Scars | By : blackkisbackk Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 2730 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter, and I make no profit from the writing of this story. All that is mine are a few original characters. |
This was originally posted on ff.net as a 10 chapter story. Because it's a shorter story, however, after consideration I decided to just make it a three part short. Enjoy!
Part One
Remus Lupin crawled gingerly into bed very late that night after he had finally convinced Madam Pomfrey to let him out of the Hospital Wing after a particularly rough transformation. He laid on his back and let the full pain of his wounds wash over him. He could feel the blood pulsing through the veins in his legs, and it only took the slightest touch for one of his many wounds to cry out in pain. Remus attempted to adjust himself into a slightly more comfortable position, but he let in a sharp intake of breath when he felt his shredded robes rub against one of his more sensitive wounds. He closed his eyes and mouth tight trying to hold in the scream he desperately wanted to release.
“Remus?” Remus heard a tentative voice say from across the room. He heard the light scraping of metal against wood, which signified that one of his roommates had pulled back the curtains on his four-poster bed. Remus did not have the strength to shift his body to face the voice and he did not want to risk any movement that may irritate his injuries. As Madam Pomfrey had warned him, he had wished he’d stayed in the hospital under her watchful eye and powerful potions that always reduced his pain after the full moon.
When Remus did not answer his caller, he heard the heavy padding of feet across the room and then saw a shadow cover his bed.
“Are you alright, mate?” Sirius Black’s deep but soft voice whispered.
“Fine,” Remus said. He attempted to mask his pain but was sorely disappointed when his voice sounded much weaker than he had wanted.
“You don’t sound fine,” Sirius replied sitting as softly as he could on the edge of Remus’s four-poster. Remus winced and prepared for the pain he was about to feel. Sirius was careful, however, not to move any part of Remus’s body. “I’m surprised Pomfrey let you leave the hospital wing in this state,” he said. His voice sounded sarcastic, but when Remus stole a glance at his friend’s face, he could see the worry etched across his aristocratic features.
“She didn’t want to,” Remus said agonizingly. He wished Sirius would leave him alone so he would not have to make any effort to move or talk, but it didn’t seem Sirius would be leaving his side any time soon. “It took quite a bit of persuasion.”
“Did she give you anything for the pain?” Sirius asked.
“She gave me a calming serum to put on the open wounds, but…” Remus looked as his bag at the foot of his bed. Sirius understood: Remus was too weak to apply the ointment to his wounds on his own.
Sirius grabbed the bag and began rooting through its contents. When he found a tube that he assumed was the calming serum, he twisted off the cap and said, “You know, you really should have stayed in the hospital wing.” He gently lifted one of the arms of Remus’s robes. Remus clinched his jaw at the feeling of the material on his wounds but was instantly relaxed when he felt Sirius dabbing the calming serum onto some of the more nasty looking cuts on his arm.
“I know,” Remus gasped out. “I just hate it in there.”
“Understandable,” Sirius replied as he continued to tend to Remus, moving on to his next arm. “But Remus, you’re clearly in extreme pain. I think a stay in the hospital wing is worth it.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Remus said as Sirius opened the front of his robes and exposed the gruesome gashes across Remus’s chest and stomach. Sirius shivered slightly at the sight of the wounds but then squeezed some of the calming serum onto his fingers.
“Well, I wouldn’t,” Sirius said. “But the last thing I want is to hear you crying all night. I need to get some sleep.” Sirius smirked, and Remus was extremely thankful. He knew Sirius would normally never get this close to one of his mates, but he also knew that Sirius was always very concerned about Remus after his transformations. Remus’s body was feeling better already as a result of the serum, but he didn’t want Sirius to feel like he had to continue.
After several minutes of silence while Sirius applied the calming serum, almost all of Remus’s wounds were soothed by Madam Pompfrey’s potion. Sirius put the tube back into Remus’s bag and looked at his friend. “Better?” he asked.
“Much,” Remus sighed. “Thanks.”
“Well, no more whining. I’ve got to get my beauty sleep.” Sirius got up from Remus bed and moved onto his own. He laid on his back, and Remus listened to his breathing. He never heard Sirius go into the deep, slow breathing the sleep brings, and he knew that Sirius was waiting for him to fall asleep first. Remus could still feel his high blood pressure, but the calming serum had significantly reduced his pain. Remus closed his eyes and let sleep come. A few minutes later, Sirius allowed sleep as well.
