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How Soon is Now	By : WinterRaven Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3238 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. I have no rights to the Harry Potter universe and this story is written only for fun. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-How Soon is Now
- 1
This story takes place during the autumn of Sirius' seventh year at Hogwarts. There are a few flashbacs thrown in as well. Comments are always appreciated! Enjoy.
How Soon is Now

Remus was a smart guy, but he had the flaw of all smart men: sometimes he lacked common sense. Well, in Remus' case, he could be totally oblivious. For instance, he didn't know he was being watched at this very moment, perhaps because the dark pair of eyes that followed him around the dormitory were exceptionally stealthy. Even in their haughty gaze, they flitted back and forth between Remus' bent back and a textbook held between sweaty palms. Sirius looked down at his History of Magic homework, groaning inwardly at the mere thought of attempting to read the next fifty pages before he went to bed. Night had fallen outside, bathing the dim dorm in a hazy moonlit glow accompanied by the candelabra sputtering light from above. The darkness made him drowsy, disembodied thoughts meandering in his skull.
Concentrate, Sirius thought, carelessly brushing his long hair from his face.
But it was incredibly difficult for him to focus on his text, for (aside from its brain melting dullness), Sirius and Remus were the only two boys in the dorm. And this was seriously awkward without the buffer of his two other friends; James and Peter were probably off stalking down Lily Evans. Sirius briefly thought of consulting the Marauder’s Map to see but dismissed the idea quickly at Remus' loud sigh. Sirius' eyes darted back up to his friend, anxiously roaming Remus' bent back as he rummaged through his trunk for something.
"Did you finish the reading yet?" Remus called out.
"Nope."
Remus heaved another sigh, as he stood upright, turning around to face Sirius. He was clutching his own History of Magic textbook in his large, wiry hands. He and Sirius were only one bed apart; despite the slight distance, the premature lines on Remus' forehead and underneath his eyes were as obvious as ever. Some faint scars ghosted near his temples. Sirius privately swore that Remus' hair was starting to turn grey. He wouldn't be surprised if Remus had a full head of white hair by the time they graduated. He always looked particularly haggard after a full moon…
The full moon had passed only a week ago, and Sirius remembered transforming into the large dog... but their adventure was much different this time; James and Peter had been absent as they were both in detention. Sirius remembered coaxing the wild werewolf to sleep by nuzzling him with his nose for the first time. The moment, frightening but private, intimate…
"Wanna go down to the hall and eat?" Sirius asked, praying for a distraction.
He didn't realize how hungrily his eyes drank in his friend. Remus didn't seem to notice either. Instead he yawned, stretching his arms over his head so that his shirt ran up a few inches over his belly, exposing taut, pale flesh.
Sirius looked away quickly, embarrassed.
"There's probably no food left. It's pretty late," Remus said, throwing his textbook on his bed before unbuttoning his oxford shirt. He seemed to be eating less and less these days.
"What--what are you doing?" Sirius asked sharply as the buttons came off quicker than ever. After so many years of knowing Remus, Sirius found himself becoming increasingly flustered when he undressed in front of him. He didn't care when James or Peter did, but Remus... Moony was different now...
"I'm changing into my night things," Remus murmured. There was a slight smile gracing his face but Sirius knew it wasn't from amusement. Remus seemed uncomfortable. "You've been acting funny lately. Something wrong?"
The question caught Sirius off guard.
Of course he had been acting strangely -- ever since he realized he had more than normal affection for Remus, it was difficult for him to not act like an idiot. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he noticed his adoration morphed from friendship to something more complicated. Romantic, even (Sirius cringed inwardly at the thought). Perhaps he noticed a few months ago before summer break… That’s when Sirius first realized Remus' smile gave him a sharp lurch in his chest; or perhaps it was the way Remus looked at him in classes, eyes glinting playfully as if begging for something unspoken. The past few weeks held strained interactions with Moony, avoiding eye contact, stumbling over words. There was a lot of staring on Sirius' part when Moony wasn't looking. Way too much of it. Sirius grimaced as he remembered James catching him in class once, his friend’s electric green eyes wide and a sick grin of knowing plastered on his face.
At Sirius' lack of response, Remus continued: "That girl you were seeing dumped you or something?"
Sirius stared at his textbook, forcing himself to look away as Remus pulled his shirt off entirely. He was thin and his ribs were starting to show, but his skin was supple, inviting despite the scars scattered about. Sirius remembered the softness after they had woken when the full moon vanished, both boys naked in the shrieking shack; Sirius had found himself spooning Remus for the first time, having laid to bed that evening gripping Remus tightly. Luckily his friend was too exhausted to realize Sirius' morning erection pressing insistently against him—
Sirius wondered if Remus had even realized that they were so close... but Sirius could not forget. The night after the full moon, alone in the shower, he masturbated so forcefully that he nearly collapsed from the intensity of his orgasm. Ever since then, he had woken morning after morning in his bed, covered in sweat and sporting such hardness that he was surprised his cock hadn't burst.
But Sirius couldn't be discovered, couldn't reveal the actual reason for his bizarre behavior, so he deftly lied about hooking up with an unnamed and fake Ravenclaw girl; he pretended that the false love affair was causing him great strain (pft, as if any woman had ever caused him anguish).
But now… now, he was caught guilty by Remus' inquiry. His friend wasn’t stupid; Remus could usually spot lies before they even left a mouth. Maybe it was those wolfish instincts and perhaps now was the time to come clean.
"Er-- about that," Sirius said, clearing his throat and glancing back up only to find his next words strangled in his throat. Remus was now down to his boxers, giving Sirius a look of worry. It was extremely odd that Sirius stumbled over his sentences; Remus had known Sirius for seven years and never had he seen his friend behave as if he were a flustered first year virgin.
