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The Elder Beads	By : enchantedsleeper Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 5032 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the concepts used in this twisted little piece of crack. xD I also make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 1-The Elder Beads
- 1
Author’s Notes: I wrote this fic to make myself feel better about the awfulness of the Deathly Hallows film, part 2, which I saw in the cinema today. One of the funnier things about it was (as my BFF Georgiekins pointed out) how much the Elder Wand looked like anal beads. Thus, the idea for this fic was born.

WARNING: Contains copious amounts of OOC and awful smut tropes. Generally nonsensical.

The Elder Beads

For Georgie

You inspire me, baby ;D

“Pine and dragon heartstring,” Dumbledore mused, bending the long, wooden rod between his hands. “Twelve inches. Whippy.” He giggled and turned to where his lover was standing, naked, bent over with his bottom raised high in the air.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Dumby!” said Grindelwald. “I’ve been a bad boy!”

“Yes you have, Grindy,” scolded Dumbledore. He raised the wand and brought it down on his boyfriend’s bottom with a loud CRACK.

“Oooh! Whip me harder!”

CRACK! CRACK! Grindelwald’s derrière was soon striped red from his beating. Both men were panting hard.

“Dumby, please, don’t tease me!” Grindelwald pleaded. “My staff is so rock hard and ready to blow like a volcano! I just need your firm touch!”

“Gladly,” said Dumbledore, and after one or two strokes Grindelwald had exploded his pleasure far and wide.

Grindelwald panted from the exertion. “That’s right Dumby… I’m all yours.” He spread himself invitingly on the floor. “Show me your legendary wand technique!”

Dumbledore took Grindelwald forcefully, and after a few more moments of thrusting, they both exploded again.

“Aaaaah…” Grindelwald sighed. “This is what school holidays are all about. I hope that dratted sister of yours won’t interrupt, though.”

“It’s all right, I’ve locked her in the cellar for now.”

“Good. But Dumby…” Grindelwald turned to look seriously at his heavenly hunk. “I’ve been feeling like we’re ready for something… more.”

“More?”

“We’re ready to take the next step in our relationship,” confirmed Grindelwald.

“Grindy! You don’t mean…” said Dumbledore aghast.

“I do. There is a wand, more powerful than any other…”

“…that can bring pleasure the likes of which have never been known,” finished Dumbledore. “But Grindy, that was just a legend!”

“It’s not,” said Grindelwald, with a mad and erotic glint in his eye. “I know where we can find it.”

Hours later, the two men stood outside a dingy nightclub with a garish, flashing neon sign which read ‘GLORIOUS GREG’S S&M PARLOUR’.

“Are you sure this is the place?” said Dumbledore doubtfully.

“I know it is,” said Grindelwald. “The owner, Gregorovitch, has been spreading rumours about how he has acquired the fabled Elder Wand. They say it can penetrate deeper than anyone knew was possible, and its knobbly shape brings exquisite levels of pleasure.” Dumbledore shivered in anticipation.

The two men walked into the nightclub amidst loud music with a pounding bass beat and a thick haze of smoke and glitter. But even above the music, loud moaning sounds could be heard coming from a room at the back.

“I think I know where Gregorovitch might be…” said Grindelwald.

They followed the frenzied, passionate moaning back to its source. Unfortunately, the door to the back room was locked.

“Stand back, Grindy!” said Dumbledore, and blasted it open.

Sure enough, Gregorovitch was inside, laid out on the floor and moaning in ecstasy as he thrust the Elder Wand inside himself.

“He’s got it in up to the fourth knob!” whispered Dumbledore reverently.

“That’s nothing,” Grindelwald murmured in his ear. “I’d sheathe it all the way inside you.”

Dumbledore giggled. “Ooh baby!”

Gregorovitch’s moaning grew louder and louder. “I don’t think he realises we’re here,” said Dumbledore. Just then, the man on the floor before them orgasmed with the intensity of a thousand burning suns.

“Blimey!” said Dumbledore.

Grindelwald stepped forward. “Expelliarmus!” he cried. The Elder Wand flew out of Gregorovitch’s slack grip and into his waiting, nimble fingers. Gregorovitch didn’t even protest, as the force of his own orgasm had caused him to black out.

Grindelwald ran his fingers over the magnificent, unbeatable Elder Wand with its phenomenally friction-inducing knobs. Then he turned to Dumbledore with a mischievous smile.

“Come on, Dumby… Let’s go and dominate humanity.”

Dumbledore winked. “Grindelwald, you can conquer my world any day.”
- 1
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The Elder Beads