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In Which A Certain Someone Gets Her Revenge	By : AlasseaM Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own anything (song or Harry Potter), and I don't make money out of this

Chapter List
- 1-In Which A Certain Someone Gets Her Revenge
- 1
In which a certain author gets her revenge

A/N: I don’t own ANYTHING in this fic. Not the song, not the characters, not… ANYTHING.

I don't own Harry Potter. That belongs to J.K. Rowling.

The song is actually “Hey Kristina” by Luke Conard, but Tom decided to change it to sing it to the lurves of his life. I don’t own Lucius Malfoy’s wig. That’s Uchiha.s’.

Thanks to A-nery-ss, Ne-inja-Rys, Nerrr, Nerys – or whatever the hell you want to call this awesome fat-nery-as-s – for making me back down on my word on this being an extremely “short” 450 word one-shot… Alright, alright, and thanks for helping me. Without you I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

This is dedicated to the people mentioned in this fic, and those are:

Nerys, Shan84, Uchiha.s, Lady Miya, Serpent in Red, Megii of Mysteri OusStranger and da queeeeeeeeeeeen! xD

Enjoy!

Chapter 1 out of 1

This was a completely normal day in the paradise of all-things-Tom.

Lady Nerys, Lady Serp and Lady Miya sat in Lady Nerys’ chambers and were all drinking some tea, talking about that new lady-to-be, Allie, who was in the other room. They had currently forced the girl to spend some time with poor, orphaned and ever so lonely Tom Riddle. She seemed fluffy enough, so they thought that they could use her to get rid of Tom. Be fluffy together. They would without doubt get along well. Of course that was something they would never tell the girl, but how would she know? She was just a little girl.

When they were done talking they each grabbed a laptop, put it on a table and they seated themselves on the soft red cushions on the floor in a very lady-like manner.

Lady Nerys took her ultra-smart HP-glasses on began to flatten out her-

“PINK DRESS?” she screamed while the others stood up abruptly and looked down at their big pink dresses (which they were sure, they had not been wearing minutes ago) “Who the fuck made me wear a pink dress? A dress! Pink!”

“I don’t know!” said Lady Miya and began to take off that horrible dress only to find out the corset and underneath it was pink too! (Author shudders).

Lady Serp raised her hands, being the first one to come over the shock.

“Never mind. Whoever did this just wanted to tick us off. Let’s not give him or her that satisfaction”.

So that was what they did, those lovely innocent GC-ladies. They sat back with their laptops in front of them and began to do whatever they would do. Lady Nerys was sitting and Miya even got up to leave the room 18 times in an hour to go to the loo, and brought her super smart, electrical blue toothbrush with diamonds with her to brush her teeth each time. She did after all need to keep herself clean at all times. That was what her parents had taught her, so she used her beloved toothbrush to everything imaginable.

Her parents were dentists, which was why people often called her HerMiyaNe, and Tom favored her of all the ladies of GC.

“Say, Miya,” Lady Serp, who sat nearest Lady Miya, said “is that a Snapione fic you are reading?”

She stood up and tried to turn off the computer while Lady Miya tried to push her away.

“Stop it, you are ruining my reading! This was the best part! Snape is giving Hermione a-“

Lady Nerys looked at them from her laptop with a bored expression and then looked back at her work. She was sooo close to finishing the new Prisoner chapter but needed changes here and there. (More smut, Nerys! What? What do you mean no smut in this chapter?) Tom was not in this chapter, so she would probably get a rise out of the readers. She looked forward to that. She loved to anger her readers.

Suddenly the lights went out. Dafuq?

Lady Miya and Lady Serp stopped their fight immediately and the three lovely GC-ladies looked around for a clue on how to lumos the room back again. Alas, they were not witches and thus they had to wait for Fluffy!Tom to appear despite how little they enjoyed the poor boy’s company.

So Lady Miya went over to Nerys’ bed and took a bell which had magically appeared (huh?) and shook it. Instead of the sound a bell would normally make, the bell played the old song Justin Bieber had made called “Baby” and Lady Miya was fast to let go of the Bell of Horror.