They stared at each other for a few moments, Remus' mouth parted slightly. Was Sirius imagining it or was Remus breathing harsher, faster than usual, as if... nervous? His lips were pink, slightly dry... I should run my tongue over his mouth, Sirius thought wildly; his imagination broke through his brain and he saw himself, very clearly, standing up and striding to Remus, smothering his mouth with his own.
"Sirius?"
Sirius jolted.
"Look, there was no girl," he finally blurted. He didn't realize he was red in the face. He slammed the textbook shut. Remus' eyebrows shot up into his shaggy hair.
"Really?"
"Really,” Sirius said.
"So why lie about it?"
Remus was now slipping on his flannel pajama pants, but to Sirius' chagrin, the light blue eyes were still staring at him, as if trying to bore into his brain.
"I dunno, Moony," Sirius said vaguely.
He pushed the textbook to his nightstand, knocking over a glass of water in the process. He hastily repaired the glass with his wand. Remus' eyes widened at Sirius' fit of clumsiness.
There was a rough silence between them, electric almost, where the boys quietly acknowledged that there was something off. Sirius pulled himself underneath his warm sheets even though he wasn't remotely tired. Remus opened his mouth to say something but Sirius stopped him before he could get a word in edgewise.
"Gonna go to sleep now," he said, magicking the curtains around his four poster shut. He ended up addressing the curtains. "Got Qudditch practice tomorrow morning. Night, Moony."
"Night," came Remus' soft reply. There was tension left in the air; he knew Remus had more to say.
Sirius did not sleep well that evening, but laid upon his mattress for hours, light from his wand illuminating the space around him, reflecting on the curtains closing off his four poster. He couldn't stop thinking of his friend, thinking of how to repress these feelings. Feelings that he couldn't have.
This is so fucking wrong.
Weeks and weeks of pining. Strange thoughts that plagued him in the summer. His imagination roaming to quiet, past moments where he and Remus were completely alone; times spent in the common room during late hours of the night, Sirius pretending to do homework while Remus actually did his (he was a Prefect after all). Moments walking silently in the afternoon, whenever Remus needed a break from exhuburant James and the occasionally annoying Peter. Moments in classes where Sirius managed to coax Remus into writing stupid, nonsense notes to him... notes that Sirius still kept, locked in his trunk. With a jolt, Sirius suddenly remembered that he had spent a good portion of sixth year staring at Remus. Every morning when they woke up. Every evening before bed. Had anyone else noticed?
He stared at the ceiling, his fists clenched in worry. Sirius didn't realize that he wasn't the only one kept awake by confusing thoughts.
***
He felt hands slipping up and down his sides, over his hipbones. Soft hands, no scars. Moans and stifled cries. Hissed swears. A bite on his neck. Sirius arched on his mattress and glancing down, saw a familiar dirty blonde head between his thighs, sucking his cock in earnest. Sirius' hands ran immediately to the blonde hair, urging him to swallow harder. The eyes locked with his, bright blue gleaming with need.
The blonde was disheveled; always so composed, Sirius took great pleasure in thrusting deeper into the willing throat. The blonde's eyes were rolling with poorly suppressed desire. Face pink, supple mouth puckered, playing with the tip--
"You're fucking gorgeous, Moony," Sirius moaned, deep and lustful.
Sirius shut his eyes again, giving himself over and gasping but then--
"I'm fucking gorgeous, am I?" came a loud voice from outside of the dream.
Sirius sat bolt upright in his bed. He realized that he was quite alone, no Remus between his legs. He looked around wildly, inwardly grateful that the dark curtains still framed his four poster. His erection was stiff and dripping, begging for attention.
"Padfoot?" came an amused whisper so close to the curtain that Sirius jumped. "You never answered me."
"Shut the hell up," Sirius snarled, his face flushed with embarrassment.
He rubbed his eyes vigorously, heard the roar of laughter from James and Peter. The sound echoed off the walls, teasing and mean. Sirius heard their footsteps patter away as they went down to the Great Hall for breakfast, understood that this meant that he and Remus were completely alone again.
"What were you dreaming about anyway?" came Remus' whisper; he was still close to the curtains.
Sirius' breathing was increasing at a fast pace; he was wheezing. He didn't answer. Remus sighed. There was the sound of some shuffling.
"Are you ever going to come out from there?" Remus asked after a few minutes.
Sirius felt anger unconnected with anything Remus had said to him. In reckless defiance he thrust the curtains open only to find Remus standing quiet, inches away. Sirius' erection was making itself known through his pajama pants. Remus' eyes locked on the tent. His face did not flush; he was oddly blank, his eyes shut off from any feeling.
"Happy?" Sirius snapped, jumping up from his bed; he pushed Remus aside roughly so that the smaller boy knocked into his four poster.
The angry interaction deflated Sirius' cock instantly. He went to the window, dazzled by Saturday sunlight, feeling the slight rattle of October wind howling outside. Sirius' trembling hand grabbed the water pitcher and he poured himself a glass, slopping half the contents down his bare chest. He glanced down at his gleaming, flat stomach sculpted by six years of hard Qudditch practice. Perhaps he became as oblivious as Remus had the night before because he didn't realize his friend was ogling him with a strange ache on his face, as if wanted to say something but knew better than to open his mouth.
But when Sirius turned around again, Remus' face was as blank as it had been before.
"You make it seem like I've never seen morning wood," Remus said casually as if there had been no pause between them. He adjusted his shabby gray sweater and finished buttoning his jeans. Remus' hair fell about his forehead with a strange elegance that usually belonged to Sirius. Sirius stared. "I've lived with you guys for the past seven years. Stuff like that is bound to happen."