Remus’s head was pounding when he woke up the next morning. When his eyes fluttered open, the rays of light penetrating the room stung his eyes and caused him to shut them back tightly. The blood was pounding so loudly in his ears that he could not hear anything but that when he tried to listen for his friends.
Remus began to turn over to check the time, but unfortunately, the effects of the calming serum that Sirius had applied the night before had worn off, and Remus’s movement caused his wounds to scream with pain. He went back to his position on his back and clenched his teeth tightly. He tried to hold back a howl, but as a result, a tiny whimper escaped from his lips. Suddenly, as if on cue, the curtains from Remus’s four-poster were pulled back violently and a worried Sirius stood in front of him.
“What’s wrong? Are you all right? Do you need me to go and get Madam Pomfrey?”
Remus opened his eyes slowly and couldn’t help but smile at the look on Sirius’s face. It was times like these when Sirius most looked like his animagus form as the wide, dog-like eyes stared down at Remus. As badly as Remus did not want to go to the hospital wing, the pain was becoming unbearable. He had no idea what had warranted such a fierce transformation.
“I think I should probably go to the hospital wing, actually,” Remus said quietly. He began to sit up slowly, and Sirius quickly bent down to help him. He held Remus’s robes down so that he could slip out of them so as not to face the irritation of the material on his skin. Remus looked up at Sirius and saw his attempt to hide the horror he felt at seeing the wounds on Remus’s bare chest, and he tried to use his arms to cover himself up.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Rem,” Sirius said, clearly ashamed that he’d been staring. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but—”
“Let’s get you to the hospital wing,” Sirius interrupted him and began helping him up. “I’m sure Madam Pomfrey has a bed already waiting for you. I bet she can’t wait to say ‘I told you so.’”
Sirius was right. After a long and slow walk to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey looked smug as soon as the doors opened and she saw Sirius, with his arm around Remus, standing in the doorway.
“Ah, Mr. Lupin. Surprise, surprise.” She motioned them over to the bed that Sirius had predicted would be waiting for Remus, and Sirius helped Remus lay down. She looked like she wanted to say more about how she told him his wounds were worse than normal and that he would need to stay the night, but instead, she helped Sirius put Remus into the bed that was of course waiting for him.
“I’ll be back in a moment,” Madam Pomfrey said after Remus was finally adjusted into the bed. She then headed toward her potions closet to find what Remus needed.
“Thanks for doing this, Sirius,” Remus said once Pomfrey was out of ear shot. After a moment, he spoke again, “What were you doing in the dormitory anyway? It’s well past breakfast and it’s a beautiful Saturday.” Sirius just shrugged and looked shy, and Remus felt a surge of gratitude for his friend when he realized that Sirius had stayed behind to look after him. “Where’re Prongs and Wormtail?” Remus asked to change the subject.
“Prongs is with Lily of course,” Sirius said, looking relieved. “They decided to take a walk on the grounds, which I’m sure led to a great deal of snogging. Wormtail is—”
“All right, Mr. Lupin, here we are,” Madam Pomfrey had returned with an array of potions and serums for Remus. “This one first.” Remus stayed lying down, and Sirius held his friend’s head up while Madam Pomfrey dipped the potion back slowly into Remus’s mouth. Suddenly, Remus pushed Madam Pomfrey’s hand away from his mouth, jolted up, and vomited violently into the trashcan beside his bed. Sirius held the trashcan up to Remus and smoothed his hair back, while Madam Pomfrey waited for the episode to pass. After a few more minutes of vomiting, Remus finally pushed the trashcan away from his face, and with a wave of his wand, Sirius cleared the contents of the trashcan.
When Sirius set the trashcan down, Madam Pomfrey said, “Keep that can close, Mr. Black. I’m sure there’s more where that came from.” Remus looked at his friend apologetically. He tried to apologize verbally, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. Sirius just gave him a look as if to assure him that it was fine.
