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Reviews for Free Love

By : CubStyxx
  • From ANON - Develsangels on October 01, 2014
    Love it so fare keep up the good work ASAP
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  • From ANON - Kizza on July 10, 2013
    Love it ke up the god work ASAP
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  • From ANON - Missa on March 04, 2012
    Up until the chapter "Soldier Love", this story was at least some what cohesive. Now, I can't help but wonder if you started mixing it up with another story, or maybe Harry is having this really weird dream. I just don't know what to think of it anymore. I mean really, Queens Army? Before getting out of Hogwarts? I greatly doubt it!
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  • From ANON - P.I.A.J. on September 27, 2011
    Now, I remember back in the day (chapter 5: Gaining Love For Loss) how you spoke of being offended by someone saying you should acquire a Beta. I would like to point out four things on the matter.

    1) It is not quantity, it is quality. Even with outside view, you will never, NEVER, see all the mistakes you make. A Beta is an honour and a priviledge. A Beta stands by you, encourages you, and motivates you while also correcting your mistakes. Where would a writer be without an Editor? Beta's are the Fan Fiction community's editors. Please realise that while you may find it an insult, it truly is an experience worth having. I had the same Beta for four years, she was a wonder to work with, but we eventually had no need for each other. I now have a new Beta and I show her all the rspect she deserves because I am aware that it is a hard job. A Beta looks past their ideas for a story and allows the writer to form and create their masterpiece.

    2) Characterization and sentence structure is your largest and seemingly only issue. Your characters may be intended OOC, but in reality, they start to blend after awhile. Don't forget the magic of fan fiction; the reason it is written is to honour the characters we are portraying and respect them with our love and adoration by presenting them in odd or unique situations. Your sentences lack the structure needed to make this story flow. I more than once had to go back and reread conversations because I couldn't figure out who was speaking to who.

    3) When you ask for critisism, remember that you will come across people that will cut you and your story down. You should take both harsh and sugar-coated words lightly, it is easy to become attatched to someone's opinion (and someone you'll never know, no less) so it is pointless to become so flustered and call an individual out because you're offended. Also remember to take these comments and use them, though. Someone wrote them, took time out of their day to tell you what they see wrong, and expect to be heard. It is petty, but you will learn from it. What's the phrase? You won't learn without listening. Who better to listen to than your readers?

    4) Last but not least, this is my own opinion, I believe your story needs more sustenance and less meaningless facts. We all love hearing the latest gossip the Daily Prophet spews off, but not at an inaproppriate time. I walked into the story feeling like I was going to be stuck with to much detail and not enough story, and I ended up with too much detail and not enough story (which can be noticed your pointing out your word count at the end of every chapter). The word count is not necessarily a bad thing, but I often feel that putting in the number is your main concern- hitting that 1k mark- don't worry about count! Worry about your story, go back to middle school with the 1, 2, 3, A, B, and C process. (If you're unfamiliar with the title, don't worry, I'm not entirely certain what to call it, so I displayed it below...)

    Now, you can delete this and become extremely angry, and declare this a blow to your pride, OR you can take all that I've written and use it. It really is up to you. I will look forward for your progress as a writer.

    ~Pirate In A Jar



    (The 123ABC process:

    1 The first initial paragraph of the page.
    -A) Detail
    -B) Fact
    -C) Support Statement

    2 The process repeats.

    3 The process repeats.

    This is usually an outline for essays, but I find most writers that use it appropriately have their priorities in order by the end of the outline, and can usually perform a finishing draft effortlessly. Not every paragraph MUST contain the three initial ingrediants, but it does help you realise when you're rambling and straying from the original topic.)
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  • From bloodshound on July 30, 2011
    the students are in for an arse kicking but the others... can anyone say, one dead Dursley to go? And the rest of them two once sev finds them.
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  • From krissybear on July 26, 2011
    omg i really like this story its deep and moving and actually realistic keep up the good work and could you email me when you update? angelicsheila1978@yahoo.com
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  • From bloodshound on July 14, 2011
    the fall out is going to be hard hitting and spectacular, both for Deaco and family and i sincerely hope, for his attackers.
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  • From hellangelhellina on June 22, 2011
    i just realized, what will george do when he find out not only did they hurt his boyfriend they raped him!?
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  • From hellangelhellina on June 22, 2011
    how dare they do that to draco! i hope harry hurts them badly.
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  • From bloodshound on June 07, 2011
    Oh Draco. Why did he wait so long? I mean, yeah sure Harry and Sev were having a moment but for this they would have paused it. Why, oh why didn't he at least get himself some pain potions or something. He doesn't deserve this.
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  • From MyaMalfoy on June 07, 2011
    OMG! WTF! How the hell could they do that to Draco? Who was it? Imma go crucio them!

    Thanks for the update! Can't wait for the next one!
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  • From bloodshound on June 02, 2011
    Wouldn't the army have dug into records and stuff to make sure of the boys ages... and woould Danny's family have noticed their 8 year old son missing... and then perminantly missing.
    I know that these Q's arent vital to the plot. I just hate loose ends. :P
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  • From bloodshound on June 02, 2011
    Damn, I''m glad they have each other now. both of their lives have been so horrific.
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  • From Raholea on June 02, 2011
    ok. Not sure if i have reviewed to this before, though i have been around through all of the (at times) confusing ride. thanks for clarifying some things, it was much helpful. The story seems to be making some clear, decent plot progress.

    i have one serious 'complaint' note for the last chapter (the smut) that is a personal pet peeve of mine and i've been seeing way too often.

    People "writhe" in pleasure, not "wither" simple spelling difference, vastly different meaning. you have my appreciation for the story as a whole though, and i like Submissive Sev. at least in the bedroom. just had to comment at the personal pet peeve there, as i've said, i've been seeing it a LOT lately in fic in general. sorry. ^^
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  • From ANON - arisblaze on June 02, 2011
    You better decide on a time era then because it won't work with the established one (JKR's). Computers didn't start appearing in the home until the late 1980s & online courses didn't start until the early to mid 1990's (USA). I'm not sure about in Britian...
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