Suddenly music was heard in Nerys’ chamber, but not from the Bell. The ladies wondered where the music came from until the door swung open and in came a handsome, tall, dark-haired young man who looked at the girls with adoration written all over his face while looking at the girls. His girls. He opened his mouth and-

I like these naughty girls who does naughty things,

Who likes the Dark Lord and write Tomiones

And while I don't claim to be

The awesome bad-ass guy they might need, but

Hey GC-girls

You're the most beautiful girls I know

ohheyGC-girls

I'm one of the fluffiest guys I know

Today, forget about gmail chat,

That's not where it's at today

Why don't you grab your coat, log outta AdultFF

You're always on AdultFF and

I'll take you to the Queenie’s lair

You are all oh-so fair

And… I could be your dashing knight

You'll be dressed in white and

I'll ride into the night to the rescue

and I'll ride into the night to your rescue

I like these naughty girls who does naughty things,

Who likes the Dark Lord and write Tomiones

And while I don't claim to be

The awesome bad-ass guy they might need, but

Hey GC-girls

You're the smuttiest girls I know

ohheyGC-girls

I'm one of the fluffiest guys I know

And tonight, forget about the Evil Tom

We've got bigger plans tonight

Why don't you grab your scarf, log out of FF and Twitter

and blogspot, and Gmail, and Youtube

…

(Lady Miya suddenly disappeared because needed to go to the loo so badly)

…

I'll take you to the new Twilight

I'll try with all my might

Not to swoon of how he sparkles in the sunlight

I know you hate it when I'm referencing Twilight

And we could sing into the night like Justin Bieber

But you always seem to be the leavers

…

(Lady Miya came back wearing a new red skirt and a black tank top.)

…

I like these naughty girls who does naughty things,

Who likes the Dark Lord and write Tomiones

And while I don't claim to be

The awesome bad-ass guy they might need, but

Hey GC-girls

You're the most beautiful girls I know

ohheyGC-girls

I'm one of the fluffiest guys I know

…

By the time the song ended the three ladies were all pressing themselves against the wall as far away from the “singer”, looking wide-eyed at Fluffy!Tom.

A couple of moments later two other F!T’s came into the room with flowers which they handed to the ladies who did not even bother to take the flowers, but rather let them fall down on the floor at their feet and they looked at the Toms with disgust written all over their faces.

“Ladies… I can’t tell you how much I love you. You have made my life worth – “

“WAIT!” Lady Miya interrupted and ran out. They could hear her say “Loo, loo, loo, loo, loo,” all the way out.

“As I was saying…” F!T continued, not at all bothered with the fact that one of the ladies could not wait for him to speak up before rushing towards the toilet, “You made my life worth living. I would never have been able to live through my miserable presence on this earth without you.”

The two of the F!T’s each kissed the ladies’ hands and walked away.

After getting over their surprise and disgust they all turned to look and each other and back to the door, which at that moment cracked open and in came Lady Shannie with her enormous belly, carrying a baby kangaroo which held a flask of milk; Lady Maddie who burst in with Lucius Malfoy’s wig on her head and positioned herself in fighting stance with a bag dangling from her wrist; Lady Megii who held a little package with “Gutter City” written on top, while the Great QueenV strolled in, holding her skirt up with one hand and greeted everyone present in the room with a small elegant wave.

After seeing Fluffy!Tom with the girls they all froze wide-eyed at the scene.

“What happened here?” The Queen asked quietly and gestured at the people in front of her with her free hand. F!T turned around to face her and bowed respectively. “My Queen, I just gave them a song of my affections for the lovelies”.

Lady Maddie, Lady Megii and Lady Shannie shook their heads.

“You wrote a song?” Lady Maddie asked disbelievingly.

F!T just smiled “No, not exactly. Allie helped me. She found a song on the… enterneth, and we edited it.” He puffed his chest and looked proud.

