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You Can\'t be Serious	By : Aridethdar Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 16269 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money off of this. Harry Potter belongs to the lovely J K Rowling ~

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the wonderful J K Rowling does. And I don't make any money off of this.

Summary: Harry's name came out of the goblet and something inside him kind of... snapped. No longer is he Gryffindor's Golden Boy who would sacrifice his life for those who can't even show an ounce of loyalty. With new friends and allies, Harry is about to change the world... But will it be for the better? And who is this sexy new ally?

Warnings: Bad language is all I can think of there being for this chapter…

You Can't be Serious

Chapter One: Broken Filter

Word Count: 2946

Beta: The awesome sapphyredragon_rn (whom unleashed the plot bunny in the first place XD lol)

"Harry Potter."

'You can't be serious!'Harry thought when a fourth piece of paper came out of the Goblet of Fire and the Headmaster called his name.

"Harry Potter!"

'He's serious?' The green eyed teen just stared at Dumbledore, dumbfounded.

"HARRY POTTER!"

'He's freaking serious?!' Harry shook his head in disbelief as he got up and made his way toward the Headmaster. 'Ah, just another fucked up day in the life of the Boy Who Lived.'He sighed as Dumbledore didn't even have the decency to look at him.

Instead, Harry was directed by a member of the Staff to go through the doors in which the other Champions had disappeared. The fourteen year old grudgingly complied and was the center of the other Champions' attention as soon as he entered the door.

"Do zey need us back out zere?" The blonde, Fleur if he wasn't mistaken, inquired.

"No… it seems the goblet is malfunctioning." Harry responded.

He hadn't meant to speak the sarcastic remark his mind had thought up, but it appeared the filter between his brain and mouth was MIA. Probably broken due to the shock of his name having come out of the goblet.

"Malfunctioning?" Victor Krum asked and Harry couldn't help but smile at the Seeker.

"Hey, what are the chances of us practicing together sometime? You'll be here a while and it wouldn't do for you to let those awesome Seeker skills dull, now would it?"

The filter was still down, so he couldn't help it. Or so that's the excuse he was giving himself. He recognized the signs, but he liked living in a state of denial. After all, from the first time it was even suggested, Harry refused to believe himself Slytherin in any way.

And though his "Golden Boy Filter" was down, he sure as hell wasn't going to regret it. If someone had put his name in the goblet to try and get him killed, he might as well enjoy the time he had left by doing whatever he wanted for once!

"Good point. I don't see vhy not." Krum shrugged.

"Um… about the goblet malfunctioning?" The Hogwarts champion, Cedric Diggory, brought their attention back to the original issue.

"Apparently someone put my name in it and did something to make sure said name came out. Don't know how, but I have a sinking feeling I know why…" Harry grumbled the last part.

"Why would anyone wish to put your name in zee goblet?" Fleur inquired.

"Why would anyone put a severely underage person's name in the running for an extremely deadly competition?" Harry countered as he turned toward the blonde and looked every bit the "unfortunate child" he was. "Not to mention the fact someone went through the trouble to make sure said minor would be chosen?" He sighed and looked down at his feet, his expression forlorn.

Honestly, it wasn't hard to look so downtrodden. Why? Because whether he made it out alive or not, this was going to SUCK. And THAT was depressing.

"You zink zere is someone out to… keel you?" Fleur gasped and brought her hand to her mouth; the very idea was probably incredibly appalling to her and she looked like she wanted to grab Harry up and cuddle him.

'Seems I was right to appeal to her sympathy. Females can be viciously protective, after all, and she's probably my best shot.'Harry mentally applauded his cunning, while he also wondered if what he was doing was right. 'Of course it's right! I'm going to need all the support I can get if I'm going to make sure people know I didn't put my name in that thrice damned cup.'He reassured himself.

He wasn't being Slytherin. He was merely attempting to clear his name, because he knew that what everyone would think…

"What rubbish! You put your name in the cup! You're probably just doing it for the thrill. For the attention." Cedric huffed, clearly upset that Harry had the blonde's attention.