Sirius still didn't respond.
"I mean," Remus said, his voice strangled now with maddening control, "it's hard to miss."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius snapped.
Remus avoided his gaze when he responded: "Well... it's--it's big. Bigger than James' or Peter's."
"So you examine their dicks too?" Sirius said with a bark of laughter.
Remus scowled, revealing emotion for the first time that morning. He pocketed his wand.
"I don't examine anything--"
"And yet, I have the biggest cock." Sirius laughed again, strutting away from the window and throwing himself back on his bed.
Stay calm, he thought. Keep cool. This isn't a big deal... at least not to Moony.
There was a pointed lack of comment from Remus.
"I'm going to go down to breakfast," he finally said, striding toward the door without looking at Sirius once.
"Fine," Sirius said with a scowl. Sirius didn't seem able to move. Remus' hand stayed on the doorknob far too long to be normal. Was he shaking or was Sirius only imagining that?
"Sirius?" came Remus' quiet voice.
"What?"
There was a long pause.
"Never mind," Moony murmured and without giving his friend time to respond, he strode from the room, leaving Sirius staring at the door until Quidditch practice began.
***
He stumbled back into the deserted dorm a few hours later, purposefully having broken from James and the rest of the team to be alone. He knew nobody would come back to the room for a while; it was Saturday, the weather was lovely and James, once again, had managed to convince Peter to accompany him on his never ending search for Lily Evans. James had been shooting Sirius funny looks all morning, zooming past him on his broomstick more than necessary while Sirius hovered past the goal posts, trying to do his job as Keeper.
James didn't have to say anything to him either. Sirius scowled at his friend's smile and laughter; James kept reminding him of an annoying child. He was only too happy to get the hell away from everyone. But he hadn't seen Remus at all. Perhaps that was a good thing.
He was still in his Quidditch gear when he flopped back down on the bed. Sirius always underestimated his beauty; even when he was covered in sweat and smelled strongly of musk and dew and stale laundry detergent, he still maintained his elegance. He casually lifted his muddy boots to the edge of his bed, staring up at the ceiling wondering if he should shower.
Then--
The whimper, leftover trace of a moan; last night's dream was haunting him, a startling break in his thoughts. Sirius groaned, trying to push the image of Remus from his mind, Remus, so willingly sucking his cock.
The erection emerged before he could control it, insistent with precum. Begging for a touch.
Fuck it, Sirius thought and he unzipped his pants in a frenzy, whipping his cock out into the cool air.
His head tipped back, arching against his pillow, he began to stroke himself gently, imagining Remus from the dream again, the intensity of his gaze. He moaned his friend's name out loud. His free hand reached down to cup his balls, squeezing them hard, imagining Remus' mouth gently suckling one at a time--
Sirius' face was as crimson as his robes, his hair all about him, looking splendid and wanton and lush.
"I was right. It is big," came a soft voice from the doorway.
Sirius froze in his absurd pose, one hand on the tip of his cock, the other on his balls.
It was Remus.
At that, Sirius pulled himself into a sitting position; he was burning with shock and was surprised that he hadn’t erupted into molten fire. Despite his friend's statements, his blue eyes were still closed off from emotion. He looked somewhat bored, his arms crossed, his backpack deposited by his feet. Sirius was swearing under his breath, fumbling for his zipper again.
"Don't," Remus commanded, his voice even.
His head shot up and he stared at Remus with an uncharacteristic look of shock painting his face.
"What the fuck Moony?" Sirius whispered. His breath caught in his throat when Remus closed the dormitory door behind him, muttering a spell that clamped the lock shut.
"Can I watch?"
Remus' question was so quiet that Sirius wouldn't have believed he asked if it he hadn't seen his lips moving. Sirius felt the color draining from his face; caught completely off guard, he realized he was trembling head to foot, not in desire, but in sudden fear. He wasn't prepared to be walked in on, let alone encouraged by Remus of all people... by someone who he had been unsuccessfully attempting to ignore and avoid and not stare at and pretend he didn't harbor confusing feelings for--
"No, you can't fucking watch," Sirius said harshly, moving to shove his hardness back in his pants.
"Why not?"
Sirius glared at Remus, his usual haughty look back. He was irrationally angry again; was Remus mocking him?
"Because I fucking said no," Sirius snarled. "Do you do this with James and Peter too?" He realized he sounded like a jealous teenager.
"Of course not," Remus said, moving forward.
"So you're not about to start with me."
Sirius was moments away from putting his erection away and bolting from the room when Remus strode the length of the dorm and paused at the foot of Sirius' bed. They stared at each other for a long moment, communicating silently. This... this is what Sirius had wanted, but now that Remus was here, oddly eager to watch him jerk off, he couldn't go through with his fantasy. A fantasy that seemed so silly now.
"Let me watch," came Remus' soft voice.
Remus remained standing at the foot of Sirius' bed, quite still except for a hand unzipping his trousers. Sirius froze at his friend's hardness, thick and stiff, almost as long as his. Sirius stared at the precum leaking from the tip. Remus made no reaction, visible or verbal, as his steady hand moved over the head, smothering his precum over length of his cock.
Almost automatically, Sirius began playing with his own hardness again, propping his head up on his pillows so that he could still keep an eye on Remus while laying back. He didn't fully realize what he was doing until he saw the emerging wild look Remus was giving him. His heart skipped as the reality of the situation dawned on him.
Remus was here… touching himself and watching him, hungry, needy.
Remus soaked him in, absently admiring Sirius' face, eyes darting from Sirius' jawbone to his high cheeks, flushed with color. He stared down at Sirius' cock for ages before moving his gaze back up. They looked at each other, both boys stroking in tempo. Stroking together.
