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Monkey's Business	By : sappysappysappy Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 22484 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Story summary: Albus Dumbledore decides his spy and former Potions Master deserves a reward for all his services and chooses Hermione Granger as the reward. This is a late answer to the Sex Hex Challenge on Wiktt.

Warnings: Dubious Consent, Full on Sex-descriptions.

Thanks: to Wickedly Wanton, my old beta, for helping me get this story written properly and Krystle Bertoncin for making sure it really really is.

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Monkey Business

Chapter One: Monkey’s Paw

Albus looked down on his robes and swore, “Tooth cracking purple cockroach-clusters!” and, “Floberworm flavoured Every Flavoured Beans!” His beautiful mauve robes, the ones with the pinkish dots and stars on them, were ruined. Ruined! Liberally distributed all along his front were filthy black stains of greasy soot in the shape of vague hand-marks. Once again his cursed hand had gotten the better of him. Truly it has become his ‘Monkey’s Paw,’ as he called it now. Damn you, Voldemort! Ever since he picked that darned ring out of the dust and ashes in the broken fireplace at Voldemort’s old ancestral shack, life had not been the same. Muttering some more sugary imprecations to himself and suppressing with a supreme effort of will the urge to tug on his beard, he picked up a pinch of Floo powder and distastefully approached his own fireplace where he called his Potions Master to his side. Fireplaces didn’t seem to cheer him like they used to.

Severus stepped out of the flames, took one look at him, and exclaimed, “You’re disintegrating again, Albus! Look at your hand. The way you treat it, you’ll have nothing left of it but dirty bones, if that. Why didn’t you call me sooner? This is getting serious. It’s only been a month since last you needed me for it. How do you feel?”

“Calm down, Severus. I only noticed it myself just now. Do you honestly believe I enjoy ‘spreading my ashes’ around my office while I yet live in it? As I have told you often enough, it doesn’t hurt and therefore I feel quite peppy. Why, if only you had looked around instead of ogling the darn thing you would have noticed I was just about to indulge myself with a spot of lemon drops.” Tears filled his eyes as he looked at the sooty bowl of now blackened lemon drops. It was those poor lemon drops in fact that had alerted him to the state of his hand in the first place. What he told Severus was true. His hand only hurt when it was relatively well. Right now it was completely dead to him; just a weight on his arm.

Smiling widely through his tears, Albus let Severus lead him to his chair and fuss over his deadened hand. The dear boy was chanting over it with all his might, letting dewy drops trickle out of his fingertips to moisten it back to life. Finally, falling exhausted, into one of his cushy chairs, Severus sighed stentorianly, giving Albus a tormented, doe-eyed look that implied that he was a hard-used man and deserved his praises. He was such a drama queen at times; but then again, what great wizard wasn’t? Shaking his head at the boy’s theatrics Albus went to fetch him his reward. Severus’ nostrils flared in appreciation as he accepted the hefty chunk of chocolaty, gooey delight Albus handed to him from his own private stores. He wasted no time before he started munching away at it, giving Albus a grateful look. Beaming his delight at him, Albus flexed his hand in childish glee, ignoring the disapproving glare his weary companion tried to direct at him. It didn't look very frightening, coming as it did from a visage smeared with the aforesaid brownish confection, but soon Albus forgot that ridiculous spectacle as feeling returned to his damaged hand and he hissed out in pain. It would never heal. By the way it was behaving lately he had some doubts whether he'd live to see more than a few more Christmases. Even Fawkes' magic could not abate the curse. It was only Severus' continued herculean efforts over it that had kept him alive and functioning this long. How could he ever repay him the debt he owed him? Severus asked for so little that was feasible for the loyal service he gave him. Why couldn’t he ask for sensible things for once? He should find some way to repay him. Giving him the D.A.D.A. position was surely not enough. And there was still the matter of the last service he required of him. What would happen if he refused?

"You will fulfil your vow to Narcissa won't you?”

Severus would probably call him a fool but the idea of dying such an ignominious death as was expected from this curse was anathema to his Gryffindorish nature. He wanted to go out with a flare, in the limelight of a glorious battle, not disappear slowly into a growing pile of dirty ash. And after all the sacrifices he made, surely that was little to ask.

“How can you ask that of me? It would seal my name as the Traitor if that brat manages to win. The entire world would be out for my blood. The only thing that would save me is that the chance that that Potter brat would defeat the Dark Lord on his own is so small it strains the imagination to think of it. He is a rude and impertinent boy who thinks too much of himself and that is all he’ll ever be. You should see the sloppy essays he hands in to me in class. He wouldn’t stand a chance against the Dark Lord without you. If you want to die so much you can find someone else to do the dirty deed for you. I’m not doing it.”

