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Black Dog	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4222 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters nor the settings. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
AN: I do hope people are still reading this and enjoying what they read. I am enjoying writing it. Any reviews you may wish to leave would, as always, be most welcome. Thank you.

Chapter Ten: Fallen Angel

Sirius’ guitar lay by the door, unopened and unused. He sat on his knees as one of the men thrust his cock down his throat, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he listened to the man’s breathing hitching, his body tensed as he prepared himself for the man’s orgasm, he had been told that today they would begin recording his first album and he had been so excited he had rushed over with a bright, glittering smile before being grabbed and hauled into the recording booth and forced roughly to his knees. He choked as semen filled his mouth for the third time and he was dragged away and thrown to the floor, he lay still a moment, breathing hard as the men zipped themselves up, slowly Sirius ran his hand across his mouth and rolled onto his side. He looked up as they moved to the exit. “Oi…a-aren’t you going to help me record a song?” He asked and one of the men paused, he looked down at Sirius and smiled.

“Not today kid.” He said and left.

Sirius gaped at the door stupidly for a long time before slowly he got to his feet and picked up his guitar, then, walking like he was trying to run through water, he left the studio and returned to the street where his bike was parked. He stared numbly at it for a while feeling empty and used, as if those men had ripped away his soul forgotten to put it back again. Finally he threw a leg over his bike and revved the engine, in a second he was roaring down the street at dangerous speeds as anger and pain welled in his chest until he felt as if gouging his own eyes out was the only way to relieve the pressure.

He sat in the bar with his guitar by his side as he downed yet another glass of whisky. The barman sidled over to him while cleaning a glass with a rag, he threw it over his shoulder and leaned close. “You wanna drink for free?” He asked.

“And what would you want in return?” Sirius asked slowly, his eyes dead and empty behind a thick fringe.

“You look like you need to drown your sorrows, boy…play for me and I’ll keep you in drink.”

The man had a grey beard and scraggly hair, he was a tall, thin man with a pair of dirty spectacles covering bright, glittering blue eyes. “Alright then, you got yourself a deal…” Sirius agreed and stood up. “Where do you want me?”

“Up on that dais there, I’ll set up a stool for you and microphone.”

When all the equipment had been set up Sirius sat himself down on the stool and absently began tuning his guitar, not that it needed much adjustment. Finally he settled it in his lap and ran fingers across the strings, the music that he played wasn’t something he had done before. He felt the music coming from within, it poured out of him as he began adding lyrics to his song. He sang of a boy who was damaged by life, he sang of a boy who had died inside and was now a shell. He sang of how he had loved and still loved a friend, but their love was forbidden and they were never meant to be, he sang of how the boy drowned his sadness in sin until he could no longer see his own face behind the bruises. The bar was silent as he sang but he couldn’t hear it, his heart ached as he saw James behind his closed lids, his body thrummed with the music and when he finished the song and opened his eyes he saw the few patrons gazing at him through watery eyes. He knew that the song wasn’t one that went with the fashion of the times, it had come from his very soul and he had never sung it before an audience before. He waited nervously for a few seconds and suddenly sudden clapping came from the bar and Sirius jumped in surprise. The barman was applauding and seconds later the whole congregation had joined in, they began wolf whistling and asking him to play again and he couldn’t help the bright smile from spreading across his face as he gave them their wish.

Sirius played late into the night until the bar closed, he left and climbed onto his bike before realising that he had only had one free drink in exchange for his music. He paused and blinked before a small smile lit his face, “Thanks old man.” He whispered and revved the engine.

XXX

Sirius woke in the morning feeling brighter and more hopeful, the people in the bar had enjoyed his music and their reaction had been genuine. He smiled to himself and stretched before someone knocked on his door, he slipped out of bed and opened it wearing his underwear. He saw James standing at his door his eyes scanned Sirius’ body once and his face paled. “Holy shi-” Sirius dragged him into the flat and closed the door softly.

