Payback - You´re My Bitch

BY : Severus1snape
Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape
Dragon prints: 4082
Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling owns Harry Potter. I make no money from this. I write for fun.

Please note: this story has shifting POVs between 1st (Harry - when he is all alone) and third person.

Chapter Text

I slide my fingers through my dark, untamed hair and pull slightly while letting out a frustrated groan. I don´t get it. I really, really don´t get it. Or him for that matter. I curse my father´s treatment of him to bits at times like this. If he hadn´t been such a prick back in his school days, just maybe he wouldn´t hold that against me. Like it was my bloody fault, simply because I look like James Potter.


I never did anything to the man, yet, he still hates my guts. I can see it in his eyes every time I even try to start a conversation with him. He drowns me in his dark orbs of loathing and I can´t ever seem to do anything right. It´s not because I want to scream at him or curse him. He never meets my eyes when I try to search his face for a clue to what the problem is. He should like looking into my eyes; they are green - and that´s half the colors of Slytherin house! Whenever the other professors look away, he sneers my way. Just like he always has. He has avoided speaking to me more than usual, and that is saying a lot, since his only interactions with me in the past have been him insulting me, taking house points or handing out detentions. Even those - on the few occasions he has mustered up enough words to spoil an evening for me, lately - he makes me sit with bloody Filch of all people.


I stretch my legs out in front of me lazily as I drum my fingers on the table in front of me. I am supposed to be studying now. But my mind seems to be wandering off a lot. To him. Why won´t he let me thank him for saving my life a billion times over the years? I shift awkwardly in my seat, trying to remind myself that getting too angry at him definitely won´t get me any closer to speaking with the man.


I wouldn´t even have known about any of it had he not given me his memories on his deathbed. Or, what I thought was his deathbed. What we alldid. Especially me, Ron and Hermione, since we were the last ones to see him. I shudder now, as I remember lurking outside the Shack looking in on Voldemort and his disgusting snake. Voldemort ordered Nagini to take care of his own dirty work for him, like the cold-hearted coward he was, and probably always had been. I can almost feel the loud banging noises that erupted when Nagini struck - once, twice and the final time - thrusting him into the wooden walls. Like a marionette. He never even made a sound. It wasn´t until after reviewing the images he gave me, that I considered how brave he had been. He didn´t plead for his life; he simply let it happen. I entered the Schack later because, well, nobody deserves to die alone. Not even him. Not even after everything he had done to me. I realized he was still alive and I quickly reached out with the only thing I could find - pure instinct, of course - and that happened to be my own hand. I can still remember feeling his warm blood seeping through my fingers as it poured out of the wound in his throat.


I swallow, suddenly my mouth is dry. Again. My hand goes through my own locks, it´s a habit that makes my hair look even less tamed. I don´t care because it lets me keep my focus. On him.


I watched him die. He ordered me to look at him, and it wasn´t until later that I understood that he wanted to see her eyes one final time. My mom´s. His best friend, and the woman he had been in love with.


I take a deep breath, still not knowing how to feel about that. It´s weird. I can live with weird, though.


I saw the light disappearing from his dark eyes while my hand got drenched in his blood and the last breath left his lungs. I started shaking, trying to not break down while witnessing a man die. My chest ached, knowing Snape couldn´t breathe properly, and there was nothing I could do! Even though I hated him then, watching him die was one of the worst things I have ever had to endure. I suppose that is how the other professors felt too, judging from the horrified expressions on their faces when I shared with them how he died in my arms. They used to see him as their friend. at some point.


Nobody had expected Snape to live through several bites from Nagini after The Final Battle. I remember the time when Mr. Weasley was bitten, the Healer said that he was only saved because he was found at once. Snape laid there in his own pool of blood for many hours. All alone, dead.


Yet, here he walks around in his bloody teaching robes at Hogwarts in my final year very much breathing, still doing his best to torment his students. I don´t understand how he can simply go back to the way things were. Doesn´t he get that things have changed? He died! He gave me his most treasured memories; the things he wanted to stay hidden, deeply buried behind his Occlumensi walls. I´m positive he must have removed all of those sensitive memories from his own mind on the occasions he tried to teach me the skill. He crossed a line - I bet only Dumbledore knew about my mum - and then he expects me to simply ignore it? How can I ignore what he did for me? Or how many times he saved my life - even though he was a right git while doing it!? I rub my temples because I can feel myself getting angry again.


I was the one that came back for him.


After watching the memories and killing Voldemort, I wanted to bury Snape´s body - I think my mum would have liked that, and I felt I owed him that much at least. That´s the reason I wanted to go back alone.


When I found him on the floor of the Schack, there was so much blood. I stared at his paler-than-ever face and closed his eyes with my hands. It was something I had once seen in one of the Documentaries Uncle Vernon used to watch, and I got to take a peek while polishing the silverware. My eyes lingered on the neck wound. I wanted to see what other injuries Nagini had caused Snape, so I let my eyes take in the rest of his body as he lay unmoving before me. Snape´s skin had felt cold and I shivered. Then, I saw his chest move. Just once. But that proved enough to get things moving.


