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Reviews for Harem of the Ancient House of Potter

By : SSJ04Mewtwo
  • From ANON - GBTtown on January 13, 2012
    I like the story for the most part. Too funny to rate being a serious stroke story, but a fun read still. I am not sure if you were aiming for writing an adventure/parody filled with smut for the sake of smut or if you were actually trying to create a good adventure/romance/sex story. For the most part you have succeeded in writing a good readable story, but there are parts that irk me.
    Fixing Harry's little horcrux problem was anticlimactic. They screw it goes away. No howling soul being destroyed, no sign that it was actually ever there. The dialogue you have written for Voldie; a lot of times it makes him sound like a geeky teenager! Example: "Ooooh, if I had the time and resources I'd go and destroy Nurmengard right now!" What evil dark lord says, "Ooooh"? Most of the times in just the thinness of the plot and dialogue that bug me. Lord Edgecombe finds his daughter doing the nasty with a junior Death Nibbler and you leave it at, "Marietta, we need to...what the hell!"? No hexes thrown, no asses kicked?
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  • From ANON - SexyLizard on December 21, 2011
    I hope this story isn't dead.
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  • From angelnomiko on November 23, 2011
    wow that was great .. please update soon i would like to read more .. later for now

    angel
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  • From ANON - he-man on November 21, 2011
    I loved your work. The sex seans ar varey deataled with out them beaing to long. the only poblome I have is not haveing enouf sex seans with gaballa.
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  • From ANON - Iffi on November 19, 2011
    Hi,
    i really like your story. unfortunally im a litte slow with reading it, so im sorry that i'm not reviewed earlier. i'm also not a nativ english speaker, so i'm soryy for my lack of english.
    my mother language is german and i'm a little curios about this line in your 45. chapter.
    you wrote "sie wird unterbrochen" and made a commentar at the bottom, that this means "you will be broken". thats not exaktly true.
    "Sie wird unterbrochen" means "she will be interrupted". if you want to say, that she will be broken you would write "sie wird gebrochen." but this is not a good german. if you wanted to write, that her will is going to be broken you could write kind of this :"ihr wille wird gebrochen" or "ich werde sie brechen" (i will break her).

    this is just a advise.
    and i have a little favor to ask. could you create a kind of overview about the members of the harem and relationsships between themselfs (wich is the daughter of, which house they belong and so on) it's get a little confusing after a while.

    i hope my english wasn't this bad and you could catch what i'm meaning with the german/english translation suggetion.
    bye
    Iffi
    Beta
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  • From ANON - Kady on November 03, 2011
    Nice story :)
    I really like it,
    but "Sie wird unterbrochen" means "she is interrupted", "You will be broken" would be "Du wirst gebrochen sein" even better would be "Ich werde dich brechen" what means "I'll break you"

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  • From ANON - moep on October 31, 2011
    "Beta
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  • From ANON - Frybozu on October 30, 2011
    Not an hour after I review, and the next chapter's up. Awesome! And I'm mentioned, which makes it sweeter! Thanks!

    Anyway, to answer your question, I was thinking of drawing out the two girls' inner veela(part-veela + part-veela + part-demon = Veela awakening), or maybe all the girls get "Amazoned" if they get pissed, something like that.

    "Neliel"? You a Bleach fan? Regardless, sounds like another addition to the harem is on her way!
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  • From ANON - Frybozu on October 30, 2011
    Just finished reading through 1-44 and I have to say, it was great! While there were a few problems with homonyms- "RAPT fascination", not "WRAPPED fascination" (there's no "BOE" on it)- it was still a great story! Looking forward to 45! Maybe having two part-veelas- two different types, no less- will have some unforeseen side-effects. Also, is there any chance that the succubus is still on the loose? We never did find out where she went.
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  • From ANON - neogoblin on October 27, 2011
    please update soon this is a great read.
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  • From ANON - Seraphiccandy21 on October 03, 2011
    Also " Expect the unexpected" is a quote by Oscar Wilde XD
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  • From ANON - Seraphiccandy21 on October 03, 2011
    Hey, not sure if I have reviewed before but here it is. I think your story is good. You have some nice ideas and themes( besides smut) but I get the feeling you are quit young in your writing style. You tend to introduce a problem or a plot device and then its gone again in the next chapter. Theres a misunderstanding but by the end of the chapter its all okay again. This is a bit annoying as its completly unrealistic. Another thing that could make this story more realistic is some actual human feelings or some inner turmoil. I get that the incesty part with Harrys mum and Hermiones mum was supposed to be " smutty incesty" but what would have made it even hotter/realistic would have been if they had acted a bit more normal, maybe hesitated a bit...tried to fight their pleasure and attraction...thought to themselves how wrong it was but how right it felt...something along those lines. It tends to make the story sort of shallow when the main character is just the type to think oh she looks like my dead mother, thats fun...lets shag her then --___--. Non of the characters ever seem to show any deeper feelings. even feelings of dislike only last until the problem has been neatly solved then everybody is happy happy happy again. Also why does Harry swear?? It makes him seem very immature. Swearing is usually a sign of not being in control :S That said your spelling is rather good and its nice to see a multi chaptered story ^_^
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  • From ANON - Des on September 26, 2011
    This story was going good had tons of smut and a actual plot. The last 10 or so chapters thought have been a disapointment. They got fast or too long winded in other words out of balance between plot and smut or just way to far fetched even for fanfiction and thats saying something. Hopefully you and your beta will stop trying to appease readers with supper fast updates and get back to quality updates because in the long run that is what counts. Hers looking forward to seeing if the next chapter update is back to the quality standards the first 25-30 chapters were.
    Des
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  • From ANON - JakesGirl1015 on September 22, 2011
    I must admit, this is a very interesting side of the story. I have never read a story anywhere remotely like this in all my time reading fanfics, and this is one of my favorites. I only started reading this fic a few days ago and I couldn't stop. I am already all caught up to date and can't wait for future chapters. I would love to see the witches pregnant, that would be a good twist. Thanks for a captivating read, and please, keep the chapters coming.
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  • From ANON - Roger on September 08, 2011
    This is by far my favorite Potter read on this site. I am always checking to see if the next chapter is up. keep up the great writing.
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