was one for the anus as well. It appeared to be small and looked virtually painless. She smiled wholeheartedly as she thought about the hours upon hours of pleasure she'd receive from this one. "I'll fuck you more than you could ever imagine, Severus Snape," she said to the barren room, and then filled out her order form.
There were special delivery options that would allow her to receive her purchases the following evening, along with her free gift. All she had to do was purchase at least 40 galleons of merchandise and she'd get 15 knuts worth of free products and a mystery surprise. She was very excited. After she filled out the shipping information and the billing slip, she decided on ordering the Tarzan, Padfoot's Pussy Pleasure, and the Squirmy Dragon. She ordered a tube of Good Head as well, and a bottle of Wet, a very expensive lubricant. Her total purchase was 69 galleons, but she didn't care. If Severus was going to shy away from her, then she'd resort to the next best thing… A vibrator mirrored after the man she found herself lusting for.
Saturday dragged by. She and Remus, along with Sirius and Severus were to chaperone the Hogsmeade visit. They spent most of the day in the Three Broomsticks sipping warm tea and butterbeers. Severus was never left alone with her, but she found herself uncontrollably smiling at him several times. She couldn't help herself. He was beginning to get self conscious, checking his face for food, or casually wiping his nose to make sure he didn't have a bogey hanging out. Remus picked up on her giddiness, and questioned her about it.
"Really, it's nothing. I've just been awaken to a whole new perspective on you and every other male in my life." Sirius kissed her hand gently and responded with his sly cunning charm.
"My dear lady. If you haven't seen the true me, let me introduce myself. I am the very rich, very pompous Sirius Black." He mock bowed at her before heading off to the loo.
"Pompous arse more like it," Severus grumbled beneath his breath. Hermione stifled her own laugh and casually brushed her leg against his beneath the table. Severus raised an eyebrow at her, but he couldn't escape. He was in a booth, against the wall. She had him trapped and he was going to get a bit of torturing for his ditching of her the previous evening.
"So tell us Severus, how are the seventh years coming along with their NEWT preparation?" Remus was so excited to be back at school that it was usually all he spoke of. Hermione took their boring conversation as an opportunity to turn up the heat a bit. She placed her hand just over her thigh, and barely touching his.
"If they all would show half as much enthusiasm as Miss Granger has for learning, or half of her bravery," he stressed the word 'bravery' as her hand casually slid entirely onto his thigh, "then I daresay they might have learned something." She traced slow circles upon his outer thigh, and slowly crept her hand into his inner thigh. Had he really no idea what that deep husky voice did to her? Her panties were wet just by listening to him. She nearly came at the thought of him touching her. She squirmed in her seat and Remus asked her if she were cold.
"No I'm fine really." She looked around and saw Parvati and Lavender heading their way.
"Here you are. We've been looking for you. Is Sirius with you? We've got a few more release forms for you three to sign. It seems we've made enough to come out with a new line of products." Lavender was one to ramble on senselessly.
"Yes, he'll be right back. Let's just sign these. He and I need to round up the children and start heading back." She handed Remus a few papers, gave a few to Severus, and placed Sirius' on the table. He returned and signed them as well. "Here you go girls." They took the forms and then Parvati did the most embarrassing thing that Hermione could have ever imagined. She handed her the purchases she ordered.
"Here you go Hermione. We thought we'd just drop this off instead of sending it to you. We knew you would be in Hogsmeade today." The three men looked at her, and she knew she was as red as Bill Weasley's pubic hair.
"No… No… problem girls… Thththanks." She put her head down and then the girls went a step further. "We're proud to say Professor Snape we've just sold the first one of your toys." She started banging her head on the table, and the girls left. Sirius howled with laughter, and even the usually reserved Remus was snickering behind his hand. Severus just stared at her like she'd grown another head. Remus was the first to speak once he calmed down. He placed his hand on the back of her head, and tried to comfort her.
