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Extracts from the Diary of S. Snape	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 9295 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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Starting at Chapter two is the longer version of this - Chapter one is the shorter (funnier?) version. Feel free to read and review! SP

Extracts from the diary of S Snape, Potions Master (and after so many years, STILL not DADA teacher)

September 1^st, 1992

And another dismal chapter begins in my life. Harry Potter, the boy who completely failed to die, has started at Hogwarts, and is the spitting image of his wretched father, apart from those damned eyes of his. Does Dumbledore know what he's done to me by commanding I protect the boy? Protect the son of someone I truly hated and someone I truly loved? That's not going to cause conflict at all, is it? Oh, and do all this whilst not giving away any possibility of being a traitor to the Dark Lord, just in case he comes back. Cheers, Albus.

June 4^th, 1992

He only went and fought against You-Know-Who! An eleven year old taking on the greatest dark wizard of all time, and winning! Honestly, sometimes I despair for the forces of darkness – Quirrell was utterly useless as a protector of the Dark Lord. I'm not saying I wish You-Know-Who had won, but he really could have done better if an eleven year old could beat him.

Although, how well he would have done without Granger to do all of his thinking for him I don't know. I'm sure he'd still be stuck at my problem even now, trying to read the words and scratching his head. But no, what he'd do is turn those damned eyes on someone and they'd fall all over themselves to help him.

November 20^th, 1992

That damned brat is going to be the death of me! He decided to throw a firework into a cauldron. A firework for Merlin's sake! Does the idiot have no basic common sense?! And I'm reasonably sure it was all a diversion for some other stupid thing he was trying to cover up.

Why me? Why has Dumbledore given me the truly thankless job of trying to keep the arrogant, useless prat alive? Oh, Albus is full of “He's so like Lily, Severus,” but I don't see it. He's his father all over: strutting about, thinking the world owes him just because he's the great Harry Potter. His only redeeming quality is that he doesn't appear to be the bully his late unlamented father was. But I am sure that has more to do with the smart-ass Granger's presence than in his own natural inclination towards kindness.

29^th May, 1993

He went into the fucking Chamber of Secrets! What a total moron! And did it in the company of the most useless excuse for a 'teacher' I have ever seen – Gilderoy Lockhart – and his most useless friend – the Weasley boy. He could hardly have taken the girl as she had been Petrified (and oh the peace in my classes to not have her wanting extra information on EVERY damned thing). Still, he really does take stupidity to all now highs (or, in this case, lows). But fighting a giant snake when your only 'weapon' is the Sorting Hat? Just how lucky is he anyway?

And not just getting away with it, but defeating some weird memory of the Dark Lord (I haven't even begun to fathom that one out, and Dumbledore is being his usual totally non committal self; he'd call it that, I call it being a total fucking wanker). And yet again we've lost a DADA teacher and will he appoint me? Of course not!

4^th August, 1993

I have never laughed so hard in all my life when I heard Potter had blown his aunt up. Sadly it wasn't that ignorant cow, Petunia, but still, finally he's working out what his magic is for!

It hasn't been all good news though, as Black escaped from Azkaban last night. Just when I thought the mongrel was out of my life for good, he's back. If he comes anywhere near me I'll blast him to pieces for betraying Lily to her death.

And, I'm sure Dumbledore does it to deliberately annoy me, he's even got Lupin back at the school. With Potter there too it'll almost be like being surrounded by the sodding 'Marauders' again (stupid nickname!). All I need is for Pettigrew to come from back the dead and my life will be complete.

Oh, and best of all, I have to brew the wolfsbane potion for Lupin every month so he isn't dangerous when he turns. Oh thank you very much, Albus Dumbledore, because I clearly don't already have enough to do! “Protect Harry,” he says, “Keep an eye on the dark wizards,” he says, “Brew a fuck ton of potion,” he says. Argh!

6^th June, 1994

Oh, and Pettigrew is back! What the hell?

Dumbledore didn't tell me about it until afterwards, as had I known earlier I'd have killed the betraying bastard myself. So, apparently, all this time Black has been a good guy and Pettigrew has been living as a rat? And this all happened the same year their great friend Lupin was in the school too? Right, that's not suspicious at all.

