101 Ways to Woo Hermione Granger | By : KatDiva Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 5063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
101 Ways to Woo Hermione Granger
A/N: I struggled with my muse for weeks and weeks trying to write this challenge. After three half written stories that I scrapped, I finally found a better idea that seemed befitting as a gift for Silveris. Her request was: dinner with the trio (may include Ron and Harry's girlfriends) and Draco, where single!Draco and heartbroken!Hermione are not on very good terms. Yet. Dealbreakers (absolute no-no's): Old stuff such as the candlelit dinner, seaside escapades, and rolling around in grassy fields. Ginny Weasley.
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To: The Weepy Granger
From: The Nearly-Perfect Malfoy
Re: Last Night
Granger,
Contrary to popular belief, we Malfoys are only human. Didnt mean to upset your plans of a ménage à trois last night at the restaurant. My only excuse is that when I saw you weeping on Potters shoulder, it occurred to me that you are still deluded by the false impression that those two nimnuts can actually help you. I would have thought youd known better by now. Still, I guess theres no accounting for judgment during emotional times such as breakups. I vaguely remember the despair of our own.
Im offering my services, free of charge, of course, because I still owe you for that arse-saving hex you rescued me with during that fateful night.
Based on the overflow of tears last night, I think we should meet someplace privately. How about the manor at 7:00 p.m.? Dont concern yourself with anything, its all under control.
Soon to be Yours Again,
Draco
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To: The Coy Granger
From: The Almighty Malfoy
Re: Manners
Granger,
Bad form, you saucy wench. Your refusal is hereby declined.
Bringing up past mistakes is beneath you. I wont hold it against you. And no, I will not role-play the naughty inquisitor for you, even if you were to ask nicely. What would I gain by asking you about that torrid love affair with a Muggle anyway?
Be here tonight at 7:00 p.m. Its important.
Your Slytherin Prince,
Draco
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To: The Irksome Granger
From: Ever-Patient Malfoy
Re: Forgiveness
Granger,
Ignoring me wont work either. As you didnt show up last night, Ive given strict orders to Attila. Hes not to return until you attach a reply. And dont feed him any of those sausage bits you give to that mangy cat of yours, because hes on all all-beef diet. Ill not have him getting as fat as your feline.
If you dont appear at the manor tonight, same hour as previously requested, I will be forced to Apparate into Muggle London. You know how I hate it there. They openly gawk at me. Come to Wiltshire.
Ever-Truly Yours,
Draco
P.S. Stop sweet-talking Attila, hes been trained to ignore such tactics, ever since last year.
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To: The Wiley Granger
From: The Perturbed, but still Magnificent Malfoy
Re: Gall
Granger,
I had greatly underestimated you. It never occurred to me that you would actually post Potter out on your door stoop as a bodyguard. Really, was that necessary? After I made the effort of paying a friend a visit, Im rejected, and treated like common folk.
Im starting to feel as if youre trying to avoid me. No matter, just attach a speedy reply, and all will be forgiven.
Your Sugar Quill,
Draco
P.S. Potter took the flowers I had brought for you. Do you think he fancies me? Ive been unsuccessfully trying to squelch that rumor for years now!
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To: The Artistic Granger
From: The Omnipotent Malfoy
Re: Lunch
Granger,
I am overwhelmed by your drawing skills. I never knew you were capable of such a masterpiece. True work of art. Although I did think the animation of the pigs flying was a bit over the top. The icy blue tones you used in depicting Muggle hell freezing over is captivating. Have you given thought to doing this professionally?
It occurred to me that perhaps you may be swayed by ill-advisors against meeting me in the evening hours. I cant seem to escape the irrevocable reputation I have of wooing the female species, however, I will be sensitive to your concerns, and will reschedule our meeting for lunch.
Tomorrow, half past noon, here at the manor. Or are you feeling threatened by territorial advantage? If so, we can make arrangements to meet at the restaurant of your choice.
Your Flaxened Haired Glory,
Draco
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To: The Stoically-Stubborn Granger
From: The Long-Suffering Malfoy
Re: Adding Insult to Injury
Granger,
You, of all people, should remember my powers of Occlumency. Therefore, it will come as no surprise to you that the Obliviate attempt you sent did not work. It was absurd of you to have tried it. However, I am thinking youve been tempted to use such desperate measures as a result of your recent heartbreak.
Now stop with this nonsense. You know how irresistible it is to me when you use magick against me. But we really do need to talk. No hanky panky intended. Not yet, anyway.
Youve also totally destroyed Attilas diet. Shame on you. Now you owe it to me to meet tomorrow. Ill come by first thing in the morning.
Your Sexy Soul Mate,
Draco
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To: The Gracious Granger
From: The Erotic Malfoy
Re: Your Heart
Granger,
Even though it was through a closed door, it was wonderful speaking with you this morning. Did it bring back some fond memories for you? It must have stirred up something for you, since you posted the large black heart outside on your door with the red letters: LUV STNX.
As I mentioned this morning, I will have you back by Valentines Day. Youre in denial, and thats understandable, after your recent history of break ups. However, keep in mind that the only reason I allowed you to break up with me last year was due to the fact that that you lied to me, and tricked me into thinking you didnt love me.
