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The Scarred Heart	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 7534 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fanfiction. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or the Harry Potter Universe. All characters and places that are recognizable are the property of JKR and WB. No money is made from the sharing of this fic.

Chapter List
- 1-The Scarred Heart
- 1
                                                                The Scarred Heart

                                                                By  Snapes_Goddess

*This fic is inspired by the song Just Give Me A Reason by Pink*

Right from the start

You were a thief you stole my heart

And I your willing victim

I let you see the parts of me

That weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep

Things you never say to me

Tell me that you've had enough

Of our love, our love

                He’s whimpering in his sleep again, the sounds of his distressed dreaming pull me from a deep slumber, and I open my eyes and listen. Our bedroom is softly illuminated by the gray light of the breaking dawn, allowing me to see clearly the photograph moving on the small chest at our bedside. The couple dancing on the beach with the sun setting behind them seem like strangers to me, despite the fact that the memory of that day is forever etched in my memory. It was our wedding day. An impromptu affair on a remote island in Italy with the just the two of us we promised to love one another unconditionally, accepting the other and all our faults for all time. On that day we were the only two people in the world who mattered.

                I reach out and touch his smiling face; the sun was glinting off of his pale hair like a halo and he was laughing as we danced in the sand in our bare feet, soaking up the warmth of the sun and basking in the love we had found, surprisingly, in one another. God knows I never dreamed that I would fall in love with Draco Malfoy. Nothing in this world or any other could have prepared me for life after war. I was so broken, so damaged by what I had seen, what I had lived through. My first love had been strong and powerful, but it had not lasted as I expected it to. After a decade together we drifted apart, our hearts forever connected but no longer inspired to passion by the other. Once more Ron and I found ourselves loving deeply as friends rather than lovers.

                I spent three years alone, content to focus on myself for a change. Then, by some wicked twist of fate a promotion at work put me directly in the path of my childhood tormentor. The boy who had treated me so badly, had bullied and berated me for most of my school days was now a colleague. For months we crossed paths but never spoke. It was fine, I wasn’t craving his attention or looking for his acknowledgement, I just wanted to do my job.   Then, one afternoon in a rush to get to a meeting he slammed into me and sent the stack of carefully compiled papers in my arms flying all around me. I expected that he would keep going, that I would simply have to collect and re organize every document on my own while he laughed at me behind my back.

                He knelt beside me, despite the fact that he was already late for the meeting and helped me gather the documents.

“Granger, I am so sorry, I was not watching where I was going…” I froze, staring at him as if he had lost his mind. Had Draco Malfoy apologized to me?

“Thank you…for helping,” I said. I remember the moment our eyes met. It was overwhelming. His eyes…still that cold, silvery blue shade, were tormented. It was as if I could see inside him, see all of the scars and wounds that had built over time.

“I…I really need to get to this meeting…but please…let me make this up to you,” he said. “Let me buy you coffee….after work at The Magic Bean.”

“I—uh—I don’t know…” I was so unsure of myself, of him.

“Please,” he said softly. So I did. At five o’clock I closed up my office and went directly to the café where he sat at a table by the window. He actually greeted me with a smile and held out my chair. Hours past as we sat there talking until finally the proprietor came and asked us to leave so that he could close up. It became routine for us to meet after work, and soon coffee became dinner. Dinner invariably ended in long walks and conversations that lasted until the wee hours of the night.

                Then, a few months into the routine of coffee, dinner and conversation, Draco kissed me. It was in the middle of winter in the soft golden glow of a gas streetlamp while fat snowflakes danced around us that he touched his lips to mine and changed everything that I thought I knew about him. The child that tormented me in youth had become a man that tormented me with a stirring deep inside of me. I wanted to fix what was broken inside of him, to make him whole.

                I never expected him to be old fashioned. While we kissed and touched, we never took it further. Finally I confronted him about it and he confessed that he loved me, that he didn’t want to go that far before marriage. He asked me to marry him that night and by morning I was being whisked away to Italy where I exchanged my name for his. The photograph was taken just before he lifted me into his arms and carried me back inside the rented, beachfront villa where we were staying.

