Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Stupid Cupid
By : Mumka
Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione
Views: 1290 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Shenanigans by Dumbledore
Chapter List
- 1-Stupid Cupid
- 2-Epilogue
- 1
- 2
It was nearly Valentine's Day, and Portrait Dumbledore was beside himself about the state of affairs in the school.
"Things are just not what they used to be," he pondered aloud, adjusting his Valentine's flower bonnet, "Minerva cannot raise the holiday spirit without my help."
And so he had devised a plan to make his favorite holiday sparkle to life. He would play the matchmaker to a most unlikely couple.
He tossed the names of the candidates into his bonnet, gave it a shake and picked out two at random.
"Miss Hermione Granger and......" He rummaged his fingers around the bonnet. "Severus Snape?"
This was a recipe for disaster. And yet, Dumbledore planned on finishing what he started.

x

The next morning, an unsuspecting Hermione Granger was rushing to her first class of the day. Without Harry and Ron by her side, her last remedial year was proving to be efficient yet uneventful simultaneously. She half wished she accepted Kingsley's invitation to train at the Auror Academy so she could spend time with her best friends.
Suddenly, the large, looming figure stepped into her path. She had known that figure well enough to not think twice before stepping aside and letting him pass. Yet Professor Snape insisted on barricading her pathway.
"Miss Granger," he said slowly. "How unusual to see you attempting to surpass your previous score of.... perfect class attendance."
"Professor, I am running late for Transfiguration-"
"-which surely can wait until after you've explained your letter."
Hermione rolled back her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're referring to."
"Then I am unhappy to refresh your memory."
Seeing no other way about it, Hermione followed him into one of the dozens of empty, destroyed classrooms. Here Professor Snape handed the letter to her. As she read, her cheeks burned at the sheer directness and clarity with which the author expressed their feelings for the Potions Master. His hair, so wild and untamed and his figure, so taut and lean, the author had really buttered on the compliments. After she finished, she mumbled,
"That isn't mine."
"No? Perhaps I had mistaken the author for some other Hermione Granger."
"Perhaps."
"Perhaps Professor."
"There's no need to call me Professor yet, sir."
"Fifty points from Gryffindor," Professor Snape said in a monotone voice. "However I am willing to adjust the number if you reveal your accomplices in the matter."
Hermione bit the inside of her cheek, pushing aside her frustration. "I don't know sir, maybe Peeves is playing tricks on the professors in time for Valentine's Day?"
"Peeves no longer resides at Hogwarts."
"Maybe you have a ...secret admirer in the Order?"
"Maybe fifty points is not punishment enough." Snape waved his hand. "One hundred points from Gryffindor."
"One hundred points! Sir we don't even have that many to begin with!"
"Then I suggest you put your superior intellect to the test and provide me the names of the guilty. Lest your subordinates devour their Head Girl for losing them more points than any of the houses recieved this year combined." With that he handed her the letter and sent her off to Transfiguration.
He was right; although points had no great importance to the older, returning post-war students, the first years were well gutted to see their Head Girl had lost them all they had earned this year and more. Hermione took the 'ignore it and go' approach when dealing with the backlash, taking a page from the Potions Professor's book.

x

The following day, she woke up to see an empty vial and a recipe card on her beside table. How odd, she thought, they were not to start brewing Wound-Cleaning Potions until...today! Whoever this mysterious gifter was, they certainly gave her a head start on class.
In the dungeons, Hermione avoided Professor Snape's gaze at all times, readying her potions ingredients independently. As her peers minced and diced the necessary ingredients, she snuck a look at the recipe from this morning. Her mystery gifter suggested mashing the Stinging Nettle and then letting in soak in cold water to remove elements of sting and smoke upon application. This seemed fair. They had also suggested adding a drop of Elf Tears to help toughen the skin around the wound.
When Professor Snape had come to her bench to review the finished potion, his eyes narrowed at the contents.
"You did not follow the recipe."
"I merely added a few adjustments sir-"
"Give me your arm." Hermione showed him her bare wrist. "Now, make an incision. We shall put to test your ...adjustments."
Hermione whispered a silent prayer as Snape rubbed a thin smear across the gash on her wrist. The paste did not sting nor did it smoke and when Snape removed the remainder with a moist towlette, not even the scar was visible.
"Class dismissed," he said dryly. "Miss Granger, remain."
Hermione watched her peers gather their books and file out of class.
"Where did you procure this recipe?" he asked.
"It was left in my dormitory, sir."
"Interesting...for that is... my personal recipe," Snape said frowning. "Not only are you a liar, but you appear to also be a theif."
Hermione crossed her arms. "With all due respect sir, I am neither!"
"Nothing that you have done these past two days has been respectful. The Headmistress will be hearing of this, mark my words."
Hermione could not believe her eyes and ears. Was he going to remove more House Points? No, Professor Snape simply asked for the recipe back and sent her off to lunch.