I know now that your concerns were foolishly based on our differences. You will be dealt with once youre back in my arms. Ive already come up with some fitting methods of punishment.
Ill be back promptly at 8:00 p.m. Shall I bring take out?
Your Heart Throb,
Draco
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To: The Humorous Granger
From: The Mildly Entertained Malfoy
Re: Dinner Table
Granger,
The table for one set outside on your sidewalk was so very heartwarming. I cant decide which was more affectionate, that or the box of Bittersweets. Imagine my surprise when I opened the candied hearts and read: Aim Lower, Up Your Meds, Not Again and Static Cling.
Only a few days left before Valentines Day, and Im not sure where we should plan to go. What about Barcelona? Well discuss it this evening.
Ill come calling at half past eight. It would appear you dont wish to dine with me, so I will plan on bringing dessert.
Your Soon-To-Be Boy Toy,
Draco
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To: The Beautifully Brilliant Granger
From: The Majestic Malfoy
Re: Flamenco Dancing
Granger,
Did you enjoy the travel brochures I left at your door last night? I would have brought them in, but your Patronus was quite convincing in warding me off your property. Are you comparing my kisses to those of a dementor?
Im not keen on the prison robes you had nailed to your door though. Perhaps it is because of family history, but Ive no desire to add those to my wardrobe. The little note you had attached, U R My Prison, was alarming. Are you saying youre willing to be my sex slave now? Im getting mixed signals here.
By the way, when you shouted, You love you, through the locked door, I was extremely touched. Remember my personal motto: If youre attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core. You know me better than I know myself. I do love me, but I love you more.
Your Enamored,
Draco
P.S. If youre going to nail clothing onto your door, please make it a pair of your knickers next time.
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To: The Giving Granger
From: The Marvelously Gifted Malfoy
Re: Gifts
Granger,
Attila is finally working off the fatty sausage bits youve been feeding him. Ive increased the letters to twice a day, strictly out of concern for his health. Two more days to Valentines Day. Ive taken care of lodging arrangements. You wont need to pack, because I dont plan on letting you out of the hotel room very often.
Acceptance is not optional. You will make this trip with me.
By the way, if you find yourself struggling with loneliness, youre not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone. So let me in tonight, when I come calling.
I received a missive from that beastly-looking Weasley owl. Its over man, let her go. The prat was always a failure. He has no motivation for overcoming challenges. Thats probably why you dumped him back at Hogwarts. I sent an appropriate reply, although I hoped to save the Dragon Dung for a more compelling moment. Shame to waste it on that git.
I cherish the mononucleosis plush doll you sent. I knew you still cared! Im sending along a box of Malfoys Mojo Mints. I affectionately recall your oral fixation. Until Im able to be there myself, let these comfort you.
Your Personal Sex God,
Malfoy
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To: The Formally Known As Granger
From: The Future Husband, Malfoy
Re: Your Proposal
Granger,
Youve made my day. No, make that my year! The matching martini glasses with Malfoy Loves Malfoy on it was so touching that I sent away and had eight more made so we can have a full set. After all, your name will soon be changed to Malfoy.
I didnt want to rush you, since your recent breakup was still so fresh, but if youre that keen on it, we can be married in Barcelona.
You have no idea how happy youve made me. Lets keep it private, because I know you wont want a big ceremonial wedding.
Ill be by promptly at nine. Sorry so late, but there are many arrangements to be made for our trip!
Your Eternal Companion,
Draco
P.S. Enclosed is a naughty photo I took this morning. And no, it has not been digitally enhanced. Its 100% Malfoy.
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To: The Goddess Granger
From: The Sugar Daddy, Malfoy
Re: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Granger, (My Ying)
Did something come up last night? Im worried since there was no answer at your door. I waited for two hours before leaving. Im sorry, but I had to get back to Wiltshire for some last minute planning for tomorrow, our big day!
I know youre nervous, but its only natural. However, dont you think the Malfoy voodoo dolls were a bit much? I had to grin when I saw how you painstakingly applied red fingernail polish over the heart before sticking the pins in. Such a genius for detail.
By the way, Ive figured out your wards. Nothing will stop me tomorrow, Hermione. This has gone on long enough. Id rather steal your heart than your body, but if it comes to that, I will cart you off over my shoulder.
We are destined to be together, and nothing you say or do will sway me. I promise to give you the same kind of happiness you give me. (Minus the voodoo dolls).
Tomorrow I will be touching you, holding you, kissing you and loving you. And only you.
Be Mine Forever.
Your Yang,
Draco
P.S. Dont expect Attila tomorrow. Ill arrive personally first thing in the morning.
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To: The Gorgeous Granger
From: The Besotted Malfoy
Re: Barcelona
Granger,
My favorite place in the whole world is right here next to you. Watching your slow breaths as you sleep, rise and fall, captivates me. Your muscles in repose are beautiful, because the mere thought of them tensing again with desire excites me. The gentleness of your hands completely undo me. You are the very definition of passion.
As our Jewish friends say, our love is bshert.
Dont bother getting dressed.
Ive gone for some fresh espresso and biscotti.
Your Loving Husband,
Draco
P.S. Have I told you lately, that I love you?
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A/N: According to the Hebrew belief, the term b'shert refers to one's destiny, finding your one and only true soul mate.
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