                He laid me down on the cool cotton sheets and made love to me with such passion, such tenderness that I wept with the emotion of it. Over and over we came together, the sea air washing over us through the open French doors of our bedroom, anointing us with its cool, salty breath as we consummated our marriage.

                Those first, sweet days of our love were so simple. So perfect. I had no idea when was coming.

I’m sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from

I thought that we were fine

Oh we had everything

Your head is running wild again

My dear we still have everything

And its all in your mind

Yeah but this is happening

You've been having real bad dreams

Oh oh

You used to lie so close to me

Oh oh

There's nothing more than empty sheets

Between our love, our love, oh our love, our love

                It was almost our one year anniversary when I came home to find him sitting in total darkness. As I entered his study in our home I was overwhelmed by the suffocating despair that filled the room. He stopped me when I went to spell the lights on so that I could see him but allowed me to open the drapes and let the dim evening light come through the window. It was then that I saw him, my beautiful husband sitting in his chair with his eyes red from crying. His clothes were disheveled and his eyes were vacant. Gone was the smile that always made my heart flutter and gone was the spark of life that glittered so brightly in those beautiful blue eyes.

“Draco…what’s wrong, what’s happened?” I asked as I rushed to kneel beside his chair. His fingers reached out to stroke my face, his skin so cold that it made me shiver at his touch.

“Why do you love me?” he asked softly as he traced my features.

“Because I can’t help it,” I answered, searching his face for some clue as to what was going on.

“Are you going to leave me, Hermione?” he choked.

“No, my love, I am not going to leave you.” His shoulders shook as he clenched his eyes tightly closed and began to weep. I was so scared, wondering what had happened to my sweet, sweet husband in the short time from breakfast until that moment. I wrapped my arms around him as best I could from my kneeling position and rested my head on his knees while he cried. He stroked my hair, eliciting promise after promise from me that I would not abandon him, that I would never run from him and leave him alone. When his tears stopped we retired to our room for a late supper and made love before falling asleep in each other’s arms. By morning it was as if nothing had ever happened.

                I have been married to Draco Malfoy for five years and with each passing year these strange episodes continue. Some years they are more frequent than others. He never hits me, he never casts hexes or spells and he never disparages me. It is always the same. I find my normally happy, arrogant, excited husband broken, lost in a world of pain that I don’t understand. Always he begs me not to leave him, asks me why I love him, and pleads with me not to be afraid, not to run from him. No matter what I say to him, no matter how I try to make him see that I am here to stay, it does not change.

                Why is he so afraid? Why does he believe that I will flee from him? Why can’t he believe that I love him?

I never stopped

You're still written in the scars on my heart

You’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

                Last night was the worst it has ever been. When I arrived home after work the staff met me at the door, shaking and scared for their master.   I heard the crash of glass breaking in the study and I didn’t hesitate, I dropped my bags, kicked off my heels and ran for the double doors, for the man who was tormented by his own heart on the other side of the door. I skidded to a halt just inside the door, shocked by the mess of books and papers slung across the room. My husband paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, his hands fisted in his hair, his face wet with tears.

“Oh, baby,” I whispered softly. He looked up and I saw shame, remorse, fear and disgust play across his features.

“What is wrong with me?” he asked me, falling to his knees on the plush rug laid before the fire.

“Please, Draco, please tell me what it is that torments you like this?” I asked as I carefully stepped over the mess littering the floor. When I reached him his arms came up around my waist, his cheek resting against my belly as he held me tight.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” he whispered brokenly.

“Oh, Draco, I have never hated you. Even when we were kids and you tortured me in school I didn’t hate you,” I said, running my fingers through his silky, fine hair. “You can tell me anything, Sweetheart, anything at all. Please, just let it out.”

“I don’t want you to leave me,” he cried, holding me tighter.

“I will not leave you, my love, I promise,” I said, bending down to kiss the top of his head.

“I don’t know why you love me,” he said. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Why do you think that you don’t deserve it?” I asked. I genuinely wanted to know why this man could not accept the love that I offer.   Why does it feel like he is pushing me away while clinging to me as if his very life depends on it?