“Don’t think about it, it doesn’t matter.” Sirius said and turned with a smile. “You can’t know how much it means to me that you’re here mate.”

“Sirius I-”

“No, don’t worry. It’s all my fault. I was drunk and acted like a fool, your reaction was perfectly understandable. You know how I get when I’ve been drinking…do you want some tea?” He began putting the kettle on and talking over James’ stuttering attempts at speech. “Did I tell you I played in that bar…what’s it called…? Hogs head? Yeah that’s it. I played in the Hogs Head last night, it was amazing! They loved me. The owners a really cool guy, you know? He gave me free drinks all night to play. I swear they had more customers in there by the time I’d finished than they’d seen in years.” He put sugar in his own tea and handed James his before walking over to his bed and sitting down, his eyes landed on his friend who still stood by the door looking uncomfortable. “Look, I’m not going to bite…take a seat.”

Reluctantly James sat down, Sirius hid the pain he felt when he saw him sitting so far away and sipped some of his tea. “Sirius…”

“I’m getting better at making tea!” He said with a small laugh, James looked at him in concern. Finally Sirius sighed. “I’ve told you, I don’t want to hear it. You have nothing to apologise for! That night was all my fault, I was drunk and horny and I took things too far…I thought you wanted me and I was wrong…I-I…I hope you can forgive me and we can put this behind us.”

James looked into his tea with a small frown. “That’s not why I’m here.” He said softly. “I was at mum and dads yesterday for dinner when…when dad told me about something he’d read in the papers…Siri…I-I hate to be the one to tell you this but…” James paused and closed his eyes as he lowered his head. “Sirius, a week ago your brother lost his life.” His voice dropped to a whisper but the effect of them was like a canon ball to the chest for Sirius, his tea slid from numb fingers as he gaped at his best friend stupidly.

“N-No…” he croaked. “No…h-he was alive…I saw him…I saw him the other day…I-I…I don’t…no! It’s…i-impossible…! Jamie…tell me…tell you’re joking…Please…” His voice dropped to a pleading whisper and when James said nothing Sirius leapt to his feet, he began pacing back and forth before suddenly grabbing his cup and throwing it at the wall where it shattered into thousands of pieces. “FUCK!” He screamed. “FUCK!” He choked on his voice and punched a hole through the thin plaster wall, James stood but didn’t touch him, he looked nervous as he watched Sirius crumble. He screamed and sank down the wall, leaving a smear of blood behind from his mangled knuckles. He choked on a sob and covered his head with his arms as he pushed himself into a tight ball. “R-Reg…” He breathed and James heard his breathing hitch, he could see tears sliding down his cheek as he fought with himself.

“Sirius…? Is there anything I can do?”

Sirius said nothing and James silently walked towards the door, he looked back at his friend with pure agony gleaming in his eyes before opening the door and walking away. Sirius never heard him leave as he let grief overwhelm him until it obliterated everything, finally his tears subsided into soft hiccoughing sobs and he struggled to his feet. He got dressed rapidly and grabbed the keys of his motorbike, without thought he started the engine and disappeared into the darkening streets.

Tim opened his door with a glass of wine in one hand, he revealed Sirius looking rather bedraggled and a little desperate. His leather jacket was torn and he was covered in grazes and cuts but he had a mad grin on his lips. “Hello, what’s wrong?”

“You having a party?” Sirius asked, peering into the house over Tim’s shoulder.

“I am…do you wish to join us?”

“What an excellent idea my friend.” Sirius stepped into the house and swayed a little before shaking his head and dripping rain water all over the carpet. “’M sorry, bin out and about…its fucking cold out there.” In fact he couldn’t feel the cold, it simply seemed the right thing to say. Tim smirked and handed him his wine.

“Drink up, Little Puppy, I have some friends who would be so glad to meet you.”

