I'm doing it for myself!

BY : indivisible_soup
Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco
Dragon prints: 394
Disclaimer: I don't own HP. I don't make money from this fic.

I know it's wrong. And not wrong in a general sense, but just... He is Malfoy! What Ron or Hermione would think? Ron in particular would say that Malfoy bewitched me and insist on checking me for curses.

I stand on my knees and with my trembling from anticipation fingers undo the belt. Anticipation?! My hands are a bit cold. Nothing more. After the main button I start fumbling with the damned buttons of the fly. Couldn't Malfoy have bought trousers with a simple zipper?! Of course not... Too muggle for him probably. But it's not like I'd ever enquire on the reason. One by one I undo the ridiculously small buttons that barely fit through their damned holes. Malfoy never wears underwear and soon I start seeing his pubes. All my life I despised pubes. My own in particular. But Malfoy's always make me shudder with desire just at their sight. Maybe it's due to his them being blond, or maybe it's because of the promise of what's to come after and I just learned to associate one with the other...

I keep going until only one button left, which I decide to ignore. I pull his pants down. Slowly. There's no reason to be hasty. No, it isn't true. There is of course. And not one reason. But I keep all such reasons under control as I try not to show my longing for Malfoy's goods. No! Not HIS goods, goods in general. At least not to show too much of it to him. He surely knows what I came here for. His cock sprangs up from the bulge that I several times "accidentally" brushed with my fingers as I was undoing his fastenings.

Then I simply let his pants fall to the floor. Remembering how a few weeks ago he fell on me because I left his pants around his ankles, I grab his left one and make him raise his leg, then the other one. We never speak in here. At least not when I'm on my knees. And this is better like this. After all, I came here for his cock, not his voice. Frankly his voice might be a turn off for me - years of associating that fakingly-bored tone with him, that is still almost the same to this day. And I don't want to learn that his tone remains the same even in situation like this. Not that he hasn't outgrown his assholishness. Although who knows, maybe he just learned to hide it better. On the other hand, isn't it what most decent people are in the end?

With his pants gone, and his hard cock pointing straight into my face I grimace as I'm forced to raise back up. I should've started with the shirt, but sometimes I just forget about it and as if in a rush go straight for the pants. And the shirt obscuring the view grit on my nerves. A naked abdomen... No, naked everything is much better.

More buttons... I fight the urge to just grab the sides of the shirt and rip it apart with all of these damn buttons. But no. I tried it once. That time his buttons were magically bound to the fabric, so I'd just embarrass myself if I try again. I start to undo them hastily. From bottom to the top.

Couldn't he have undone them himself?! I fume as I quickly go through the ridiculous number of tiny buttons that no normal shirt should have. It's like he knew that I was going to be doing this and on purpose put on a shirt with 20 buttons. What the fuck?! Only as I reach the last few at the top, I realize that I counted them as I was undoing them. There are actually 22 of them! It must be on purpose! And barely a minute ago I thought that he is a decent human being...

I pull his shirt over his shoulders and leave it like that. If he wants, he's free to take it off himself. The button-loving bastard.

With the shirt for all intents and purposes gone, I again lower down to my knees. His cock at my eye-level. I gulp as I stare at it motionless as the tip of the glans peek out from under the foreskin. It is all for me alone. All I have to do is reach out and grab it with my hand. No matter how many times I've done it, it still exciting and a bit scary. I know that Malfoy won't stop me, in all past times he never gave an indication that he would, but a tiny possibility of it never failed to get into my mind right before the fun begins.

He never gives a blowjob in return. Not even a handy. At first I expected him to offer, but since he never has, I stopped even thinking about it. For the most part. And I won't ask. Ever. But in the end, I didn't come here to GIVE him head, but to TAKE his cock. To play with it. I do it for myself. So is it even right for me to expect any reciprocation? I want to taste it. To feel it my mouth. To taste the cum. It's not for him, it's for me. Me! He's just here for me to enjoy his cock. Nothing more.

I grab the shaft and start stroking it slowly. Merlin, how good if feels in my hand. I close my eyes to cut off as much sensory information as possible and to just better feel how it throbs between my fingers. Amazing... I as always feel the urge to take it into my mouth straight away. But no. Not yet. I have to let him simmer.

I tried to give blowjobs to strangers. And I hated it. Every single time. So even Malfoy, relationship with whom I hardly even can call friendly, is by orders of magnitude better than some stranger. I just can't do it with strangers for some reason; I always have to know a person well. I don't know any muggles; all of my my friends and acquaintances are from the wizarding world. Malfoy is the only one who knows that I'm bi. At least he's the only one with a cock who knows it. If only she knew who I'm doing it with... But carte blanche means she doesn't have to know.

God, why is his cock looks so damn gorgeous?! I'm glad that it is, but... Maybe it's because I haven't had it in my mouth for a while now. No! I have to wait and stroke it for a bit longer. But should I really? What if he's pent up and cums too quickly? No, he never does. Stroke it for another minute. Just a minute. Thirty seconds. Yes. Just like that. ... Are the thirty seconds gone yet? No? Yes! They definitely are! Fuck it!

