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Love, Free as Air	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 32706 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

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Chapter Fourteen�Quite the Conversation

�� Potter, Severus noted, sat on the
edge of his seat looking stunned after Draco had stormed out, which at least
proved this was no part of a plan they had concocted together. Severus raised
an eyebrow and extended the kettle silently. Potter hesitated, then nodded, and
Severus poured tea into his cup until it lapped at the brim.

�� I didn�t expect that,� Potter said
blankly. He picked up his cup and sipped, then sipped again, and turned to look
out into the gardens. Severus knew from experience that Draco would have
already gone deep enough not to be visible, however. He always did when he was
wrestling with a problem that was mostly his fault. �I thought he�d make a
decision when he realized anything he did
required a decision.�

�� That is the part of Draco�s
character that remains unfathomable to me,� Severus murmured. �He wishes to
avoid mistakes that would expose his vulnerabilities to others, but he believes
that hovering in midair, leaving the choice in suspense, will not expose him. I
have never understood why. Enemies are the most likely to attack when your
uncertainty is apparent, rather than a wrong certainty.�

�� Potter looked at him politely, as if
such thoughts had never passed through his head, and Severus supposed they had
not. What would Potter have to fear,
he thought with a slight sneer, from seeming unprepared? He had plenty of
people around to guard him and sacrifice their lives for him if someone dared
to attack.

�� Then Severus remembered the way
Potter had stepped forwards and gazed into his eyes when Severus thought he was
dying, and the way that Potter had�he must have�walked to what he thought would be his death at the Dark Lord�s wand, for the sake of saving the
world.

�� I
must learn to remember that my former perceptions of him were not all correct, he
thought with a slight frown, and sipped at his tea.

�� Maybe that�s what he�s afraid of,�
Potter said. �But he�s also afraid of having too many choices, I think. He got
used to a confined life, a cage, and when he�s offered room to spread his
wings, the cage feels safer.�

�� Confess what you are thinking,�
Severus said. His voice sharpened, and he was glad, because that meant he could
deal with Potter�s words and not feel as ashamed or awkward as he did when he
thought of the seventeen-year-old boy walking to his death. �I am the one who
made him that way. I am the one who built the cage.�

�� Potter looked at him evenly. �I was
trying to avoid bringing that up, but yes, you are. Your changes sound like
they could be a good start, but no, I don�t entirely trust you not to confine
him again. So there.�

�� Severus bit back a response. He
would not be a child in these contests no matter how much Potter and Draco
seemed to wish he were. When he had waited long enough for the flush to fade
from Potter�s face, he said, �You seem to have forgotten the other part of my
letter.�

�� Potter�s eyes narrowed. �Which was?�

�� Your presence,� Severus said. �I
wished to speak to both you and Draco.
If you fear that I might build the cage again, here is your chance to bend the
bars.�

�� Potter blinked only once, thank
Merlin, before he subjected Severus to a serious stare. �Yeah, that was the
part of the letter that puzzled me. You have to please Draco. He�s the one who
has to believe you. I think it�s a mistake if he just comes back and
everything�s the same, but I couldn�t actually force him to stay away. You must
have known, though, what I�d say if I was here. So why invite me?�

�� Severus half-shut his eyes and waited
until his fingers, hidden behind the teacup, had ceased their trembling. This
was the part of the interaction he had dreaded most. It was one thing to place
the emotions in a letter, where the spiky black letters could bury any emotion
in straight ink lines. It was another to acknowledge the same truth with eyes,
skin, hands, and voice all ready to betray one.

�� Because your memories of me in the
Pensieve were genuine,� he said at last. �It has been too long since someone
approached me that way, thought of me that way. I want to know why you managed
to cling to those memories after I fled from justice. The memories I gave you
might have been enough to clear me of Albus�s murder, perhaps, but not from
any�unfair treatment that you might have received from me in school. And then,
for me to become to a fugitive instead of staying for a trial would have been
enough to make many of your kind decide that I was guilty after all.�

�� It was like drawing his heart out
and placing it in Potter�s fist to crush. But the words were said now, their
echo hanging in the air, and Severus could not take them back.