Harry looked at the Hufflepuff, his green eyes widened in shock. He also made sure that his eyes watered up a bit, as if he were on the verge of tears, just for effect.

"Do you honestly think that, Cedric? Truly?" Harry asked in a soft, heartbreaking voice.

If the 'Puff really believed that bull, that Harry of all people would seek out trouble, then he was seriously misinformed… or had been listening to too much of his father's bullshit.

"Well, um…" The Hogwarts Champion faltered when he noticed the gorgeous Beauxbaton blonde glare at him.

"'Ow could you! Accuzing a child of somezing like zat! A feat, mind you, zat not even zee students almost zree years 'is elder could accomplish!"

"Well you see…"

"You don't even know 'im!" The blonde huffed as she walked over the Harry and hugged him. "Eez okay, I'm sure your 'Eadmaster will clear zis up." Fleur said in a soothing tone and Harry was tempted to just let her do as she pleased.

He would, to an extent, but he also needed to point out a few things so that all the Champions would realize how much Harry DIDN'T want any thrills this year… Or any year for that matter.

"Let me clear up a few things, Cedric." Harry spoke softly, still engulfed in the blonde's embrace.

Harry waited a moment, thinking that the French student would let him go, but… she didn't seem inclined to do so. He just mentally shrugged and decided that it would probably work in his favor if he just let her do as she pleased.

" I didn't even know I was famous, that I was a Wizard, until I was eleven. And before that? I tried to stay out everyone's way. I preferred hiding in the shadows, fading into the background, and avoiding people at all costs." Harry stated.

"Zat is 'orrible!"

'Well, it seems I have her firmly on my side. And seeing as the other two are hormonal males… this could be a good thing. They're more likely to side with a pretty girl...'Harry thought happily, though his face still held the "kicked puppy dog" look.

It was amazing. Since he'd entered the Wizarding World, he hadn't stretched his wings in the cunning department. Always being passive to a fault or jumping head first into a bad situation. No middle ground, just one extreme or another really…

But this? This was incredible! Harry had never felt so… powerful before. And the best part? He was finally getting things off his chest, and in a way that would totally work in his favor. Though he'd never really cared for sympathy, hence why he'd never brought up his home life before this, he knew it was the best way to get to the other Champions.

But why was he acting like this?

'Who cares.' Harry thought and let the blonde woman cuddle him.

Harry couldn't help it! He rarely was shown any affection, only occasionally receiving a kind touch from his friends, and… well. Could anyone blame him for wanting some human contact from time to time that was non-violent?

'Ah! Need to keep their attention.' Harry thought begrudgingly. "I've been taught, since before I can remember, that freaks are not to be seen or heard. Following those rules ensured that my life wasn't all that bad." He shrugged. "And you know what?" Harry asked, his tone changing to that of someone who was coaxing a child into responding.

"W… what?" Apparently the Hufflepuff was in a state of shock. Seemed like Cedric, along with the rest of the world, didn't have a clue as to the truth of Harry's life.

"That hasn't changed." Harry answered, his voice once again soft and sad. "But the Wizarding World wont let me hide away and keep to myself. And it seems because of that, horrible things keep happening to me."

"Oh, you poor zing!" Fleur exclaimed and started petting his hair.

'Oh, that feels nice. Too bad she's so… soft.' Harry thought, then paused.

Wait a second, what was that all about? What was wrong with her being soft? Females were kind by nature.

'Not important. I'll think about that later.' He had to get these three on his side before others started to crowd around and put false ideas in their head; though he too was giving them ideas, at least he was speaking the truth. "And as far as the "thrill" goes, let me enlighten you as to what has occurred in the time I've known about the magical community.

First year, they were keeping the Philosopher's Stone within the walls of Hogwarts. There was a three headed dog guarding it; a freaking Cerberus in the school. But that wasn't the best part! Did you know that Quirrell was possessed? Eep!" Harry squeaked as the blonde sank into the armchair behind her, catching Harry off guard and pulling him down with her.