“The screams…the faces…they haunt me,” he said quietly. “So much pain, so much hurt…they reach for me, begging me to end their torment…but I did nothing. I just stood there…frozen…terrified,” he shivered in my arms so I held him tighter. “I am a coward…how can you love a coward?”

“You were a child, Draco,” I answered. “A child who never should have seen such terrible things. A child who could have done nothing to change the way things were.”

“But you love me, right? You do love me? You won’t leave me?” he asked, his fingers digging into the small of my back in his desperation.

“No, my sweet love, I am not going to leave you,” I promised as I took his face in my hands and tilted his face up so that I could look at him. “Draco, I love you…it is not something easily changed. I need you to let it go…I need you to accept the love and forgiveness that I offer. Please.”

“I don’t know how,” he whispered. “Please, Hermione…heal me.”

                With those words he pulled me down to him and took my lips with his. I could taste his tears in the kiss, salty and bitter at the same time. He kissed me, his lips and tongue taking ownership of my mouth, staking his claim. His long, dexterous fingers made short work of the buttons at the front my robes, quickly parting them so that his hands could cup the lace covered mounds of my breasts. His hands were everywhere, shaping and smoothing every inch of my body, reclaiming it as his, assuring himself that I was there for him, that I was going nowhere. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes I felt the heat of his caress.

                Clothing vanished unnoticed as I opened my arms, my body and my heart to this man, letting all of the love and desire that I felt for him pour forth. His lips dragged along the side of my throat, his teeth nibbling gently as he suckled at the throbbing of my pulse, marking the delicate skin lightly before moving further to the rounded curves of my breasts. My nipples peaked, reaching for him as he closed his lips around one, sucking gently and then moving to the other to torment the aching tip with his tongue, lashing at it, licking and circling it as I arched my back, silently begging for him to suckle and give me relief.

                His tongue caressed the underside of my breast, tickling along the seam where breast met ribcage and then dragging slowly down the center of my abdomen. Soft, wet kisses were sprinkled over the softness of my lower belly, the tip of his tongue running along the line of skin just above the triangle of hair covering my mound. He pushed my legs apart, wide apart and held them open as he stared at my sex. I was wet for him, the slick lubrication of my arousal pooling at the juncture of my thighs in eager anticipation of my husband’s possession.

“Mine,” he said softly, his voice hoarse with emotion.

“Forever,” I replied, shifting my buttocks against the rug beneath me as my womb clenched in anticipation. He bent at the waist, his hands still holding my thighs open, and covered my sex with his mouth. I couldn’t control the cry of pleasure that the heat of his mouth drew from me. His tongue slid between the swollen folds, the rough flat surface rasping against the tender, swollen flesh with such sweet, torturous rapture that I wanted to scream. I have never known pleasure so raw, so perfect, before him. My husband knows exactly what I need, and he gives it with eager generosity. He licks and sucks at my aching flesh until I can stand it no longer. I can’t hold it back as the heat and pressure begins to build low in my belly. The greedy ‘itch’ of my flesh has me arching and rolling my hips beneath the onslaught of his tongue, begging for more, begging for him to push me over, to take me to the place of pleasured oblivion that I have known only at his hand.

                He pursed his lips around the tight bud of my clit and sucked gently; it was all I need to go flying, my body convulsing as I sob beneath him. He continues to lick and kiss my over sensitive flesh until I ease back from the powerful orgasm and open my eyes. He knelt above me, his hands stroking my thighs gently as he watched me. I could see that he was reassuring himself that I was real, that I was there…he was looking for my love. I sat up, pressing my lips to his as I reached between us for the long, slender shaft of his erection as it curved up towards his belly from the thick nest of golden curls. I stroked the turgid length of him with both hands, gently twisting one hand at the tip the way he likes it.