-x-x-x-

Later in the hall by the Pheonix Office, Severus Snape paced back and forth beside the doorway. One time could have been a silly trick. But thrice in a row was a conscious choice.
When he was finally given an audience with the Headmistress, he slipped a signed and unsealed envelope on her desk and crossed his arms.
"Meet me by the Thestral carriages at a quarter to midnight, signed Hermione G." she read.
"You know what that means," Severus said darkly. "She is suggesting we engage in...fornication."
Minerva McGonagall narrowed her eyes. "And you have concluded this because..."
"Because it is common knowledge. The Thestral carriages are known for such endeavors." Severus subbed his temples. "First she sends me the love letter. Then she steals my recipe and now, such a...forward invitation."
"Very well," Minerva said, "I shall have a word with Miss Granger about her misconduct." She folded note and slipped it back into the envelope. "If I may speak with you candidly, as a friend, I'd like to remind you that such situations are common in our line of work and should not be taken to heart. It is not uncommon for a student to be fascinated with one's professor."
"Perhaps for someone like Gilderoy Lockhart or Rolanda, but not in my world."
"Severus I assure you that this has nothing to do with your perceived attractiveness, merely your position of power and authority."
"As a friend, your words are rather scathing."
"But they should prepare you for what is to come. You are a hero of the war, and a man of mystery. It is natural students should gossip. At next sign of such matters, you might refrain from removing House Points and send the student in question up to their Head of House straight away. It is already a delicate enough and embarassing situation---there is no need to publicize the affair to cause ridicule amongst Miss Granger's peers. Have some pity on the girl."
He understood that much. But it still made no sense to him why anyone should find him alluring. He was a strict man, with very clear boundaries. He had never shown direct favoritism to any one of his students. It may have been the case that the high hanging fruit was deemed the sweetest.
"Have you been the subject of such fascinations?"
"Oh, many times," Minerva said stirring her tea. "And I have been the proprietor of others. In my youth, I had a cheeky schoolgirl crush on Albus, the Transfiguration Professor himself. Imagine that! Well Albus was rather firm in addressing the matter, but we had a good chuckle about it once I joined the staff and we had remained good friends until his passing."
Severus shuddered at the thought, but it made perfect sense.
To his gratitude, the girl did not show up to his next Potions class, not the subsequent. Minerva had in fact exempted her from attending his classes for the remainder of the term. Although he felt significantly calmer that she was no longer in his viewpoint, he did find himself missing having a reliable voice to answer his questions when the rest of the dunderheads gazed at him in a stupor.