*

�� Harry sat there and blinked. It felt
like all he could do for at least several minutes.

�� Then he came back to himself, and a
sharp spark of pity burned into his heart.

�� How much must it mean to Snape, if
he got this emotional over a few memories? It said how few people he had in his
life who would give him the notion that he mattered. Draco had told him and
told him, Harry thought, but for some reason he was deaf to that. For some
reason, it was Harry�s memories that got through.

�� But meanwhile, Snape had implied a
question, and Harry didn�t think he would want the pity. He replied carefully.
There were a limited number of things he could say and be honest, and some of
those were harsh.

�� I never thought you�d fled because
you had something else to hide. I knew enough about what you did and why you
did it to be sure of that. I thought you fled because the Wizengamot was biased
and you�d heard about their other condemnations. How could they have judged you
fairly when they put the woman who saved my life by lying to Voldemort in
prison?�

�� Snape rested a hand on his left arm
at Voldemort�s name, and only then opened his eyes. His expression looked somewhere
between bewildered and trapped. �You destroyed my lab when you were here. That
is not the action of someone who thinks I am an innocent man.�

�� I can think that you deserved
better than you got, and still think you were a right bastard to Draco,� Harry
pointed out.

�� Snape stared at him as if this were
a foreign concept. Harry smiled grimly, feeling a bit pleased for once that he was the one making confusing
statements, and finished his tea.

�� Do you approve of Draco coming back
to join me, or do you not?� Snape asked at last, a snarl in the back of his
voice.

�� Of course not,� Harry said easily.
�I told you, I don�t think he�s making the decision from the right motives. The
desire to bury your head in the sand is almost never the right motive. And I think he needs more of a spine, and
he�s not going to get it living here with you, when you tread so heavily on his
spine because he�s lying on the floor.�

�� Snape seemed to swell up like a
bullfrog. Harry picked up his cup, remembered the tea was gone, and got himself
more, grinning. He wanted to see how Snape would respond. If it was with some
blast of vitriol based on Harry�s dad, well, then at least Harry would know
Snape hadn�t really changed.

�� But Snape�s commitment to having
Draco back must have gone deeper than Harry realized, because he shut his eyes,
turned his head as though feeling sunlight on his face would help him to calm
down, and murmured, �You realize that you have implied the impulse to conquest
is what I desire in my relationship with Draco, and nothing else.� A faint
pause, so faint that Harry probably wouldn�t have noticed it except that
conversations with Snape always put all his senses on hyper-alert, and then he
said, �And in my relationship with you.�

�� Harry would have fallen, except that
he was already sitting down and didn�t really want to spill his tea, so that
wasn�t an option. He settled for swallowing and saying, �Well, yes. I think you
demonstrated that you wanted him to stay so you could have control over him
when you slept with him just to stop him leaving.�

�� Snape�s robes rippled as if he had
tensed under them and then relaxed again. �And my relationship with you?�

�� What relationship would that be?�
Harry asked. �Patient and counselor, which seems to be what you�re asking me
for, or professor and student, which we seem to be returning to every
half-minute?�

*

�� Potter was more irritating and
confusing than Severus had thought he would be.

�� Of course, he had pictured a more
sympathetic version of the boy he knew, and clearly that wasn�t true, either.
Potter had learned to bear insults with some grace, and to insult back, in the
years since Severus had last seen him. And he seemed to have the ability to
keep his temper. So much of what Severus had known of him had come from his
response to baiting that this left him floundering and vulnerable, and
unexpectedly sure that he knew what Draco was feeling, faced with this new,
calm Harry Potter.

�� He
wants the comfort of familiarity. Potter doesn�t give it to him. All the grasping
and clinging you can do, all the barbs you can throw, just slide off that wall.