"You know, you're the gorgeous one," Remus whimpered.
Sirius felt a jolt as he realized Remus was starting to lose his composure; he saw the fleeting look of an animal's impulse behind the blue eyes, as if Remus was about to pounce and bite and claim Sirius as his.
His.
Sirius moaned loudly at the thought of Remus sinking his teeth into his neck, owning him; his back arching off the bed again, exposing his pulsing hardness even more. He had never wanted to be possessed, owned by anyone but he felt he could concede to Remus--
At the sound of his name, Sirius focused fully on his friend.
"Are you close?" came Remus' whimper.
Sirius nodded, his face redder then ever but his moan died in his throat when Remus moved in a flash, stumbling into Sirius' bed. He lay down next to Sirius, facing him so that they were inches apart. Sirius' eyes fluttered as Remus' hot breath washed over him; he smelled sweet.
"Do you... do you want to kiss?" Remus asked; Sirius was surprised to hear the sudden shyness.
He didn't answer as he rolled over to face his friend.
They closed in at the same time, lips pressing together, fearful but excited. The kiss was nervous, slow, exploring. They released after a quick peck, only to move back in together. Sirius whispered a quiet encouragement for Remus to let go and Remus came first, crying out loud and strong, his eyes shut tight. He wrapped his free arm around Sirius moments after, pressing his shy lips against his again. He parted his lips slightly this time and ran his tongue into Sirius' mouth, capturing the scream that left as Sirius came.
They didn't part for a while afterward and when they pulled away, neither commented on what had just transpired between them. Sirius hardly dared to believe it; he opened and closed his eyes slowly, as if wondering whether he would wake from another crazy dream. Remus did not move, but merely watched, his face curiously blank again, as Sirius sat up first.
"I think I should go shower," Sirius finally managed to say.
"Sure," Remus responded. His voice was flat.
Sirius had his back to Remus; he balled his hands into fists so that Remus wouldn't see him shaking. Should he turn around again? Should he say something else? Was Remus expecting another kiss, something more? Sirius cringed; his usual suaveness and grace were nonexistent with Remus... well, they were nonexistent, period. He mulled over the fact that he had never actually been with a woman, as none of the girls at Hogwarts ever interested him, with their high-pitched voices and frustratingly immature giggles every time he passed them with a glare. If he recalled correctly he had never actually liked a woman at all...
He was aggravated at his indifference towards anyone who wasn't Remus, wondering how the hell he didn't notice this sooner, why everything was coming to him now.
He felt Remus rising from the bed, heard his friend zipping up his pants. Sirius wanted to turn around but didn't. Instead he moved to his trunk, grabbed his towel and practically sprinted from the room, leaving Remus standing alone, examining the dents in the bed where they had both laid moments before.
Sirius avoided Remus and his friends for the rest of the day, taking the unusual route of locking himself in the most isolated corner in the library. By the time he returned to his dorm, all of the curtains had been drawn on the four posters. That night, Sirius was tempted to sneak his way into Remus' bed but he stopped himself when he remembered James and Peter were in the room too... James and Peter, who may be disgusted if they found out what he and Remus had done.
Was he disgusted at himself? Should he be?
He buried his face in his hands, praying against hope that he could figure out what to do next, not realizing he wasn't the only one lying awake again.

***
There was no discussion that followed.
James and Peter hadn't noticed anything unusual. As a matter of fact, Remus and Sirius were acting as if nothing happened at all. Nearly three weeks had elapsed since the boys shared that intimate, revealing moment with each other. Soon, the next full moon approached and Sirius cringed inwardly, knowing that he would have no choice but to be very, very close to Remus. That was his job, after all, when he transformed into the massive dog; he was the one who guarded Remus in his werewolf form, stopped him from succumbing to the wolf's violence...
The more Sirius thought about it, the more he realized how pivotal his role was in Remus' transformations. He had purposefully chosen to morph into an animal that would force him to be in close contact with his friend... Unlike James, whose stag form mostly served to guard others from Remus. And Wormtail, who was so small compared to the rest of them, that he almost seemed a speck.
I guess I've always wanted Moony, Sirius thought grimly, staring out of the window at the dimming sky. Tonight was the night.
The atmosphere in the dorm was subdued, as it usually was on evenings of the full moon. Remus sat on his four poster, silent as ever, staring down into his hands. James was spread eagled on his bed, absently playing with the Snitch that he always managed to steal after Quidditch practices. Peter, by some miracle, was writing an essay for Slughorn all on his own.
"We should go soon," came Remus' soft voice.
Sirius could hear James rummaging his trunk for his invisibility cloak but when Sirius turned around to fetch the Maurader's Map, he saw that Remus held it. Remus was staring straight at him, his expression unreadable. Sirius stared back, openmouthed, but he had to stop his jaw from falling off together at Remus' next words:
"Tonight I'd like to go into the shack with Padfoot. Just us two," Remus announced to the room, not breaking his eye contact with Sirius. Sirius flushed, shutting his open mouth quickly.
"Eh?" James said absently. Peter was still too immersed in his paper to notice what was going on.
James was facing the two now, invisibility cloak draped over one arm, his other hand flying through his ridiculously messy hair. He pushed his glasses back to the brim of his nose. Sirius and Remus broke eye contact; James frowned but made no comment on the awkward looks Sirius was giving Remus. He seemed to understand there was something bubbling beneath the surface between his two friends, because James pushed the awkwardness aside and felt it best not to get in the way.
"Suit yourself," he ended up saying with a shrug. "But Wormtail and I will patrol around the grounds for a few hours, Moony... Just in case."
"Just in case," Remus repeated, and without another word, he led the group of boys as they marched from the room, Sirius shoving his hands in his pockets, trying to keep his fast slipping composure from erupting.