-x-x-x-

One evening, Severus had recieved a worrisome Patronus knocking on his office window. There was a student drowning by the Black Lake that needed his immediate involvement.
Severus quickly slipped on a thick wool coat over his button-up chemise and house pants and flew after the blue otter.
He lit up the tip of his wand with Lumos and pushed his way through the shrubbery and branches until he reached the shore of the Black Lake.
The entire horizon was pitch-black, save for the splashing waves in the distance. Had Severus not been by the pebble-lined shores of the lake many times before, he wouldn't have known the exact number of steps needed to reach the water's edge, nor the exact spell needed to send a floating set of fish to illuminate the water's top.
There in the distance, he heard a voice screaming and the glowing fish showed the water trashing about them.
Severus immediantly jumped into action, tossing aside coat and shoes and diving into the water. He plunged in, gasping at the sheer coldness of the liquid and gasped hungrily for air as a wave swallowed his head. But a few spells later, he had a bubble of air around his mouth and was paddling quickly towards the unfortunate imbecile who decided a midnight dip in the Black Lake was a wonderful idea.
He launched his arms under the student's armpits, cold as death, and paddled back to shore. There, by wandlight, he illuminated the unfortunate face of one shivvering and screaming,
"Granger?"
She flailed her arms, pointing at her leg. It took only a moment for Severus to blast off a squirmy and agressive Grindylow off her flesh, sending it crawling back towards the water.
"Whatever had become of you?" he growled, casting a warming spell over the two of them. "You should know better than to leave the confines of the castle past curfew!"
Her chest heaved in the moonlight. He only caught a breif glimpse of her bare body before her button down shirt had dried up with the warming charm and grown opaque.
"I got a P-Patronus from one of the Gryffindor f-first years and ran to help," she stuttered.
"Coincidentally, I recieved a Patronus that a Gryffindor was drowning in the Black Lake."
"W-Well, that now appears to be true," she said, wrapping her hands around her arms and then her mouth curved into a gentle smile. "What are the odds?"
"You believe this is a laughing matter?"
"A bit."
"You must stop this incessant hounding-"
"-I didn't set this up, it was an accident-"
His lowered his voice, raising her chin with his finger. "Listen to me. When will you get it through your thick skull that I never was and never will be interested in you? You will always be in my eyes an unappealing, meddlesome, and awkward child."
She blinked her lashes quickly and then he released her. "Come along." He dressed and walked towards the pathways back to the castle. When he turned his head, he heard her sniffling and still sitting on the pebbled shore.
Minerva's words made their very unneeded appearence in his mind, and finally won over.
He approached her slowly, bending down towards her level. "I apoligize." He chose his words slowly. "It is not you who is unappealing, but rather the fact that you are my student. You must already know that I hold myself to a high enough standard to not entertain any sort of relations with those I teach."
She nodded her head, wiping her tears.
"Objectively you are a very pleasant young woman. Although I am not flattered by your sentiments, I can accept that they are very....real to you." He sighed. "But those too will pass. I am certain that you will find your hero in the eyes of anouther more....suitable wizard."
"Even though I didn't send the letter-"
"-even if you had. I do forgive you."
"Well," Granger said, clearing her voice. "That is very generous of you."
"I attempt to be generous on occasion."
She smiled, taking his extended hand and rising. "I do admit that when I was younger I had admired you greatly. Between Harry and Ron, I had always given you the benefit of the doubt."
"My," Severus said, dropping his head, "that is an equally generous statement."
When he was deducting House Points, rushing between his classes and the feet of the Dark Lord and running on sheer, dumb luck, he did not think himself very admirable. Yet when he looked into Granger's eyes, he was certain that she was speaking from the heart. It had awoken something warm and deep within him, something that had been sown there when his father had complimented him for the first time in his life. It was a good feeling and he let himself smile, relishing in the positive emotion that made his chest swell with pride.
"It is rather useful you had brewed that Wound-Cleaning Potion some days before," he said. "Should work well on the Grindylow bites."
"Yes, and it was a brilliant recipe. The Elf Tears really don't leave a mark on the skin after application."
"I had that idea when visiting Malf-," Severus said, then immediantly bit his tongue. "You might take my arm for the remainder of the walk to ease your leg."
"Oh," she said, "yes, that- thank you."
"Or, perhaps we can fly back."
"I wouldn't want to trouble you."
"No trouble at all," Severus said quickly. "It is my...duty to assist students in need in the most efficient way possible."
"In that case."
He raised his arms, unsure about where it would be appropriate to handle a young woman without coming across as improper, and settled then right under her arms. Like two birds, they flew up into the air and soared across the starry sky towards Hogwarts.
Luckily, the elves were still awake, and Severus summoned one to fetch him Granger's potion from his stores. It had worked just as well as it had the day it was brewed, albeit a bit weaker in action. Very soon, Granger was good as new and ready to head back to her Common Room.
"Thank you Professor," she said softly, "for saving my life yet again."

On his way back to his rooms, he bumped into Minerva, just on her way to begin her rounds about the halls.
"What is the meaning of this?" she cried. "You and Miss Granger, flying in at half past twelve into the castle? Alone? One moment, you want nothing to do with her and the next moment, you are galivating about the skies and....are you grinning like a baboon?" She rubbed her temples. "Really Severus, I cannot for the life of me understand you."
"As you said, I am a man of mystery," Severus said before making his way down the stairs.