“Next,” Madam Pomfrey said. After several more potions, Madam Pomfrey announced that that was the last of it at least for a few hours. She told Remus that she would check on him periodically, and then with a look at Sirius the aging witch retired to the other room. Remus was still very white, but he told Sirius who was still standing beside his bed that he felt a bit better.
The last potion Madam Pomfrey had given Remus had been a sleeping draught so that he could sleep peacefully. Remus had already begun to feel drowsy, but he wanted to make sure Sirius left. He didn’t want Sirius to see him like this, for starters, and he didn’t want his friend to miss out on such a beautiful day.
“Sirius, go,” Remus said. “You have no idea how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me today and last night, but I don’t want both of us cooped up in here all day. There are probably tons of girls on the grounds who’ve been waiting for you all day,” Remus finished with a small smile.
Sirius smiled in return but said, “I don’t care about them. You’re one of my best mates, and I’m staying here with you.
“You’re not, Sirius. I want you to go—”
“Well, I’m not—”
“Sirius, please…”
“Remus, I’m not leaving you here alone. You hate it here, I know you do—”
“You’re right, I do—”
“Then it’s settled.”
“Sirius—”
“I don’t see what the problem is, Remus!”
“I don’t want you here, Sirius! I don’t want you to see me like this!” Remus’s face reddened as soon as he spoke his final sentence. He looked away from Sirius, but Sirius kept his eyes locked on Remus. Remus could feel Sirius’s eyes on him.
“I’ve seen you like this, Remus, and I don’t care. You know I don’t.” Remus could hear the chill in Sirius’s voice, which sent that chill throughout Remus’s entire body. “But if you want me to go, I’ll go,” Sirius finished, and turned around to head toward the door to the hospital wing.
Remus wanted to apologize. He wanted to explain, but he didn’t know what there was to explain. He didn’t know why he suddenly did not want Sirius to see him in this state. He did not know why he told Sirius to go when he was the one person Remus wanted by his side. Remus did not understand why his heart beat a thousand beats a minute when Sirius had been smoothing Remus’s hair back while he was getting sick earlier. He wanted to explain, but he couldn’t, so instead, he watched Sirius walk out the door of the hospital wing and let the sleeping draught take over.
Outside the hospital wing, Sirius waited a few minutes until after he was sure that Remus was asleep. He then opened the door quietly and slowly and walked just as quietly over to Remus’s bed and sat down beside it. Sirius did not understand why Remus did not want him around, and as much as that broke Sirius’s heart—something he would never admit—he refused to leave Remus. Yes, there were certainly tons of girls waiting for him beside the lake, and James and Peter were now probably wondering where Sirius had gone off to, but Sirius did not care. It was a beautiful day, Remus was right about that, but on this beautiful day, Sirius wanted nothing more than to sit beside Remus’s bed and make sure he was all right. Sirius took Remus’s hand in his and watched his friend sleep.
A few hours later, Remus woke up feeling sick again. He looked around for the trashcan, and when he looked to his left and saw Sirius sitting in a soft chair beside him, slumbering peacefully with a copy of The Daily Prophet resting on his chest, Remus thought his heart would explode. His dreams had been filled with Sirius, and he had hoped Sirius would be there when he woke up, but he had been sure that he’d driven Sirius away for a long while. Before he could wake his friend to apologize, he became violently ill into the trashcan once again.
Sirius sat up quickly and dropped the Prophet onto the floor. He picked up the trashcan so Remus would have a better shot of aiming his sick into the can which he had failed to do quite a bit. Sirius looked back at the room Madam Pomfrey had been in and saw her standing in the doorway looking at Sirius and Remus. She smiled at Sirius and turned back into her room, knowing that Remus was in good hands. Sirius place a soft hand on Remus’s shoulder while he continued to be sick, and Remus felt tears sting his eyes. Sirius had never done anything except be a great friend to Remus, and he had come back after Remus had been awful to him.
After Remus finished vomiting and Sirius used his wand to finish cleaning up the spots where Remus had missed the trashcan, Sirius sat down again next to Remus’s bed. Remus was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry, Sirius,” he said quietly. His throat was very sore.
“It’s all right, Rem,” Sirius said with an equally quiet tone. His throat was fine, but his insides were not.