Sirius downed the wine and vaguely noticed that it tasted of ash and bitterness, but he ignored it and followed Tim into his living room. Sirius’ eyes scanned the room and he saw it was a group of men who were drinking but there was a curious pile of drugs and other paraphernalia upon the table, Perfect he thought with relish and put on his sexiest smile.

Before Sirius could think he was surrounded by supple flesh, his body thrummed with blissful forgetfulness and he sank into it gratefully. When they removed his clothing he never uttered a word, when they pushed him to the floor before the fire, he only closed his eyes. When the needle pierced his skin he let it happen, he no longer cared what happened to him. He was lost on his tidal wave of grief, he had lost the last person in his rotten family who had any hope of redemption, he had lost his baby brother, the one who had been his lifeline, the one he had sworn he would protect. As white fog came with a wave of euphoria to wipe away all sensible thought, he saw his brother’s face and felt a single tear slide down his cheek before he groaned and let the drugs in his system work their beautiful magic.

Sirius woke the next morning with the usual feeling of a hangover, he felt empty and weak and his body was covered in more wounds and more handprints. He shifted and felt soft sheets beneath his body, he rolled over and tried to regain the sweet forgetfulness of sleep but it eluded him. Finally he rolled onto his back and opened his eyes to gaze up at the ceiling, Tim lay beside him with a content, cat like smile on his smudged lips and Sirius turned his head to watch him. Slowly he leaned over and pressed their mouths together, he reached down beneath the covers and found Tim’s cock, gently he began waking it up and Tim groaned and began kissing him back. Sirius felt sick to his stomach but he had never needed the comfort of another warm body more in his life, he needed to feel needed, even if it only lasted until Tim came. “Tim…fuck me…” He gasped and Tim opened his eyes to gaze into his, he smiled and pushed Sirius over onto his back. “Not like this.” He muttered and rolled onto his front, he lifted himself up onto his hands and knees and bowed his head. “Hurt me!” He whispered.

“Why on earth would I do that?” Tim mused softly from behind him, he ran a hand down Sirius’ back and watched him shiver.

“I fucking deserve it!” Sirius muttered. “I’m a worthless, pathetic whore…treat me like it.”

Tim smirked and lifted an eyebrow before parting Sirius’ cheeks and leaning over his back to whisper in his ear; “You asked for it.” He breathed and long nails dug harshly into Sirius’ skin. “Just don’t scream too loudly, the neighbours will complain.”

Remus stood nervously by Sirius’ door, James by his side. They had knocked repeatedly but received no answer, they had no idea where he could be and Remus was terrified. “I can’t believe you just left him!” He muttered.

“What did you expect me to do?! He was…he was upset and I doubt he wanted anyone to see him like that. I didn’t want to embarrass him.”

“He needs us! He needs us now more than ever, don’t you see how broken he is?!”

“He seemed pretty happy yesterday, he was chattering away like a parrot.”

Remus glared at James furiously. “It’s an act, you idiot! He’s putting on a front because for some reason he’s convinced he’s done something to destroy your friendship…”

James flushed and looked away, he shifted awkwardly and lowered his head. Finally, when the silence had gone on for too long he sank down the wall and covered his face with his hands. “He…he gave me a blow job.” He muttered in a dead voice. “Remus, I l-let him suck me off…It was…it was so fucking good, once he started I couldn’t stop him!”

Realisation dawned in Remus’ eyes and he sighed. “And you ran away?”

“What else was I supposed to do?!” James said and lifted his head. “I couldn’t let him take it further and I knew by his face that he wanted to…hell, I wanted to take it further! He was fucking gorgeous, those tight jeans and seductive smile…how could I resist that? I’m weak, Remus…I couldn’t let it happen.”

Remus sank to the floor beside James and sighed. “You pushed him over the edge…he told me that no one loves him…I think he loves you James.”