-x-x-x-

Hermione woke up to the sound of her roomate, Parvati, gushing about her secret Valentine delivery.
"That's sweet, lucky you." She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, trying to stay awake after last night's excursion.
She'd not known that the Potions Professor had a more gentle side to him. It was endearing. How come she'd not seen it there before, hidden under a thick veil of sarcasm and cold listlessness. He had saved her from drowning in the Black Lake, and made certain her leg was alright after the Grindylow bite. Still, the cold of the water had taken her health.
She'd spent the entire night coughing and rubbing a generous amount of decongestant gel on her chest.
"Oh Hermione, to catch a cold on the most wonderful day of the year is so unfair," Parvati said, handing her a fresh box of tissues. "But I'm sure breakfast will cheer you up."
It certainly did. The entire Great Hall was decorated in ribbons and streamers. The ceiling's candles had all been dyed pink and small heart confetti sprinkled down on the students' heads. The first years giggled as the remaining Hogwarts ghosts tossed rose petals in their direction and blew glitter into their eyes.
Hermione tried to navigate her way to the Gryffindor table and forced herself to spoon some oatmeal and fruits into a bowl.
Suddenly, a flock of owls flew into the room. They dropped parcels and letters of all shapes and sizes into the students' laps.
A few items had landed before Hermione, splashing orange juice over her robes. Grinning, she unwrapped Ron's present first, which was a box of chocolates from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. The next package was from Harry.
"Moste Potente Potions: An advanced and redacted edition!" she cried. Harry did not disappoint.
The last gift was a knitted bookbag from Molly Weasley, enchanted to fit even more textbooks than her previous satchel. She held the bag tight, sniffing the comforting smells of the Burrow.
From across the room, she watched as her peers unwrapped gifts from their family and loved ones back home. It was starting to feel like Hogwarts again, and she was starting to feel right at home.
Suddenly Professor Snape's tall figure appeared behind her. "Miss Granger. If I may, Professor Dumbledore would like a word with us."
Hermione glanced around the table before rising and following him up into the Pheonix office. There, far from the echoes and cries of her peers, she stood by Snape's side and waited for Dumbledore's image to awake in the portrait.
"Ah! Miss Granger! Professor Snape!" Dumbledore said, extending his hands. "Don't you two look a bit tired on such a momentous day."
"Sir, we'd spent the night in the most unusual circumstances," Snape began.
"I do hope the Black Lake was a few degrees warmer this time of year?"
"Not noticably so," Hermione said, "wait. How did you know about the Black Lake?"
"Merlin's beard. You meddlesome codger," Snape whispered under his breath. "It was you who forged the letter!"
"And the potions recipe-"
"-and the invitation to the Thestral carriages-"
"-what invitation?"
"-Happy Valentine's day!" Dumbledore cried, tossing glitter into the air above his bonnet. "Are you not pleasantly surprised?"
"I will personally toss you into the flames of the fireplace," Snape growled.
"Really sir, I can't believe you would put us in such a position!" Hermione cried.
"Get used to it," Snape mumbled under his breath, "Albus is known for his machinations."
"But you cannot deny that it worked splendidly?!" Dumbledore said innocently. "I sense an appreciation brewing between you two."
"Miss Granger certainly did not deserve to be a pawn in your game," Snape snapped. "As did I. And if I sense one more plan brewing up in that painted brain of yours, I will not hesitate to execute my previously stated plan."
"Alright," Dumbledore laughed. "Have it your way! No foul play, none at all my boy. Let us pretend this never happened."
Hermione looked at Professor Snape and a warm feeling stirred in her breast. It felt safe being here with him and it was very kind of him to stand up for her. She certainly hoped this silly game had not made future interactions awkward for the both of them.
Regardless, she was certainly not going to forget this Valentine's Day for a very long time.