I shift a bit closer and breathe in deeply. I do it slowly, as to not to be obvious in case Malfoy watches. I like the smell. It's faint and barely there. But I'd recognize it everywhere. Malfoy's smell.

I don't even roll off the foreskin at first as I finally take his cock into my mouth. I make it nice and wet and gently suck over it. I stopped pulling off the foreskin at the start of blowjobs only recently. I don't even know whether Malfoy likes it like that or not. In my own experience it still feels nice, just not as good. But who cares what Malfoy thinks? It is fun to do it. So I keep going. Slowly.

The foreskin is just another barrier for me to enjoy peeling. The last one. With my hand I pull the skin of the cock towards my mouth, and when I pull back, sucking, I gently nibble the bunched-up foreskin with my lips. I even chew on it with my teeth. But I do it extra carefully. Giving it barely any pressure at all. I don't even know why I do it. I just do.

Finally I think it's time for the main course. I tug the foreskin back, revealing the pale pink glans. They look glossy from the precum and so smooth that I almost can see my distorted reflection in them. Merlin, his cock looks fine... Thank god, Malfoy accidentally learned by dirty little secret. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten a chance to do this.

I lean forward and rub the tip over my lips. At first gently, then more and more forcefully, almost mashing the cockhead into my lips. His soft part against my soft part.

Finally I feel satisfied with it and part my lips. But then stop. No, first with the tongue... I pull my tongue out and start to caress the glans with its tip. Barely touching it at first. I finally able to taste his precum. It spurs me on. But then I pull my tongue as far as possible, thought it isn't too different, and start swirling it around the cockhead. I wish I had a longer tongue. With my hand I pull on the shaft away from my mouth, making the ridge of skin holding the foreskin stretch and then start tickle it with my tongue. I hear the first indication that Malfoy likes it as he lets out barely perceptible slow exhale through his nose. I hope he's desperate for me to finally take it into my mouth. But I'll go on my pace. As always. So it's just incidental. I am, in fact, deciding that right now is the time.

So I open my mouth and slowly slide my lips over the glans. I like how the cock presses on my tongue. It doesn't differ much from the way I was sucking it with the foreskin covering the glans, but something about it is different. Maybe it's all in my head and the knowledge that this should feel much better for him, is what makes me think that. But in the end it doesn't matter - what is in my head is the only reality I have. I start to go back and forth, not even covering the first three inches. Knowing full well when to stop before the tip would touch the back of my mouth.

I'm not as much as sucking, as caressing the cock with my tongue and lips for several minutes without even touching it with my hand; both of my hands are holding his thighs. I'd rub his thighs as well, but I can't. Because he is Malfoy. And that would be too much.

I pull back and press his cock to the abdomen. Then I start to lick the underside of the shaft. Go from the balls up to the tip in long slow strokes. Almost like a cat. Sometimes I curve my tongue to caress sides of the shaft. As always I keep fighting with myself, split between doing everything slow and gently, and the other option...

I want to sling my arms around him and mash my cheek right into his groin, to be somehow even closer to it, but I don't dare. It doesn't feel like it should be part of a blowjob, so as always I don't do it. Or Malfoy might think that this isn't what it is. And this is definitely only a blowjob.

I return the cock back into my mouth and suck it with a little more vigour. I even start to use my hand to work on the rest of the shaft and stroke it in accordance with my mouth. I hear him liking it. It's subtle, but it's definitely there. No words of course. Just his breath that is audible in this completely silent room.

I start to wonder whether I should do it today as well, and quickly decide that there's no point in thinking. I brace myself. I know I'm bad at this. But I like it nonetheless. I take my hand off the cock and put it on his thigh instead. Shimmying my chin a little I carefully make the cock inter my throat. I slowly keep going until my nose gets pressed into the pubes that I like so much. I feel being on the verge, but stay motionless like that for several seconds, making swallowing motions. Then I slowly pull back. Most of my gagging happens when a cock is on its way in or out and holding one in isn't too difficult. Almost not. At least I try to talk myself into believing that. So I can't just face-fuck myself on his cock, no matter how much I want to. And it's not like I want it so much... Or at all really...

After another few plunges which miraculously happen without gagging, I decide not to tempt fate more and return to the normal blowjob. I barely able to hold myself from looking up to see the expression on his face, to learn whether he liked it and appreciates my accomplishment. Or maybe he would just say it... No! Have I forgotten?! I hate his voice! Then instead maybe he can pet me at least? No! That would be to much familiarity! We aren't even friends. Stop-stop-stop! I don't need praise. I didn't come here for that. I'm having a cock in my mouth and that is enough. That's all I need.

I keep slowly sucking him off. Nothing fancy. He doesn't deserve anything fancy. Just letting my lips slide back and forth over the glans as I work the shaft with my hand. If he doesn't appreciate my attempts at deep-throating to at least say something, then he won't get more of it. At least today. I hold this monotonous tempo for close to a minute. But then I can't go on like that. Too mechanical. So what if he likes if I apply myself? Since when I started to care what he thinks?! His opinion means nothing to me!