“No…don’t be stupid.” James said, a little too quickly. He fell silent and glared at his shoes, deep down he had known, for years he had known that Sirius’ feelings had changed towards him and he had deliberately ignored it. He had also stubbornly ignored his own confused feelings, he had pushed them aside and chased a girl who had seemed the epitome of femininity. The problem was when he caught her he had really fallen for her, hard. Now he was confused, ever since the day he and Sirius had stepped beyond the boundaries of friendship he had been consumed by the vision of Sirius’ eyes gazing up at him and smiling a little around his mouthful. That moment had called up feelings so intense he had panicked and fled like a child, he had no idea what to do with the emotions and so he had packed them firmly away and avoided Sirius until now. And as he sat there he realised what a horrific mistake he’d made.

Remus sighed and looked up at the grey sky, he recognised the emotion James hid so badly, and he had spoken to Lily and she had revealed her feeling that there was something more between the two friends. It was so obvious even strangers could have seen it, it was so obvious it had blinded the two most closely involved. “You need to fix this.” He said just as the sound of a bike drifted towards them, preceding the machine its self. James leapt to his feet as the bike came to a skidding halt, kicking up stones and leaving behind a big black smudge on the tarmac. Sirius cut the engine and fell off his bike, he stumbled away from it as it crashed to the pavement. Sharp, humourless laughter left his lips as he kicked it and stumbled drunkenly toward his door. Sirius’ face was covered by sunglasses and his jacket was falling apart as it hung from his shoulders, his boots were scuffed and his jeans torn to reveal bloody marks across his skin. He grinned around a cigarette in greeting to his friends and tried to get his key to fit the lock, a warm hand covered his and extracted the key from his numb, shaking fingers. Remus let them into the flat and Sirius fell into his bed, his cigarette falling from his lips and into the sheets, he went still and could have been dead had his chest not been rising and falling gently. James went to him and picked up the cigarette and stubbed it out in an ashtray.

“Let him sleep, he needs it.” Remus said before James could rouse him. James gazed at Sirius for a moment before sighing and removing his jacket, Sirius didn’t even stir as his clothes were removed and his skin revealed. James took a sharp breath, hissing through his teeth. Sirius’ body was battered and bruised, some wounds obviously had been caused by a crash on his bike but there were long scratches down his back, lines covering his chest like long bloody rail tracks and even a set of teeth marks dug deep into his shoulder. James lifted one of his arms and saw several bruises in the crook of his arm, he dropped it and turned to Remus. “Christ…” Remus muttered in horror. “Heroin?! What the hell was he thinking?”

“He’s escaping.” James whispered as he pulled a blanket over Sirius’ body, gently he brushed hair from his friends face and felt pain lance at his heart. “He’s running away…and…and I don’t think we can help him…”

“We have to…he’s going to kill himself.” Remus muttered with a worried frown. “I’ll move in with him and make sure he gets better…if I have to I’ll get him into some kind of Rehab facility…but that will be a last resort.”

That night James slept by Sirius’ side, he pulled his cold body close and wrapped him in warmth. He could hear Remus lying nearby and sleeping soundly as he ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair, he closed his eyes tightly and wished that Sirius could feel what he was feeling, he wished with all his heart for Sirius to pick up on the way his heart beat with terror and a deep, all consuming love. He wished that Sirius could see himself through his eyes, he wished Sirius could see how much he was loved and needed.

Sirius opened his eyes, he found himself wrapped in warm comfort and sighed contently, he hardly remember the previous nights activities, only a strange fog with blurred images of random faces and greedy hands. He rolled onto his back and blinked sluggishly up at his stained ceiling, he heard his bed partner shifting in their sleep and returned his attention to a familiar face. Pitch black hair stuck up in interesting angles and the face was marred by a tiny frown, Sirius lifted a shaking hand and smoothed the frown away with his thumb. Tenderly he kissed James’ forehead and felt his heart breaking all over again, he closed his eyes tightly and took comfort in the arms of his best friend.
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Black Dog