-x-x-x-

Two years later

Minerva clinked her wine glass before the crowd, calling a 'Hermione Granger' up to the front of the room.
Severus finished the rest of his red wine, before exchanging his glass for anouther off of Kreacher's tray. The woman who had come to the front of the room had him blinking his lashes rapidly and setting that third glass of alcohol down on a resting coffee table.
Woman.
Not girl.
Dressed in a deep red velvet dress that hugged her round curves perfectly, and her brown hair spilling in careless ringlets over her cheery face this...this couldn't be the same smart-mouthed, childish, meddling Gryffindor girl he pulled from the Black Lake two years ago. Could it?
Severus loosened the top button of his suit.
Perhaps it could.
She was gorgeous. Undoubtedly so, and he had simply cursed himself out over those five long seconds for ever snarling, talking down and barking at her during her student years.
This was an entirely different creature altogether. So alluring, so mature, so confident. The way she stood, the way she smiled, everything was about to blossom and expose itself beside her. She was a flame in a crowd of fading thistles. An enigma. And Severus wanted to speak with her alone.
But perhaps later.
Now she was opening those lucious, red lips of hers...having the rest of the members of the Order giggle politely at her speech. And Severus wanted nothing more than to press his own lips against hers.
"Yes, we are so very happy that Hermione will be joining us the coming September as the new Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts. Might we congratulate you, my dear?"
The entire room burst into applause, and Severus' was the loudest.
"Calm down, here yeh?" Hagrid said, pushing his hands down. "It's not becoming teh be so loud."
"Yes, well..." was all Severus' stupid mouth could conjure up as he watched Hermione shake Shacklebolt and George Weasley's hands.
Minerva had reminded him to be pleasant to her tonight, not because it was Valentine's Day, but because she would be joining their staff in a few short monthes. She made certain to note that he should be calling her 'Hermione' from now on and introducing himself as 'Severus' to avoid a power imbalance. Minerva glared at him from across the room, prodding him on to talk to the witch.
Severus fixed his hair and then glided across the dark, damasque-lined room of Grimmauld until he was standing before Grang-Hermione.
"Good evening, Hermione," he said, extending her hand. "Might I congratulate you for accepting your new position with the school?"
"You might," she said, smiling. "Thank you. Did Minerva ask you to come talk to me?"
"Yes." Severus cleared his throat. "No. I simply came to wish you well on your new beginnings and perhaps lessen the tension between us."
"Tensions?" she pouted.
"It is my understanding that my complaints had exempted you from my class, delaying your convocation."
"Oh! Professor Slughorn was happy to give me a few lessons in time for the N.E.W.T.S. You needn't have worried."
"And yet, I did. As I feel personally culpable for the disruption."
"You needn't be," she said, smiling. "Professor Dumbledore had been at fault."
"And so he had."
"But without him, I wouldn't have been able to know you....so I suppose it was a pleasant trick."
Severus swallowed, the lump in his throat growing harder. "I believe I'm hardly worthy of your personal acquaintence."
"Actually, I think you are exactly the type of wizard that is worthy of my acquaintence," she said, leaning in close, her brown eyes glimmering.
"Well, you are no longer my student."
"I am not."
"And we are no longer bound by the plans of the old codger."
"If only a small bit."
"Miss Granger-"
"-Hermione-"
"-Hermione, are you certain you've thought this through?"
She sighed, running a finger through her hair. "Yes, but first I am curious about what was in that letter about the Thestral carriages."
"The letter?"
"The one that cost me my tutelage under the best Potions Master in all of Magical England."
"It is no matter, a simple innuendo written by the old Headmaster."
"Still, I want to know."
Severus dropped his voice, making certain Minerva was not listening to their conversation. "You do know what happens by the Thestral carriages?"
"Well..." she said slowly, "not exactly."
"And likely for the best. It is the sort of matter that only the former Headmaster and I are well aware of."
Hermione crossed her arms. "It's the sort of thing I should know if I'm going to teach at Hogwarts, isn't it? I don't want to be exempt from the boy's club."
"It is rather scandalous," Severus continued. "The place where the older students most often go to in order to engage in the sorts of games that occur between a man and a woman."
Hermione's cheeks went red. "Oh."
"But of course, it does not pertain to you. You did not write the letter."
"And yet, I do feel left out from the action."
Severus shrugged, rolling back his shoulders. "I will tell you that you are not missing out on much."
Her mouth curved into a curious grin. "Have you ever taken someone up to the Thestral carriages?"
"No."
"But would you have liked to."
"I suppose so."
"It seems the sort of thing one should try out at least once in their life," she said slowly.
And then he understood.

-x-x-x-

She had not exactly thought this through as well as she should have, but her lack of attention to detail proved most advantageous in the matter.
From the moment she extended the invitation, to the second the door of the Thestral carriage closed behind them, a small voice in the back of Hermione's head reminded her that the Potions Master would not back down from this offer.
The way he had eyed her, hungrily, from the moment she walked into Grimmauld Place, she knew that something had in fact been stirring between them.
And she was certainly happy it had.
The way they had ended things in Hogwarts after Dumbledore's reveal had left many unopened questions. Questions that were quickly answered when Severus' mouth had captured hers.
She left her hands to roam down his shoulders as her lips matched his in a swaying rhythm, biting and suckling his delicious tongue as he pushed her down onto the leather seat.
She found herself nestled between the hide and his hard chest, as he scooped his hand over her cheek and caressed her.
"Happy Valentine's Day Professor Granger."
She smiled, trailing her hand down his neck. "No need to call me Granger, Professor."
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Stupid Cupid	By : Mumka Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 1290 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Shenanigans by Dumbledore

Stupid Cupid