Lady Shannie dropped her kangaroo which hopped out of the chamber the moment it realized it was free of the Lady’s grasp.

“That little troll!” Lady Shannie shrieked and was about to run out to find the poor girl, but Lady Miya came back with toilet paper stuck under her fine Swedish shoes, and she was looking panicky.

“MY TOOTHBRUSH! IT’S STUCK YOUKNOWWHERE!” She screamed

Silence.

“Again?” Lady Shannie asked tiredly after minutes. This happened all the fucking time they were there. They should probably get her a bigger toothbrush. “Tom. Get it out.”

F!T nodded solemnly and went behind his Lady “HerMiyaNe”, bended down to reach under her skirt.

For a while he was just fumbling with his left hand, but then he stopped and pulled hard.

“AAAAHH!” Lady Miya screamed and hit F!T on his head. “Never do that again!”

“Sorry, Milady.”

“Now, give me my toothbrush. I need to go to the loo.”

“But Milady!” F!T objected, “what if the brush gets stuck again?”

“It won’t,” Lady Miya said hotly and crossed her arms, “I’ll make sure it won’t, because if it does, YOU are the one who will buy me a new one. I costed me 300.000 Swedish kroner to get this. Of course I could buy a new one again, but your better, hotter and older self won’t be pleased.”

F!T bowed his head and gave the… cheap… toothbrush back to Lady Miya who strolled away.

“So…” Lady Maddie said after a moment of silence. “Who wants pizza?” She showed everyone the big bag she had brought with her and the Queen tackled her before taking the pizza.

“PIZZA!” She yelled gleefully and clutched the oversized pizza box to her chest. Food, but especially pizza, was a great weakness for the dear QueenV (which may be why she adores Ron Weasley so much), so in a minute the whole thing was gone.

“But I’m hungryyyy,” whined Lady Serp and would have let herself fall down and cry if not Lady Megii had held her arms.

“Pizza is not good for you Serp. You should eat Asian food. That’s why I brought you this.” She handed Lady Serp the package, which Lady Serp opened eagerly, only to find rice and soy with a chicken leg on top.

“I am vegetarian, Megii!” Lady Serp whined and threw the whole package at Megii, who unfortunately got it all over her face, hair and clothes. “You are a terrible friend!”

She ran out and did not come back until a week later.

{oOo}

{oOo}

Two weeks later Lady Shannie and Lady Nerys were standing in the grand living room.

Lady Nerys was covered in dog hair because she was playing with her dogs this morning. They needed their exercise, and Lady Shannie still had her huge belly. They were discussing Tomione, babies and Lady Shannie’s baby drop bear.

That was when the almighty Dark Lord Voldemort appeared. He looked drool worthy with his black hair combed to the side, his dark eyes glinting. His pale face was a perfect contrast to his dark cloak which (the Author might add) covered his shirtless self. Lady Shannie and Lady Nerys looked at the Dark Lord with glee as they happily noticed that that Hermione Granger was not with him.

“On the contrary,” the Dark Lord said coldly, “You will find that I did bring Granger with me. She just wanted to go to the toilet.”

The two ladies shuddered. He had used legilimensi on them. Something F!T would never do, which was why they had forgotten. They had to be careful with what they thought.

“That’s right, pets,” He said, smirking gloomily.

At that moment Hermione Jean Granger appeared right beside the Dark Lord with an annoyed expression.

“Miya is using the toilet,” she said, “How come such a big palace doesn’t have more than one toilet?” She looked madly at the Dark Lord, who raised an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t live here,” he said mockingly, “why don’t you ask those airheads instead?”

Lady Nerys and Lady Shannie looked at the Dark Lord both wondering how they would get out of this situation as unscathed as possible.

“Oh, which reminds me,” the Dark Lord said with a clearly fake apologizing expression, “I forgot about something, dear Nerys. I have to punish you for 11^th chapter of The Prisoner.”

He took out his wand, but Hermione stepped in between them.

“No, I think I have the right to punish her. It was after all me who got pregnant.”