�� Severus slowly opened his eyes and
decided that the most effective tool at the moment would be something Potter
could not have conceived of. �I was thinking of the relationship of friend and
friend.�

�� He took deep pleasure in the way
Potter�s eyes widened and flashed as if his words had been in an
incomprehensible language. Then he sat back, cradling the cup of tea in both
hands despite its smallness, and said carefully, �I don�t know that that�s
possible.�

�� Why not?� Severus was on surer
ground here. Some of the most painful and inconceivable moments had passed, and
he was free to consider what the consequences of his words might be. �If your
memories show that you can think well of me, if you must remain with us long
enough to prove that my changes are real to Draco and see that Draco is
deciding to return of his own free will, what would we be but friends?�

�� I don�t know that there�s a word
for it,� Potter said, looking highly disturbed now, �but I�m bloody well sure
it�s not friends.�

�� Severus laughed. In a strange
fashion, he was beginning to enjoy this. �Why not? Do you fear so much to admit
me into your mind, to admit Draco into your life? Or perhaps not the last,
since you willingly adopted him when he wanted to follow you home.�

�� Shut up!� Potter snapped, with an
edgy intensity that fit the boy Severus had known. �You have no idea what it�s
been like, having him there.�

�� He gets on your nerves that much?�
Severus raised his eyebrows. �I am amazed that you do not wish to hand him back
to me, in that case.�

�� Potter bowed his head. The tips of
his ears were flushed, and he made continual nervous reaches into thin air to
stroke the tops of nonexistent tables or fold back the pages of imaginary
books. Watching him, watching the flush spread down the sides of his face to
his throat, Severus had a sudden suspicion.

�� Or is it he touches other things
than your nerves, when he is there?� he asked softly, and was rewarded by
Potter jerking his head up and glaring at him with a hunted expression.

�� Look, I didn�t plan it this way,�
Potter said, and tapped an agitated foot on the floor. �But he kissed me and
that made me think of things I was determined not to think of, and then I was
thinking about him all the time in different ways, and�� He shook his head.
�Anyway, it doesn�t matter,� he said, with what sounded like a deliberate
effort to return to that unbreakable calm. �He let me know that he doesn�t
really think about me in that way, and it was just adding to the stress of the
decisions that he had to make, so I backed off. He can come back and you can
resume your relationship without any interference from me.�

�� Yes, of course,� Severus said, and
he did not recognize his tone of voice or know what he would say next, as if a
strange had temporarily possessed his larynx. �You would not stand in my way
even to acquire someone you want, would you? You would give up the last dose of
a life-saving potion to a stranger. Your own needs do not count.�

�� What?� Potter glared at him.
�You�re not making any sense. I�m not thinking about acquiring anyone. I�m saying�and thinking�that I�m attracted to
Draco, and it�s strange since I haven�t been attracted to any man before, but
it�s not going to change things between you because he rejected me. That�s the
way it is. I wouldn�t have admitted that much if you hadn�t decided to be so
bloody insightful.�

�� You will not even challenge me for
him,� Severus continued, and the stranger was still there. �Even though you
believe I mistreat him.�

�� Are you always like this?� Potter
asked crossly. �All this talk about challenging
and acquiring�Draco�s a human
being, not a bloody dog. Of course I want to date him or sleep with him, but
he�s decided he doesn�t want to date or sleep with me. He�s the one who has to
make that decision. If you still don�t understand that, then yes, I�m going to
fight to make sure he doesn�t come back to you, because he�ll only end up in
the same situation he was in before.�

�� The stranger seemed to have left.
Severus cautiously opened his mouth and found no impulse to say odd things. He
shook his head and murmured, �If I wanted someone as a lover, I would make my
case. I would engage in determined pursuit. I cannot imagine backing off,
throwing my hands in the air, and simply saying that it doesn�t matter, that
their older and abusive lover could have them because getting in a row was too
much trouble.�

�� It�s not your choice, it�s his,�
said Potter, who by this point sounded as if he would like to beat both their
heads against the wall. �When you understand that, then maybe we can have a
real conversation.� He started to stand.

�� Severus waited another moment, but
no, there was no stranger in his body. The combination of unfamiliar emotions
and the desire to take action could, perhaps, make him feel like a stranger, but he was still, always and purely, the one
in control.

�� He rose to his feet and crossed the
small space that separated him from Potter. Potter turned at once, wand in his
hand, crouched as though he would transform into his Animagus shape and rise
with wings fluttering.