Potter was, as usual, both brave and stupid. At the time I thought him Confunded, because, come on, who'd believe a rubbish story about a wizard hiding as a rat for twelve years, changing back into a man, nearly being killed, and escaping back into his rat form when his ex-friend turned into a werewolf because he'd 'forgotten' it was the full moon. You couldn't make this stuff up!

Anyway, Potter hit me with a spell (asshole) when I was about to finally give Black what he deserved. Even without betraying Lily, he still had a shit ton of hurt owing from his treatment of me in school. But, no, he gets away with it, Pettigrew buggers off, Potter jinxes my ass and what does Dumbledore say about it all, “The innocent were saved,” So what did I do to deserve getting hurt?

22^nd August, 1994

The signs are there for all to see that the Dark Lord is rising, so I took it upon myself to watch the boy during the holidays at times, just to see how much thought has been given to his protection (short answer: none). But he left the Dursleys a few days ago (and there was much rejoicing on both sides) and has been staying with the Weasleys ever since.

When the Dark Lord returns, I hope to goodness someone gives the boy a lesson in simple common sense. He went to the Quidditch World Cup as though he isn't a natural target for any free Death Eaters out there! I truly despair sometimes. And all Dumbledore says is, “The boy must have a chance to live,” and to hell with my blood pressure!

Speaking of, it's not just his idiocy that is threatening my blood pressure. Sometime over the holiday he grew into a man (not emotionally, obviously). And a rather attractive one at that. I think it was the hair that did it – he finally stopped trying to tame the mop and just let it go wild. It rather suits him.

Even if I didn't protect this diary with all the spells known to man (and a few of my own invention), I would never admit the things I've imagined doing to him.

October 31^st, 1994

Oh fuck me sideways! Potter's name came out of the Goblet of Fire and Dumbledore was all “Tra la la, let him compete!” Is he completely fucking mental? Harry doesn't stand a chance, and I'll have to work my ass off trying to keep him alive, without him knowing that I'm trying to do that, and stop Karkoroff from trying to corner me to talk about the dark mark (yes, yes, mine hurts too), as well as teach and avoid thinking about how good Potter looked when he walked up the hall, all wide eyes (those eyes again) and messy hair.

December 8^th, 1994

Oh his arse looked good when he came out of the lake with his clothes stuck to him. I could even forgive the theft of my precious gillyweed if he'd agree to stand in front of me dripping wet. It made me dripping wet.

June 24^th, 1995

Arse! You-Know-Who is back. Yeah, thanks, Dumbledore for telling me to go back to the Dark Lord. I love that he thinks I won't have my arse handed to me on a plate for failing to return promptly or that I won't be zapped to death on the spot. Much good I'd be as a spy then, eh?

July 31^st, 1995

Dumbledore has finally decided to ensure Harry's safety by posting a guard around him. Quite what use he expects Arabella to be is beyond me. What's she going to do, hit any Death Eaters with cans of cat food or chuck her slippers at them? The ideas that man comes up with baffle me sometimes.

Well, at least I can watch over him, when I'm not attending Death Eater meetings. And add yet more to my bloody work load! Do I ever get a rise? Of course not. Still, at least I get one perk – my Harry, how you've grown.

And Dumbledore has had the gall to again NOT appoint me DADA teacher!

September 1^st, 1995

Oh now I'm pissed. Dolores Umbridge? That's who Albus chose over me? The fucking pink cat lady? I vaguely remember her from my time at Hogwarts as a student, and frankly, I'm amazed we Slytherins ever put up with her, she was just so damned annoying!

And I saw the book the poor students are having to use. It's a joke. Can't wait to see what her results are like. Something tells me they'll be shite.

November 12^th, 1995

I stare at the words on the essay in front of me and can't believe what I'm reading. I must have imagined them, or maybe it's just one of those odd chances.

Potter has been acting weirdly recently. I don't mean his so called 'secret' group, but he has been giving me really odd looks. And when I catch his eye he blushes and turns away. It's been worrying me for a while. What the hell was he up to? Well, now I know.

I was marking the essays from his class when I found myself wondering why he sometimes crammed thirty words onto a line, and at other times barely placed five. My quill idly went down the initial letter of each line. Even now I can't believe what I saw: Fuck me please.

That's got to be a fluke, right? He can't want the same thing I do, can he? And even if he did, he's fifteen! Fifteen! That's all kinds of illegal!

