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A Wolf's Soul	By : sinfulsanctuary Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 2410 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Chapter Sixteen – Heated and Dangerous

After a nice and simple lunch, Remus and I had spent some time outside. Talking, kissing, and sharing more about both our childhoods and lives. Around midday he went inside to make us dinner. He dismissed all my offers to help so I wandered around the sitting room for a while, looking at the pictures and decorative items.

There were a lot of pictures of Remus as a child, smiling and waving excitedly at the camera, but as he came of school age they decreased in number. And there seemed to be no pictures of him after he was around fifteen.

So I moved on to the wood items scattered around the room. His grandmother truly was gifted. There were squirrels, flowers, dogs, cats, trees, birds... In both statues and reliefs, all very lifelike. The coffee table looked like it was her work, and the shelves, and a couple of chairs. It was amazing. I wish I could have known her.

I went back to the kitchen, Remus was stirring a pot while he magically chopped vegetables.

"Why are there so few pictures of you after school age?" I asked.

He stopped in mid stir and a sad look crossed his face.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay, I just..." He continued working the food. "I didn't like what the wolf did to me, physically. I always looked so tired and scrawny, not that I wasn't scrawny before. And I aged before my time, as I'm sure you can see." He smiled crookedly. "So I began avoiding cameras like the plague. I still do."

"Would you let me take your picture? I want one of you the way you are now."

"Why would you want that? I look old, and sick, and I'm not photogenic at all."

"You don't look old and sick. You don't look exactly your age, but I like the way you look." I walked over to him and let my fingers slip gently in to his hair, he closed his eyes for a moment, the chopping and stirring paused. "I think you're very handsome."

His aura began pulsing furiously as he looked into my eyes, searching for a lie. When he couldn't find one, he bent his head and gave me a quick kiss. "Okay, I give you, and only you, permission to take one picture of me as I am now."

"Good. I'll bring my camera tomorrow." I smiled and backed up to lift myself onto a counter. I watched him work in concentration on our meal, his back to me. He may be thin, gaunt and have a few gray hairs, but there was not one person in this world that was more beautiful to me.

"Bloody sexy is what you are," I whispered to myself, momentarily forgetting that Remus had better hearing than regular people.

He turned his head discreetly in my direction, I could tell he wanted to pretend he hadn't heard. There was a smug smile on his lips as he turned back to the food.

...

After dinner Remus and I had planned to go outside again, to enjoy the fresh summer air. But we never got that far. It was all ruined when Remus attempted to do one of the things he had mentioned earlier today, kissing me across the dining table. That one kiss was not enough for either of us.

Remus retreated to sit down, as I stared into his eyes, but before his bum even made contact with the chair, he pushed it back and walked around the table. He pulled me up and immediately our lips met again. For a short moment I could taste the vegetable stew on him, but it was soon replaced by his own unique taste.

Both my hands had a firm hold of his shirt, to keep him close, while his hands slid from my cheeks to my hair. His tongue glided over my bottom lip, asking for permission to come in and play. Without hesitation I opened my mouth and greeted him. The hum between us was so strong I could hear it.

Quickly our excitement and desperation for each other increased. Remus gently guided me towards the sofa, where we sat down, never breaking our kiss. I let go of his shirt and instead let my hands slide towards his chest, and then up around his neck. He now took the opportunity of me clinging to him by grabbing my top and pulling me with him as he leaned back into the sofa.

"No," I whispered against his lips. "This way." I took hold of his shirt again and leant backwards, bringing him down with me. I enjoyed being on top and in control, but there was just something so incredible about being trapped under his body, feelings his entire weight, every little part of him on me.

Remus knew I preferred it this way, I could feel him smile against my lips.

I let my hands wander, as our tongues played and danced. Across his chest, up and down his arms, to his back and down to his butt, and then up to tangle in his hair, tugging gently.

He left my lips and trailed kisses across my jaw and down to my neck and shoulder. There was one spot there, by my collar bone that was incredibly sensitive. Remus loved licking this spot, because of my reaction. It was no different this time, delighted moans slipped past my lips and I arched my body towards his as heat flowed to my crotch.

Once again I felt an almost overwhelming need to be closer to him, be under his skin, feel all of him. As he returned to my lips, I wrapped one leg around him, arching my lower half into him, and I could feel him harden in response to me. I let my hands wander again, to his front, down and under his shirt. It was like electricity shot through my hands. Skin, scars, hair.

All of a sudden Remus started pulling back.

"No no no no," I muttered against his lips.

"We need to stop," he said. I raised my head and kissed him again. But then his lips left mine with a pop, my hands slipped out from his shirt and he sat up. Leaving me quite flushed and confused.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"We need to stop, cool down."

I put a hand over my eyes, trying to catch my breath. "Remus, please," I said when I could breathe normally again. "I respect you and your decisions. But I am growing a little bit frustrated here." 'Little bit' being the understatement of the year. I sat up, looking into his pained eyes. "Every time we get a little bit carried away, on our way to take this further, you pull back. Why? Is there something wrong with me? Don't you want me?" My voice was almost inaudible at the end of that question. Yes, Remus was very into everything we did, he wanted to be around me every day, but when I made it very clear I wanted to be closer and he never wanted to cross that line, it made a poor girl wonder.

"By Merlin, no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Niamh." He took my hands, his gaze piercing. "I want you, terribly so, you have no idea how much. I just... I- I can't."