�� Severus caught his hand and held it
still so that he could both keep that deadly holly wand away from him and feel
the pulse pounding through Potter�s veins. He murmured, �And have you thought
that it is my decision, as well, if I do not want to resume the exact
relationship I had with Draco? If I want something else added to it, something
new?� He paused, and, when Potter just looked at him with angry perplexity,
clarified, �Someone new?�

�� Potter�s amazement was a fascinating
thing to observe. It seemed to creep over his face as though someone was
spraying it on with a Muggle device. He widened his eyes, blinked rapidly while
Severus watched, and then stepped away as much as he could while Severus was
still holding his wrist. Severus kept one eye on the wand. He would not be
surprised if Potter lifted it and began casting random curses to get Severus to
let go of him.

�� What?� Potter whispered.

�� Severus rolled his eyes. Draco
occasionally pulled this trick, pretending that he couldn�t understand
something Severus knew he had no trouble understanding. �You know what I mean,�
he said. �I have considered and reconsidered. You are right that Draco and I
cannot simply return to the status quo. I would become emotionally unavailable
once more. He would ponder and brood on what he can do to change things without
gathering the courage to do so. This is the best solution that I have been able
to find.�

�� Potter swallowed. �You don�t know
that Draco wants me like that,� he said. �In fact, I gave him a chance when he
could have said that he did, and he rejected it.�

�� He is afraid at the moment,�
Severus said. �Can you blame him for reacting that way?�

�� Potter looked dazed. �I don�t�I
don�t really understand,� he said. �Why would you want me? Based on those
memories alone?� He was starting to pull himself together now, Severus hoped,
and they might have a coherent conversation sometime in the next hour.

�� Those memories are more than I
would get from any other,� Severus said. �And you are here, and drawn to
Draco.� He tightened his hold subtly on Potter�s wrist and waited to see if he
noticed.

�� Apparently he hadn�t, but that was
probably because he looked as if he were on the verge of a brain hemorrhage.
�That doesn�t mean I want you.�

�� Severus winced. But he had known
that was coming, and still managed to nod with something like the majestic calm
he wished to have. �I know that. But you might find it within your abilities to
stay with me. And we could see what would happen between us.� He debated
wrapping one arm around Potter�s shoulders and then decided that such a move
was too bold for what he had in mind. �Draco would be more amenable to you if
you stayed close,� he added, playing what he thought was his strongest card.

�� Now he need only watch Potter�s face
to see his reaction.

*

�� Snape
has no idea what he�s proposing, does he?

�� Harry knew he should probably
consider questions such as whether he found Snape attractive or whether Draco�s
reaction to him would really change with more time or only deepen into outright
dislike and rejection. But every time he tried to fasten his thoughts on that,
they scattered like a flock of startled birds and returned to the shock of
Snape�s proposing this in the first place.

�� But
he doesn�t even like me.

�� That, of course, had not really
mattered when he had volunteered to take Draco into his house, although he had
not known at the time how much was liking for Draco and how much was pity.

�� Harry turned his head away and
glanced once at Snape�s hand on his wrist. He had the impression that he should
protest, but he doubted that he would really know what to say. This was
completely beyond anything he had thought would happen when he accompanied
Draco to Snape�s house. He had thought he would argue with Draco for a bit.
Draco would pout and stick out his lip, Snape would make more promises, and
then Harry would have to leave and go home without knowing how it would all
work out. In the end, both Snape and Draco were adults, and he would have to
trust them to solve their own problems.

�� But now he had the chance to stay
here and see what happened. He could work as easily from here as from home, and
as long as he went back to his house often enough to visit his friends, he
doubted that it would inconvenience him.

�� You�ll
have the chance to be closer to Draco.