He didn't know how to feel about her sudden urge to take a seat, but he was decidedly embarrassed to be sitting in Fleur's lap.

'I hope this doesn't work against me.'

"Poor bebe." Fluer cooed and continued stroking his hair.

'She treats me as a child so hopefully...' Harry glanced out of the corner of his eye to gauge the other Champions' decisions; both looked decidedly more relaxed. 'Appears I'm no longer considered a threat to their masculinity...' Whether that was a good thing or not was up for debate.

"What?" Cedric looked at the younger teen, visibly paler than he had been due to the information that was being disclosed to him and not due to Harry's new position luckily.

Seemed finding out about dangers of the past was more monumental than current events.

'Poor boy, apparently he hadn't known any of this.' Hell, Harry wished he would have been spared having such knowledge as well. But wishes never come true.

'Well, let's blow his mind a little more.' Harry mentally smiled, a little giddy at the thought. "Yup! The bloody Dark Lord was hitching a ride of the back of his HEAD. That's why the turban stunk so bad. Don't believe me? Look up possession next time you're in the library and the signs. You'll be unpleasantly surprised… and why hadn't the Staff noticed? Seriously, child endangerment much?" Harry sighed.

"You can't be serious." Krum stated, clearly just as shocked as Cedric.

"That seems to be the mantra around here." Harry chuckled, though the sound was without humor, and shook his head. "Unfortunately, that's not the WORST of it. Sorry to say, but Hogwarts isn't as "fun" and "carefree" as the Headmaster makes it out to be. You have to watch your back here, Krum." He stated in a dead serious tone.

"You are serious." Fleur breathed, barely audible, but everyone managed to hear.

'Huh, I thought I'd lost her attention a while back… well, doesn't matter, as long as she keeps running her fingers through my hair.'Okay, now he was starting to feel like an attention whore or something…it felt nice though.

But Harry had to point out to her that he wasn't kidding, not even in the slightest.

"Sadly, yes." Harry nodded. "Second year the Chamber of Secrets was opened and the Monster unleashed upon the students." He continued recapping the traumatic events he'd had the pleasure of enduring over the course of that year.

"But zee chamber is a myth!" Fleur gasped, desperate to deny that such a horrible thing existed.

Much like how Harry wanted to deny how Slytherin he was being…

"Oh, it's very real. I would offer to show it to you, but I'm sure that you wouldn't want to see it…" Harry stated sincerely.

'Wonder if there is any female out there that would want to take a stroll through an ancient, mythical chamber of a supposed Dark Wizard.' That was probably a big no. "Especially since the basilisk has probably started to decay by now." He added aloud as an afterthought.

"Actually, the magic in basilisks keep their bodies preserved for no less than three years after their deaths… Vhat?" Krum asked once he noticed the strange looks he was receiving from the other Champions. "Ve have to know this for Potions." He shrugged.

Harry raised an eyebrow as he looked at Cedric. After all, the other Hogwarts student was old enough to be in the N.E. Potions and would know if that was a requirement or not.

The Hufflepuff shrugged. "Must be a Durmstrang thing." The older male smiled. "Hey, maybe you should tell Professor Snape. I'm sure he would love…"

Harry glared. As if he would do that ARSE a favor.

"Right." Cedric chuckled. "No ingredients for the dungeon bat."

'Then again, perhaps I could use it to my advantage… I really am acting like a Slytherin. I wonder if the hat was right…'Harry was starting to question himself, as well as his decisions in the past, though he knew that he wouldn't get an answer.

And if he did get an answer, he would go to Madam Pomfrey post haste.

"My 'eavens, zee c'amber is real? Truly?" Asked the stunned blond.

Well, at least she wasn't paralyzed with shock… though Harry was beginning to suspect that the blonde was using combing her fingers through his hair as a calming gesture. Whether she was doing it for herself or Harry was a toss up. Though Harry was fine, he was sure she had convinced herself he was putting up a front.