“Now, now. You are too harsh with the boy. I am sure he will fulfil his fate splendidly. I have every confidence in him and I am working with him personally this year to prepare him for his ordeal. As for your name and reputation I will have my portraits and effects vouch for your innocence when the war is over. You will be a hero,” Albus lied, trying to hide the twinkle in his eye. He knew how slim the evidence of a portrait would be against common, bloodthirsty opinion. “And you can’t let Draco do this in your stead. He is your godson and your student. You can’t let the boy taint his soul with murder. I know how much you love him. You will be doing this for him.” Albus added trying to squeeze every drop of sympathy in this situation from his underling. It had to be Severus behind the final curse. The notion that he, the wizard that even You-Know-Who feared to face, would be killed by a mere boy was intolerable to him. “You know I shan’t hold this against you, Severus. And if you won’t do this and break your vow you will die. You have to do this.”

It was obvious his words hit a soft spot. He could tell Severus would soon cave. Still, his countenance was marred by anger and Albus internally sighed. Here we go again. There was just no shutting him up once his hackles were raised. “I have given up ten years of my life already just to keep you alive and this is the thanks I get? Draco may be my godson but he should face his own choices and not cower behind our wand-hands. He’s practically a grown wizard already. Now stop this Gryffindorish nonsense about sacrificing yourself. You’re just complicating things where there’s no need. If Draco decides that his task is to flee the Dark Lord and protect his mother, none of this will even be necessary. Just confront the boy and offer him sanctuary and none of us will be harmed.” Severus got up from his seat and summoned a potion-bottle and a silver bowl from his rooms. He filled the bowl with the potion and soaked a handkerchief in it. Handing the dripping hanky to Albus, he gritted angrily, “Now cover that disgusting deformity of yours. This is the last time I’m going to cover up for your carelessness and blunt disregard for rules.”

Albus accepted the hanky and let it soak his pain away. The folds were wet and covered him in dampness. As he calmed down and mulled over the fresh spat of insults his Potion Master hurled at him, his eyes tested his opponent and lit up in a maddening twinkle as an idea was hatched. Clearing his throat he asked innocuously, “What would you say if I guaranteed you at least one steadfast ally from amongst our side that would not leave you, no matter what? Someone that is highly respected in the Order of the Phoenix and that could even sway Harry Potter himself? Wouldn’t your name be safe then?”

His professor eyed him suspiciously. “What do you mean? Who is this mysterious ally and what sort of guarantee do I have that he will support me?” His eyes narrowed. “If you mean to shove your pet werewolf at me again, you can forget it. I wouldn’t trust Lupin with a yardstick.”

“No, no. It isn’t Remus. You needn’t know whom I am speaking about. No questions. You’ll have all the answers soon enough if you accept my offer. What do you say? Will you grant me my wish if I give you your ally? You’re a young wizard. How can you give it all up if there’s a chance you’ll come through victorious?” A sly smile crossed his lips. “People will proclaim you a Gryffindor or even, gods forbid, a Hufflepuff if you continue in this selfless vein you’ve developed. Surely you wouldn’t want that to happen, Severus?”

His eyes darting away before the flare of hope in their depths could be seen, Severus shook his head minutely. Jumping out of his seat he started pacing frantically. Finally slumping back into his seat he asked the headmaster, “Do you really think I have a chance? Do you really think this ‘ally’ could make a difference? I should have just refused to make the vow in the first place. I…”

“Say no more my boy,” Albus interrupted. “You have nothing to worry about. Everything will work out fine. You’ll see. Accept my offer, please. I beg of you.”

Looking away and letting his greasy locks cover his face, he replied, “I suppose, if there would be no other choice left. If you’re sure…”

“Absolutely. You won’t regret this.” He hoped. “I’m so happy you agreed to my deal. I’ll introduce the two of you as soon as possible. You’ll have your ally there for you.” He smiled beatifically at his charge as he shoved him out of his chambers muttering phrases such as “Wonderful” and “Don’t you worry” to prevent him from finding any objections to their bargain. His glory was now assured and he had finally found the way to repay his friend and ally for all the services he had given him over the years. At last, Severus would get a chance to get laid and he might even gain a defendant for his innocence in the bargain. ‘You never knew,’ as his brother liked to say. All those years of abstinence would finally be relieved with a young, willing, eager body beneath him. He just knew this was going to work out wonderfully. One just had to look at that pinched, tightly wound up body of his to know it. All he had to do now was corner the Granger girl and find the proper spell to cast over her. The rest would follow naturally. Smiling widely, Hogwarts’ Headmaster of Witchcraft and Wizardry went in search of a fresh batch of lemon drops to suckle.

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Author’s Notes: I hope you liked it so far. I know everybody likes their Dumbledore to be Mr. Perfect-Good-Guy but this selfish, pervy Dumbledore just wouldn’t let go and I wanted to play with him a bit. Tell me if you’d like me to continue. Next chapter will have Hermione's meeting with the Headmaster and a bit of underhanded magic
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Monkey's Business