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Hogwarts: Cliches Come True	By : GeorgesParamour Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 6329 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 1-Hogwarts: Cliches Come True
- 1
Four girls gathered in the bathroom of the third floor, a truce called between them for the attempt to obtain their common goal. One Gryffindor, one Hufflepuff, one Ravenclaw, and their leader from Slytherin, gathered on a winter�s night around a cauldron and small burning flame.

�Add the romance novels,� a smug voice commanded.

Several of the raunchiest novels were tipped into the cauldron.

�Add the porno magazines,� the voice ordered.

Several battered and stained magazines were added to the brewing potion. A great rainbow of colors burst forth, raunchy musical notes playing in their light.

�It�s almost time��

Gryffindor
A swift breeze blew up and around the corridor, lifting Ron�s hair and sending a shiver down his spin. An odd sensation stole over him, his mind melting painlessly and a blissful calm wrapping him in its embrace. He stared up at the portrait of the Fat Lady, but instead of speaking the password, he raised his arm and rapped his knuckles against the canvas.

Immediately the portrait faded into the wall to be replaced by an attractive red door, complete with shiny gold knocker and knob.

Inside the common room Ron�s knock sounded twice as loud as any of the commotion made by the Gryffindors. Harry and Hermione were seated near the portrait hole and glanced at each other. Hermione shrugged and stood, blinking in surprise when she saw the door. Wearing a mask of confusion she reached forward and turned the knob. A gust of wind blew in, whipping her hair up and around before bypassing her to touch every occupant of the common room. Luckily, it was already after curfew and just the oldest students remained awake.

Hermione�s hair fell from the whirlwind into long, luxurious curls. They cascaded in thick ringlets over her shoulders and down her back. She shook her head just the slightest bit to enjoy the tickling sensation her locks elicited from her skin. Noticing this as odd, she glanced down at herself, mouth falling open in shock.

No longer was she wearing her Hogwarts uniform and robes. Instead she was wearing a very short, very tight teddy. The thinnest of strings held the bit of silk cloth on her body, the material ended just barely below her most private parts. In fact, now that she was paying attention, she was certain that her bum�s bottom curves were in plain view and that she had never before seen the feather cover stilettos that were on her feet.

She looked up in hopes of finding an explanation only to have her mouth fall open once more.

�Hello miss,� Ron said in a voice that was a deeper pitch than his regular tone. �Did you order a pizza?�

Ron gestured to the pizza box in his free hand but Hermione couldn�t drag her eyes away from him to look at such an inconsequential thing as pizza. Ron was bloody gorgeous. His every muscle, shaped and sculpted from numerous Quidditch practices, was on display. His shirt was a deep blue that caused his eyes to stand out and clung to him like a second skin. He wore the shortest shorts she had ever seen on a man ever and wondered momentarily how he was managing to breath in them because they were so tight she could see everything� she could see everything!

Hermione gasped, hand flying to her mouth, blinking her still-wide eyes as she continued to look at Ron. �I� I�m sorry� I don�t seem to have any money on me,� she apologized breathlessly. �Is there � would there be any other way for me to pay you?�

Ron grinned and stepped through the doorway. �I�m sure we can work something out.�

A hand came to rest on Hermione�s shoulder and she tore her gaze away from Ron to glance back. For the third time in the past five minutes, Hermione�s jaw dropped. Harry stood nearly directly behind her, but that wasn�t anything unusual. His clothes, however, were.

�Har-Harry?� she stuttered. Harry leaned over and kissed Hermione�s cheek.

�Sorry for the wait, luv,� he said cheerfully. �Got help up at work, one of those days you know.�

�Work?� Hermione�s confusion was mounting by the second.

�Yeah, busy day for deliveries,� Harry confirmed as though it were positively normal to be talking about having spent a day at work instead of in classes. Hermione�s eyes raked over Harry once more and his comments made a little more sense.

His shirt and shorts were the same khaki color, both bearing a little patch with �Wizarding Package Service� sewn onto them. His ensemble, like Ron�s, was incredibly too short to be decent, and too tight to be comfortable. Bewildered, Hermione glanced around the common room to see if anyone else had taken notice of the odd behaviors of her two best friends.