                His hands burrowed in the thick tangle of my hair as I released his mouth and pressed my lips to the center of his chest, dragging my kisses downward over the flat, muscled plane of his stomach. His fingertips massaged my scalp as I licked my lips, opened my mouth and sucked the head of his cock deep into my throat. He moaned, his hips jerking forward in a silent plea for more. I sucked and licked at the aching shaft, running my tongue up and down the underside, circling the aching head, tickling beneath his foreskin as I strove to give him the same pleasure that he had given me. I felt him throbbing beneath my tongue, tasted the salty tribute of his ejaculate seeping from the tip as I sucked and sucked his aching flesh.

“Enough!” he gasped, jerking my head back so that I looked up at him. I continued to stroke him with my hand as I stared at him, panting and waiting for him to tell me what he wanted, what he needed. Because I would give him anything, do anything, to make him feel my love.

                He pushed me backwards, his hand at the back of my neck to control my decent so that I did not fall against the floor. He settled between my thighs, his erection easily finding the wet opening of my sex. He held me tight as he slid home inside me. Deep and hard he shuttled his erection, holding me tight as he begged over and over “love me, love me, love me”. I didn’t respond with words, instead I wrapped my arms and my legs around him, I clung to him, praying that with the willing acceptance of my body that the truth would sink in. I do love you.

                His hands slid low, curving beneath my bottom and tilting my hips upward so that with every thrust forward the base of his cock rubbed against my clit. My slippery sheath began to clench and pulse around him as I climbed towards release. With every eager clasp of my flesh around his cock his passion grew. When that moment came and I found release, my body clamping down hard around his nearly rendering him immobile, I knew that he felt it. He joined me seconds later, spilling into my body, his seed bathing my womb, filling me to overflowing with his essence. I felt his face buried against my throat, his tears wetting my heated flesh.

“I love you…I love you….I love you,” he whispered, over and over.

“And I love you, Draco,” I responded, holding him close and tight.

Oh tears ducts and rust

I'll fix it for us

We're collecting dust but our love's enough

You're holding it in

You're pouring a drink

No nothing is as bad as it seems

We'll come clean

                Have you ever loved someone that was broken? Have you ever loved someone that just couldn’t accept your love…not because they didn’t want it or wanted to hurt you, but because they genuinely believed that they were unworthy of it? I do. I know what it means to love someone who will never understand why I love him so. My wizard is broken and damaged and only I can heal him. When the pain and the sorrow overwhelm him, it is me that he reaches for. It is ME that he needs, and it is only me that can soothe his ravaged soul.

                He is whimpering in his sleep again. No doubt the images of the past are haunting his dreams. I set my musing aside and roll over to face him. He lies on his stomach, his face turned towards me on the pillow, his brow furrowed with whatever image torments him in his slumber. He needs me. I reach out and touch his brow, smoothing the little muscles drawn tight in frustration.

“Shhh….I am here, my love,” I whisper as I scoot closer to him. I thread my fingers through his where his hand rests between us on the bed, pressing soft kisses to his knuckles as I lay my head on the pillow beside him. “I love you, Draco, I am here, always.” His breathing slows and his brow softens, his lips relaxing and parting softly as my presence chases the demons away for the moment.

                Eventually, they will return and ravage the scarred heart of my love. But I will be here, as always, to soothe and heal him as only my love can. I know what it means to love a broken man. It is draining, exhausting and emotionally it tears me to pieces. But I love him.

So I stay.

Just Give Me A Reason by Pink

Right from the start

You were a thief you stole my heart

And I your willing victim

I let you see the parts of me

That weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep

Things you never say to me

Tell me that you've had enough

Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason

Just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars

It's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

Im sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from

I thought that we were fine

Oh we had everything

Your head is running wild again

My dear we still have everything

And its all in your mind

Yeah but this is happening

You've been having real bad dreams

Oh oh

You used to lie so close to me

Oh oh

There's nothing more than empty sheets

Between our love, our love, oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason

Just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars

It's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

I never stopped

You're still written in the scars on my heart

Your not broken just bent and we can learn to love again

Oh tears ducts and rust

I'll fix it for us

We're collecting dust but our love's enough

You're holding it in

You're pouring a drink

No nothing is as bad as it seems

We'll come clean

Just give me a reason

Just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars

It's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again
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The Scarred Heart