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In The Middle	By : JojiSada Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1236 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing of the Harry Potter Universe and as such, earn no profit.

Chapter List
- 1-In The Middle
- 1
Do you know what it’s like to not fit in? No, I suppose you don’t. You don’t understand the daily confusion I have to muddle through just to survive.
For the longest time, I didn’t know why I would look one direction and then the same way in the other. I couldn’t figure out the feeling skirts gave me when I got the same feeling with trousers.
Then again, I guess I should explain.
****   ****   ****
I’d tell you my name but it doesn’t matter anymore. People have forgotten me, of that I’m sure. I see it everyday, how they continue along their business, and never pay tribute to one of their own.   Although, I guess I wasn’t one of their own. Not much of a surprise then.
Now what did I do that made me such an outcast? I think you should guess.
Did I kill someone? No.
Did I assault someone? Only in Self-Defense.
Was I the bad boy no parent wanted their children around? I wish.
Was I sadistic? Probably, but that did not lend to my predicament.
See, even you can’t figure it out. So let me give you some history. I promise to keep it brief.

*****

Way back when, there was only one faction in our community; straight. Everyone married a lovely boy or girl and had two children and a fucking dog (not literally.) They were all merry and danced around like happy people are supposed to.
Well, once the Greeks and Romans all came about, they didn’t care one way or the other which gender was which. Both warmed their bed the same way.
Since then, there have been two factions in our world; Gay and Straight. Even Transgender people fell in one category or the other and were not discriminated against. Everyone accepted everyone. Well, for the most part. You still had a few assholes here and there that decided to be ballsy and cause trouble. It wasn’t until later that they discovered that each “faction” stuck up for its own. You messed with one, you messed with them all.
Now, that is fine and dandy, for those who fit either category.
I didn’t.
My parents raised me, telling me it didn’t matter which way I went. Unfortunately, I learned early on that I swung both ways. I stared at the boys as much as the girls.
So, naturally, like any curious teen, I tried them both; secretly, of course.
A boy named Rabastan had been my true first. My god, he could make my body sing. It didn’t last though. He moved fast between anything that breathed and I was simply another notch on his broomstick, and bedpost. (Ahh, the thrill of both. It was tricky at first though…the balance…) Needless to say, it ended.
A girl by the name of Lily had been my attempt at being “straight.” (Please note the disdain I am trying to get across.) She had been a beautiful red head with gorgeous green eyes. She made you want to lose yourself in them and never look back.
Unfortunately, that ended fast too. But, her reason was different. She had found out my experimentations with Rabastan and decided it was her duty to tell the world.
I still remember the shivers I felt when she spoke, “Maybe we can save you yet.”
Save Me? What in all of Hell does that mean? What did I need to be saved from?
Apparently the answer as my, oh what was the word…Hmm, ah , yes, Bi-ness. Is that even a word? Well, for their, and our, purposes, it is.
Where was I? Ah, yes, my Bi-ness.
Bi-ness: A birth defect that confuses the mind into enjoying both sexes. Can be fixed with early treatment but if not caught until adolescence, the only cure is ostracizing accompanied by any of the following: burning at the stake, any implement through the heart, or complete and utter humiliation until the affected person has repented.
You know, I just read that from a dictionary. How sad is that when we must resort to old witch trial tactics for people who like both sexes.
I read that back in the olden days, people actually criticized other people for being gay or lesbian. That’s just crazy. Why couldn’t I live back then?
Oh well. I figure you probably know what happened next. I was humiliated, (only because burning and killing had been outlawed—I almost prayed for those—almost), and scorned.
Each passing day led me one step closer to where I am; Standing at the top of the highest tower here at school.
Maybe tomorrow, they will get my message. Maybe, tomorrow will be different. Maybe, just maybe, I saved someone else from this fate. Maybe.

*****   *****   *****   *****
I jumped. I never thought I would. Had you asked me a week ago, I would have said no. I could never do that to my family, my friends. Then again, a week ago, I had family…and friends. I had people I could rely on. Now, all I can rely on is the thick wind through my hair--the dampness resting on my skin as I fall. There is a sense of calm. I thought I would be frantic, frightened even; but, I’m not. I am relaxed, or as relaxed as I can be with the blood rushing to my brain as the ground gets closer.
See, I finally understand what they were talking about. I am not normal. But, I guess I never wanted to be. I spent 16 years lying to myself. Sixteen years telling myself that I was wrong and hoping that people would be proud of me.
In true reflection, however, I realize I didn’t want them to be proud of me. I wanted to be proud of myself.
There were the straights, who boasted there normalness and the gays (and lesbians) who boasted of their pride. Each held a sense of worth in themselves that it was no longer disputed on our world—their world. You were either one or the other. I was neither.
The note I have written is pinned to my shirt; waiting to be stained the blood that flows within me. My tears already caress the words, but maybe the blood will make a bigger impression. Briefly, I wonder if anyone will care.
And as my body hit the pavement, the breath in my lungs stopping short, I realized something. I had fallen in the middle of the grounds; the place I was always meant to be.
In the Middle.
- 1
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In The Middle