“No… It’s not,” Remus swallowed and stared at the foot of his bed. “I don’t know why I told you to leave…”
“You didn’t want me here, I understand.” Sirius was looking inquisitively at Remus.
Remus looked at Sirius, “But I did. I wanted you here more than anything. I just…” Remus did not know what to say. Finally, he said, “I hate what I am, Sirius. I’m a monster, and sometimes, I feel like I need to face that pain and wallow in my sorrow and self pity alone…” He looked away from Sirius.
Sirius stood up and scooted his chair next to Remus’s bed and sat back down, so that his face was a mere foot from Remus’s. He looked at Remus who was still looking away. “Look at me,” Sirius said. Remus didn’t move. “Look at me, Remus,” Sirius said with a bit more force. Remus turned his head slowly to look at Sirius. His eyes were red and glittered with tears. “You are not a monster, Remus. Something awful happened to you when you were a boy, at no fault to you. A true monster tried to ruin the life of a young boy, but he didn’t, Remus. You have friends who care about you, and although you go through this body destroying transformation once a month, you survive it and you get through it because you’re strong and you have an enormous heart. You are not a monster, and a few cuts and bruises aren’t going to scare me off.” Sirius paused for a moment and then said, “I’m not going to let you push me and your other friends away because of some self loathing bollocks. I’m sitting by your bed until Pomfrey lets you out or forces me to leave, so you better just get used to me.”
Remus looked at Sirius as he never had before. He did not know how to respond, so he reached his hand up and placed it on the back of Sirius’s neck. Sirius placed a hand on Remus’s arm, and they looked at each other for a long time. Remus moved his hand so that his thumb was on Sirius’s cheek. He stroked his thumb gently across Sirius’s cheek and Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into Remus’s touch. Sirius felt as if his cheek was on fire. Sirius moved his own hand and placed it on top of Remus’s hand. Sirius felt pressure on the back of his head as Remus pulled Sirius closer to him.
Now, Sirius’s face was mere inches from Remus’s, and the two young men stayed in that position for what felt like years to Sirius and Remus, but only had to be a few seconds. After another few moments like that, the door to the hospital wing slammed open, and Sirius and Remus quickly let go of each other. Sirius did not know what had just happened, and he did not know what would have happen had James and Peter not come barreling into the room, but Sirius quickly switched gears and plastered a smile onto his face when he turned to face his other two partners in crime.
“Oi, Padfoot! There you are! We knew Moony would be here, but we’ve been looking around for you all day,” James said happily.
“All day?” Sirius questioned with a smirk.
“Not even close,” Peter said. “He’s been snogging Lily all day. He only just started looking for you about 15 minutes ago.” Sirius laughed out loud and glanced at Remus who was not smiling. He was looking at the hand that had just been on Sirius’s cheek with a look that Sirius could not quite place. For a brief moment, the smile slipped off of Sirius’s face and after a flash of eye contact between Remus and Sirius, Remus looked at Peter and a smile broke across his face.
“Where have you been, Peter?” Remus asked.
“Watching, no doubt,” Sirius replied. Remus, Sirius, and James burst out into laughter, and Peter sulked.
Remus winced and clutched at one of his wounds. James saw this and moved quickly over to Remus. “Hey, mate, are you all right?” James asked him. “Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?”
Sirius turned swiftly to Remus and moved to his side. He placed his hand where Remus’s hand was resting on his wound. Remus looked at him and moved Sirius’s hand away. “No, I’m fine.” Remus tried to sit up on his own, but when he gasped with pain, Sirius and James were at his side to help him. Remus smiled as his friends helped him moved into a sitting position. He tried hard not to make eye contact with Sirius when Sirius’s hand had moved to Remus’s thigh when he was helping Remus up.
“Thanks,” Remus said, looking only at James.
“Hey, no problem, mate. Anything for you and your furry little problem,” James sat down in the chair that Sirius had been sitting in earlier, leaving Sirius and Peter to stand. Sirius stayed where he had just been when he had helped Remus sit up. He was very close, and Remus could smell his familiar scent, which Remus breathed in as deeply as he could.
“Have you been here all day, Sirius?” Peter asked, picking up The Daily Prophet.
“Oh—er—yeah, well, I just happened to be there when R-Remus started to feel bad, and I didn’t want to leave him in here,” Sirius tried to remain calm, but he could tell he was doing a pretty poor job.