�� Harry winced and hoped that he
wasn�t really as selfish as that thought made him sound. After all, he had to
consider what Draco wanted, not what he did. �Think about this, Snape,� he
said, voice unsteady. �One set of three memories doesn�t mean we�ll get along.�

�� We have managed to so far in this
conversation, have we not?� Snape asked softly. �Much more than I would have
thought we could in Hogwarts.�

�� Fifteen or twenty minutes of
interaction doesn�t equal living together,� Harry countered, and glanced out
the window into the gardens, although he still couldn�t see Draco anywhere.
�And there�s a third party to this.�

�� Draco, of course, shall have his
say,� Snape said, in the kind of dry tone that made Harry grin before he
thought about what he was doing. �But I am asking you, at the moment, to approve this, for yourself. Can you do so?
Or do you believe that you will need to walk away and leave us here alone?�

�� Don�t pout, it doesn�t suit you,�
Harry muttered, and had the chance to watch Snape�s face tighten in the old
way.

�� I was not�� Snape said, and then
shook his head. �Know that I very strongly desire to have you here,� he said.
�You desire to stay with Draco, and I believe that Draco would welcome the
opportunity to make up his mind while having both of us around. We have a pair of unused rooms that we could
give over to you. You could see, if you stayed, whether I was misusing Draco
and in what ways. You could make sure that I kept my promises.�

�� Harry said the first words that went
through his mind, because by this time he was too frightened by his own
thoughts to keep silent and consider them carefully. �Having me as a live-in
guest is different from having me as a lover.�

�� Is it?� Snape murmured. �When you
are one of only two people in the wizarding world who know where I am, that I
am still alive, and in what state I live? When you have displayed unwarranted
compassion and patience towards both of us? When we have demonstrated that we
two cannot stand on our own? A table with three legs is stronger than two.�

�� Harry had a moment to wonder why
Snape was comparing them to tables,
of all things, and whether this was a sample of his romantic dialogue, before
Snape dipped his head and fastened his lips on Harry�s.

�� Harry would have expected�not that
he had spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like to have Snape kiss him�that Snape�s lips were
dry and chapped, with an extra coating of slime to complete his resemblance to
a snake. Only the dryness was true. Snape kissed like an expert, with enough
force to make Harry think about what it would be like to have more, and with
quick, darting flickers of his tongue that were never present enough to disgust
Harry. He pulled back before Harry was ready.

�� And that realization made him have to lower his eyes to the floor and
hope that he wasn�t blushing as furiously as he thought he was.

�� Well?� Snape�s voice was soft and
brimful of triumph, though, to his credit, Harry thought he was at least trying to keep that back. �What now?
Would you like me to display more of my talents?� The hand he had on Harry�s
wrist switched to his shoulder, and the tips of sharp nails scraped, lightly,
tantalizingly, along the skin of Harry�s neck. �Or does this demonstration
satisfy you?�

�� It satisfies me,� Harry said in a
strangled voice, and only then thought to step away instead of leaning on Snape
like an idiot. Snape lifted one eyebrow and waited. Harry found himself
glancing out the window into the gardens again, but Draco still hadn�t
returned.

�� Then,� Snape said, and waited.

�� Harry took a deep breath. �I don�t
think we should make a decision without consulting Draco,� he said. �He might
be annoyed to come back and find this a fait
accompli.�

�� Snape murmured something that
sounded like, �Where did you learn those words?� but he waved a hand
negligently when Harry glared at him. �He will be annoyed no matter what we
do,� he said. �But there are three relationships here, not one. Between us, leaving Draco aside for the moment,
what is your answer?�

�� Harry stared at Snape. He still
didn�t think the man�s sallow skin and sunken cheeks were attractive, and his
black eyes were fierce enough to make Harry flinch. �I must be mad,� he said.

�� You are agreeing, then,� Snape
said, in a voice full of dark glee.

�� Yeah,� Harry said. �I reckon I am.�

*

�� Rosalie Ayers: Thanks. I think Draco�s
state of mind is a hard one to present, because he doesn�t completely
understand his own feelings and isn�t entirely rational, so I�m glad you got
what I was trying to say.

�� And yes, Snape does want them both.
But he isn�t sure how Draco will react to that knowledge.

�� Alwayslove: Thanks! As far as
getting together, well, Snape�s not waiting. Draco may have to make his
decision or be left behind.

�� The PurplePanda: Thank you! Draco is
going to have to face the music pretty soon.
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Love, Free as Air