He couldn't mean that he was literally unable to perform the act, because the evidence of his excitement had been very clear against my hips just a minute ago. It was something else. "Why, Remus?" My voice cracked on his name. I was so in love with him, I wanted all of him in every way, but he wouldn't let me. It hurt.

"I-I just- I-" He shook his head, let go of my hands and turned around on the couch, sitting forwards, resting his head in his hands.

I scooted closer. "Is it because I was your student?"

He slowly shook his head.

"Then what is it, Remus? Talk to me." I sat even closer, put a hand on his neck, gazing at him.

He raised his head, staring into the air for a few moments, before turning to me. I hoped he could see the need and care in my eyes. "You're fifteen years younger than me, Niamh. You're still a teenager for Merlin's sake."

At first, that stung. But the past few weeks made that statement illogical. "If you were worried about my age, you wouldn't have been with me the past few weeks. You wouldn't have gone out with me in public. You wouldn't have kissed me in your office. You know I'm older in my head than I am on paper."

We stared at each other. Almost as if daring the other to end our relationship.

Then I made a decision. "Listen to me now." I made sure I had his full attention, then breathed to gather courage. "I'm in love with you."

"I know," he interrupted before I could continue.

I blinked, that was not the response I expected. "You know?"

"Yes," he smiled now. "You let it slip back on July 1st. When you told me about ending your friendship with Miss Clowes."

"I did?"

He nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I tried, but it didn't seem like you were aware that you had said it. So I thought I should let you tell me when you were ready."

I sighed. "This is exactly why I am in love with you, because you are such an amazing man." The fact that he had known for a while made me braver. "I am in love with you, Remus John Lupin." I spoke each word clearly. "I want you, all of you. Man, werewolf and all."

Suddenly he jumped up, looking livid. "That's the thing, Niamh, I'm a werewolf! Don't you understand how dangerous I am?"

"I understand fully. I've read the books, I've had the lectures, I've heard the stories, I've heard you without the Wolfsbane potion. But I'm not afraid."

"None of that can compare to the reality of it, living it. I am poor because of it. I can't hold down a bloody job because of it! People shy away from me on the street now that the secret is out, the word has spread like fire." He was growing loud, waving wildly with his hands. "I am a monster. Just look at me!" He gestured to his face, his body, and then he raised his shirt.

I had never seen that much of him before, only touched. There were several old long scars, and one that looked very fresh. It must be from the night that Sirius Black escaped.

"I'm all scars and wounds and bones." The shirt fell down.

I took a few steps towards him. "You're flesh and blood and heat. I love the way you look. My head spin just by seeing your image in my head. Did you know most women find scars sexy?"

"There's nothing sexy about being a bloody monster." He stepped back. "I don't want you to be in danger because of me. People will shy away from you too, if you're with me. I've seen the way they look at you when we're out. I'm old and poor and dangerous, and you... You have your whole life ahead of you. Your parents would hate me for ruining their daughter's bright future, your entire life. Even if this, us, doesn't work out, you will be known as the girl who was involved with the werewolf. I shouldn't have let this go on for so long."

"Then why did you?"

"Because... Because..." There was pain in his eyes as he searched for an answer. "Because I haven't been strong enough to stay away from you."

"So you've just been leading me on during these weeks we've had together, knowing that one day you would leave me? You've just taken advantage of me, waiting for the perfect moment to break my heart?" Instead of being pleading, I was now angry at how stupid this was, how stupid he was.

"I have not been leading you on or taken advantage of you! We've been equal in this, but we can't anymore. You want more and I can't give that to you. We have to end this now, while I still have some strength left."

"We have not been equal in this if your intension all along was to chuck me out like yesterday's garbage once things got too serious for you!"

"My intension was to not get too involved, to not let you get too involved."

"Well, that's too bloody late now, isn't it? If you've known for weeks that I'm in love with you, don't you think it was too effing late then? Still, you wanted to be with me!"

"Because I-"

"Because you weren't strong enough to stay away, yes, you said that already! Did you ever think that you weren't supposed to stay away?"

"It doesn't matter." He was now quiet, almost mumbling to himself. "I can't give you what you want. This can't go on, for your own sake."

"For my own sake?" I tried to quiet down too, shouting would get us nowhere. "What about your own sake? Are you supposed to sit here all alone for the rest of your life, just because you get a little bit hairy once a month? I don't want anything else from you than you. And I am willing to give myself to you in return. To hell with what other people may say, as long as I have you I couldn't care less about them. Besides, my parents will support me whatever I choose."

"You don't know that. Have you even told your parents about me, about us?"

"No, I-"

"Because deep down you realise that this is wrong!" he interrupted.

"They know I am with someone!" I raised my voice again to get through to him. "But I haven't told them your name or anything, I wanted to wait until I was sure we had something with a future."

"Which you have to understand that we don't have. We can't."

"Well, unless you come up with a better reason than concern about what people I don't care about thinks, or about how dangerous you might be, when I am more than capable of defending myself, I am not backing down on this."

He stared dumbfounded at me for a moment, glee spreading throughout me when it didn't look like he had a better reason, but the glee quickly vanished when he turned and ran out the door.

I bolted after him. "Remus!" I called out. There was a faint pop, but I wouldn't believe he had gone. I looked around outside. "Remus! Come back!" But he was gone.
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A Wolf's Soul