“Hm,” James said. He was looking at the paper Peter was holding, and when he saw something that interested him, he took it from Peter. “More deaths and disappearances,” he said.
Peter walked over to James and looked at what James was looking at. James read aloud, “‘For those who speak out openly against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, disappearance and/or death seem to be what follow consequently. Rhia Rushworth, an assistant Healer at St. Mungo’s recently spoke out against the tactics used by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and was later found dead in her London home. Rumors of a secret society known as the “Order of the Phoenix” have been abundant as of late, but deaths and disappearances such as these make witches and wizards wonder if those in the Order will ever come to their rescue…’”
“What does this guy expect?” Sirius said angrily. He ripped the Prophet out of James’s hand at shoved it into the trashcan beside the open bed next to Remus’s. “The Order already has limited numbers, and if the Prophet and Ministry keep using scare tactics like this, no one will ever want to join the side of good!” Sirius’s voice was dangerously approaching a shout. “Three more months and we’ll be finished with Hogwarts. The first thing I’ll do is join the Order.”
“Here, here!” James replied heartily. Remus smiled and nodded, but Peter just looked frightened.
“I heard that You-Know-Who removes people’s toenails one by one before he kills them, and—”
“Stop, Peter,” Sirius cut him off, clearly annoyed. “Where do you even hear things like this?” Peter shrugged, and Sirius went on. “Even if that were true, Peter, don’t you think it’s worth it? I think it’s worth it to get my toenails removed before my death if it means I did anything—if I tried my hardest—to save the wizarding world, to save my friends…the ones that I love…” He looked at James and Peter and then down at Remus, but Remus did not look up at him. For a while, no one spoke. Sirius was sure that James was thinking of Lily, and he hoped that Remus was thinking of him as he was thinking of Remus.
“Well, I’m joining up as soon as I’m out of here, too!” James said. “I say ‘Kill the’ you say ‘Dark Lord’—Kill the!...”
Sirius and Remus exploded with laughter, and even Peter began to laugh. All four boys laughed until their sides hurt and their stomachs began to cramp. Sirius, James, and Peter stayed in the hospital wing talking about Lord Voldemort for the next couple hours, until finally dusk began to settle in.
“We should probably go grab some food from the Great Hall,” James said after they had just had a discussion about Bellatrix Lestrange, one of Voldemort’s known followers and Sirius’s cousin. Sirius still seemed put off by the conversation, but he agreed. He had brought Remus to the hospital wing in the morning and had not left since then; his stomach was therefore growling at him angrily.
“We’ll come back later, Remus,” James said.
“No, no, you guys go back to the common room. I’ll be fine. I need to get some rest anyway,” Remus said. Sirius looked like he wanted to protest but said nothing.
“Okay,” James said. “We’ll come by tomorrow then.”
“She’ll let me out by tomorrow,” Remus said shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later tomorrow probably around lunch time.” Sirius opened his mouth and closed it again. James shrugged and Peter looked relieved. He hated the hospital wing almost as much as Remus did.
“To the Great Hall!” James said loudly. Madam Pomfrey poked her head out of her room and gave the boys a look. “Sorry, Madam Pomfrey. We’re on our way out.” When she ducked back into the room, James finished by saying, “Don’t get your knickers twisted.” The others laughed. They all waved goodbye to Remus as they headed to the Great Hall.
“Sirius!” Remus called right as the door was about to close. Sirius told the others he would catch up and went back to Remus’s bedside.
“Could you maybe bring my Charms and Transfiguration books by later? I don’t want to stare at the wall during all my waking hours,” thinking about you Remus wanted to add.
“Oh… yeah, no problem… Is that—is that all you wanted?” Sirius asked shyly.
“No.” Remus took Sirius’s hand and pulled him toward him. “What was that earlier?” he asked.
“I-I don’t know.” Sirius reached up and ran a hand through Remus’s hair. Sirius kept his hand on Remus and moved slowly down to his shoulder. Remus closed his eyes as he felt Sirius’s hand move down his arm. His hand then moved to Remus’s stomach. When Sirius’s hand started to move further down, Remus opened his eyes and put his own hand on to Sirius’s hand.