I've ignored it. If it happens again I shall have to do something about it. I just wish I knew what.

November 20^th, 1995

It happened again. It's no fluke. He wrote: Fuck me fuck me. It makes my balls ache to read it.

I wrote 'See me to discuss this essay' on it and he made an appointment for after school.

My balls hurt all afternoon.

I asked him if he realised he'd written such provocative statements in his homework and he blushed and nodded. And those damned eyes were filled with such need that I nearly came all over myself. Thank Merlin for large robes and dark rooms!

I've told him it can never happen while he is a student or I a teacher. And certainly it cannot happen before he is seventeen. He was not too impressed with that (neither was my cock if I'm honest), and tried to talk me round by pointing out that there was a good chance he'd die facing the Dark Lord, or I could die, or some other dire thing could separate us, so why wasn't I willing to just give him what he needed?

I'm sure I did cream my trousers then.

Somehow I got him out of there (without buggering him senseless) and silently cursed Dumbledore for ever making me agree to protect the boy, as now there is one more thing he needs protecting from: me.

December 12^th, 1995

Potter can see into the Dark Lord's mind and vice versa. Now Dumbledore has given me the job of teaching Occlumency to the boy. Hours alone with him with no-one watching anything we're doing? And somehow I'm not to have him?! Oh Merlin! Help!

June 18^th, 1996

Black is dead. Bloody Harry went sailing in to the Ministry of Magic to try to rescue his useless Godfather and nearly got captured. I am sorely tempted to put him over my knee and spank him until he can't walk.

Oh, dammit. Need to wank.

July 31^st, 1996

Happy sixteenth birthday, Harry. One more year.

August 5^th, 1996

I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't help it. I stood outside the house and watched Harry. That's all I did, all I intended, I swear. He saw me and … oh, I'm so going to hell.

He came outside to me and somehow talked me into going into his room and having sex with him. How the hell did that happen? How did I get talked into it by an underage (oh, shit! He's still underage) boy?

And then, even worse, Petunia caught us as we made our way down the stairs. She must have seen something, as there was no way she could have known we'd had sex otherwise. I hate the woman, but I did rather see her point that it was disgusting that a full grown man was abusing her nephew. She threatened to contact Albus so I told her I deal with that when I got back to school and told him that Petunia had learned Harry was gay and wanted to kick him out, so could he come to the school for the rest of the holiday?

Albus agreed, after taking Harry on a minor detour to convince Slughorn to come back to the school. As Potions Master. Cos I'm the DADA teacher. About. Fucking. Time!

And, because it's the holiday and I'm technically not Harry's teacher, I can fuck him.

Oh hell, what am I saying?

Underage, Severus. Underage. Keep telling yourself that.

September 6^th, 1996

I told Harry on August 31^st that we couldn't have sex in future. One, it would be just too risky, two, he's still underage, and three, I am his teacher as of September 1^st. He agreed.

I fucked him ten minutes ago.

Going. to. Hell.

December 25^th, 1996

He snuck down to me last night and we fucked for hours. I swear I'll never get enough of him. When he finally realises I'm not what he wants any more, I'll have so many memories to keep me going that maybe I won't even miss pounding into him. Yeah, right.

Before he left (to 'wake up' in the Gryffindor dorm) he wished me Happy Christmas. Oh it is, Harry, a very happy Christmas.

January 7^th, 1997

Potter asked me if I thought he was getting fat. Apparently Granger commented that he seemed to be carrying extra Christmas weight. In truth, yes, he has got a bit tubby, but I rather like it.

He said he'd eat more carefully. I gave him something to eat which he very much enjoyed.

3^rd March, 1997

Fuck.

Just. Fuck.

Harry took a bludger to the head during a Quidditch match today and ended up in the hospital wing.

Apparently Albus has noticed his weight gain (despite the diet he's getting chubbier), and asked Poppy to check he hasn't got some physical problem that's causing him to retain fluid or anything else.

Good news: no, he hasn't got a physical illness.

Bad news: he's pregnant.

Dumbledore was furious when he was told Harry was pregnant. He'd passed me on his way to the infirmary before he found out so I went with him. Of course, the minute I heard I just sank down and had a break down. How could I not? I got the fucking Boy Who Lived pregnant!

Albus was, frankly, fucking scary when he saw I was the father.