Their routine was always the same on these nights. After the group exited the portrait hole together, James would cover himself, Peter and Sirius with the cloak. The group would silently follow Remus up to Madam Promfrey's office in the hospital wing, and the kind nurse would escort Remus to the Whomping Willow.
She prodded the stump of the tree with a long walking stick and ushered Remus inside with a sad look on her face. By the time she was making her way back up to the castle, James would throw the cloak off of the group and quickly, each would transform into their given animal. Before Sirius knew it, he was the dog, Peter the rat and James the stag. Night was falling rapidly, darkness swimming about them; the moon was obscured by a huge drift of thick, woolly clouds.
Without so much as a bark, Sirius trotted away to the Willow, finding the opening and slipping through.
He emerged into the inside of the shack after half an hour.
There was still time before Remus was to transform, perhaps just a few minutes, and though it was dangerous, Sirius switched back into his human form, roaming the destroyed room, slinking through torn furniture.
There was no sign of Remus.
"Moony?" Sirius said uncertainly.
"In here," came Remus' strangled response. Sirius could tell Remus was close to transforming.
Sirius rushed into the main room to find Remus curled on the huge bed where he usually slept during nights like these. His pale face was twisted in anguish and he looked up at Sirius through watering eyes.
"What are you doing?" Remus whispered; he looked as though he were trying to suppress the urge to vomit. He shuddered violently and Sirius stepped forward. "You shouldn't be in your normal state. Go back to the dog."
"I will," Sirius said.
He moved to the bed quickly and without contemplating the consequences of his actions, he cupped Remus' face in his hands and kissed his friend's trembling lips.
Remus stared at Sirius; despite his physical pain, his eyes were curiously blank again.
"I'm going to take care of you tonight," Sirius said, his voice full of gentleness that he didn't even know he had. "You'll be okay."
"Sirius--" came Remus' choked response. His blue eyes were filling now with more tears of pain that he couldn’t push back, but perhaps there was else than that lurking beneath the surface. Sirius could only hope.
He let Remus go and immediately transformed into the hulking dog.
He backed slowly into a dark corner of the room and shut his eyes; he saw in his mind's eye his friend's transformation, heard Remus screaming as his body broke itself down, human to wolf, bones bending, rearranging in wild abandon. Screaming turned to snarling and loud whimpering. Sirius opened his eyes again, putting his paws forward to move. The werewolf was now snarling on the bed in Remus' place, yelping as he grabbed a hold of his own hind leg and bit it at ferociously.
Sirius barked loud and strong and the werewolf froze in place, teeth now bared, growling viciously.
The dog moved forward back into the light and the werewolf lunged itself off the bed; the dog dodged it and avoided snapping jaws.
The werewolf was pacing around him in circles, and the dog barked again, softer this time. Sirius pawed his way forward and gently bumped the werewolf's side with his nose, exactly as he had done during the last full moon. There was another loud bark but Sirius bumped his nose against the werewolf again.
For a moment there was silence.
The two animals looked at each other; the dog turned and hopped onto the bed. It took a few minutes but the werewolf joined him on the mattress, growling the whole way, but Sirius knew he had managed to tame him. He let out a low snort of satisifacation.
The werewolf sat down next to him, calm now. Calm because, even through the haze of animalistic rage, Lupin knew that Sirius was with him. That he was safe.
***
Sirius awoke the next morning with a jolt; he couldn't remember when he had fallen asleep or what else had transpired during the rest of the previous evening. He only recalled the werewolf joining him on the bed, quiet and docile for the second time ever. Sirius was back in his human form, still in his jeans and shirt. He was lying on his back on the bed.
He glanced down and saw, to his shock, that Remus' hand was clasped in his. Remus was asleep next to him, nude, scars littering his legs where he had bitten himself the night before. There was dried blood on his pale skin and the bed.
He wanted to clean up the mess on the sheets but thought better of it; his slight shift in movement had caused Remus to stir. There came a strangled groan from within Remus' throat; Sirius glanced at him nervously.
Another groan of pain.
"Moony?" Sirius whispered, shifting himself a little more this time, so that he had released his hand from Remus'. He was leaning on his elbow, looking down at his friend's lined face, tinged with incredible whiteness. He looked so much older than he was. Remus' eyes were shut tight, his skin bearing the vestiges of dried tears, a pathway leading from his eyes down to the curve of his neck.
Remus was crying now, tears escaping beneath his closed eyelids.
"Hurts," he choked, half asleep. "Hurts--"
"It's okay," Sirius said, his heart skipping at the sound of his friend's anguish. He closed his eyes to steel himself.
Remus' whimpering of pain was the sound that scared him most. The knowledge of his friend’s fragility, weakness. Sirius steeled himself as Remus groaned again, a sound that was wounded, afraid. He shut his eyes trying not to remember—
They were twelve years old, and after two years of Remus disappearing from school once a month like clockwork, the boys decided it was time to (finally) investigate. On a dark November night, Remus told his friends that he would be going home yet again to visit his ailing mother (How many times could someone get sick? Sirius had thought). James watched Remus pack his bag while Sirius and Peter remained quiet. Every single one of them avoided eye contact, not wanting to give away their plan with an awkward comment or weird facial expression.
Remus wished them all good-bye, said he would return in a day or two. But the moment his feet touched the staircase, all three boys jumped up, draped themselves in James’ cloak and pursued Remus’ slightly limping form from the dormitory and into the corridor.
They followed him up flights and flights of stairs, taking care to be as quiet as possible. Sirius remembered elbowing Peter when he coughed. They all came to a halt outside of the hospital wing.
“What’s he doing in there?” James whispered into Sirius’ ear.