“But I was the one who got the beating which she surely enjoyed to write.” He shot Lady Nerys a death glare, and she gulped and hid behind Lady Shannie.

“Oh, but I enjoyed that too,” Hermione said with a smirk, “are you going to punish me too?”

The Dark Lord suddenly grabbed Hermione’s hair and brought her closer.

“Yessss,” he hissed before bringing their lips together.

At that moment the two ladies rushed out of the living room and ran into Lady Nerys’ room before shutting the door loudly. They could not help feeling relieved but also a little bit jealous. Why was Hermione the only one the Dark Lord wanted? She was not even that pretty.

Well, yes, she was smart, she had potential, she was brave and all that, but she was no lady… like they were. They sighed at the unfairness of it all.

Lady Shannie suddenly fell down and a baby popped out. Lady Nerys’ eyes bulged. How the…?

With another scream, came another baby and another… until there were 10 babies within a minute and Lady Shannie screamed of joy as she and Lady Nerys cared for the babies. Lady Shannie had always dreamt of beating the Octomom. Now she FINALLY did it! Of course she did not have 16 children just yet, but the Octomom only carried eight babies at one time.

With that the Dark Lord and Lady Nerys’ punishment were momentarily forgotten and they cooed and cared for the babies.

{oOo}

{oOo}

“Nerys, dear,” The Dark Lord whispered, smirking at her frightened expression. “I guess it’s time for your punishment. CRUCIO!”

Lady Nerys screamed and sobbed and begged for the Dark Lord to please have mercy. That she would never behave insolently (yeah, right) and that she would never make him seem weak in her fan fictions anymore (oh, rly?).

The torture session went on for 10 minutes before the Dark Lord got bored and apparated out, leaving a sobbing Lady Nerys on the floor.

After a long time she got up trembling and slumped down on her bed. A sound of glass crushing sounded and she got up and looked at her ultra smart HP-glasses with horror.

“Noooo!” she screamed and took the broken glasses to look at them. Damn it why wasn’t she a witch? These glasses meant something! These glasses was the reason the Dark Lord had won the battle.

*Flashback*

It all started on the 2^nd of May.

“Nerys! Get your fat ass down here immediately!” screamed a panicky QueenV.

Young Nerys ran all the way down to the grand living room where the Queen was pacing.

“The Dark Lord. Now!” She said when she saw Nerys and she began pushing her out. Nerys understood now that the final battle which was at Hogwarts was taking place now, and she rushed out to the Muggle-Apparition spot which the Dark Lord had made for emergencies.

She appeared at Hogwarts without even knowing how she could actually see everything. She was after all a “filthy Muggle” as her Lord had stated so many times now. (Author thought about reminding her that you can’t apparate to Hogwarts, but thought better of it, since there was a war going on and the defenses were shattered by the magnificent Lord).

She saw students, teachers and other wizards and witches watching the Dark Lord and the Potter kid babbling. Then the dueling began and Nerys casted herself over Potter and took his glasses. She looked triumph-filled at the legendary round glasses before running away and with elegance worth the Queen; she avoided every spell cast her way.

From the distance she saw that the Dark Lord was pointing his yew wand at Potter while Potter thought he looked in the right direction and fired Avada Kedavra at his target (which he thought was much better than the Expelliarmus now that the Dark Lord didn’t seem to point his wand at Harry). Unfortunately for Potter he had mistaken the Weasley’s red hair with the Dark Lord’s red eyes. That was the moment when the Dark Lord killed Harry James Potter. That was the moment he claimed the whole Wizarding World and the clever Mudblood, who had helped Potter throughout the years.

That was when he changed his appearance (“Eh, he did need to kill Harry to get his old looks back!” the Author says)

*Flashback ends*

Nerys sobbed. The proof that she was useful to the Dark Lord was here. Shattered.

Then she thought of the person who was the reason for all that happened.

“ALLIIIE!”
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In Which A Certain Someone Gets Her Revenge

In which a certain author gets her revenge