Harry, god love him, was unable to process the news and focused on what was going to happen to me (as if it wasn't obvious that I'm headed for Azkaban).

Dumbledore found out that Harry had seduced me (despite me trying to take the blame; Harry doesn't need that dirty little secret getting out) and told us to marry.

Er...no.

I'm not tying a young, attractive man to me for the rest of my life (however short it may be once the Dark Lord hears I've buggered Harry and got him pregnant).

But, the choice is either I go to Azkaban or I marry Harry. If I do, there's a chance Albus can keep me out of prison. Also, if I don't, then the child will be taken off Harry when it's born as he'll be underage, and I'll be locked up. Neither of us wanted that so we agreed to marry. I doubt Albus has ever seen two people who less wanted to marry.

Because Harry is getting so big (we think he's due at the end of April) it needs to be soon. Albus is arranging a special licence as I write and I'm trying to understand what the hell happened. I went from a single man and am becoming a father and a husband.

March 14^th, 1997

I got married today.

March 15^th, 1997

Potter, or I should say Snape (as he has taken my name, no idea why), has had a pretty bad day. Everyone knows that he's 'knocked up' and that I did the knocking. And they all know he's married to me now.

He had DADA with me today, and the entire class were holding their breath, watching to see if I'd treat him any differently. Other than restricting the spell he could cast (as I would do with any pregnant person) I treated him as usual. Perhaps a bit more harshly than usual.

I was kind by not taking a register. I'd seen that his name had shifted so that it was now amongst the 'S's. From the look on his face, clearly other teachers had called the register and rather bluntly announced not only his married state, but his marriage partner.

After his lessons he came to my rooms (which, of course, as my husband, he can) and did his homework. Oh, that just seems so wrong, I'm married to someone who still has homework! Anyway, he told me about his suspicions of Draco Malfoy and I then told him about the stupid scheme Dumbledore has come up with to save Draco's soul (and thank you very much for damning mine – though after buggering Harry senseless it was damned anyway) and ensure his wand (Albus') is never 'defeated'.

At least now when I have to kill Dumbledore Harry will understand why.

April 29^th, 1997

I'm a father. Oh shit, I'm a father!

Harry only asked how he'd actually give birth last week (nothing like not dealing!) and I had to break the bad news that he'd be having his stomach sliced open so the child could get out. He had to be a sodding hidden hermaphrodite didn't he? Couldn't even be normal in his abnormality!

Anyway, he began screaming this morning as I was about to leave our room for breakfast and I knew what it was. Somehow got him to the Infirmary (he was really heavy) and Poppy took over. She's had a space set up for ages now so that when he did finally go into labour, she could birth it, and he wouldn't have to face the publicity of St Mungo's.

Well, I was sitting there, feeling pretty useless. After all, my part was over nine months ago, and then he started hurling abuse at me for getting him into this mess. Have to agree, I did get him into this, although, in fairness, had I known he was a sodding hermaphrodite, I'd have read up on the Protection spells needed so that I didn't knock him up.

He went really quiet after shouting at me, which was both a relief and worrying, and then Poppy told me it was all over and that I was a father. Harry held the child first (as was only fair), and I took hold of her once she'd been cleaned up a bit.

A daughter. I have a daughter. And she is never dating any boy ever.

July 5^th, 1997

Well, it's all over. I killed Dumbledore over a month ago and fled Hogwarts. Harry knew, as I'd told him, about the plan, but we both knew he couldn't come with me after I did the deed. Now I'm back at the Dark Lord's court, and he thinks it hilarious that Harry Potter was fucked by me and is now married to You-Know-Who's 'loyal' servant. He has this horrible idea of using me as a way of trapping Harry. And I'm most scared that it will work.

It's been too long since I saw Suzanne. I miss her dreadfully (and Harry too, not that I'd ever tell him) and have to hide the pain I feel that I am missing these months of her growing. Harry has been given strict instructions to not ever let her near any man. Ever. If, as I think is likely, I'll die without seeing her again, I wanted him to know how to protect her.

July 28^th, 1997

It was absurd to see so many Harrys flying around last night. Each time it made my heart ache and fear grip me at the thought of Suzanne being caught up in the fight, but I saw no sign of her so I can only hope that Harry had the sense to get her far away before he left the Dursleys for the last time. I wanted to find the real Harry and hold him, but knew that the Dark Lord was counting on my recognising the actual man so stayed well away. I knew all the ones I encountered were fakes. Even without seeing the hands that didn't sport wedding rings, I would know my Harry anywhere.