“No clue,” he murmured back, brushing his already long hair from his eyes. Peter gave a sniff beside them.
“It’s cold,” Peter complained; his thin, small, mousy body was trembling in his pajamas.
Sirius scoffed with a sound that was already dog-like.
“If you don’t like it, go back to the dorm then,” he said coolly. “But I’m not going back. I’m gonna figure this out—”
“We all are,” James snapped, looking at Sirius and Peter with an angry expression. “But seriously, shut the fuck up or they’ll hear us—”
Sirius flushed, opened his mouth to retort but now it was he who was elbowed in the ribs. Remus had emerged with Madam Pomfrey.
In silence, they made their way back down the staircases. They were walking quickly with anxious purpose, rushing faster and faster as it became darker out. Sirius shot James a wondering look as they all made their way to the Hogwarts grounds.
There was that tree. They approached it as the branches flailed angrily.
“What the fuck is this?” Sirius whispered, as Pomfrey used a long walking stick to prod a point near the tree trunk.
“Holy crap,” James murmured. The tree had stopped moving.
Pomfrey whispered something to Remus, who nodded, looking glum, pale and set. Without any other verbal exchange, Remus hoisted his bag on his shoulder and disappeared into a hole. The moment Pomfrey walked back up to the castle, the tree branches began swinging wildly again. She glanced back at the tree every few minutes, a look of deep concern on her face. Sirius groaned when he realized she had taken the long rod with her.
James threw off the cloak and ran a hand through his hair.
“What was that about?” he asked Peter and Sirius.
Sirius shrugged, looking around for another long stick. He spotted one and grabbed it, coming back but as he made toward the tree, a hand grabbed him hard. For a moment he thought it was Peter but it wasn’t.
It was James.
“What?” Sirius said sharply.
To his surprise, James held a look similar to Peter’s scared one. His normally mischievous grin was wiped away entirely; he looked pale and clammy, as if he had just realized a terrible thing.
“I don’t think we should go in there,” James said, glancing up at the sky as he spoke. Darkness had fallen quick and the full moon was becoming slowly visible as clouds parted around it.
“And why the hell not?” Sirius said angrily but the words died in his throat as he said them.
They all gave a start, staring at the spot where Remus had disappeared minutes before.
Despite the loud creaking of the moving branches, they all heard a sound, distinct, sharp and frightening. The sound of a wolf howling, angry and rough, tearing through the stillness of the peaceful night.
Sirius snapped himself out of the memory and broke from Remus altogether, standing quickly.
It had been a long time since he had heard Remus lose control like this, watched him succumb to the pain of his condition. Sirius knew what he had to do: he would dress and find a cloth to wipe the blood from his friend, maybe prepare him a glass of hot tea in the crumbling kitchen next door. Something warm to soothe him. He remembered the last full moon: he had dressed Remus gently, fed him and walked him back to the dorm, no words spoken between them…
Before he could move however, Remus’ cry broke through the stillness of the house. Sirius jumped.
“It hurts, it hurts!” he was screaming wildly, unaware of himself; his eyes were still clamped together and he was beginning to thrash on the bed, upsetting his already delicate wounds; the newest wounds on his legs began to spew blood again.
Sirius lunged forward, holding Remus still, pinning him to the mattress with all of his strength. It took him a moment to realize he was straddling his friend. Remus’ eyes opened slowly, bleary and bloodshot and quite wet with pain.
“Sirius—” he choked out. He started sobbing.
“I—I’m here! It’s okay,” Sirius gasped, his voice shaking. Remus was trembling beneath him.
“So much pain,” he said, his voice cracking. “Please. Help me.”
“I will, Moony,” Sirius murmured, his eyes burning into his friend’s.
Remus shut his eyes.
“You’re the only one I trust,” he whispered.
Sirius wiped a trickle of blood from his forehead. He didn’t know what to say. But he knew… he knew he wouldn’t leave Remus’ side.
How could he, when he had been there from the beginning?
James and Peter looked at each other with terrified eyes. Sirius was still staring at the Willow, watching its branches creaking and shuddering as if hypnotized.
“We should leave,” James said, his voice unusually small. “Now, Sirius.”
“You go,” Sirius said, his voice strangely calm. He hadn’t moved and still kept his eyes on the tree.
“You’re going to go in there?” Peter whimpered.
“No,” Sirius said calmly, his hands balled into fists. “I’m not now. I’ll just wait till morning.”
“Till morning to do what?” James snapped. His face was extremely pale. “You know what this means, don’t you? All the signs? How the fuck did we miss that Remus is a—”
“Shut up,” Sirius snarled, looking away from the tree at last. “What if somebody hears?”
“Nobody’s here but us!” James yelled, his green eyes looking around the empty grounds as if to illustrate his point. He was scared; Sirius had never seen him this frightened.
“You’re afraid of him now,” Sirius said.
Peter whimpered again. James took a deep breath in.
“I’m not going to treat him any differently, Sirius,” James said, his voice shaky. “But you can’t pretend it’s not stupid to stand around here. What if he gets out of that… that thing—the tree? He’ll attack you.”
“No—”
“Sirius! He’s a werewolf, he doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
The boys glared at each other.
“Keep your voice down and go back, James. I’m staying.”
Peter shook his head in disbelief and without another word, turned on his heels toward the castle. Sirius scowled; Peter had always been a mangy coward so he wasn’t surprised to see him go. But James… he had thought James was different, braver, like him. James and Sirius stared at each other for the first time with intense dislike.
“If you think that I’m going to throw Remus to the side because of this, then you’re a prat,” James whispered, his voice almost a hiss. He jumped at the sound of another howl but mastered himself. “The difference between us is that I’m not an idiot. This is crazy.”