“Sirius…” Remus moved Sirius’s hand to his side. “You should go to the Great Hall. I’m sure you’re starving. I’ll see you later—when you bring by the books.” At first when Remus said to go to the Great Hall, Sirius had felt slightly embarrassed, but when he said he would see him later, Sirius got his confidence back.
“Yeah…” Sirius smiled. “Later…”
The next day, Sirius was sitting in the common room staring at the empty fireplace. After breakfast with James, Peter, Lily, and some of Lily’s friends, Sirius had come to the common room, taken his current place, and he had remained there for several hours. James had insisted that Sirius go down to the lake with him, as it was a crisp March day that deserved to be used by the Marauders, but Sirius said he didn’t feel up to it and had taken his position by the fireplace that had not been home to fire for several weeks. Of course, all Sirius could think about was Remus and everything that had happened the day before.
When Sirius had brought Remus his books he had requested the previous night, Remus had been sleeping soundly in his hospital bed. Because of the rough transformation Remus had had, he refused to wake Remus up, and he didn’t know quite how he felt about that. Disappointed? Disappointed about what exactly? So, Sirius had stayed in the hospital wing for about fifteen minutes watching Remus sleep and then returned to his four-poster bed in the dormitory. Sirius had no idea what had happened yesterday, and at this spot by the fire, he was trying to figure it out.
Remus had been grateful. Grateful that his best mate had been there at night when his wounds were screaming with pain, when he woke that next morning to even worse pain, and when he went back to the hospital wing to get the care he needed. Remus had therefore showed his gratitude by placing a gentle hand on the back of Sirius’s neck, which had sent shivers throughout the entirety of Sirius’s body.
Sirius tried to think about that night in terms of what would and could have happened. If James and Peter had not come barging in, what would have happened? If Remus had not taken Sirius’s hand off of Remus’s stomach, what would have happened? Sirius did not know the answers to these questions, and he most certainly did not know how he was feeling. Remus was the greatest in Sirius’s eyes. He was smart, kind, fun, hilarious, handsome in his own way, and loyal; something Sirius prized above all other things.
Sirius was confused, but after hours of thinking and rummaging through his mind, he decided: No. Last night had meant nothing. Sirius had been terribly worried about Remus and the state he was in, so it was only natural that Sirius would want to make sure that his friend was all right—he had always been very protective of Remus. A touch on the arm, a stroke of the cheek only meant that Sirius was showing his hurt friend that he was there for him. It did not mean—
“Sirius?” Sirius thought his heart might explode out of his chest when he heard Remus softly say his name.
“Merlin, Moony, you nearly made me wet my knickers,” Sirius said.
Remus chuckled and said, “I didn’t mean to scare you. You seemed lost in thought, and I wondered if I might help you sort through whatever you’re thinking.”
Deciding he was not quite ready for the talk he knew must come, Sirius changed the subject only slightly. “I didn’t even know Pomfrey let you out of the hospital wing.”
“Only just now,” Remus said. He noticed the shift in conversation and frowned at this.
“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked, moving over on the long couch he was sitting on to give Remus room to sit next to him. Remus sat down close to Sirius so that their knees were almost touching, but Sirius moved farther over to create more space between them, causing the frown on Remus’s face to deepen.
“All right, I guess,” Remus said. Sirius nodded and silence swallowed both of the boys. Now in his seventh year at Hogwarts, Remus could say that he was no fool when it came to Sirius Black. He knew exactly when his friend was trying to avoid something he knew he needed to do.
“Sirius, you’re lousy at small talk,” Remus said, causing Sirius to smile and nod. “Yesterday—”
“I really have to go, Rem, I’m sorry,” Sirius quickly stood up from his spot on the couch. “James wants me to run some Quidditch plays with him, and I promised.” Sirius headed toward the portrait hole and tried to ignore the hurt look on Remus’s face. “Look, we’ll talk later, okay?” Without waiting for an answer, Sirius stumbled through the portrait hole and did not look back.
About five minutes later, James and Lily came through the portrait hole with Peter at their tails. Remus was furious.
Of course Sirius didn't want to talk. As far as Remus was concerned, Sirius was a coward, and Remus had no tolerance for cowardice.
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