I squeeze his bum with my left hand, forgetting that I wanted to keep myself from doing this, and start to bob my head more vigorously, wringing my right hand over the base of the shaft. I don't know whether he would like me to moan, but I sure would like to, and not just that, I have to consciously keep myself in check and not do it. Nothing over the top, just a few light moans or almost hums. But no. I can't show him how much I like blowing him. No! Sucking on a cock in general. The cock being his has nothing to do with this. Or anything at all. It's just an accident that he happened to have such nice cock. Most definitely.

I've no idea where he likes to cum. And I don't care. He has no other choice but to finish in my mouth. As always. This is part of the deal. Even though we haven't discussed the terms. I came for this and I'm going to get it. There isn't going to be a warning. There's never one. And I don't need it. I know when he gets close maybe even before he does.

I know that he's getting there by his breathing and how much often his muscles start to contract. Particularly on his abdomen. I don't even think about slowing down. I make his cockhead hit the back of my mouth on each stroke, even though I'm at my limit and barely hold myself from gagging. I want him to enjoy it... No! I do it only to get his cum! His pleasure is incidental and completely irrelevant! ... If he would only grab my head and force me to deep-throat him... I'd take a face-fucking. Even through gagging. I can take it if he wants me to.

I'd deep-throat you myself. Just say a word. SAY IT! Silence... No? Well, fuck you then! You won't get it.

I pull back a bit and concentrate my mouth on the cockhead, stroking his wet shaft with my hand. I know there are only seconds before he cums. His breathing also becomes erratic, as if his body forgets if it wants to breath in or out; but he still breathes through his nose and I'm sure it's to keep himself from making any other noises. I wouldn't mind him making some. On the contrary, I'd welcome it. But it isn't a surprise that somebody as uptight as him always tries to keep himself like that even during a blowjob; it's almost funny. I DEFINITELY wouldn't be like this.

And there it is - a poorly stifled dry groan from above is followed by a surge of cum hitting back of my mouth. Several more spurts follow. He cums a lot in comparison to others and, Merlin, how I love it. I want to ask if he drinks enough, because of how thick and sticky his cum as always is. But it's not my place to ask such questions.

After the last spurt I don't stop slowly stroking, as bit more leaks out onto my tongue, though I can't feel it with all the cum already accumulated in my mouth. But I know that if I pull back too early, I'd miss on a few drops. It's bitter as ever; much more so than my own. But I don't care. In fact I like that it's like that. One almost should expect for a person like Malfoy to have bitter cum.

I slowly slide my lips off the cock, my eyes are closed, and make a gulp. It's nasty. It's disgusting. And I love it beyond measure. But my body seems to be of the other opinion. But no matter. I manage to suppress its urge as I make another few swallows of mostly saliva.

As I stand up, I try to seem oblivious to my own hard cock that is clearly straining my pants. Nonchalantly I start to unfold the cuffs of my shirt that I always roll up before a blowjob.

Maybe Malfoy would ask for me to..? No! I got what I came here for! I don't even want for him to suck me off. He probably isn't even good. Yes! Most likely he's lousy. But maybe he wants it, but embarrassed to ask me to help him learn? I'd be patient... And it's not like he has to exert himself with me being so damn horny. I'd be happy for just a handjob... Or even through my pants... No! What am I thinking again?! ... Not again! Those are DEFINITELY new thoughts. Very unlike-me ones. Probably because I didn't sleep well last night. Yes, that's the explanation.

"Thanks, Potter," says Malfoy after he comes down from his high.

"Thanks, Malfoy," I mirror back. I know that me thanking him might make me seem needy, but I just can't not say it back after he thanks me. And I hope that it helps him to understand that I do it for myself, thus the thanking. He gave me a favor! Not the other way around.

I turn around and start walking towards the door. Ten steps at most. I walk slowly, I'm in no rush, barely a step per second, so Malfoy has whole ten seconds. Now eight. To stop me and finally... No! He wouldn't as always. Because he's a selfish prick! I don't need it anyway... But what if... No! Stop thinking about that! And don't even think about turning around! Five more steps. But maybe he wants ME to ask? No way in hell I'm going to ask! Three steps; and I'm definitely not slowing my steps down. I already sucked his cock, why can't I ask? Because! ... And he doesn't even have to ask. He can just go down on his knees and I'd get the cue. I grab the handle and open the door. Last chance to ask. For him, not for me! I make a step into the corridor. I glance at him as I'm closing the door and my heart skips a beat as I see him lean down, but immediately I realize that it's him just reaching for his pants.

I stare at the closed door with disappointment and then without any conscious input I swing my leg back to kick it, but stop myself at the last moment. With my teeth gritted I take a deep breath, grab my hard cock from within my left pocket so it wouldn't show, turn, and head to my own office.

Maybe next time...

But now, before the aftertaste of Malfoy's cum disappeared from my mouth, I have to wank.

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