Wherever he is, he's safe now. You-Know-Who was not pleased that I hadn't handed him Harry. Er, yeah, Snake-face, I'm not handing you my husband on a platter.

July 31^st, 1997

Happy birthday my dear sweet idiot. You're finally legal now.

December 31^st, 1997

Finally! It's been too damned long without seeing Harry. That's good because it means he's safe, but it kills me not to be able to be near him.

Phineas' portrait told me Harry was in the Forest of Dean with the Granger female. Whatever happened to Weasley I don't know, but I hurried there and waited for him.

I cast my Patronus and knew it would draw him out: a doe to match his stag. He followed it and saw me standing there.

We fucked right there in the middle of the forest in winter, and I've never enjoyed a fuck so much. Merlin, I've missed him!

He held me and begged me to come with him, to not leave him, as he is pregnant again (which, believe me, I had already noticed). How the fuck did we manage that after Suzanne's birth and before I left the castle? But, he assured me that it's mine and that he thought he was due sometime in February.

He can't keep camping in the middle of nowhere! Not with a child in tow. I told him to go back to Grimmauld Place – after the Death Eaters were shown it, they searched the house and interrogated the elf and then left it alone. I've recast all manner of charms to protect the house once Harry goes back there. He seemed relieved as I could tell he wasn't looking forward to giving birth in a forest with only Granger to help him out. And he misses Suzie (as he insists on calling her), as she's at the Burrow to keep her safe.

He said that Granger had got hold of a book on birth to help him, but still, it's not exactly sanitary out here. Not that either of us seemed to mind whilst we were fucking. Which we proceeded to do again before I told him why I'd found him – the sword of Gryffindor.

We heard a noise, so I left him. I hope he got the sword and didn't do himself or the baby an injury. Before he left I gave him a present I have been working on – a small piece of parchment that we can use to send brief messages to one another. I instructed him in how it works and made him promise to tell me when he had given birth again.

He did. How I resisted having him a third time is beyond me.

February 12^th, 1998

Harry gave birth today. I now have a son. Merlin, I want to see them both so much it hurts. I've had to keep out of the Dark Lord's way since I found out as I know I couldn't hide all I am feeling from him. It hurts so much that Harry is out there and that I know where he is and daren't risk visiting. Despite all the dangers, I may nip to London to see my son. I can't bear not to.

February 14^th, 1998

I saw my son yesterday and spent a delicious afternoon with Harry in a large comfortable bed. He looks well, despite having just given birth after living rough for so long, and my beautiful son has Harry's eyes. Lily's eyes. Whoever's. He has those damned eyes that get me into so much trouble. The boy is beautiful. Truly. And so is his father.

Harry kissed the wedding ring I wear hidden around my neck. After all, the Dark Lord thought Harry was forced into marrying me, so it would hardly do if I seemed proud of my relationship with him. Which I am. I can never thank him enough for somehow seeing past all my flaws and wanting me.

I kissed his gold band, trying not to cry at all the things I wanted to say to him and will never be able to get out. I think, I hope, he understood as he kissed me so tenderly and we made love. And, as soppy as it sounds, it was love making not our usual frenzied coming together.

May 2^nd, 1998

Fucking hell! I don't even know where to start. Well, one, I'm alive, which I never expected to be after the War was over, two, Harry is alive as well (thank you!), and three, Snake-face is dead, and four, You-Know-Who, despite trying to kill me, failed. Mainly due to my stubborn husband.

But all of that is not the big news.

The big news is he's fucking pregnant again! How the hell could I forget to cast Protection charms when I saw him in February? It was those damned eyes of his again! He thought it was funny when he told me. I was not pleased. Three sodding children now? We'll be like the Weasleys!

Still, with everything over and done with, there's no reason for me to forget in future. We can have a nice quiet life with no distractions (apart from a never ending troop of Weasleys and honorary relations bothering us; oh and three children. Three!).

Once You-Know-Who was dead, I delighted in putting my ring back where it belongs. On my finger to show the world that I am no longer myself. I am, annoyingly, Harry Potter's.

My apologies: Harry Snape's.

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Extracts from the Diary of S. Snape