So, I brought him to St. Mungo’s, where I threatened the staff to do something, and they did. At least at wand point.


When he woke up two and a half weeks later I was the first person he saw, and he vomited. The Healers said it was a natural process for his body when moving out of a coma, so I didn´t take it too personally. The staff claimed he had taken an Anti-Snake Venom Potion prior to the battle and that´s why he lived. I feel numb thinking about what Snape had to go through. Doing Voldemort´s bidding, spying for Dumbledore - always knowing and acknowledging he could die the very next moment. It´s ingenious to think about Snape preparing for his death in such details - but then again, he was around Nagini a lot, so it seems legit enough. It makes me wonder if perhaps Snape would have done better in Ravenclaw. They are smart and plan ahead, too.


The Healers also said that you can´t become immune to snake venom by drinking the potion. They then explained to me that it slows the process of dying down. It really does make sense that a Potions Master would be able to use his knowledge like this.


I don´t think Snape wanted to live through the war at all. The bloody miserable git!


It´s in the way he acts now. Well, he was always a bastard, but somehow now, he´s worse. Not in general, mostly it´s towards me and the other Order members, those who were supposed to have been his allies. Snape is acting as if they are all ghosts to him - invincible, and simply not there - and they are letting him get away with it!


He ignores the other professors to the point of refusing to eat in the Great Hall most days - unless they are addressing him directly. I witnessed that myself during the summer when the castle was being rebuilt with the aid of the staff and students. Most of the students´ families even offered to help - those who didn´t have too much money to donate, used their own free time to help do the actual work.


Snape wasn´t really being rude. He just didn´t seem to care anymore. He doesn´t give out as much homework either.


He even stopped yelling at Neville whenever he saw him! I found myself wishing to do something wrong so Snape would finally go back to being himself again. Hermione told me he actually picks her during Potions if she raises her hand - and everyone knows he´s practically ignored her for 6 years! I don´t understand what is up with that at all. Has he gone mad? Did the war finally break him - or is he simply trying to turn everyone else mad in the process - with his world-flipping insanities?


It´s like he´s not Snape at all.


But I can´t tell for sure because he won´t talk about it, especially not to me. If it´s not school-related, he slams the door in my face. Repeatedly I´ve waited for Hermione outside the Potions class, but as soon as Snape sees me - he retreats to his own rooms through the back door each time. Twice I found my courage and knocked on his door after dinner. He didn´t even open it!


I let out a frustrated groan. I don´t want to give up on him. There is something about him that makes me want to know him. He helped win the war. He was friends with my mum - how can I just ignore that and move on because Snape decides to act like a child?! So, I saved his life - why is this such a bad thing? He can´t possibly still believe all that bollocks about me being raised as a spoiled brat!? He read the Prophet the day after I gave my interview about most of the things. I saw him reading it in the Great Hall. And I only let them print the story to get them off my back. If people already know, then it shouldn´t be newsworthy for at least a while. I take off my glasses and wipe them with my shirt before placing them back on my nose. I know I´m scowling right now, but I can´t help it whenever I think about Snape!


I don´t know what else to try now.


I´m not my father, I know he knows that deep down now.


I sigh and lean back in the library chair forgetting about the book I was supposed to be reading for Dark Arts. Even that Snape has taken away from me. I can´t even enjoy besting the others anymore. It´s like he´s sucked all joy out of my body with his hate, and he won´t even tell me why.


I place the book back into my almost empty satchel knowing I would not get any more work done today. It was already past dinner and I wasn´t even hungry. I had stayed here to think. After the war, I´d once more become the center of the Universe and I couldn´t seem to get a moment´s peace of mind. The article helped a great deal, though.


Hermione was pleased that I´d chosen to bury myself in my studies of course, and my friends let me be when I wanted to be alone. I´d killed Voldemort after all, I´d earnedthat right for privacy.


My feet seem to know their way back to the Gryffindor Tower, God knows I´d walked this route so many times before today. Though, I feel like going outside instead, and why shouldn´t I? It was not past curfew, not by a long shot. I always enjoyed being outside the most. Even at the Dursleys, the only peace I got had been when I was working in the garden. And Hogwarts´ grounds are so much better. I don´t have to work - I can simply bask in the beauty of the rough nature and the changing seasons. ´Fresh air is great for thinking´, Hermione always says.


I hide my satchel behind the closest statue and cast a notice-me-not spell on my items, before running out into the windy late October autumn weather. I pull my robes closer to my lean body and look around.


I love this time of year.


The feisty pull and push of the winds trying to decide which way to go next. The blur of red, yellow, green, brown – all wanting to show natures true colors. The shift between rainy, cloudy, sunny and windy, fighting to push forth the best show of the season.


Mother Nature is describing my own insides.


I grin and draw in a great portion of air, then cough at what my eyes caught sight off in the beyond just close of the Forbidden Forest, clearly moving away from Hogwarts.




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