'And since I usually do put up a front, I will let her believe that. This is probably the first time I've truly been happy to talk about myself…'He smiled softly at the blonde and patted her shoulder. "Oh, that's not the best part!" Harry responded with obvious false excitement.

"I'm not so sure I want to know zee "best part," if truz be told." Even Krum nodded in agreement at Fleur's comment.

"Suit yourself." Harry shrugged as he stood up. "But I'm sure everyone would agree that I've had more than my fill of "thrill" in the past few year to last me a lifetime, correct?" At the question, all three Champions nodded. "So, do you honestly believe I would have…"

"HARRY!" Dumbledore's voice boomed from the doorway that connected to the Great Hall and interrupted the teen.

Harry turned to look at the Headmaster, his eyebrows raised in apparent surprise.

"Professor? What's going on?" Harry questioned. It was his right to know, after all, since it involved him.

"Tell me boy, did you or did you not put your name in the goblet?" Dumbledore asked urgently as he grabbed Harry's shoulders and shook him.

'Boy?! Who is he calling "Boy"?'Harry desperately wanted to growl, to rage at the old man, but he held his temper in check. He had worked too hard to get the other Champions on his side, it wouldn't do to destroy his image by losing his temper with his Headmaster. Even if he wanted to slap the man's hands away, to stop the shaking, so he could think.

"No… Pro…fessor. Can… you stop… shaking… me, p…leee~eee~eease?" Harry made sure his voice sounded pleading enough to give the impression that this had happened before.

Dumbledore let go immediately and tried to play it off as if it were nothing, but Harry knew that no one bought the Headmaster's act. No, by the looks on everyone's face they were ready to defend Harry if the Professor so much as lifted a finger against him.

"Now Harry, are you sure…"

"Yes I'm sure! If you'll excuse me, my neck is killing me now and I feel like my brain has been beat against my skull one too many times." Harry stated, his voice was strained and sounded like he was in a lot of pain.

"'Eadmaster Dumbly-door! Do you abuse all your students zis way?" The Beauxbaton's Headmistress inquired as she placed herself between Harry and the Headmaster.

'Unexpected, yes, but not unwelcome. I was just hoping for a little sympathy to get the Headmaster off my back, but this is even better!' Harry thought, though his face did not betray what he was feeling. Instead, he had a perfect mask of someone suffering from an intense headache.

"Oh, poor 'Arry!" Fleur got up from the chair and latched onto the young teen once more.

'Eh, I can't complain.' Harry thought and smiled mentally, though on the outside he looked as if he were on the verge of tears.

"It seems zis 'Eadmaster is unable to protect 'Arry. Zis is not the first time 'Arry has been placed in 'arms way, after all."

"I see. Well, wezere ee entered zee Tournament or no, ee should not be treated like zat!" She turned to Harry and placed a large hand on his back. "I shall ezcourt him to zee Healer personally. Come Fleur, if ee does zis to his own, I do not wish to chance ee will try an harm you as well." The giant of a woman stated as she steered Harry out the door.

"That's very kind of you, Madam Maxime, but I do not wish to be a burden…"

"No child is a burden!" Fleur exclaimed, a look of horror on her face.

"What is zat 'orrid man teac'ing zee c'ildren 'ere?" The Headmistress cried in outrage.

"Um… I didn't learn that here… I mean, I…"

"Can talk to us about zis later." Madame Maxime smiled.

"And I zink you 'ave a lot of zings to talk about." Fleur sighed as she wrapped an arm gently around his shoulders.

Well, this was going to be interesting…

A/N: You all can thank sapphyredragon-rn for this fic! I offered up a drabble/oneshot as a thank you/prize for her being the first reviewer for Angel in My Head and we talked and next thing I knew… this plot bunny got a mind of its own ^^;; lol So… yeah. If you like it, thank her!

Oh! And you also have her to thank for Harry wearing leather pants and looking yum here in the near future XD lol
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You Can\'t be Serious