Whatever hope for help Hermione had quickly disappeared. Neville was sitting in front of the fire wearing a smoking jacket and what appeared to be golden silk pajamas. Ginny sat in his lap wearing an outfit that resembled a bathing suit with the addition of a set of bunny ears and a fuzzy little tail that wiggled as Ginny gyrated on Neville�s lap.

Lavender and Parvati were lying next to each other on a white bear skin rug to the right of the fireplace, both welding colorful dildos, and snogging each other madly.

Dean, Seamus, and Colin gathered around the two girls who were working their way to their knees, still attached at the lips. The girls� hands freed each of the boys from their trousers and set to work stroking them where they stood.

�So, miss? About that payment?� Ron�s baritone voice broke through to Hermione and she snapped her head around to look at him.

�Oh, yes, �Mione,� Harry added, �that reminds me� I have a package for you.�

Ron stepped up to Hermione�s front, pinning her back into Harry�s strong chest. She barely had time to suck in a quick breath before two sets of hands were on her, tracing curves and driving her mad instantly. Any thoughts of straightening the madness out disappeared with the flick of a tongue (Harry�s tongue, to be specific, against the lobe of her ear) and she was content to ride the experience out.

Hufflepuff
Justin shoved his shoulder into the common room door, clutching a case of butterbeer in each hand. He shivered as an unexpected guest of wind followed him into the cozy room and swept around its inhabitants. He gave a small shake, barely a jerk of his shoulders, before sauntering up to Susan.

�I�ve got your milk here, where would you like me to leave it?� Sure enough, the butterbeers in Justin�s hand had turned into cases of milk housed in old-fashioned glass bottles.

�Oh, I�m so glad you finally got here! My poor pussy is just dying for some nourishment,� Susan purred, batting her lashes up at Justin. She bent a leg, drawing her foot onto the sofa in front of her, a hand trailing over her breasts and disappearing beneath the shortened length of her skirt. �I don�t suppose you have any recommendations for anything to go along with that milk do you?�

Like a trained puppy, Justin fell to his knees in front of Susan. He nosed her hand out of the way, grinning with pleasure to find Susan wore no knickers, and buried his face in between her legs.

Ernie and Zacharias had both suddenly become the size of houses and each stood at opposite ends of Hannah, who they were using as a weight. Ernie was standing with his mouth at Hannah�s opening, Zacharias was assaulting her mouth. Hannah was dressed as kitten, right down to the ears and tail.

Within seconds, the occupants of the Hufflepuff common room were entrenched in random acts of debauchery and pants, groans, and moans punctuated the air.

Ravenclaw
Luna answered the singsong question from the eagle knocker on the Ravenclaw dorm door and entered the common room. An odd wind rush around her, wrapping her in its embrace, before carrying on its way. A smile crossed Luna�s lips, but the not dreamy, at-peace-with-the-world smile she normally wore. This smile was feral, dominating, demanding of attention and obedience.

Immediately, half dressed Ravenclaw boys were falling to their knees in a row in front of Luna. A thick ruler appeared in her hand and she tapped it against her open palm as she walked past the boys. Her impossibly high heels clicked with every step. Her skirt looked as though it had been painted on and barely covered anything. A creamy silk blouse barely restrained her breasts and a blazer that matched her skirt was smartly stretched across her torso.

�Boys, you have displeased me with your behavior.�

�Yes, Mistress,� they replied in unison.

�You must be punished,� she continued.

�Yes, Mistress.�

�I believe I�ll need some help seeing how many of you there are.�

�Yes, Mistress.�

�Ladies,� Luna said, raising her eyes to the crowd of women behind the kneeling boys. A handful of girls stepped forward, each garbed in a mockery of a nun�s uniform.

�These boys are at your mercy.�

�Thank you, Mistress,� the girls replied, their eyes flashing with sinister thoughts.

Within moments the Ravenclaw common room had disintegrated into a collection of debauchery.

Luna�s head fell back, her mouth open as she propped a foot on one of the boy�s shoulders, his mouth and fingers at work on her as her ruler occasionally slapped across the bare expanse of his bum.

Slytherin
Blaise opened the common room portrait with the intent to nick snacks from the nearby kitchens. A blast of wind halted him in his tracks. Snacks forgotten, he turned and headed back into the center of the room, retrieving a long metal pool and setting to work on cleaning the enormous pool that had appeared in the floor of the Slytherin hang out. He wore nothing other than a green Speedo, his tanned flesh exposed to the examination of everyone�s eyes.

