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Reviews for The Law of Horus

By : Harpy
  • From Shellnet on August 06, 2017

    So funny seeing the note about HBP being anounced and lily, James, remus, peter, and Severus were all the same year so james and severus cant have the same mother like that it was so funny 


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  • From Darkwolf01 on October 14, 2007
    Forgive me, but i couldn't get passed the third chapter. i just couldn't read any more. perhaps better planning. it was good in some parts, aside from a few grammatical errors, but then it started going all over the place. with better planning before you write something, and reading it over a few times, maybe getting a beta as well, and i'm sure you will show promise. good luck
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  • From ANON - Megan Consoer on June 23, 2006
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters? Or can you write a sequel to this story please?
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  • From ANON - SnapesOne on October 03, 2005
    I really hate to do this. Many of your reviews state that it is a great parody, I don't really think you meant to write a parody. At least you never state it is one. I read your story and although it was a interesting plot you had, the writing was horrible. You were all over the place and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who was confused through most of it. It was rushed and, to tell the truth, rather bland. You are correct in stating that you own that story because I don't think anyone else would care to claim it.
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  • From ANON - Rotten Delilah on September 18, 2005
    Astronomy, not Astrology. Ugh, that was fester lest I mention it.
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  • From ANON - BunnieDevil on July 30, 2004
    I liked the story alot, but I dunno it felt rushed in some places and I got confused a bit.
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  • From ANON - Katie on July 20, 2004
    I really enjoyed your story. There were a few grammatical errors. But I loved the plot. I hope you do write a sequel to this story. Keep on writting.
    Katie
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  • From ANON - Gundamwinggirl on July 04, 2004
    /dances around/ I really liked this story! The best Snape/Hermione story that I've read so far and I hope that you dke ake a sequel to this story, because I would stick around to see it! Well, good luck with the sequel and your other stories, until then, ja ne.
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  • From ANON - anonymoustip on July 02, 2004
    Alright, I've read this story from being ing to end and I have to say that you made a good attempt. However, there were some serious issues within the story.

    First, you need to have a beta-reader. You have grammar and spelling mistakes, along with basic punctuation problems all over the chapt Yo You constantly made the mistake of placement with the words "there", "their" and "they're".

    "there" is an adverb that specifies place. Ex: "Let's go over THERE to that store."
    "their" is a possessive pronoun. Ex: "That car belongs to THEIR family."
    "they're" is a contraction of THEY ARE. Ex: "The Ministry is filled full of idiots; THEY'RE (THEY ARE) going to be the stupidest gits ever if they let Fudge pass that law."

    Next, was the mistaken placement with thrds rds "your" and "you're".

    "your" is a possessive pronoun that reflects on you. Ex: "It's YOUR birthday today!"
    "you're" is a contraction of YOU ARE. Ex: "YOU'RE nothing but a filthy little mudblood."

    Second, your character development was very lacking. Each and every one of them were too accepting of the things happening to them. Snape and Hermione completely rolled over, going along with the marriage. They didn't fight and build up to their feelings; instead they just jumped right in. Also, when Hermione punished the Slytherins they just accepted it and didn't give anymore trouble--they wouldn't have done that in the books.

    All in all, I think that you made a good attempt. However, try plan out your stories if you're going to write something this in-depth. Don't just type something and put it up there! I'm not trying to flame you, but you need to understand that what you put up needs work.
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  • From ANON - GEmory on July 02, 2004
    Loved the men's reactions to the birth! LOL nks nks for storstory. Looking forward to the sequel. (I see from your reviews that at least one person didn't get that this was a parody. I thought it was wonderfully done.)
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  • From ANON - sushified on July 01, 2004
    Well, let me start off by saying a few 'good' things.

    - You're writing and grammer in general are decent. No problems there.
    - The premise is good.

    Now I'm going to be a little negative, or very critical.

    - You're character development is horrendous. They actually have no development, which is confusing. One minute they hate each other, the next Snape is a compassionate man who needs a wife like Hermione to complete him. Same old same old.
    - The Dialogue is awful. Everything they say has no substance, and in no way helps the development of the story.
    - Like the other characters, there are three that you messed up severely on: Snape, Draco, Hermione. You made Snape very undecided in the beginning of the plot, but then you quickly, and I mean quickly turned him into someone who actually cared for Hermione. Not to mention you had him hanging out with the Weasley's, which isn't in his character. In fact, you had them following him into the dungeons and into his private rooms. I don't know what gave you that idea. Draco has no development whatsoever. You use connections that really have no relevancy. The Slytherins would in no way recieve those punishments. It seems that you took the opprotunity in your under-character developed story to feed out your own desires. I guess you must have wanted that to happen in the REAL books, but of course, for the sake of real writing, the Author was smart and didn't turn her book into a trashy Romance novel. Last but not least, Hermione. You play on her 'bossy know it all' traits a little too much. You really give her no substance. From what you make her out to be, it would seem that she was suddenly thrown into a box and forced to be the 'Potions Mistress' she always wanted to be. For god's sake, she's not going to enjoy her marriage to Snape that much. And then you conviently throw in the "Oh no, let's do it now, for the hell of it", crap, so that you can just have your smutty interludes. It's really awful stuff.

    I think you need to go back to the drawing boards on this one. That's assuming you even thought about it in the first place. I was laughing at your story into the 3rd chapter. irstirst I wrote off your non-character development and shaky plotline as something you were going to make up for later, but as it moved on I couldn't even stand reading it anymore. I quit at the end of chapter 7. I don't know if miraculousy you came up with an ACTUAL PLOT, but it didn't seem to possible. Please don't try to write something like this again. Either be a little more creative, or use the same cliche plots over and over again, like this one. I guess it's your choice wether or not you want to pain those individuals who actually have an idea about reading these fanfiction stories. I suppose you could write off this little critique as negative, but seriously, you need to learn how to write.
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  • From ANON - Gundamwinggirl on July 01, 2004
    I really like this story! I hope you hurry up and get the next chapter out and I also think that Snape turning into a cat was funny. (just had to imagine Crookshanks in Snape form) I can't wait for the rest of this story and I hope it's a long story too!
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  • From ANON - GEmory on June 30, 2004
    Loved the laying of the egg. LOL And now Ginny and Lupin. Do keep going. :)
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  • From ANON - GEmory on June 30, 2004
    I've been bad. I haven't reviewed yet, but I've been thoroughly enjoying your story. I look forward to each new chapter to see what you'll parody next. I can't remember the last time I've laughed this much at a fan fiction. Thanks for writing it. :)
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 30, 2004
    You may need to look into getting a BETA to fix some of the gramical and spelling errors.
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