Sirius didn’t respond. He turned his back to James. James made an angry noise as if hoping that would snap Sirius to his senses.
“I’m leaving the cloak with you. You’ll need it more than me… by the time you get some common sense it’ll be four o’clock in the fucking morning,” James whispered.
He left Sirius standing alone, the cloak at his feet. The boy bent down and sat on the ground, throwing the cloak over himself. He threw James’ words from his mind and waited patiently, not moving or making a sound, until dawn—
And the sun came, slowly, rising beyond the darkness of the Forbidden Forest. Pink sunlight, deep and bloodlike, washed over Sirius. Sirius knew now was the time. He stretched up and folded the cloak into his jean pocket. He used the long stick he had found the night before and prodded the tree at the base. It stopped moving immediately.
Sirius got on his knees and crawled into the little hole that Remus had disappeared in the night before. He began shuffling in the uncomfortably tight space, mulling over what they had learned in class recently, trying to calm himself as his heart exploded in his chest: Werewolves were only dangerous when transformed. They returned to human form at the first sign of daybreak. Sirius kept repeating this to himself; he began shaking when he saw light emerging at the end of the tunnel. He hoisted himself up, head first, peering around a room washed in morning light. He suppressed a gasp at the state of the room; destroyed and smashed completely.
He pulled himself out of the tunnel, pulling the cloak from his pocket. He left it on a shredded chair. He walked, silently as possible, throughout the strange place, with its boarded up windows, dilapidated kitchen, dust rising everywhere he stepped.
Then he saw him—
Remus, naked on the floor, covered in blood. His thin limbs were spread at odd angles, almost as though he were a broken doll. With a rushing feeling of nausea, he noticed there were self-inflicted bite marks all over Remus’ torso and thighs.
“No!” Sirius gasped in a strangled voice. He sprinted toward his friend, skidding to a halt on his knees. His trousers tore right at his kneecaps, ripping with a loud noise.
Remus was moaning under his breath and Sirius froze at the sound; it frightened it more than the howling he heard hours before, bathed him in a terror that Remus would suddenly expire before him, that his weak wheezing would halt—
“Hurts,” Remus wept; he was crying profusely in a state of delirium. “Hurts—please—”
Sirius stared, his hands outstretched in mid-air. His whole body was trembling.
“Please!” Remus cried out. “Help!”
“Remus?” Sirius whispered, trying to master himself. Remus’ crying was getting louder, more uncontrolled. “Remus!”
The boy opened his eyes and the sheer shock of seeing Sirius hovering above him quieted him instantly.
“What--?”
“It’s okay. I’m here,” Sirius said. He looked away; he felt the beginnings of tears coming forth. He felt ashamed at catching his friend in such a vulnerable state, like he was doing something indecent, immoral.
“How?” Remus’ voice was so quiet he could barely hear it.
Sirius didn’t respond; instead he helped Remus sit up, his arm supporting Remus’ bloodied back. His thin arms fell limply to his sides. The boy was pale, sickly, his cheeks tinged slightly green.
“Can you stand?” Sirius asked.
Remus nodded. Sirius heaved Remus’ dead weight up with surprising strength. He led his friend to an empty chair, sitting him down gently; Sirius tore off his jacket and shirt and draped them over Remus to keep him warm, making sure to cover his legs.
“I’ll find something to clean you up,” Sirius said, but as he turned, he heard somebody clambering around in the next room.
“It’s Pomfrey,” Remus muttered weakly, his head drooping but worry in his eyes. “Hide.”
He could hear Pomfrey’s voice. Sirius panicked and bolted into the large wardrobe, carelessly making noise as he went. He prayed Pomfrey would chalk it up to Remus.
He couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying but Remus and Pomfrey departed within minutes, presumably back to the hospital wing. Sirius poked his head from the wardrobe and collapsed into the chair Remus had been sitting in, staring at the spot on the floor drenched in blood and sweat.
He swore in that moment never to tell James or Peter about Remus’ broken body, splayed only for him to see—
**
He was cradling Remus in his arms; he felt the wetness of tears and blood running down his wrists, plopping onto the mattress with little thumps. Remus’ weak hands were gripping his lean biceps, trembling in the pain.
He wasn’t sure how he managed to lift him this time—Remus was so much heavier now—but he heaved Remus’ thin form after a few moments of resting on the bed, walking slowly to the only bathroom in the shack. The bathroom was dusty, light spilling in from gaps in the boarded up windows, dim like candlelight. The tub seemed cleaned enough, so Sirius gently lowered Remus into it. Remus’ head was tipped back against the edge of the tub, his eyes shut tight, breathing shallow.
Sirius turned the taps on, warm water spilling in. He sat on the floor, grabbing a dry bar of soap and slowly, quietly, massaged Remus’ hands with it until suds appeared. The water was filling quickly, almost slopping over the sides until Sirius turned the taps off. They were met with silence. Red was mingling around, twisting in indistinct patterns, like blooming vines.
He wet his palms with the bar of soap between, then moved to clean Remus’ thin arms, neck, gently moved him forward to clean blood from his back, wiped away blood from his face, washing him with cool water afterward. Sirius made a mental note that he needed to go to the Hogwarts kitchens soon and nick enough food to get Remus to a normal weight… He let Remus soak in the still, bubbly water for what seemed like hours, his back resting against the tub, listening to Remus as his breathing steadied, thinking of nothing in particular but the rasp and rattle as Remus rested behind him.
It was the same process removing Remus from the tub. He lifted him, full body and lowered him to the bed again. Sirius sat in the middle, drying off as much of Remus as he could reach with a soft towel. They spent the day in the shack, Remus sleeping off his pain and Sirius perched at the edge of the mattress, eyes boring into his friend remembering the words spoken vulnerable and true: You’re the only one I trust.