�Blaise, darling,� a light voice simpered.

�Yes?�

�Put down that silly pole and come here. I have needs for other� poles. Could you do that for me, love?�

�I live to serve,� Blaise answered, unabashed.

In the corner Crabbe and Goyle stood in tight black shirts and slacks, giving all the appearance of bouncers. In front of them Millicent was wearing the remains of a stripper�s outfit, wrapping her body around a silver pole that extended from floor to ceiling in what was, apparently, her style of sexy. Had anyone other than the two thugs looked her over, however, they would have been forcefully reminded of the images of the African gorillas Hagrid had introduced them to during Care of Magical Creatures.

Draco was seated on a royal throne in front of the fireplace, wearing the majestic robes of a Harem. He was surrounded by a group of scantily clad belly dancers, each of which was fondling, kissing, and rubbing upon him.

Once more the unmistakable sounds of copulation filled the air, the scent of sex thick in the dungeons.

Great Hall
Filch shuffled into the Great Hall to deliver a complaint to Dumbledore against Peeves � the poltergeist had been up to his usual nonsense and had rearranged inscriptions in the trophy room so the awards were now for �biggest head�, �best tits�, �largest dong�, and �most notorious slag�. His heart was set on the expulsion of the beastly creature and his report, he felt, could not wait for the teacher�s meeting to end.

As he shuffled through the door, Mrs. Norris at his heels, a brisk breeze wafted into the room, circling and leaving havoc in its wake. At once Snape was chained to the wall, bare from the chest up. A ring pierced each of nipples and a chain dangled from each ring. The chain was clutched in the grips of a head-to-foot leather clad McGonagall. The only bits of her exposed were those of her eyes, mouth, and nipples, which were peaked in the cool atmosphere of the Great Hall. She tugged at the chain and Snape arched away from the wall, his eyes rolling back into his head with pleasure.

�Thank you, Master,� he groaned. McGonagall�s lips twisted into a cruel smile as she tugged at the chain once more.

Having abandoned his purpose, Filch had scooped Mrs. Norris into his arms, whispering words of endearment before beginning to madly snog her.

Flitwick was dressed in firefighter�s gear and was stumbling awkwardly as he carried Sprout to the Hufflepuff table where he laid her down.

�It�s alright now, miss. I�m going to take very good care of you,� he said in his squeaky voice. Sprout batted her eyelashes at him.

�Oh, yes,� she gushed, �I�m sure you will. And I�m ever so in debt to you for saving my life. How ever can I repay you?�

Professors Vector and Sinistra were dressed as schoolgirls, tightly wound around each other, grinding and panting, lost in their own world amongst their coworkers.

Madame Hooch had her legs slung over Hagrid�s massive shoulders as she rode his face, grunts and slurps escaping the lack of space between Hagrid�s mouth and Hooch�s neither regions.

Madame Pomfrey and Madame Pince faced off, both playing their own roles, only a much sexier version of their titles. Pomfrey wore a tight white �naughty nurse� uniform; Pince was dressed as a �naughty librarian�, pigtails and all. As their eyes raked over each other�s forms, they stopped fighting their urges and fell desperately into each other�s arms.

Trelawny stood from her spot with great airs and made her way down the staff table. Leaning over seductively, she whispered into Dumbledore�s ear.

�Professor, my Inner Eye has just shown me the makings of the night. It�s very promising indeed.�

Dumbledore�s eyes twinkled merrily.

�Sibyll, normally I don�t swing your way. But tonight, m�dear, I do believe I�ll make an exception.�

The Next Morning
Classes where canceled and no one other than the Slytherins could look each other in the face. Every time students or teachers did make the mistake of looking at each other, a flush worked quickly over their faces and they turned away with haste.

Four girls gathered once more in the bathroom of the third floor.

�Well, that was fun!�

�We should do this more often.�

�Hogwarts has never seen anything like it!�

�Of course not! Porn has never been allowed before! Now that everyone sees what they�re missing, I�m sure they�ll change that ruling!�

Laughter echoed against the tile walls and several students walking past in the corridor gave the loo�s door an odd look before hurrying on, their only thoughts being �Wonder what�s got Myrtle so happy?�
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Hogwarts: Cliches Come True