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It\'s Not a Cry for Help	By : ShadowAngel Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 1476 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter and make no money from this; I'm just playing with scenarios and characters created by J. K. Rowling of which all the rights go.

Chapter List
- 1-Insight
- 1
Insight

Many would say that I am unstable – many already do. That isn’t true, however, and I know that, but that isn’t the point. Other people will disagree; that is the reason why I keep it hidden, why I don’t tell even those close to me. Because even though it isn’t a problem, people will say otherwise and though I don’t care much what others think, unfortunately it matters when you’re ‘The-Boy-Who-Lived’.

I don’t do it as a cry for attention or help and I don’t do it for the pain or to hurt myself – I don’t need help and it doesn’t bring pain. It brings release. This is what they wouldn’t understand. Ron would say that it’s stupid and Hermione would drag me to Dumbledore for help – the exact thing I don’t require. Because it’s the blade that brings forth the crimson liquid that helps.

Everyone would assume that it’s for the pain, possibly to escape the real world, or because of self-pity or guilt (the accusation from Malfoy most likely), or that I’ve simply lost it from having Voldemort in my head. But that’s simply not it. It may bring me away from everyday life for a while, but not in the way they think. It’s not to distract myself but to release me.

It’s not that I’m not grateful to have survived Voldemort – I am very much grateful to my parents – but it’s put me in many a difficult situation, having to face Voldemort and now being labelled as the one to have to kill him. Not to mention having to find horcruxes to have to complete that task. All of the expectations and the effect of it all just feels like a weight on my shoulders; the weight of the world – and that’s pretty accurate. If I fail people will die, not that it would be directly my fault, but I am almost haunted constantly by the knowledge that I could save people and stop the suffering that is occurring – that’s a lot of pressure for a sixteen year old.

That’s what it’s for, the slicing, it’s a release from all that; a mechanism to ensure that I don’t crack from the expectations, problems and pressure over-looming me.

I can push it away, that weight on my shoulders, but like any weight it builds up until I’m close to being overwhelmed. When it does get close to that, my skin heats up and I feel breathless, enclosed and trapped; there’s nowhere to go.
As my skin parts under the pressure of the blade, there’s a spark – not one of pain however – as the blood rushes to the point of impact and it feels cool, like pressure is being released and my body is giving a sigh of relief. There is no pain – it’s my release. That’s what people wouldn’t understand. Instead of being a result of me losing it, it is stopping me from falling – it helps me cope and stops the need for a mask.
People wouldn’t get it and not only that, but they wouldn’t even really try to – they’d just label me as needing help and support. They don’t understand how much weight I am carrying and I’m not going to let them know that it can get too much. They’d just worry and interfere – my method is better, it helps me. Maybe that’s it…you need to experience how it makes the pressure and heat go away so that you can think clearly and cope again.
So I just keep it a secret and I always will.

A/N: Hey, hope you enjoyed the first installment of this :). This, as it's not romance (yet), is away from what I normally write. In the next chapter, DMxHP will begin to be developed. Please let me know what you think; as a new poster I'd like some feedback to know how my stories are received - Yuki
- 1
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It\'s Not a Cry for Help