Sirius purposefully delayed going back to the castle before sundown and Remus, too exhausted to protest, let himself be steered into their silent dorm late into the next night. Sirius glanced around in the darkness, noting that James was fast asleep (mouth wide open, splayed stupidly on the bed, snoring louder than ever). Peter was in a similar position. Remus gave Sirius a slightly amused look, his eyebrows raised.
“Ready for sleep?” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear. Remus nodded stiffly.
They shuffled to his mattress and Remus sat down. He was looking at Sirius with a strange insistence; even in the near blackness of the room, he could see there was a need lurking in those blue irises—
“What’s wrong?” Sirius said.
He dropped to his knees in front of his friend, trying to drink in the look he was getting through the hazy darkness of night. But Remus said nothing; instead he slowly snaked his hands into Sirius’ open palms, grabbing hard, trying to pull him up onto the mattress. There was urgency in the touch, begging almost. Now, now, now. Sirius froze, his heart suddenly pounding; he understood what Remus wanted and despite his nervousness, complied. He magicked the curtains shut around them, whispered a silencing spell and lay down next to Remus without a word. They were completely smothered in darkness.
“Lumos,” Remus whispered; he put half of his wand underneath a pillow right after he said the spell, so they were now immersed in a dim, pleasant glow.
Sirius’ breath hitched in his throat; Remus’ eyes were wide, shining, one of his hands still gripping onto Sirius’. He sat up straighter, though it took him a few moments because of his weakened state and without any warning, slowly pressed his needy lips to Sirius’ mouth.
Sirius’ eyes fluttered shut, his brain shut down. His last coherent thought was that Remus still smelled of soap. All he could hear was the soft sound of Remus’ breathing, shy but fierce at the same time. Remus squeezed his hand and let go, his fingers snaking to Sirius’ long hair.
They both tried to contain their desperation, months, maybe years worth of it, bottling within dangerously. Sirius knew, somewhere deep inside, that he had to be gentle with Remus now; he had a brief flash of blood—
He pulled away, concerned and trembling.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked Remus, his voice small, worried.
Remus nodded. His lips were so pink, dark, his hair so messy he could give James a run for his money. Sirius couldn’t help but smile; Remus’ tired eyes bore into his and Sirius coaxed Remus into laying back down. He worked on unbuttoning Remus’ shirt. The blonde boy closed his eyes, chest rising and falling quickly.
The shirt came off. They were perfectly aligned. As if knowing what to do all along, Sirius licked down the line of Remus’ most recent scar; it tore down his chest at a diagonal line, raised and red. Remus stifled the sound of a moan, his large hands gripping Sirius’ hair again, pulling sharp. But Sirius didn’t mind the hint of pain; it enticed him, his cock throbbing viciously in the tight confines of his pants.
“How’s that feel?” Sirius murmured against his nipple.
He smirked when he began to tease the nub with his tongue; he felt Remus push his chest into him, silently begging for more. Sirius gently ran his hands over his chest, past ribs, moving up to kiss him softly the whole way. Remus’ legs were spread, trembling and Sirius finally saw… saw that Remus’ eyes held feeling, not lust… something more—
They kissed, now Remus was cupping Sirius’ face in his hands with trembling assertion, whimpering into his mouth as he gave himself to Sirius.
“I want—” Remus began.
But he didn’t have to say it; before Sirius knew what was happening, they were nude, hot flesh against hot flesh. Sirius’ head was spinning, his hands were fumbling with Remus’ dripping cock, ignoring his own, only focused on the boy above him. Remus straddling him, his thin legs shaking as he was firmly supported by Sirius. This seemed so natural to them. Their erections brushed together; Remus held them close, stroking with both his hands slick with precum.
Their eyes locked and Sirius knew—
“That’s it,” he whimpered to Remus, encouraging him to stroke them with more intensity.
Remus, still so tired from the ordeal the night before, moaned weakly; his whole face flushed. Sirius moved quickly; holding Remus gently, he shifted positions so he was on top. They stared at each other for a long time, not sure if they should go all the way.
But there was a slight nod, the flicker in Remus’ eyes that begged, Please, please, please.
He knew the spell and soon Remus was lubricated, broken in by Sirius’ hardness; they were wrapped in each other, Remus’ head buried in the crook of Sirius’ neck as he thrust deeply, gently, carefully. He only wanted to give pleasure, to tell Remus without speaking how much he needed him, had always needed him. Pleasure which he had never known ripped through him, his whole body covered in sweat, trembling…
He moved slowly, so drawn out he thought he may suffocate from the intensity of it all; their lips never left each others’ even as Remus shuddered to his orgasm, Sirius following right after. Sirius’ toes curled with the force of his release, filling the beautiful boy below him, marking him and if it weren’t for the silencing spell, he was positive his scream would have woken the entirety of Gryffindor tower.
They didn’t pull apart. Sirius was surprised to see Remus smirking.
“So, how long?” Remus whispered suddenly brisk and businesslike.
“How long what?” Sirius returned, drowsy from his orgasm and the smell of Remus’ skin, tangy like cinnamon and soft like chamomile.
“How long have you liked me?”
Sirius sputtered stupidly.
“You’ve known this whole time?” he asked incredulously.
Remus nodded, looking suddenly lively, healthier, flushed deep red. Sirius felt his eyes starting to swim with tears and he tried to blink them away but Remus leaned up and kissed him quickly.
“I think you’ve known I liked you back, Padfoot. You were just too thick to accept it.”
They smiled at each other, glowing with their admissions. Maybe they weren’t so oblivious after all.
Fin
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