"Hermione, it's really none of our business. I'm sure we all wouldn't mind if you obliviated us of that particular memory. After all, it's your body, and your prerogative." She looked up and Sirius was smiling madly. She knew that he was dying to ask her what she bought. She thought, "what the hell," and asked him what he wanted to know.
"Did you buy anything from me?" He was a bit too eager, so she shot him down.
"Nope. Didn't see anything that really interested me." Remus spat out his tea, and Severus looked at her very approvingly. "However, I daresay, the Weasley's should be galleonaires by now."
They talked about school some more, then Sirius and Remus left to get the students ready to go back to the school. Severus started to speak several times, and just sto mid mid sentence. Hermione had had enough of his beating around the bush, so she quickly formulated a plan in her mind.
"Severus, I'm not sure what's exactly going on here, but if you want to come to my chambers tonight, you may do so. The password is Erotica, and you may come anytime after nine. It is your decision. The offer's been made, you can take it or leave it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have children to find and get safely back to the school." She stood up, stared at him one last moment and left the pub. He settled the tab, and then followed behind her. He was considering her offer, and made his way back through the town and up to Hogwarts.
She stayed in her rooms the rest of the day and all through dinner as well. She bathed, cleaned her chambers and prepared for Severus to come. At least, she hoped he come. At a quarter til nine, she put on her silky nightgown, and climbed into her bed with her new purchases. She took out the lubricant and the Tarzan, and put the others in her nightstand. She conjured a dim candlelit glow throughout her rooms, and began her journey into self masturbation. She had done this many times before, but never with a vibrator. She couldn't believe how realistic it felt. She removed her panties, and put a tiny bit of lubricant on the toy. She spread her legs wide and inserted it. After murmuring the incantation to start it, she felt another presence in her room. She decided to let him suffer through this, so she closed her eyes tightly, and let the toy take her into ecstasy.
Severus wasn't prepared for the sight before him. Splayed out on her bed, a silky nightie barely covering her body, was Hermione. Masturbating with a toy modeled after him. Him. Her once feared Potions master. The man that had once drove her to tears. She was now moaning his name repeatedly. There was a stiffness in his groin that hadn't been there for quite some time. He just watched her in awe as she moaned louder and screamed out his name. He slowly walked over to her bed and watched her, hidden just behind her curtains. She started thrusting her hips up and down very quickly. He knew she was close to her orgasm. He murmured a "Nakedenio" and was instantly starkers.
She never even noticed. He peered down at her, and watched her climax uncontrollably. "Severus, oh dear Merlin." Her incoherent murmurs were the sweetest melody he had ever heard. He let her calm before he slid on top of her, but she didn't seem startled at all.
He kissed her gently and then commented on her performance. "Well, this was one way of showing me you want me. I'd say 200 points to Gryffindor for ingenuity. As well as another 50 for fabulous taste if you were still my student." He removed Tarzan, and she wrapped her legs tightly around him.
"I've wanted you for so long Severus. So long." She rubbed her tiny fingers through the light dusting of black hair on his chest, and then sucked on his right nipple.
"Then by all means, have me Hermione. Let's try this with the real thing this time. No need for toys, only me." He covered her tiny body with his, and slid into her. He knew he was tasting heaven. Nothing could compare to this. Not even the best drug in the world could give him such a high as he was feeling right now. She was so tight, so wet, and it was him that she wanted. That she truly wanted.
They made love several times before falling asleep in each other's arms. Her last thought before she drifted off into dreamland was that tomorrow, she'd have to thank Albus for suggesting the unsolicited mail. And also send Parvati and Lavender a small thank-you note for their contribution to charity, as well as to women all over the world.
Hope you all liked it. It was fun to write, and may contain a sequel. Not too sure though. Really depends on the feedback. There's tons of possible sequels. If anyone feels they want to write one, then by all means go ahead. They don't have to contain a SS/HG pairing. The book was sent to hundreds of witches so really, anyone could be in it. I'd like to see what you all come up with.
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Junk Mail